I'm new here, touching base with you all. *AB TRIG

Hello,

I'm 56 years young and have been blighted with depression and anxiety since I was six years old, so we are talking about the late 1960's here for it's onset.

I have travelled through lots of experiences that as a child I should not have been involved with. Sexual activity by a rapist and parental abuse are examples.

That is a world away from how I have cared for and raised my own child. She is 29 now. I really don't know how a parent can allow abuse to happen.

But it occurs, has happened and it most likely will continue to be inflicted on other victims.

I have had a long time to traverse through these difficult times and it knocks me backwards from time to time.

If anyone would like to converse with a quick chat then I would be delighted to do so.

Take care everyone.

Brian

Hi and welcome. I've added a trigger warning to your post. It's nothing to worry about, it's just so people can avoid your thread if it would trigger them.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You'll find support here if you need it (panda)

Hi, Brian, and welcome (hi)

Hi Brian and welcome to DWD. You should never have been through that at all. I'm sorry you were let down so badly by people who should have been there to love, support and protect you.
Have you ever had any counselling?

(tea) Welcome

Hi Suzi,

It is in the pipeline and I have been assessed and attended several appointments over the last few months.

The waiting list is going on for about two years I have been warned by my mental health doctor.

So I'm on a medication program to keep the wolf from the door so to speak.

Thanks for asking.

There is a massive wait for counselling all over the country - underfunding, lack of staff, more mental health issues due to everything else going on around us sort of explains why....
Are the meds helping?

Hi Brian, just checking in to see how you are

Hi Suzi and Paula.

I appreciate your contact, believe me.

The medications for me have been all over the place over the last eight months or so.

I have been on three different anti depressants since November 2018 along with beta blockers. Prozac has been on the menu too, which ruined my Christmas break and the dinner somewhat! What the heck is that stuff all about?

The beta blockers work kind of and I'm and on the max dose of those. The anti depressants just make me expect that my side of the fence will be painted, but in reality the decorator is just creosoting the panels on the other side.

I am not expecting an analysis of drugs and such from you guys, my doctor is quite capable of that. What works for one may not be appropriate for another.

But that's the way it is and that's how its been for over 45 years for me personally.

I have restarted work this week after six months off. The time off work was mostly spent in bed - what a waste - but I didn't get hurt or attacked in the sanctuary that I cocooned myself in.

I am self employed and contract myself out on a daily rate. This means that I am able to keep my head low if I don't feel that I can sustain even a short day of work and I have done this for months.

There is no payday though if you work as self employed, so the financial hit can be massive. It effects my family directly and also the ability to be concerned with personal finances. Anyone with anxiety might relate to that, so it's an additional burden in my mind.

While I am not a musician, I have a very nice guitar and amp setup sitting in my spare room. I call it the music room, but I don't know why. I cannot enter the room in case I fail to live up to my playing expectations. They are not high - I think I set them deliberately low. So, if I cannot play even the very basic stuff I have failed - so why try?

What is it you do?
No musician can go straight in and play without having practised and made mistakes - trust me I was a music teacher ;) If you don't try then you'll never know if you can play it. Go, play a couple of notes, next time play 1 more.... You'll be playing phrases and pieces before too long. But if you don't make mistakes you're never going to learn or have something to compare to.
Antid's take 6-8 weeks just to get into your system, and the same for each change in dose.