Hey. Currently at rock bottom but hopeful.

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26-06-23, 07:59 PM
Choosdai

Hey. Currently at rock bottom but hopeful.

My first wife cheated on me just months after we married.
When she came back from a trip with a love bite, I went through her phone (sorry not sorry) and found out; there were no signs of shame in their follow up messages, just flirting and joking.

She told me I wasn't trying hard enough, that I didn't appreciate her. She continued brazenly flirting with the guy online for weeks and showed no signs of guilt; yet I blamed myself for everything, telling her I didn't deserve her and that she was a perfect wife.
It was only when I got back on anti-depressants that I started having the strength to stand up for myself and push her away.

She's messaged me multiple times saying she still cares and wants to hang out; but how could I want to be friends with someone who'd do that to me? I adored her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her once, but now I want nothing to do with her.

Now, family aside, I'm alone; and my self esteem has never been lower. But I'm sick of being in this rut and looking for a way out.
26-06-23, 08:14 PM
Paula

Hi and welcome to DWD (hi).

Can I just check, you say your first wife - can I assume that you’ve remarried? If so, how does your wife feel about your ex contacting you?

Why do you feel alone? Has your low self esteem been affected by your ex contacting you? Have you told your family how you feel? When was the last time you had a medication review?

Sorry for all the questions…..
26-06-23, 08:37 PM
Choosdai

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paula

Hi and welcome to DWD (hi).

Can I just check, you say your first wife - can I assume that you’ve remarried? If so, how does your wife feel about your ex contacting you?

Why do you feel alone? Has your low self esteem been affected by your ex contacting you? Have you told your family how you feel? When was the last time you had a medication review?

Sorry for all the questions…..

I have not remarried, I have not even divorced her yet as it's all very recent; I was just expressing that she was my first serious relationship, I probably should have phrased it better. I feel alone because I don't have any (non-online) friends, she was my only real social contact. My medication was reviewed only weeks ago and I have an appointment tomorrow.

I don't mind answering questions.
26-06-23, 08:54 PM
Jaquaia

Hi and welcome! Have you had any therapy to help you deal with any of this?
26-06-23, 08:57 PM
Choosdai

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaquaia

Hi and welcome! Have you had any therapy to help you deal with any of this?

No. It hasn't been offered to me and I can't afford to go private.
I was given CBT before this event and it didn't work.
26-06-23, 10:04 PM
Paula

Quote:

Originally Posted by Choosdai

I feel alone because I don't have any (non-online) friends, she was my only real social contact.

Hey, some of my closest friends are online ;)

Love, I’ve been where you are and it’s hideous. But, and I know you probably don’t want to hear this, the pain and sense of betrayal does ease over time. In the meantime, we are here for you (panda)
26-06-23, 11:13 PM
Choosdai

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paula

Hey, some of my closest friends are online ;)

Love, I’ve been where you are and it’s hideous. But, and I know you probably don’t want to hear this, the pain and sense of betrayal does ease over time. In the meantime, we are here for you (panda)

I'm not meaning to devalue online friends, it just sucks not having any face to face interaction. Heck, I don't even hang out with my online friends anymore. Used to play videogames with my wife and some other folk, now my social interaction is saying hello to my mum.
27-06-23, 02:10 PM
Strugglingmum

Hi and welcome. I'm sorry you are going through this. Breaking up is really difficult and you need to give yourself a lot of time.
Have you any hobbies or interests that you could join local groups?
27-06-23, 05:40 PM
Paula

Quote:

Originally Posted by Choosdai

I'm not meaning to devalue online friends, it just sucks not having any face to face interaction. Heck, I don't even hang out with my online friends anymore. Used to play videogames with my wife and some other folk, now my social interaction is saying hello to my mum.

Well, you’ve got us now….