big changes (trigger warning)
Ok, so im back around. Its been a strange old time recently. Ill start from the beginning
So if i recall, last time i was here, i was trapped in a really stressful job with really horrible bosses who accused me of stealing from thetill (turned out to be the owners brother). it triggered a massive full body flare up of psoriasis thats never really gone away. I eventually broke out of that and got a a job in ecology (at last). That was about 3 years ago.
Since then Ive been in fixed term zero hours contracts as an ecological surveyor/seasonal ecologist. I really enjoyed it at first but it was fast becoming apparent that my inability to drive (sight disability) was holding me back from making the transition to full time. during this time Ive been living in my parents caravan on their driveway, far from a y of my friends and because of staying away o often with work, Ive not managed to get to know anyone in the area. I was lucky enough to be able to work through the pandemic, so im grateful for that.
then i got a full time job in ecology. I temporarily moved back down to essex and things seemed to be going well. but though the contract tated to aim for an 8 hour day, the management seemed to expect me to work a 50-60 hour week as standard, with the additional expectation to travel across the country with as little as a days notice. Also it seems that in the hurry and upheaval of basically living out of a suitcase and often having nights of little to no sleep due to the nature of the job, i had been neglecting to take my meds properly for over a month, and my MH took a plunge. The same week my brother in law attempted to hang himself (hes fine). I took myself down A+E due to extreme anxiety and urges to harm myself. ended up being signed off work for a month and moved back in with my parents for the time being while i get my head straight.
Since then ive left the job in ecology and feel its not viable for me to work in that role again, both because of my sight and for the sake of managing my MH longterm. Im looking into teacher training and environmental education, as well as lab work (though biology lab jobs seem to be few and far between). Its tough, but i think i made the right decision.
id say im still getting anxious moments, particularly first thing in the morning, and my sleep pattern is... erratic. but im getting there. since being singed off and leaving the job, the psoriasis has really gone down and is probably the best its been since it started. Ive signed up to volnteer at the local nature reserve, to keep myself active and to keep a oot in the door. it will hopefully be valuable experience when applying for environmental education jobs.
next steps i think will be deciding whether to go for a pgce or on the job training, or else to sort out a job for the time being. ive put on a lot of weight over the last few years, particularly during the pandemic, so id like to get exercising to address that, and hopfully that will help with other aspects as well. ideally id like to move back down to essex again, where most of my friends are, but im not tied to that. I have a weeks holiday to the lake district booked w9th some friends in early september which im really looking forward to as well. first holiday ive had in literally 12 or so years, maybe longer.
