New member - hi

Hi

I am a new member. I am contemplating asking my doctor for some antidepressants because of how unhappy I am.

I started work in 2004 and remained in that job until 2012. I was made redundant and I also had physical health issues that needed investigating. I performed well in that job up to the time I left. I took 2 years off because of my health and in that time I had 3 other illnesses that had been confirmed. I lost a stone in weight which I didn't want to happen because I was slim.

In 2015 I moved in with my mum and stepdad and found work in the social services industry - I like to help people so I figured that line of work would suit me. I got on well, but the irregular shift patterns meant I had little time to eat or sleep, my physical problems flared up and I ended up losing my memory and was unable to remember anything I had been shown. One of my employers had also bullied me. I lost another half a stone in weight by the end of 2016 and my family took me to my doctor the day after I was sacked, asking the consultant to prescribe me anti depressants or look into possible adult ADHD because of how poorly I was paying attention. I moved out of my parents' place and lived with my boyfriend (now husband - married in 2018).

I was also assaulted by a client and I lost my grandfather to sudden and unexpected illness in November 2015. He was my surrogate father and had been in my life for 30 years.

In early 2017 another illness had been found and around that time I knew I had to do something about not only my health but also my future. I started a folder on personal objectives I would set myself - not to add to but just as something I could look back on if I ever felt lost in my life. I signed on at my local dole office and was enrolled into a vocational course which got me out and about and talking to people; whereas before I would just stay at home in bed or watching TV all day.

My boyfriend suggested a recruitment office in town I could go to and after registering with them they offered me work the following day. Before long I found myself on 2 assignments, one after the other. The 3rd assignment I was given was only meant to have lasted 3 months but I remained there for 15 months due to illness, staff shortage, holidays and restructuring within the company. In September 2018 I was immediately offered a job elsewhere, since my current assignment was due to terminate and there was no possibility of me being kept on permanently. My manager said he was happy for me to either stay where I was or go for the other role.

I took the other role since there was more guarantee of me having a more stable job. It is an ongoing contract but I felt it was better than staying on a contract that was constantly being extended and possibly terminated with immediate notice. The new team made me feel extremely welcome but one of the people I work with - and sit next to - did not think much of the team I came from, since she worked for them years before I came along. She called some of the people names and talked about how cliquey they are.

I applied for a job to go back to the team I came from and was interviewed for both jobs. I didn't get either job and even though I was told I would be informed either way, I was never informed and I instead found out I was unsuccessful when one of the managers who had interviewed me was showing the two new starters around. I really didn't know what to think. I told my new coworker this since she asked if I'd heard anything and she said the way they've treated me is disgusting and insensitive.

Before long this person was saying other things, that my current assignment was coming to an end because someone I had replaced was returning from maternity leave (the person who returned isn't even working in our team) and that the department we worked for were holding their last recruitment drive for the year this April in case I was looking for any other work.

I had to take 2 weeks off for sick leave because one of my illnesses became so unmanageable that I was low on energy, cold, making mistakes and feeling heavy-headed. I returned from work today and this person did not acknowledge me and barely spoke to me. I feel like I am the one with the problem. The other guys said they were happy to see me back because since I had been off they were behind with payments which is what I do each day when I am there; but this one person just doesn't seem to like me and it's making me depressed.

I have been on many antidepressants before and I do know that one of my physical illnesses makes me more prone to depression when I am not treated adequately with what I take; at the moment I am under dosed and my consultants are working hard with me to get me back to full health.

I don't feel like leaving my job because I like working there but I just want to be happy again and I feel like I am the one with the problem and with my mental health in a mess.

Thanks for reading.

Hi and welcome to DWD. You have been through the mill .... I absolutely, totally think you should talk to your doctor. Does your husband (congratulations on your marriage btw) know how you’re feeling? It’d be a good idea to talk to him and maybe ask him to go to the doctors with you?

Welcome to DWD! I completely agree with Paula. You absolutely need to go and see your GP and tell them everything you've told us. You really have been through it and the way you feel is valid.