New to this site, not to depression *SU trigger*

Hi All,

I am 33 years old. I have battled anxiety and depression since around the age of 17. It has seen its ok periods, its bad periods and its really really bad periods where I have contemplated suicide in a variety of ways.

During my worst moments in my early twenties I was addicted to drugs and alcohol too which didn't help. Looking back on my life now its a bit of a miracle I have made it this far.

I am new to this forum because I feel like I need to reach out to other people who may be able to relate to what I am going through.

About a year ago I came out of a very negative relationship. We had been together for close to 8 years but the relationship stripped away almost every part of me. The person left now is a mere shell of the person he was all those years ago. Not just in terms of looks and not taking care of myself but also self confidence, self esteem and belief that my life will improve.

During these 8 years I lost touch with most friends and I am now left with a scenario where I am living in a town where I know nobody and to be honest I am pretty lonely. I want friends and I think I am capable of making them but my confidence and belief is just in tatters. I have a decent job at the moment where I earn a decent wage and can afford to rent my own place and have a car etc.

I do realise that I have things to be grateful for but I cant help thinking that I have missed the boat when I see work friends married with kids, owning their own houses and looking to the future. Its a very scary thing to write but lately I have seriously contemplated suicide. I am a very determined person which scares me more as I know that if I put my mind to it I probably would actually go through with it.

I'm not looking for sympathy etc as I know that my life could be a lot worse than it is but sometimes it is good to write down what you are feeling. Even if me writing this rings true for someone else who can relate or stops someone thinking they are alone too.

Anyway I hope you are all good.


Thanks,

Hi David and welcome to DWD. I’m sorry things are so bad right now but please, please know that suicide is a temporary solution to a permanent problem. I know what it is to suffer lifelong depression, so I’m not making light of how you’re feeling, but I also know that there is always a way through.

This is a good place to be and we all are affected by depression in some way or another so can offer empathy, friendship, laughs and support.

Hi and welcome to DWD. I'm sorry things are rubbish right now, but agree - there is a way through. Have you been to talk things through with your GP?