I can't do this anymore *triggers *

I'm supposed to be a carer for my mother but she doesn't want me anymore. For the last couple of weeks I've been battling with crippling pain and indescribable anxiety problems and it's been terrible. The only thing that's helped is playing games on my laptop which I've been trying and it's really been helping me to get out more and do things except my mother doesn't see it that way, she sees it as I haven't been pulling my weight around the house, because I haven't cleaned everything I'm a terrible daughter and I'm equal to her (equally untidy who raised me) mum. I try my best but sometimes I can't. The one thing me and my partner ask of her is to do the washing up, I cook and he does the recycling but she doesn't even do that. I'm allergic to meat (only got allergic a couple of years ago but it takes me out of action for like 4 days) but she stills leaves dog food containers with meat dripping out all over the place and doesn't bother to clean them up until it suits her.
Today she had an argument with me about this and how she'd "never seen me clean" when I'm the only one who cleans. Her idea of cleaning the bathroom was just cleaning the toilet. I'm beginning to think I may have alcohol issues but to her I'm an emotional blackmailer. I've cared and helped her for so long and I just keep getting called the terrible daughter. I can't keep going on like this and all I want to do right now is self harm which I haven't done for so long :(

Oh hunni. I don't even know what to suggest. I take it she's living in your house? Can I ask what's wrong with her?

She has borderline personality disorder, I live with her at the moment, I'm 23 and have looked after her since I was 16. I thought staying with her wouldn't mean she felt like everyone was abandoning her. She's given me my own spaces within the house which I am forever thankful for and pay rent but this is no where near a 'family home'.

Is it possible for you to discuss this with her care team or even speak to a gp regarding how you're feeling?

She doesn't have a care team anymore (not that I could really talk to them when she had one, they we're very much 'we're here to help unless you have a genuine problem' kind of people) though I have been toying with going to see a gp, my anxiety has been too much to handle recently (panic/anxiety attacks in the middle of town kind of problem) but even then I'm not sure how much they'll help :(

They can refer you for counselling/cbt which will give you a safe place to vent and help you to learn coping strategies. There are medications they can give you to help you to deal with the physical symptoms of anxiety. Even if you don't want to take meds, it is definitely worth you letting them know that you're feeling like hurting yourself

Jaq's right, please go to your dr - there are options for support, both practical and medical.

I completely agree with Jaq. You do sound like you need some help and support right now. Go and ask for it lovely..

I used to be in a very similar predicament. I lived with my step mum on benefits and she was the type of person that was like OCD clean and the arguments about petty things were beyond annoying to the point they would just make you feel so down. I think she just liked to start an argument with me because I was an easy target for her anger and it was a very toxic relationship. Maybe your mum is the same. If so, you shouldn't be living together. There's certain people you can and can't live with and they need to suit your personality.

Whatever she says don't let her beat you down with it as she's obviously doing it to get a rise out of you and some attention because she's likely bored.
Someone putting you down constantly is not helping you - why should you help them?

Fair enough it's your mum but I know tons of people who've just straight up disowned their parents and don't ever talk to them because of their toxic reasoning for everything.

I don't even know my step mum anymore because she was psychologically tormenting me with really nasty comments and making me feel worthless. What kind of parent tells their kids they are worthless? One not worth having. Honestly when you cut the toxic people from your life things get so much better and you feel free to do what you want without any judgement or horrible comments. I'd work on getting out of there honestly and the depression will get better. If you're on carers allowance sitting around on that being depressed isn't going to help, I think you could do with getting into work and get a routine but I understand how hard that is to push yourself to do, but it can happen it's not completely inevitable.

Relationships are built on a mutual understanding that you appreciate one another - sticking around a toxic person isn't going to help you, family or not.

But yes I agree with the others, you should go to the doctors and at least give it a try. Anxiety/Depression groups on meetup.com aren't too bad to start with too. Everyones super nice at them and it does make you feel better about yourself.

Sorry if any of this sounds harsh, I don't actually intend it to be.

I'm sorry you've been through so much. This post is 3 months old lovely, if you want to talk more openly about how you are feeling you would be welcome to start your own thread so that we don't miss any of your story.

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Originally Posted by Suzi

I'm sorry you've been through so much. This post is 3 months old lovely, if you want to talk more openly about how you are feeling you would be welcome to start your own thread so that we don't miss any of your story.

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I know, 3 months isn't very long though which is why I did a response, especially with depression time just flies by like it was yesterday. I was replying to this as it's relatable to me anyway though. Thanks.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bramble

I'm supposed to be a carer for my mother but she doesn't want me anymore. For the last couple of weeks I've been battling with crippling pain and indescribable anxiety problems and it's been terrible. The only thing that's helped is playing games on my laptop which I've been trying and it's really been helping me to get out more and do things except my mother doesn't see it that way, she sees it as I haven't been pulling my weight around the house, because I haven't cleaned everything I'm a terrible daughter and I'm equal to her (equally untidy who raised me) mum. I try my best but sometimes I can't. The one thing me and my partner ask of her is to do the washing up, I cook and he does the recycling but she doesn't even do that. I'm allergic to meat (only got allergic a couple of years ago but it takes me out of action for like 4 days) but she stills leaves dog food containers with meat dripping out all over the place and doesn't bother to clean them up until it suits her.
Today she had an argument with me about this and how she'd "never seen me clean" when I'm the only one who cleans. Her idea of cleaning the bathroom was just cleaning the toilet. I'm beginning to think I may have alcohol issues but to her I'm an emotional blackmailer. I've cared and helped her for so long and I just keep getting called the terrible daughter. I can't keep going on like this and all I want to do right now is self harm which I haven't done for so long :(

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It sounds like she is the emotional blackmailer, not you. I think you should explain to her how you feel. Be open and honest with her.

Please check the dates on the threads, this one is from October 2017!