I love my son

I am 50 and my son is 20. it just recently I look back and realized that I was not a good father and not there for my son. I wish I can go back but it's not possible. I have been struggling with depression all my life starting high school. I had struggled to take care of myself let alone my son.

I have trouble looking at my son's younger picture because it makes me cry and its so painful. I neglected him and was harsh on him. I regret it so much. I failed as a father I hate myself for it.

I had enough courage to tell my son and apologize. He forgave me.

But its still hurts and so painful. It hurts so much that I don't if I can move on

Thank you for reading.

Hi and welcome to DWD. It takes a huge amount of courage to recognise our own faults and to stand up and ask forgiveness. That shows an amazing amount of strength to do so. I'm glad your son has been able to forgive you. Do you have much of a relationship with him now?
Have you ever had counselling to move past this issue or medication to help with your depression?

Hi and welcome. My single greatest regret in life was the impact my mental health has had on my children, particularly my youngest. But there has been a silver lining - with my eldest, this has taught her empathy and kindness, with my youngest she has learnt resilience and strength.

What happened has happened and there’s nothing you can do about that. But you could apologise, which you have, and he has forgiven you. It takes a lot of courage to forgive and accept that you’re forgiven. Now you can look ahead, using the qualities this has taught you both, and reforge your relationship

This is exactly the way I feel things are going with my daughter right now, she's only 11 and I find I am constantly irritable with her and snap at her, I feel like I'm a bad mother and not good enough for her, I'm glad that you found a way to talk to your son about it and it sounds like it went really positively for you, I'm sure things can only get better for you from here, good luck ��

My husband was worried about the effect his mental health has had on our children, but do you know what? They are so empathetic, understanding, kind, reliable and are able to not judge others. They are 17, 14 and 13 and they have not only my husband and his mental health issues, but I have physical degenerative disabilities so they have that to deal with too..
Has anyone suggested young carers to you?

My daughter is 11 and I've explained to her about both my mental health and my physical health. She is a very kind and considerate person, who loves people no matter if the have something wrong or not.
I I'm trying to say, yes your son has gone through some stuff, but he has forgiven you. Sometimes the hardest part of forgiveness is acceptance. You need to accept his forgiveness. It won't come overnight, you didn't 'neglect' him overnight, but it will come. Please be patient with yourself.
Welcome to DWD.

Hi Pochi,

It's good you talked to your son about the past and he understood and forgave you. You can't change the past but you can move on, it isn't easy but it can be done.

I am overwhelmed by all of your kind words. You have comforted me and brought me hope moving forward. Thank you so much to all of you and sharing your experiences. Yes I am truly blessed to still have the chance to spend more time together.

He is my one and only son and I am so very proud of him

So you should be! Remember, they aren't little for long and it's really important to spend time with them - snuggling in duvets and watching movies eating popcorn counts as important. Those are the thing's they will remember and you'll be teaching them that actually spending time with someone is the most important thing you can do.