It is really tough... Well done for yesterday! And for knowing it's a work in progress for todays!
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It is really tough... Well done for yesterday! And for knowing it's a work in progress for todays!
I really struggle with forgiving myself. My CPN is constantly telling me that I don't need any enemies as I'm harder on myself than anyone else could be. Work in progress.
It's great that you know it's something you need to work on...
Day 5: Notice what you are feeling today without any judgement.
This is something we've been talking about in my MBSR course... Today I'm feeling:
~ Sad - I've just taken the last back to school photo that my children will be in together as (all being well) B goes off to Uni next year.
~ Nervous - I'm really worried about the whole back to school thing, hoping that it's a good day for all 3 of them.
~ Apprehensive/scared - Electrical testing on my wrists today
~ Angry - family issues
Each one of those is a valid emotion for now and so it's all "OK". I'm not trying to turn away from each of them - I am in fact turning towards those feelings and actually letting each one of them settle... It's really hard not to judge about them...
Anyone else want to share?
Nervous mainly - going to the community centre for the monthly community lunch today
Thanks for sharing. Do you want to talk about why you are feeling nervous about it?
Today I am feeling tired and weary. But that's ok because I did a lot yesterday and it's ok to need to rest. ( I can't believe I just said that)
So proud of you!
I thought I'd copy this post I've made this evening from the facebook page - it kind of seems appropriate here..
Quote:
Hi everyone, I thought my post tonight would be a story about my day.... My children went back to school/6th form today and I always hate it. They all got on OK though, which is great and a massive relief. Today though, I didn't just stay home and wait for the time to pick them up, I had a hospital appointment to have testing for carpal tunnel syndrome! (I know, that's not where you were expecting this story to go either.... lol)
The new neurophysiology department was lovely! The receptionist was friendly, the radio was playing in the background.. The artwork on the walls was created by the lead consultant and there were plants dotted about (imitation due to hospital guidelines) and on the desk was a really lovely big sign which said "Smile, it's contagious." It's true, smiles are very contagious and we had a lovely chat in the waiting room...
So, I've gone into the room with the lovely neurophysiologist who happens to be beautiful, from Portugal and really lovely, witty and funny - someone you'd love to have as a good friend - you know what I mean.. Well I've been electrocuted a couple of times on my fingers and it was odd, but nothing horrific, but then she moved it to above my elbow - I've honestly never been so mortified (oh I might have been once before) as my hand touched her breast totally uncontrollably! I've never wanted the room to swallow me up so much!
Anyway, the rest of the test went well and I don't have carpal tunnel - this to most people would be a good thing, but to me this isn't. Actually I feel really rubbish about it because along with my fibro, osteoarthritis and degenerative discs (and everything else) I had hoped that this would be something fixable, not something that I will have to carry on wearing the wrist splints (that I hate) and more pain continuing and the next department for me to see is musco-skeletal but that's not for a couple of months. The pain isn't getting any better and I'm hating it and having to add more pills in and not be able to do all the things I want to do...
So, I'm not "wallowing" (well, maybe a bit) but I'm trying to follow my Mindfulness Therapist's teachings and not push the negative feelings away, but actually to look at them, accept them and understand that they are valid and have a value and that it IS ok to not be OK.... So that's the point of this story... Sometimes it's OK to not be OK....
Suzi x
I love that post!
Day 6: Avoid saying "I ought to" or "I should" to yourself...
Well it's only thinking about this that I've realised how much pressure I put me under.. All the constant "I should just....." or "I ought to really be..." 's really add up. I really didn't think I did this much, but I do. Each time I've noticed it I've stopped myself and told myself that actually that isn't "mindful" or "being kind" to me... I'm hoping to carry on working on this, but it's going to be a long work in progress!