Self Esteem issue

Hello to everyone.

I hope you're well at this crazy time. Just wanted to see if anybody could give a bit of input to an incident with a stranger a couple of days ago.

I have a history of depression and anxiety for many years but have been feeling really positive for a few months now. I have had an inferiority complex for many years with my appearance essentially because people at various stages of my life have called me ugly.

I hate that word anyway and as you can imagine when someone calls you that you start to believe it. It makes my self esteem plummet and causes a depressive episode. A stranger said that to me the other night. First time someone has for a few years.

The circumstances were I was on my way home with a friend after a few drinks and sat on a bench in the town centre. A guy and his girlfriend came over and were instantly aggressive and rude. So I argued back and forth for a while then eventually he said that. I did have an instant come back but, like I mentioned, I have ruminated on it and feel crap now. I don't get how an adult probably in his forties can say such a school ground thing. He also boasted about his kids and his Gf said you're not a man unless you have children!

Think they were alcoholic street people. I know it sounds trivial but poor MH isn't rational as you know. Its not uncommon to have a complex. I'm just ruminating on how to support my self esteem as I feel like duvet hiding just now.

Keep well.

M x

Hi Matt, lovely to see you! Sorry you've had that experience and that that person thought it was OK to speak to you like that - it wasn't.

For the record you have no need to have children to "be a man!" What a load of absolute rubbish. As that's rubbish everything else he said was also rubbish. As you say, he was probably enebriated himself and couldn't make an intelligent argument, so went back to that load of rubbish from primary school days...

Really lovely, try not to get bogged down in what was no more than a drunken comment....

Hey Suzi,

Thanks for the reply. It's always good to have an objective opinion and an overview from someone else. I just hate the psychological model of self esteem development. It's Ike a shield around you that can take knocks and eventually crack. Some people have a thicker shield and different people can be more immune to insults. We are products of nurture and nature and unfortunately I'm too sensitive.

I was just wondering how to quickly boost self esteem in the short term as I have had a depressive reaction and am taking benzos and sleeping a lot.


Weird thing is I think I'm average looking and have had complements from women, never had too many gf issues. I'm a pretty big guy. Just men being childish.

I've always thought a 'real' man whatever that is with regard to kids is one who raises them not sires them. Loads of men have kids they don't raise or are involved in in supportive way.


Saw him again on Saturday and he didn't say boo to a goose.

Thanks for the kind remarks.
Best of health to everyone.

M x

I don't think you're too sensitive at all.... I think what was said was horrible, plain and simple...

Hi, I, can relate to what you are saying. For me hearing nice things I can not believe them. But bad things being said I see as true all the time.

I do think that people can only be ugly on the inside. And its sounds like that couple are just that.

What is a "real" man? Every man is a real man. Its as simple as that. Seems to me they where just saying things to see if they would hurt. So try not to validate it.