Things have been going really well for me the last few months, the supplements and the quetiapine the pdoc suggested has really helped, I have been sleeping better and had a lot more energy, but tonight everything is getting to me. One of my friends is really ill, she has terminal cancer and although she is battling on we all know that she wont see the end of the year. We had a staff meeting on Sunday and I let someone else chair the meeting. J is normally a sensitive soul but she asked all of us what our plans were for the coming year. Not the most sensitive question of someone who does not expect to live to the end of it!
I should not have let J chair the meeting and it left me feeling out of control and that I am a lesser person for letting her.
Today she is not well, her depression is making her feel isolated ad struggling and I feel the weight of her issues as well. I hope that she will be up to taking the classes she teaches on Friday or I will have to step in and cover.
I have new classes starting in the next 7 days, some of them are full but a few are still short of people. I want to be able to offer H a decent salary and I also want to be able to employ J as I know she is struggling for work.
I have an order to supply my highland cows to a gift shop in the far north of the Scottish mainland. It is great news but it will mean I will have to make about 100 cows over the coming months. In the two years I have been making them I have made 45! so the pressure is on. made 6 tonight. These ones are smaller and will sell for about £10 each to the shop.
I worry about juggling everything. In the last few nights I have been drinking. I never drink, I have a bottle of sapphire gin that is half full that I bought in 2016. The last few nights I have been drinking 2 to 3 glasses of port and lemon and tonight I have been hitting the chocolate baileys. I want to find oblivion, just never wake up.
As well as the company stuff I am also trying to handle hubby's brothers affairs after his death as his executor. Also hubby came round this morning wanting me to sort his car tax online as well. Tomorrow I am seeing Dad as well and I will have to try and find out why the cleaner I had booked failed to turn up at his place for a discussion of his needs.
I need to get the rest of my artwork onto the etsy sales site, I need to get an advert off to a magazine (I may have missed the deadline!) I need to make appointments to get my eyes and hearing checked, the cats to the vets for worming and weighing, all the pets deflead and do some washing ( I am running out of underwear!!)
