My little worries are building up...

Hi there...

For the last couple of months I have felt extremely down, upset, angry, drained, lonely and pretty much want to give up but i'm struggling to put my finger on why.

To give some background: I've just turned 21 and in my final year at university. I have lived with flatmates since year one and have genuinely loved it (and life) for the past three years. I have always been a very cheery and happy person with a real positive look on life. I consider myself to be extremely lucky and grateful for the family I have who love me including my boyfriend and best friend of 1.5 years.

However, over the course of 2017 I have felt myself fade completely and have now hit rock bottom. I don't fully know what to say as I haven't actually spoken to a single person about this issue through the whole year but I’ll try describe what's going on…

I studied in Canada aug-dec 2016 and fell in love with Toronto and think returning to a routine life in Jan hit hard. I was miserable after returning home but assumed I just missed the Canadian way however, looking back I can see now I never was the same.

Summer was stressful with my waitressing job, we were understaffed (we're talking 1 waitress to about 70 customers) and lacked management and the place was not a nice environment. Anyways, I was struggling and would spend most nights awake, crying and unable to turn-off from the stress of work.

Even with a new job (which I enjoy) I have found myself increasingly distant from my peers, loosing friends and arguing with my boyfriend over ridiculous issues that I think my feelings blow out of proportion. I picked a current and exciting topic for my dissertation however, my advisor is an over-confident, arrogant, and just quite nasty man who has totally knocked my confidence since scrutinizing and laughing at my work on many occasions.

Since this, I have become completely disengaged with my uni work, unable to even read a whole passage, too nervous to write coursework and feeling completely overwhelmed with it all. This is showing in my grades and I am struggling to keep my head above the water with the workload and pressure from my advisor. I can’t bring myself to tell my parents as they'll just worry and my boyfriend has enough things to stress about without this weight on his shoulders also…what 21 year old wants a miserable girlfriend? I’m stressed about failing my final year and disappointing so many people, I’ve put on weight and can’t bare to even look at myself some days which has ruined my social life as I don’t have the confidence to leave my flat sometimes. I struggle to sleep and so have turned to cannabis however, I am fatigued and drained throughout the days. I cry most days however no one would know as I smile and continue to be there for everyone else's problems, they're all clueless about mines...

I have not yet been diagnosed with depression, I don’t even know if this is what depression is? I’ve never felt this low and I did just contact the uni about counselling as I have been dealing with this completely alone for months now however, they say there’s a waiting list of at least 6-8 weeks just for the assessment. I just don’t know what to do anymore as am on the brink of dropping out of uni but I feel like I cannot burden anyone in my life with these worries.

I'm sorry for the ridiculously long post but feel like everything in my life is an issue at the moment and I worry about when i'm going to burst.

Hi there and welcome to DWD.

Sweetheart you sound so sad. I promise you that talking is going to help you get better. You need to see your Dr and tell them what you've told us.
Can you complain about your tutor? He sounds like a terrible personal tutor for something as important as a dissertation!

Welcome.

I'm a student too! I fully understand what you're going through. I'm sure your boyfriend will understand if you told him. You should confide in him don't worry about stressing him out too much. Maybe it would make you feel better...you don't have to tell him everything. Even to tell him something at all may help you. Depending your relationship with your parents maybe you could tell them.

Try to avoid cannabis it wont help.
I am an insomniac for the last 7 years! GP's refuse to prescribe me anything. Well my GP does yours may be very different.
So I totally understand, but do not find drugs a solution.

I would recommend you go to the GP ASAP and have a discussion with them.

If you ever need someone to speak to feel free to PM me.

Thank you loads for replying, I've become really anxious with everything and am too nervous to visit a doctor incase they think i'm wasting their time. I know it sounds silly, but last time I went for an extremely sore throat they told me I shouldn't be wasting NHS medicine and time etc on a sore throat (then called me the next day with my swab results putting me on a 2 week antibiotic course as it was severely infected). I just remember feeling really embarrassed as they said that so I just worry they'll say the same again.

I'd love to complain but am worried as each topic is allocated to an expert in that field (which he is) and so I don'y want to risk having to change my dissertation or ruin my chances at it being ok...

Yeah I know my family and boyfriend would help support me through this but he really is so stressed about uni (and he has a really nagging best friend who takes up a lot of his time with his issues). My parents too, they've worked so hard their whole lives to give me an amazing upbringing I cant face giving them this issue in return. My sister has just moved to the same uni so my mum is alone quite a lot which has affected her so I don't want my problems as something to worry about. My dad works away a lot to keep us afloat financially and the thought of having this added pressure and worry on them is awful.

I think i'll defos go to the GP about my sleep, i'm just struggling to find any time at the moment to do it the now :(

Thank you so much for messaging :)

Good luck with your GP. If you feel like you'll forget anything just print out your first post here. You've described very well how things are for you. Have a hug for now. (panda)

Definitely go and speak to the Dr. It's important. They won't tell you off for wasting their time because you aren't.
What I will say is that telling your parents isn't a sign of you letting them down etc. I promise you (as a Mum) that if you were my daughter I would want to know that you were struggling.

