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Loneliness *SU Trigger*
So this time last week I was in hospital following another overdose. I'm home and doing ok.
I live with my hubby and 3 teens. I just feel so so alone all the time. I have been battling depression for 3 years and I confess that I do tend to isolate a lot and hold people at arms length. I have lost a lot of friends over the past 2 years and I know its my fault. I find loneliness so overwhelming at times that I can get hopeless.
Does anyone have any tips on how to let down the defences?? How to trust people with how I feel, how my thoughts work? Basically how do I trust people who dont understand my illness to be able to cope with me
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It's such a difficult thing to do, to be honest the first time I was open about my depression I was drunk and confessed to my next door neighbour, she didn't really understand but she tried to hard to and was so understanding that it made it easier for me to open up to others (not that I'm saying you should get drunk and tell people, more that even though it's hard it feels good to open up and once you've told one person it is so much easier to be open with others too)
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Sorry I don't know how to edit my post but I meant to put *tried so hard to*
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I've added a *SU Trigger warning* just to alert other members that this thread discusses suicide. It's nothing to worry about, but other members may find it triggering for their own journey.
I'm glad you're home and your attempt wasn't completed. You can do this, you can get through this.
Are you in touch with the crisis team at all? What kind of support do you have?
As to social things, I've found being here on this forum brilliantly social. I've got to know so many wonderful people and then from here you can branch out maybe looking at your local Mind groups or a recovery college... Step by step lovely...
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I just want to tell you how happy I am you are home, safe and sound. Depression is abit like having a huge ugly monster following you everywhere, but only you can see it. However, everyone else can see how it affects you. It scares everyone away, and you feel so alone with the monster. Telling about it to others is scary, but the ones that really matter will listen, and try to understand, and somehow it makes the monster shrink abit. There begins to eventually be room even if it is around, and recovering can really start. Don't give up. Let us try to help you. You probably knew this already, but talking about things like this helps us as well. We are taking this worst classtrip ever together, one that none of us had signed for. Some of us are in the group, some of us accompaning the travellers. But we can get through this, together. Even it feels so, you are not alone, you are important, and you do matter. And People do care. Maybe we here can kelp you kick that monsters booty.
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Thank you everyone. Yes I have good medical support and am really lucky and blessed with the input I have. Most people around me know of my illness and my struggle but there are very few (none) who understand. They think I should be better by now and really I'm just being selfish and not trying hard enough and treating my husband and kids terribly....... I guess I need new friends
So shoulders Back, chin up try again another day. Xx
Thank you for the support. I really feel like people here understand. Xx
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No one can know exactly how you feel, but wey do understand how badly it cripples you emotionally and socially. Unless you have lived with it, you can not see how bottomless pit it feels like. But the bottom is there, and you can climb back up.
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Sissy, those posts are brilliant!
StrugglingMum- hunni, you will get new friends being here - I know I have. Even though things are tough right now, you can get through this and you can do it completely and utterly!
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Have been rereading my original post and realise even though I've been trying to make life as normal as possible my mood is still in the pits. Exhaustion really takingbovr
Dr.
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What things can you do that lift your mood to see if that helps?
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I know exactly how you feel, I thought getting out and about and doing things would make me feel better, and in a way it does, I still get home and want to curl up into a ball and cry though, I'm hoping these tablets I'm on will start helping soon. I hope you're feeling better today, you're doing amazingly well even if it doesn't always feel like it :)
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I'm still really struggling today. I've been walking, doing laundry, doing crafty stuff and trying all the usual stuff. See the home treatment team tomorrow so aim at the moment is to try and stay safe til then.
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When are you seeing the HT team? (Is that like the crisis team?) How are you today?
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How are you doing, lovely?
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Hi Paula and Suzi. Saw the team today and talked thru a lot of stuff. They are like an intensive team who can see you at home or clinic every day if needs be and be in contact by phone up until 8pm. They are a big support when you are feeling vulnerable. I slept better last night which helped mood slightly. Still very low but feeling a bit safer. Thank you both for checking up on me. I've no one else that does that. It means so much. My hubby is taking me away for a couple of nights tomorrow to try a change of air and a more relaxing atmosphere to see if helps thru next couple of days.
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I’m glad you got some sleep (bear). Where’s hubby taking you?
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I hope you have a wonderful relaxing time, enjoy :)
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Thanks all. We are in a hotel in South Ireland. Small town. Just chilling and I'm working hard at relaxing!!
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Southern Ireland looks beautiful! Our own Magie is from around those parts ;)
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Oooh, what part? When are you coming? I'll make sure to have the red carpet ready for your arrival date.
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Lol. Been there didn't buy a t shirt but did relax for a couple of days. We were just over the border in Co. Monaghan. We live Co. Down so not too far from home but far enough to try and distress. Back home today.
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Glad you managed to relax even a little...
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How is everything going? Do you feel better after your trip?
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It was nice while it lasted but as we drove home I could feel my anxiety and agitation just soaring again. Really down today even with my daughter's fab results but trying to tell myself it's just post holiday blues.
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Yeah I always suffer with post holiday blues, last time I went away I was back in work the same day I came back! Hope you feel better soon :)
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Have you told those around you how you are feeling?
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I was with my team yesterday so they have seen for themselves where I am. Nobody tells you how tiring it is fighting to just exist. Could just go hide in my bed for a week.
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(panda) are you landing on resting this weekend?
*planning
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I have absolutely no plans. Well none of the good kind. Feeling so low. May need to contact my team again tomorrow.
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Can you not contact them tonight, lovely?
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I'm just going to go to bed. Safe there. Thanks
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Ok hunni, is there anyone with you atm?
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Yeah. I'm home with my hubby and boys. Taken a sleeping tablet and hopefully going to sleep. X
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I hope you get some shuteye. Take care, sweetie, you’re important
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How are you this monrning, sweetie, how was your night?
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Hope you're feeling better today, I'm sorry you're going through this, it will get better :)
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Just wanted to leave you this (panda). Hope today is even a little brighter for you...
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Thanks. I slept not bad. Low today but not having just as hard a battle in my head to stay safe.