Fade to Grey

Not quite sure where to put this but I am new to this forum and have been struggling with depression for some time now. I tried to express how I feel with these descriptive words.

It holds you tight, this disease. Sometimes, fleetingly, you can pull away and break the surface, to feel the warmth of the sun on your face again, only for it to drag you down into its murky depths once more, repeating over and over in a miserable cycle.

It disconnects you from those you love, disengages you from the things you love, sucks the colour and energy from life. The Joys of the simple things ebb away to the daily drumbeat of drab monotones .

And of course, you should be happy. You have a family, two beautiful precious girls. Every reason to be joyous.

But you are dragging them down into your world so you let them go as you lose yourself. Their voices, their laughter becoming more and more distant as you drift helplessly away. Fading to grey and onward to black.

Hi and welcome. I understand that completely, I've often used drowning as a metaphor for depression; some days you feel like you're being dragged under and you're fighting for the surface but don't know which way is up, other days you're treading water or actually making some progress towards shore.....

You will always find people who understand here

Thanks. That helps so much. I try to explain the friends and family but if they haven't felt this way before, they don't really know what I am experiencing and don't really no how to respond.

It's difficult if they don't have experience as the closest they can often come is feeling sad, and clinical depression is so much more then that.

Have you tried the Time to Change website?

I haven't no but I will give it a try. Many thanks for the recommendation.

Hello Phil, and welcome to the forum. What you wrote sounds so familiar. You will find that people here understand. And will react different then most other people.

Hi Phil and welcome (hi). Sorry, I’m going to overwhelm you with questions. Have you seen your doctor recently? Are you on medication? Have you had any counselling, CBT or other therapies? Do you have any support around you?

Depression doesn’t discriminate, just because your life seems ‘easier’ than others, does not mean depression won’t grab hold of you. And I know exactly what you mean with feeling disconnected from your loved ones - when I’m struggling I ‘know’ I love my family but I’m completely numb from the emotions I should be feeling towards them. I feel empty.

But, there is always a way through (panda)

Hi and welcome! :) I was going to ask the same questions as Paula lol
Are you eating and drinking properly? Getting any exercise?

Thanks everyone.

I have to say that I haven't been to the doctor yet and have been putting it off for months if not years. I am a little bit ashamed TBH and also don't want to take any medication. However, I have promised my wife that I will go next week and she will come with me as extra support.

I also am ashamed to say that I think I am bit OCD and have a bit of an issue with food...well actually an eating disorder. I run quite a lot and probably don't eat as much as I should and certainly don't have a healthy relationship with food.

Quite a few issues I think.

Can I ask why you don't want to take medication?

If you want to try and do it without medication, the doctor can direct you to talking therapies. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, and hopefully in time you will come to believe that (panda)

I guess I am scared of becoming reliant on medication although I do also struggle to sleep so something that might help that could also help my mood.

I'll hopefully see my GP on Thursday and we'll see how things go. Just getting to this stage and properly admitting I have a problem will be a major step l think.

Hi Phil. Nice to meet you. So glad you are going to see your GP for help. Yes it is a big step and its fab that you have made it. It's great you have support too. It means a lot. I have a loving husband, a home, 3 great kids but yes I also suffer with depression and other mental health issues. Unfortunately it doesn't discriminate. But there is a way back. There is recovery and there is life with and after depression. Wishing you all the best on your journey.

You're right, recognising there is a problem is a huge step!

There general recommendation is that if someone wabts to come off them, then they should only do so if their mood has been stable for 6 months or so. There are sometimes some withdrawal symptoms but they tend to wear off within a week or 2. I would suggest maybe writing a list of questions you may have for your doctor and definitely talk about your concerns regarding medication with them. You can always try talking therapies first if you really want to avoid the medication route. Struggling to sleep will affect your mental health too. Meditation or mindfulness may help, some members find it helps them

Really appreciate the message, thank you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by PhilG1967

I guess I am scared of becoming reliant on medication although I do also struggle to sleep so something that might help that could also help my mood.

I'll hopefully see my GP on Thursday and we'll see how things go. Just getting to this stage and properly admitting I have a problem will be a major step l think.

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Depression is an illness in just the same way as any other (and actually has often just as many physical elements as psychological). While no one’s going to force you to take medication, and there definitely are alternative treatments, just try to remember that you’d take insulin for diabetes or anti inflammatories for arthritis, if your doctor recommended them ....

Thanks Paula. Definitely something I should bear in mind when I see the GP.

I'm so glad that your wife is going to go with you - it's really important to have support - also make sure she knows to help you explain to the Dr if you can't/don't... Can I ask why you are waiting until Thursday though?

Hi Phil, depression can suck the life out of you and the first thing is to recognize you've got a problem and go and see your doctor/GP, it is good your wife is going with you as she can fill in things you forgot or overlooked.

Hi Suzi, sorry for the delay in replying. Thursday was more for logistical reasons really. First day we can manage to get there together.

How have you been love? Still going tomorrow?

Will be thinking of you. Would you let us know how you get on?

All the best for your appointment.

Hope today goes well...

I am ashamed to say that I have not yet been to the doctor. I have the Easter weekend with the family and then we are all going to Edinburgh for a few days. I am hoping that this makes me feel better but I have promised to finally go to the GP when we get back.

Don’t be ashamed, love, we all know how hard it can be but it is important that you talk to your doctor. Have you thought about a telephone appointment?

It can be very difficult to force yourself to go to the doctor (think we've all been through that) when you do go you'll find it isn't as bad as you thought it'd be, take care.

Hi Paula and OldMike, thanks for the understanding and no I hadn't thought about a telephone appointment. Trouble with our local doctors surgery is that the couple who were the main GP's have both just retired and it just about operates with a revolving set of locums so not much continuity and a bit of pot luck of whether you will get someone who is prepared to listen or will take depression seriously.

I will go when we are back from Edinburgh. My wife is completely frustrated with me so I had better go on pain of death!.

Phil

When you make the appointment, make sure you ask to see someone with a special interest in mental health

I'm with your wife! :) I had to insist that my husband went....

Take her with you, she'll help to break the ice and talk if you don't feel able to do it...

Thanks for the advice Paula and Suzi, very much appreciated.

Also, write a bullet point list. It'll help.. And tell them everything.

Will do Suzi, thanks