Hi Alexis and welcome. I had my first bout of depression when I was 16 and didn’t talk to anyone about how I was feeling. It was another 11 years before I finally admitted there was a problem, and only because my mum frogmarched me down to the doctors. I’ll never know if I could have prevented further issues if I’d have got help sooner but I do know that I would have coped much, much better if I’d have had the support of my friends, family and doctors. As a mum (my eldest is about your age) I was devastated when we found out my youngest was struggling and hadn’t wanted to tell us because she didn’t want to make things difficult for me. Believe me, your mum would feel the same (bear)

Hi - welcome to the site...

Speaking for past experience about Uni .... please try to speak to your GP in the first instance and seek help....
I would also really advise you to speak to your parents .... i KNOW how hard it is ....

Going back over 20 years now - but i was in my final year at uni and think i had depression (didn't realise this at the time but was deeply down, troubled and in a bad place).... i let my work slide.... i started attending less ... and it wasn't until it was too late for my degree that i finally broke down and told my parents ..... they were super supportive but for me it was too late and i dropped out

Please try and seek help before it's too late for you .... you might be able to defer a year - take a year out ... get extensions i dunno ... the uni will TRY and help you make it through but they cannot if they don't know ....

I didn't speak to my parents until it was breaking point degree wise and mentally ..... had i done it a few months before i could have saved it .... It was a hard conversation - i just collapsed and it all spilled out .... speaking now as a parent i know i would want my children to come to me no matter what the problem.

Seek help ... it's there - especially with uni ..... hope you can find the courage to do it....

I've decided to tell my boyfriend tomorrow night. We both have our last exams tomorrow and so feel like it's a good time to finally unload and let him know!
I'm going to tell my parents eventually I wont be home until christmas eve however and don't think thats the best time for news like that so it may have to wait until the new year but I'm definitely going to speak to them before I start back uni in the next semester :)

Hi Paula, thank you so much for the advice!
I just don't know if I should see a doctor first before making it an issue with my family? My boyfriend is soo supportive in everything so I think once I tell him he'll force me to the doctors anyway! and maybe then could be a good time to tell the parents? I don't know :(

Hi Jamie, thank you for posting!
It's reassuring to hear that i'm not the only one struggling with my degree, I just feel like i've already had 3 years of this I shouldn't be struggling at this stage :(

I have considered dropping out...a lot...but i'm just so near the end and I cant bare the thought of letting everyone know I couldn't handle it. Deferring would be an option definitely, I worry though as I have a real support network here of friends and flatmates that actually do have a big impact on my happiness and I honestly couldn't see myself spending another year here without them after they all move on in June. I know thats silly coz uni isn't just about the social side but I've become such a shy person now I don't think I could make new friends and the thought of loneliness here scares me!

Your post has helped a lot, I really do need to do something about this before i'm drowning in failed coursework. I'm very near the limit of what I can take now I do think its only a matter of weeks before I break so I'm going to make an appointment this afternoon probably for next week

Please do Alexis .... i know it'll be a really tough time but don't suffer in silence like i did .... yes my life kinda worked out ok but that time has left deep scars
The biggest mistake and regret was letting it slip through my fingers and feeling i had ruined my life...... no this won't ruin your life ... trust me on that but it'll hurt
I know opening up is tough too ... But i'm guessing if you asked at uni if there was someone you could speak to in confidence about how things were going they will have someone

Options you have - please try to not let the choice be 'do nothing'

Glad i could help in a small way.... good luck and by all means ping me if you need to

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Alexis

Hi Paula, thank you so much for the advice!
I just don't know if I should see a doctor first before making it an issue with my family? My boyfriend is soo supportive in everything so I think once I tell him he'll force me to the doctors anyway! and maybe then could be a good time to tell the parents? I don't know :(

---

Tell your parents as soon as you can - tbh there’s a very good chance they already know somethings up and will much rather you talked to them about it, even on Christmas Eve. Seeing your doctor should also be a priority, lovely, the sooner you go, the sooner you get help and the sooner you start feeling better.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Alexis

I've decided to tell my boyfriend tomorrow night. We both have our last exams tomorrow and so feel like it's a good time to finally unload and let him know!
I'm going to tell my parents eventually I wont be home until christmas eve however and don't think thats the best time for news like that so it may have to wait until the new year but I'm definitely going to speak to them before I start back uni in the next semester :)

---

That's brilliant, but I really would tell your parents asap lovely. They will know that something is wrong, even if you think you are hiding it well - trust me. I thought I was hiding it well when I was in my first year at uni... Turns out I really wasn't!

i've been so busy lately I haven't had a chance to even think about all of this as I've worked late every day since my exams last week and will be right up to christmas eve...I couldn't tell my boyfriend in the end, his best friend and our flat mate is going through some stuff too and he's so stressed about him at the moment there really has not been a good time to talk about me so i'm thinking it will have to wait until the new year. I'm just so worried he'll look at me differently after it.

I really think you need to value yourself and your own happiness higher lovely. You need to talk to those around you as you need their understanding and support..