steph's journey ***truiggers*******

so, I felt left out- I didn't have one of these thread things.... so here's mine

steph's random thread where I just post how I'm feeling from day to day, or random ramblings or what ever

I call it steph's journey... because that's what it is. it's my journey in life, I guess..

I'll start by giving you all a run down of last week:

the positives is that I got to hear from my friend with cancer. he got homne from the hospital and let me know he was back. it was good to hear from him because I was worried about him

it was also sunny last week and I was able to get to the farm and hold some of the baby animals.

it was nice, however it was quite stressfull because of the crowds- luckily I'd taken my medication and was able to cope for a few hours (I didn't stay for as long as I might have wanted because of the anxiety, but a good few hours)

the negatives are that the longer hours of light have really been affecting my mood, and also in the whole week, I got less than 5 hours of sleep (which is really not good)

anyway I am looking forward to posting my feelings in this thread and getting support when I need it

steph xx

That's a great positive about your friend, but I'm concerned about your sleep...

What do you do before you try to go to sleep?

oh I agree, suzy.

he's been struggling for quite some time now so it's good to see something good come out of it.

he's still a long way from being perfect, but he's doing well.... at least for a bit.

paula.. I don't do anything diffrently, just do things like every normal person

take sleep medication, but a lot of people do that as well

What do you drink before bed?

depends how I feel.

sometimes peach juice or orange juice

sometimes pepermint tea

sometimes hot chocolate

sometimes just water

just depends..

wendesday 25th april

started the day on minimal sleep.

for breakfast prepared a nice fruit salad which was good.

spent the morning catching up on some tv, and then at lunch time went out to buy some chips for later

day's been sunny (a little too sunny, sun makes my mood worse)

this afternoon filled out my mood chart (yes, I have a properm ood chart), came to catch up on these forums, and put dinner on.

mood's been around a 3/10 today, and my anxiety has been high too because their were lots of police cars around when I went out (terrified of the police)

steph xxx

I go for hot choc before bed every time :)

Must admit my mood is better when it is sunny unless it is really hot, then again we are all different :)

Why don't you like the sun? I have an allergy so have to be careful so I tend to hide away from it too!
Why are you terrified of the police?

Sorry it's not been a better day for you lovely.

steph's journey for thursday april 26th
today I had to go and do the weekly shop. I managed about 2 hours sleep last night, (not good I know, but sometimes it's just what it is)

I did the shopping list, and then went to the supermarket for 10 A.M (trying to get their earlier to avoid the rush)

however it was very loud and I became very stressed and anxious
in the queue their was a brat kid who kept picking stuff up from the display (you know you get those extras by the till), and then throwing it across the supermarket, again, and again, and again. I swear, he should be glad I'm not his mother.

anyway made it home, put everything away, then spent the rest of the day relaxing in the garden. it was so nice, too hot to stay inside...

mood was about a 3 this morning and my anxiety was at an 11 (too many people!), then I relaxed, my mood went up to a 5, and my anxiety went down to about an 8- so still not really relaxed, I guess. still, was nice in the garden watching all the birds and stuff

about to fill out my mood diary and put something tasty on for dinner

I have so much choice, I don't even know what I am going to have

Glad you got to sit in the garden for a bit.

Have you considered online grocery shopping?

I feel like crap today.

long story short, someone came over and commented that they thought I'd lost some weight

I don't know why, but comments like that bother me (I think it's because I'm not trying to lose any), that, and I find it hard to accept compliments

so, in sted of going out shopping today like I was meant to, I've been sitting here binging on crisps and sweets watching repeats of the real A and E (bad steph!)

I now have to deal with the conciquences, that being that in sted of being able to choose what I have for dinner, I now have to have chicken nuggets (I could go out and buy something else, but I'm still really depressed)

that, and I have to deal with the guilt of wasting a whole day- a sunny day too. I could have gone in the garden to relax... oh no, not me, just feel really bad

Sorry you are feeling so bad.

today I was meant to be going in to town to see the christmas lights

however, stuff got in the way and it looks like I'm not going now

never mind, she says. will just stay in and listen to olddies today.

How about going to see the Christmas lights tomorrow :)

Hi Steph, we haven't seen you for a while. How are you?

Hi sweetie, good to see you

had quite a chilled weekend (I even got a papa john's takeaway out of it so not bad!)

coping well, but getting very little done- not through lack of motivation, nothing really to be done

That sounds lovely!