I am a failure

Things are OK for me but it has taken forever and I'm angry with myself. I wasted so much time not understanding it was my job to take responsibility for sorting things out. I thought it would just happen somehow. Then I made a terrible mistake to study at a bad college and it lead to several years of hardship. I put everything in that.
Now things are back on track to go back to school. Getting an education is my life goal. But what is the point now. What good would a degree do with nowhere to really go? I've already lost everything that matters. Years of going from town to town usually broke and always alone. Wasting opportunities without knowing or seeing them fall away just out of reach. When I take charge of myself why bother? I've accomplished nothing but ignorance. I hate myself for being a failure through bad decisions. And reacting badly to the bad luck

Hi and welcome to DWD.
I don't know where you are based or how old you are, but it's never too late to get an education or to change directions. You sound like you're being really harsh on yourself. Do you have a support network around you?

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Originally Posted by Suzi

Hi and welcome to DWD.
I don't know where you are based or how old you are, but it's never too late to get an education or to change directions. You sound like you're being really harsh on yourself. Do you have a support network around you?

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Hello Suzi. That's kind of you to say. I appreciate it. But it is hard to understand how or why my decisions were so poor. Are you supposed to do everything right after high school? I'm in the UK, no I don't have a support network. I don't have anyone
L.

I'm in the UK too, most of us are.
I'm sorry you think your decisions were poor, they may have been the right decisions for that time. I've made plenty of decisions that I wouldn't make now, but which were the right ones at that time. It never is too late. I went straight from GCSE's to A Levels, then straight to Uni to train as a teacher. I had to give that up due to the health of my husband and myself. I have, however gone back to uni and am doing my masters degree.
When I was training to teach I had friends there on the same course and year I was who were in their late 40s. Really, it never is too late.
What is it that you wish you were doing?

Hi and welcome. It really isn't too late.

Like Suzi, I went straight from GCSEs to A levels then uni. I started getting really I'll my last year and only just scraped a decent pass and then spent over a decade extremely ill and not working for half of it because I couldn't cope with day-to-day life so I think I get where you're coming from. It can change though.

I'm 38, have just graduated with a first-class degree in a completely unrelated subject to my first, I've started my Master's and I'm training to be a counsellor. If getting an education is what you want to do them go for it! You'll find loads of support here.

I've just spotted this on FB and it seems perfect for here..

https://scontent.flhr10-1.fna.fbcdn....kQ&oe=626BFFA5

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Originally Posted by Suzi

I'm in the UK too, most of us are.
I'm sorry you think your decisions were poor, they may have been the right decisions for that time. I've made plenty of decisions that I wouldn't make now, but which were the right ones at that time. It never is too late. I went straight from GCSE's to A Levels, then straight to Uni to train as a teacher. I had to give that up due to the health of my husband and myself. I have, however gone back to uni and am doing my masters degree.
When I was training to teach I had friends there on the same course and year I was who were in their late 40s. Really, it never is too late.
What is it that you wish you were doing?

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That is inspiring.
But I've had no responsibility like that. Just myself and couldn't manage it.
There are things I want to do but it boils down to what is possible really. Don't want to end up on another mickey mouse course.
Which could have been avoided by THINKING. And NOT GIVING UP ON MYSELF.
That's what I mean about stupid decisions and not taking full responsibility. I knew what the right decisions were and didn't take them seriously. The only thing in my way was having nowhere to go.

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Originally Posted by Jaquaia

Hi and welcome. It really isn't too late.

Like Suzi, I went straight from GCSEs to A levels then uni. I started getting really I'll my last year and only just scraped a decent pass and then spent over a decade extremely ill and not working for half of it because I couldn't cope with day-to-day life so I think I get where you're coming from. It can change though.

I'm 38, have just graduated with a first-class degree in a completely unrelated subject to my first, I've started my Master's and I'm training to be a counsellor. If getting an education is what you want to do them go for it! You'll find loads of support here.

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That is also inspiring
I really want to get an education, working your way through the system is hard on your own though.
This year I've made 15 applications, not sure what I'm doing, poking around at random to know what's realistic.
That's something that has always hurt. I thought one day I'll be able to meet someone experienced and intuitive, and hammer out a plan. I did not know that kind of help didn't exist.
I was good in school but had a nervous breakdown on my exams. Everyone gave up on me. And it's 20 years later mostly in poverty.
If I hadn't been an idiot all that could have been missed.

Ok, so you made some bad decisions. Mistakes are simply learning opportunities. You use the knowledge gained to help you make better decisions in the future.

So, what were the "bad" decisions?
Where is it that you wish you had gone, rather than where you did?

Struggling with exams doesn't make you an idiot. Have you had any counselling to try and work through all this?

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Originally Posted by Suzi

So, what were the "bad" decisions?
Where is it that you wish you had gone, rather than where you did?

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The easy way to answer that? Go to a decent college (not a rubbish one), do A Levels, go to a good uni (also not a rubbish one), do a worthwhile degree and work in either IT, finance, insurance, marketing or media. Not flounder around colleges trying to work out what to do for a few years before ending up homeless. That's the easy answer because it assumes those choices were obvious, which they weren't.
The harder way to answer that is to have concentrated harder on my choices as they were, with the knowledge that I had. Dress better, work a different job while at college, look farther ahead than right in front of me for resources, and not take crap from people. Instead I took easy routes because there was so little else around and I was consciously unwise.
No doing a degree now is not worth it. Not only is it useless without connections and insider knowledge to make it applicable in industry, it's also highly expensive at a time of heavily rising costs. Doable maybe but how can you save as a student. It simply is just too late.
My only motivation for even going back to study is having nothing to lose. No money, career, family, friends, kids, or big pension or investments. That would have been different if I had never attempted a degree and I still have no way of getting information about what courses are truly relevant so I simply guess what subjects to take.
People expect me to take responsibility for myself yet set NO EXPECTATION of me as a young adult. If it wasn't for social services I wouldn't have survived but then they judge you on that. What do I do?? I know bleach my hair and pretend I'm from Eaton.

You are very hard on yourself. I wonder how many of those choices were truly yours to make or were you stuck and having to make the best choice out of all difficult ones?
I took some terrible jobs whilst I was growing up and up through uni..

Do you work now? What about something like an evening class?
Do you have friends and family around?

Hi and welcome, lovely. I didn’t get past A levels because I had a breakdown at 16, and realised that trying to do uni would risk another crisis. I have since gone to night school to do an HNC in Business and Finance, qualified as a reflexologist, and am currently studying theology (working from home). I took the decision to see my education as a hobby rather than a means to work - which makes it much more enjoyable and less stressful.

You’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself by looking at what you ‘should’ have done. What is it that you ‘want’ to do?