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Well my mum bakes and is making his cousins birthday cake. I had messaged his mum to get her partners number as he is organising it and I have taken myself off social media since this all happened because I can’t bear to see anything. She responded with the number and just said she’s sorry as her and his dad had bumped into him at the super market. We usually go round to hers on a Sunday night for tea so he’ll be there tonight. She said she didn’t know details but that it was none of her business. I just replied thanking her for the number and letting her know that I would never do that as putting her in the middle isn’t fair. She just replied saying it wasn’t that, it’s just that she didn’t think he would like her interfering. Which I know he wouldn’t and I get that because I wouldn’t either. I haven’t replied since as I don’t think there is any need to.
Right now I’m hurting, I’m hurting because I’m not really sure how he is and want to talk to him but I know that’s not good for me because it’ll make me hope. I know he hasn’t responded yet and that’s even if he’s going to but I think I am fooling myself. Hope is a very powerful thing isn’t it, and if you don’t have it life would be pretty sad but having sometimes really sucks as it makes things harder. Does that make sense?! I am keeping busy as is a must for break ups but this doesn’t feel right to me. And I’m not saying it has to for it to be right for him. I’m just confused I guess. During his ups and his downs he always loved the fact that I took care of him and I just wish he would have been able to tell me when he felt this pressure building as re-reading Stella’s post it is kind of sinking in that although he doesn’t want to be alone any pressure is hard for him......the letter I wrote had all my feelings down and how I wanted to support him but couldn’t be friends and I suppose never say never is true. But if I am not there for him now who’s to say he would ever want to open up to me again in the future.
I know I am waffling and all I really want is for him to reply to my message and say he is just having a tough time but really does need me in his life and sees a further with me. Because he has said it to me just recently......
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(bear) It's going to hurt until you know what's what lovely. Be kind to yourself
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Oh lovely, I’m so sorry (panda)
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Thanks ladies. I’ve still not heard from him but I am understanding a little more. It just hurts. This isn’t me feeling sorry for myself in any which way I just have supported him for so long and given him leeway on so many things that I just thought he felt the same.....I had debated posting his key back through his door but I may leave it for the week and give him some space and me and see if he is willing to talk later this week and we can get stuff back etc. I have woke up this morning feeling more like I possibly could be his friend but the thought of him with someone else tears me up inside.....is he being genuine do you think and wants me in his life that way or do you think he was just saying it?! I guess being in touc with him as a friend would hurt because I wouldn’t be able to gain from it what I want. I’m hoping some more time will give me clarity....
I have had counselling in the past and am looking to go back to help me process all this.
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I think counselling is a really sensible approach lovely. Don't forget there are specialist counselling services such as Relate - and you can go on your own.
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Thanks Suzi, there isn’t a relate near me. So I’ll try my old counsellor. He was more CBT really but will hopefully help.
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Friends can happen if that’s what you both really want, but it takes time and you both need space. I’m friends with my ex husband but we did have the added bond of our daughter. For now, I’d suggest you get yourself sorted first and think about what’s next when you’re feeling strong enough to handle it
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Absolutely agree with Paula. You need to work out how you feel and give yourself time to grieve what you thought you were going to have - because even if he does say that he wants you to get back together your relationship has changed....
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I am with you ladies. Although I don’t think he will want to get back together. Once his mind is made up that’s it. He always said as well that an ex is an ex for a reason. I keep going over things thinking I missed something and maybe he was trying to tell me this without directly saying it. I’m not a mind reader though and I guess if he can’t figure it out I’m not going to be able to.
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Just take it one day at a time lovely and make sure you build in time to do something nice and be kind to yourself...