Hi, I'm new *AB TRIGGERS*

Hi, I've just joined.
I'm having a really tough time right now.
Undiagnosed depression and PTSD.
I was sexually abused by my 2 brothers when I was younger ( I don't know the ages it started/stopped)
Indecently assaulted by my grandad and a sexual assault from an ex boyfriend.
I feel like I'm stuck, I want the help...I have even filled in the self referral forms for counselling/made GP appts but I just couldn't follow through.
I once opened up to a "friend" about the abuse and she completely broke my trust by telling 2 other people.and confronting one of my brothers - he obviously called me a liar.
I spoke to a counsellor via a messaging system but as soon as she found out I was wanted to speak to get about trauma, she was very reluctant to go ahead with talking to me unless we did it in person, so I stopped. I did 4 sessions and it sent me on a downward spiral.

Hi, lovely, no welcome. I am so, so sorry you’ve had to struggle with this alone. I promise we are here for you. Lovely, I can only imagine how hard it is to talk, but that is something we’re good at on DWD. However, you really need, and deserve, professional help. I know making that step to talking to your GP seems huge right now, but it’s a step you need to make. Is there anyone at all you could trust to go to the doctor with you? Otherwise, maybe if you printed out your post here and showed it to your doctor, would that be easier than having to verbalise it at first?


I’ve added a trigger warning to your thread - it’s absolutely nothing to worry about, it just means other members have the information they need to decide whether it would be difficult for them to read through the thread.

Hi and welcome to DWD. You've been through so much. Can I add my voice to Paula's about talking to your GP or seeing if there is a sexual abuse specialist counselling service near you?
Again, I agree print out your post or write it down and then you can just hand it over to the Dr/counsellor.

I know that it's really hard to do, but you've made such a giant leap by posting here today. You can keep the momentum going.

I just can't seem to get the courage to call my GP etc Plus, I don't want anybody to find out any of this.
I'm scared too because even doing the 4 sessions via messenger put me in a really depressive state for the whole of January and I don't want to feel like that again. Not just for me but my children too. My 5 year old even asked why I was sad all the time :(

Sweetheart why don't you want anyone to find out? You've not done anything wrong. You are the survivor, not the perpetrators....

Hi and welcome. The downside to counselling is it can get worse before it gets better but it can help you deal with things. You may be better, as Suzi suggested, looking into specialist counselling as they have specialist training. You deserve help.

Oh and my partner still struggles with the effects of the emotional, verbal and mental abuse his ex-wife subjected him to. When he's struggling, we just tell his 6 year old daughter that daddy's head is a bit poorly and lots of hugs would help. She accepts that. They're very accepting and surprisingly understanding at that age.

It's just not something I want people to know. I'm thinking about the impact it would have on my parents. I don't want my other half to know because my brothers are still in the picture and although they aren't in regular contact, he does see them very occasionally. It's difficult

Sweetheart, I can totally understand where you are coming from. For me it was really important that my husband knew everything about my history as it then helps him to understand why I find some things difficult or why I get flashbacks etc. Keeping all this as a terrible thing only makes it so much harder on you.... I know it's difficult though.

I don't see it ever being something I can tell him about. We've been together 7 years this month. I tried to tell him something when we first got together because it was affecting intimacy, like we couldn't have sex, I physically couldn't do it and I told him to look up vaginismus but I don't think he ever did. That was all I've mentioned

Oh sweetheart.... I've been with my husband for almost 22 years. Telling him was really hard, but crucial....