Might be an idea... At least talk it over with your Dr?
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Might be an idea... At least talk it over with your Dr?
I've got an appointment booked later this month.
How are your moods? More stable?
When are your family back from Blackpool?
They came back on Sunday afternoon, so we're all together again.
Back at work today and everyone's back from their summer breaks. I think we gear down during the school summer holidays, because it got really busy today.
People even logged requests after my shift, but since I'm the only technician I'll have to be selfish and leave them waiting until I go back in tomorrow morning.
I cried a bit in my office, but didn't resort to any self harm or screaming. My big meeting has been rescheduled to Wednesday though, so that'll get me down.
Why did you cry? Is your rep coming with you on Wednesday?
She's coming, but the meeting as it was planned has been cancelled because there's someone important who can't make it.
HR will be meeting with me instead to see how I'm doing emotionally.
I cried because the friends who had gone weren't there. Which should be obvious, but coupled with the increased workload over the last 2 days I'm starting to cave in.
I hope it goes ok tomorrow
If it's affected you that much then you really do need to talk to your Dr again...
Sorry, when I said "Which should be obvious", I was referring to the redundant words in the previous sentence. I'm sorry if I came across as rude.
Today I thought the meeting was cancelled due to more people not being available, but another representative from HR was present, so we had a discussion about how I'm feeling.
Strange thing is, minutes before the meeting was due to start, another 20 jobs came in on the electronic fault log in the space of a few minutes and I cracked; I only saw the first 10 or so before the meeting and while shouting obscenities at the monitor I decided to leave my office and head down for the meeting.
We talked about how I felt anxious about my workload and that I was ready to handle the workload as it was this morning, but then when several jobs came in at once from the same person I was ready to self harm again, even though I had removed all but the bare minimum of medicines from my work bag.
They felt that I was in no state to continue working and called the crisis team on my behalf, who suggested I go to A&E.
Before I left work, I saw the rest of the jobs, which had effectively tripled my workload in the space of a few minutes, but since I was leaving the premises I thought there'd be no need to think about it for the time being.
At A&E they asked about my sinuses, then realised they were looking at the wrong notes and I had to wait another half an hour for them to get the right paperwork. We talked considerably longer than that when they were ready and they've recommended that I find alternative work - a conclusion I am already working on - but they reassured me that if the other technicians in other branches are being treated for anxiety and / or depression, it's being caused by poor management rather than being a problem originating from me.
Work aren't expecting me in for the rest of the week, but I can't shake the feeling that when I go back on Monday there'll be a huge list for me to wade through, since the last time I had time off for anxiety I came back to a slightly longer list even though someone had been covering for me.
I'll admit, there have been times when the list has been in excess of 30 job long, but I've not known it to grow this fast. What happens if it continues?
I'm glad they called the crisis team and I'm glad you've been seen by someone in A+E. Have you told your wife what has happened?
Sweetheart, if you need the time off, then you need the time off. If you're really struggling with that then maybe you need longer than a couple of days off...
I'll just say one thing that may sound harsh, but I don't mean it to be. If you were killed in an accident tomorrow they would have someone new in the job on Monday. Take the time that you need. If it was cancer treatment you might not be able to work, what's so different about depression?
I have to agree wholeheartedly with magie! Sadly regarding work these days, no one is indispensable! Take the time you need to get better. Depression is as much as an illness as anything else. Take the care and services offered to you so you can function properly again.(bear)
I absolutely agree with Magie and Flo! You can't carry on as you are. Give yourself time to heal.. What did your wife say?
Sorry, I guess I left that detail out. Work phoned my wife after I told them where she worked and somebody involved in health and safety drove me to my wife's workplace, then took us both to A&E, so my wife was there the whole time, pretty much.
She's asked me to promise not to harm myself and says that if they sack me they'll be doing me a favour.
This morning a feel very light headed and like I have to really concentrate on moving if I want to go anywhere or do anything. I've not had any medicines outside the usual and I've had no alcohol recently, so I doubt it's a hangover.
I'll see how I feel on Sunday before deciding if I should have more time off beyond that.
It sounds like she's being really supportive which is so important.
2 days + a weekend isn't enough if you've been as bad as you are feeling.....
Mental and emotional strain does have a heavy impact on physical health so I’m not surprised you’re feeling rough. Please just rest
A meeting at work has been planned tomorrow and my wife has been invited. I don't know why, but I'll not question the decision to involve her.
It's been suggested that I put together a list of things which have upset me in recent years, but when I think about it, many of the items on my list seem trivial by most people's standards.
But the main issue is that I'm largely doing a job which was done by 4 people when I started. Everything else that's hurt me is the gradual elimination of my preferred coping strategies, until I've reached the state I'm in now.
It does sound different that your wife has been invited - were you consulted about it?
It doesn't matter if you think that others will think things which have upset you are trivial or not, if they are affecting you then they are important...
Have you spoken to your wife about it? Was she surprised?
Hope the meeting goes well....
Thinking of you today
My wife knew about it before I did, but now that we've had the meeting I think I just lost my job.
They've offered to arrange a settlement, but I think I'll only be welcome on the premises to clear out my office.
Did they not make it clear what was happening?
I think it's optional, but my wife and my union rep are both recommending I take the settlement.
I'm really worried that I won't be able to find another job before my money runs out, but I have been offered (from the local council) one-to-one assistance to find a new job. The next appointment for this support is on Tuesday, so hopefully I'll be able to find a suitable job soon.
What options were you given? Did they have details of the settlement ready? You can't agree without knowing what is being offered...
They've given me a few days to think about the options, but they need time to prepare the details of the settlement too.
All things considered, I don't think they're equipped to deal with someone with my level of depression and me being there will only make me worse.
There are a lot of people I don't want to leave behind, but considering management doesn't want me talking to them even when we're all on breaks, my attempts to be happy at work only serve to break rules, which gets me even more down.
I'll see how viable the settlement is when they're ready with it. I just need to keep myself occupied until Tuesday.
So are you at home until Tuesday or working?
I'm at home, but on Tuesday I have an appointment to help me find a new job. It had been arranged separately to the meetings at work, but the timing is coincidental.
I understand HR don't want me back at work, but I'm still on the books until a decision is made that I'm either fit for work or I'm taking the settlement.
Fair enough. Have you been back to your GP recently?
How does your wife feel about it all?
I've got another appointment on Thursday, but I might have to arrange an appointment for Monday to get a sick note.
My wife is leaning towards accepting the settlement, but she wants to see the details before we make a decision.
If I decline and keep my job, I face having to go through another capability procedure in the future and they won't be held to offering another settlement; I understand that my union rep pushed for them to offer one this time.
My son's school has sent me a message asking me to phone them tomorrow regarding the possibility of working for them in a similar capacity, but I didn't know about it until this evening so I'll call them tomorrow.
Working for the school doing computer stuff?
That's it, but if I understand correctly I would be part of a team, so I wouldn't effectively be spinning hundreds of plates.
I'll find out when I give the school a call.
Have you contacted the school? How are you feeling?
Have you rung?
I called the school and they said it was a temporary position to fill in for their technicians on leave.
I can't start right away as I'm still recovering from my previous job and the fluoxetine might be contributing to my low mood while I get used to it.
But he said to give him a call in a few weeks anyway as there may be a longer term vacancy open.
As far as my feelings are going, I'm quite relieved that I don't have to go back to my old place of work, save for emptying my office. I just need to arrange a time with them.
Well done for ringing and making that contact
That's a really good thing to have made that contact..