Acting Like a Healthy Person

I'm very stressed and increasingly isolated. I have reached out for help and done everything I can do to tell the people involved in my care, I am not coping. I cannot do any more than I have done on that front.

I am getting really sick. I am exhausted and my health is deteriorating rapidly. I was meant to get regular shifts from my new care organisation when I started three weeks ago but the four workers I feel comfortable with don't have availability.

I have spoken to someone about whether to take an old carer up on her offer of friendship. I feel enormous resistance to this. Partially because she still works for the organisation who abused me terribly (and are still sabotaging me).

The new organisation is not abusive but I am hypersensitive because I haven't got over recent trauma yet. I have only felt comfortable with 4 of the 9 new carers they have put forward. I have only felt safe for 13 days of the last 23 days with my new carers.

I don't have friends or family. My old carer put her job on the line to protect me. She walked her talk and she is totally trustworthy. We have similar values, similar interests. We can shoot the breeze for hours and lose track of time.

I am not used to looking after my own needs. I have a social void and it feel exploitative to allow someone to fill it.

Does that make sense to anyone else who has complex post traumatic stress and for the first time is evaluating their own needs objectively? It feels calculating to identify "I have a social void and I like that person and I would like that person fill it" but apparently it is healthy.

If my life was going well, I wouldn't be looking back, so I don't know if my motives are exactly pure.

My reasons for deciding against keeping in contact when she offered her friendship were a) not wanting to keep linked in and thinking and talking about an organisation that has severely traumatised me (staying stuck in the past) and b) not moving forward and fully bonding with my new carers.

They are factors I still need to consider.

Ideas?

This is the correct thread (y)

What do you mean when asking whether your motives are pure?

If I had found wonderful carers and my shifts were working fantastically, I would still think about her - and she comes up in conversation a lot. I have been tempted to contacted her about funny things. But I would not be considering as much to hang out with her. That is because I am looking for the support I cannot get from my existing carers.

Have you done other things to help find new social interactions?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Suzi

Have you done other things to help find new social interactions?

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I don't really have options being disabled and isolated at home. My only contact is with carers. I emailed her and got a friendly reply back. I have more positive news for her but I am waiting a couple of days so the connection is not over-cooked.

Is there no other options? Something like a day centre where you could be picked up and dropped off?

I’m sure there’s options in your area for support. If you wanted to pm me what area you live in, I could have a look for you?