Struggling with depression

Hi all, I am new here. To give you a bit of background about myself, I am 57 years old, divorced and live alone with two cats. I have a full time job, plenty of friends, hobbies and a family, being my brother and his family, I have lost both my parents and don't have any children of my own.

I have always suffered from depression and anxiety and have been taking anti depressants for about twenty years now. Some days I am up and some days I am down. When I am up I feel good, I can persue my hobbies, clean my flat till it gleams and I feel almost giddy but then when I am down I feel I can't motivate myself to do anything.

Although I have friends, family and a full time job I often feel lonely. I see my friends and family but can't expect them to be with me 24/7. I am now facing Easter on my own and I don't know what to do with myself. Christmas I always stay with family.

I love my job but I dread the day coming when I have to retire, I honestly don't know how I will cope with the long days. My job is busy which suits me as I need to be active to keep on top of my depression but I fear work being taken away from me and me being bored, as the managers are on about reducing our workload because some people have complained about being too busy.

Today is a Saturday and I am in town on my own in a café writing this, I have just been mooching about with no purpose.

I have had counselling in the past and I do keep a journal which helps but sometimes I can't be motivated to write when I feel this low and then I worry about someone reading it (which could be another topic).

I also get obsessions about things (current one is make up) and I make rash decisions at times just to give me something to look forward to, like for instance I am currently thinking of moving home again.

Sorry this is a long post but would be grateful for any advice.

Hi Jill and welcome to DWD. It's lovely to meet you!
Can I ask when you last saw your GP about how you are feeling and a meds review? Have you had the diagnosis of "depression" or have they ever explored other options for a diagnosis and help too? If you are having dramatic mood changes on your regular meds then I would really suggest you need to go back and talk to your Dr. You could try keeping a mood diary to take to show them too.
What kind of hobbies do you have? Have you thought about volunteering? It might give you a whole new group of people to make friends with as well as maybe giving you somewhere to go for Easter etc and something you could build on as and when you retire..

Hi and welcome! I can't really add much more to what Suzi has said! Definitely go and discuss it with your GP lovely

Thank you both for your helpful replies. Lovely to meet you too.

I haven't had a meds review with my GP for a while now as I get my meds (which is Prozac) on repeat prescription for a while before I have to have a review but I do need to see her soon about my eczema which is flaring up again so I will mention it then.

My hobbies are mainly family history and card making. Both I enjoy very much though the family history tends to come to a stand still when I get stuck and can't find information.

I will certainly volunteer for something when I do retire as I can't just stay at home. I can look into doing something at weekends when I have no plans or around times like Easter. Thank you.,

Have you had a look as to what things are available where you are? I know here at Christmas there are some lovely groups of people who meet up and have Christmas day together - I'm sure there are others for other events? Could you spend Easter with your family? What about inviting them to you? Or friends who might be on their own? Maybe everyone brings something and you spend the day doing something fun - I know a lot of people who meet up and play board games or watch movies or a classic knit and natter or stitch and b*tch!

Hi Jill and welcome (hi). Please don’t just ‘mention it’ to your doctor, please book a double appointment and give yourself time to really talk over everything. Has anyone ever mentioned doing a mood diary? That might be worth doing and showing to your doctor. (And it’s always important to have regular med reviews anyway.)

In my town, we have an organisation that other charity’s use as a central resource for finding people who want to volunteer, and the organisation also lists all available voluntary roles available in the area. Perhaps there’s something similar in your area ? I’d recommend voluntary work to anyone - and there’s roles for everyone

Hi Jill (hi), welcome to DWD, can't really add much to what the ladies have said, I'm sure you'll find here a very friendly place.

Hi Jill. This is a lovely place to chat and get help. I would definitely speak to your GP about your mood. I keep a mood diary on an app on my phone. It's really easy and lets me see any trends or even just how stable or unstable it is. If you've been on your Prozac a long there are many newer drugs which might be better but your GP will be the best for that. Is there a craft group near you if you like card making etc.
I'm the world's worst for being lonely but I'm also really bad at inviting people to do something with me. You might be surprised to find some of your friends are a bit lonely too. Xx

Thank you all for your support. I do go card making classes, one is every other Wednesday evening after work and the other one is Friday morning so I can go there when I am on leave from work. I always spend all of Christmas with my family but they don't do anything for Easter. I have just met a friend for coffee though and he said he will come and visit me on Easter Sunday if the buses are few and far between and I can't get to town, so that's a start :)

Prozac has always suited me and I fear change incase in makes my mood worse (this did happen once years ago when I was put on different meds to try). However, my moods are more up and down to the extreme at times and doing rash things isn't always a good thing.

I do keep a diary as in I write when I feel like it (apart from a calendar type diary where I note appointments and also note if I've taken extra meds etc). But I do get paranoid about writing too deep things in my journal, I never used to do, its just something else that's popped up for me to get paranoid about in recent years.

How about trying counselling again? Would you be open to that?

Hello there Jill, nice to meet you. Hope your day is going well.