50 yrs of depression-try anti-depressants again?
Heard a phone in on 5 live today about the success of anti depressants and that got me thinking to google about my state of last 50 years ie most of my thinking life. One of the terms I came across was Dysthymia which I'd never heard of before. When I read about it it seemed to fit me perfectly. All my life I've had ppl saythings like 'don't worry it'll never happen' or 'cheer up for for God's sake' or 'can't you smile more'. Comments like that have just made me feel worse and more self conscious about looking glum all the time and made me increasingly avoid social situations where someone might make such a comment.
I muddled through life with luck and self medication then about 20 yrs ago after divorce and losing my job I went to the doctor and was prescribed Seroxat. I had that for a few months but the side effects were erectile dysfunction and a delayed reactions. I was then switched to Prozac but same happened so I gave up on drugs.tried St Johns Wort but it didn't change my constant glumness. My doctor referred me for counselling but after waiting a few months to see someone I was then moving house to a different area and was told to get a fresh referral from my new doctor. I did that and after about 5 hour long sessions I could feel things getting better but at the end of the sixth I was told I could only have 6 sessions as there was such a demand for the service. This was so frustrating as I could see this as the route to an improved me. I went back to my doctor and begged for more sessions but he said those were the rules no matter what. I tarted drinking too much but soon had panic attacks with hangovers so I stopped drinking completely.
Being out of work I didn't have much money but I paid for about 10 sessions privately but they weren't satisfactory and the therapist even fell asleep in one. I didn't want to waste any more money so I went back to my doctor and was told he could refer me for CBT and I went to a few sessions with someone but it didn't work for me, I felt it was avoiding the issues I really needed to talk about. I tried a local MIND for free counselling about 5 years ago but am still on their long waiting list and I can't afford to pay to jump their queue.
I have since just trundled along, my decision making is terrible and getting me so frustrated at not being able to decide the simplest thing. I have become more isolated as I don't feel like talking to anyone or risk ppl saying I look so glum. I've stopped going to a quiz and going with a walking group, things I used to enjoy but now I just make up excuses not to go out eg it's too cold, it's raining. Because I'm on my own so much I just think about the past and how things could have been different. After listening to the phone in about anti-depressants I wondered if I should try them again?
