Rejection**SU Trigger*

Hey all,

This is my first time on this website and not sure how it works, so forgive me if I’m not using this for it's intended purpose. Basically, for almost just over 2 years I’ve been having regular lows in my life where I feel that simply not living would be a better option. My reflection on life often brings me to the dire reality that circumstances are not progressing for the better. Simply put, I am incredibly lonely; no one to talk and open up with despite my overarching craving for a soulmate. It’s interesting reading this blog and others who’re coping with depression and suicidal thoughts, for them to then make the admission that they’re with a loved one or partner. Now I can fully comprehend that it’s entirely possible to be lonely in a relationship and that this does not in itself equal happiness, but often at times I wish to tell those who’re in a state of genuine love that I’d trade my life for yours in an instant. For to love and be loved back is a great solice that has the ability to sustain life and heal its hardships. For that moment when you express your love to your beloved is priceless! A dream of mine that I’d give a lot to make my reality.

The title rejection is pertaining to my life’s reality of always having to be on the receiving end, which at times is a trigger point for me to revisit my tenure on earth. For it is a dagger like no other and one that consumes me to the point I’m unable to cope and spend those long, empty nights tearful and torn.

Hi and welcome to DWD. Have you spoken to your doctor about how you are feeling? Do you have any support around you at all?

Hi and welcome

Hi (hi) just have a mooch round our forum and see what we have to offer :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Suzi

Hi and welcome to DWD. Have you spoken to your doctor about how you are feeling? Do you have any support around you at all?

---

Thanks for your message. I’ve used a few suicide support groups but never actually told any physical human. Something I’ve always wanted to reserve for my soulmate strangely enough, but from the apparent it seems to be doing a disservice!

What I will say is that being in a relationship is not a magic cure all for life's hardships at all and to put all of those feelings on someone is really harsh. Saying that you're only planning on telling someone you are in a relationship with may be more than they can take, or could be seen as some kind of emotional blackmail...
Why haven't you ever discussed this with your Dr?

Hunni, you need to want to get better for you, not for some future, currently non existent, partner. That means talking to your doctor and finding other support. You’ve made a great start coming here and hopefully you’ll make some good friends, who understand and empathise with you.

I’m a bit concerned about your use of the term soulmate. I worry that you’re setting unrealistic expectations of any possible partner - expectations which no real relationship will stand up to. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years and I adore him as much as he adores me. But, we’ve been through some hellish times together and that’s brought us to the brink on a couple of occasions. If we’d have started our relationship with rose tinted glasses about what ‘love’ is, we wouldn’t have made it as the expectation vs reality would have crushed us. Love isn’t, IMO, the ‘great solace that has the ability to sustain life and heal hardships’, it’s doing our very best to get through life together, good or bad, and supporting each other.

Thank you both Suzi and Paula for you contribution. I absolutely 100% agree with both your comments unreservedly; for I’m fully aware that relationships have ups and downs with you (Paula) rightly mentioning that it is indeed those times that get you through life’s ordeals. Additionally, I couldn’t agree more that overpowering an individual with these feelings would undoubtedly correlate to emotional blackmail. Strangely enough it was me offering this same piece of advice to an individual a while back. Despite this, feelings as I’m sure you’re aware or would agree perhaps reluctantly derive from multiple sources. One of which for me is a desire that has been with me for a very long time to be in a relationship, a desire that I’d argue is inherent within humans due to the sheer incontrovertible evidence we’re social beings. I wonder if that longing is just a little stronger in me or if it reverts to the title of this thread whereby I’ve tried for so many years and taken pragmatic steps but to date has concluded in failure. This intertwined with my portfolio of never being good enough only adds fuel to the fire, sending me to the disastrous pit of questioning life’s worth.

As for seeing a doctor and shedding further light on only revealing these feelings to a soulmate, then in all honesty the issue maybe lies a little deeper with me always being an individual who has a lot bottled up but only to reserved, to shy, to apprehensive and blinded to disclose this information. Afraid to be judged and I would never actively disclose this information to my prospective soulmate but only upon request or if the situation was right.

But living with all this bottled up inside you is so difficult and so damaging. Why not try to get some kind of therapy to try to deal with these feelings...