Complete Dispair.

Hey.

Iv recently been diagnosed with depression and anexity. Iv suffered with anexity for years, usually ending up in hospital trips due to passing out, Iv always found ways of managing it. Now with the added joy of drepression, every day is a battle. I constantly have the shortness of breath and feel on edge all the time. I don’t want to continuing living like this. Iv been given antidepressants and yes I know I need to give them time (Iv been on them 3 weeks). I constantly feel like I’m in a battle just to get out of bed and do normal human things like eat. I have no appetite at all, and forcing myself to eat. I just want to hide in a dark room away from the world. I’m waiting my therapy referral but this seems to be taking forever.

Every day is a battle and I’m exhausted. Can anyone offer any advice on how to cope with the constant whirlwind of negative thoughts and mental pain I feel every day. I’m lost and feel lonely in a very scary world. Hope you guys understand my ramblings. 🙏🏼

Hi and welcome. Well done for getting help. Are you working at the moment? Do you have support from friends and family?

I am working at the moment yes. It’s the only thing that’s actually getting me out of the house and doing something productive. I actually love my job. When it’s comes to family, I have my fiancé but he works away with the army, so as you can imagine can be difficult to speak to. Also iv tried speaking to him but I don’t feel like he understands what I’m actually going through. He just keeps saying things are not that bad. But you try telling my brain that. On the close family side, my mum is the only person that knows what I’m going through, but I can’t talk to her about it as a lot of the issues I have are too do with her and I just don’t feel capable of speaking to her about it...yet. I just want to speak to someone who understands what it’s like to go through every single day wishing you are dead, telling yourself that your no good and useless and can’t even complete the simplest of tasks without them going wrong.

https://www.time-to-change.org.uk is a good site to look at to start the conversation with your family and friends. It might help your partner understand a little bit.

Hunni, you are not useless, that really is the illness talking. As for struggling with tasks, that’s also a symptom of depression. Things feel awful right now but you will get better (panda)

What’s meds are you on?

Paula is right, the illness is making you think negatively. I understand the not wanting to talk to your mum. As for your partner, all you can do is try to educate him with information - there is lots out there to try and help families understand. Tell him if his comments don't help, not in a nasty way, but have a chat and explain what triggers your thoughts, what does/doesn't help etc. Talking is the best thing for you (don't bottle it up) and for your relationship. It is made worse when partners are away, can he speak to the padre or his boss and ask not to go away? (I know, a silly question - my dad and hubby were in the forces). Are you having any talking therapy? That really does help and yes meds will eventually work but it may take some swapping of meds to find the right ones. Mindfulness or going for a walk is helpful with the anxiety, it may be the last thing you feel like doing but when you do it helps. Walking and talking with your partner, when he is around, is good, it means you can talk without being directly looked at as you are side by side. I know right now this probably all seems impossible or unlikely to work. Sadly anxiety and depression take time to deal with, unlike an Infection requiring a week of antibiotics and all is well again. You can get better. Self care is your priority, it is good you enjoy your job and it helps - distraction is good at times.

Hey, thank you so much for your kind comments. In terms of meds, I’m on steraline 100mg. I don’t know why, but it’s like I’m incapable of completing simple tasks, just feel completely lost. I’ll have a look at the website, I just want him to understand I don’t mean to snap at him or burst into tears over stupid little things, which makes me think he has done something wrong.

I’m currently waiting to be referred to CBT therapy to help me deal with the emotions I feel right now, then I’ll be doing talking therapy my GP advised not to do two therapies at once as it can be conflicting. I find the only thing that helps calm me down at the moment is going to bed in a dark room and wrapping myself in the blanket. It’s the only place I feel safe and comfortable. I’m due to see my GP again this week to have a chat about whether we need to up the dosage or change meds.

How long have you been on meds and that dose?

It sounds like you are doing the right things. Things will get better.

Hi (hi)

You're doing the right things like seeing your GP if you've only just started on Sertraline it can take a couple of months before they start to to take effect (from my experience), hope all goes well with your GP this week.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I think it’s just nice to know that I’m not the only one who feels like this.

It does make a massive difference to know that you aren't alone..