When is it gonna be my turn?

So I’ve made my decision. I’m gonna head over and take his card and present tomorrow morning as I normally would. I doubt very much that I will be allowed to see him so I’m gonna write him a short note asking him to call me as my other gift plans for his birthday had to be cancelled due to this damned virus and I wanna explain what will happen once this lockdown is over and normal business resumes.

I think that sounds more than sensible.

So I’ve spend most of the afternoon/evening lay on the bed in tears. Even the smallest things are overwhelming. Nobody seems to understand me. Nobody trusts me. I feel like I have to tip toe around everyone in my life so as not to upset them but no one gives a damn about how I feel so why would they try to understand my I feel the way I do. I’m not like other people. At least not the majority. I guess I always knew that, and now I know why too but it doesn’t make being me any easier. I’m sick of the tears, sick of hurting, sick of being alone. I don’t know what to do.

Hunni, it’s a horrible time for you, with Mother’s Day and Robert’s birthday. I’m not surprised it’s hit you hard and everything else seems so much harder to deal with. I wish I could take the pain away but I can’t - all I can do is reassure you that you have people in your life who care about you and who really do give a damn about how you feel.

Hope it's gone OK with R's birthday love.

Who doesn't trust you? I do... and you know you don't have to tiptoe around me or your other friends... We will always do our best to understand, but you have to tell us what's in your head as clearly as you can so that we can do that...

I dropped off his card and present, with a note asking him to call me. We’ll wait and see what happens. I didn’t get to see him and didn’t ask under the circumstances. They’ve been having trouble accessing the school site which has been a pain but they have got the majority of their grocery delivery so all good there. They are kinda isolated in the small town where they live so grateful they have all the essentials.

As for what’s in my head...I’m a bit paranoid that with the battle for access going on I’m worried someone will see what I’ve posted and use it against me. I got a password change request for one of the old pet FB profiles we used years ago for playing games on the other day. Everyone from their family is blocked from accessing my posts and I think my ex has tried to get into it so they can see what’s going on. Anyway it’s safe to say that losing my brother, fighting to see my boys, Mother’s Day, birthdays, another family member in hospital, my sister thinking of herself first as usual and this lockdown and the fears surrounding being isolated for 3 months pretty much has taken its toll.

I can understand that...

Another example of the small things winding me up. I’m gonna lose my (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) before this weeks over.

Months ago I suggested an Aspie chat group on messenger so that members can stay in touch on the days when Aspie is closed. Some thought it was a great idea others were more worried about the number of message notifications and wanted no part of it. One was extremely vocal about this. Of course now that we can’t open this same person has set up a discord chat group and thinks he’s a genius. Yawn. Today a couple of the counsellors asked to join the group which I thought was a good idea, but they only joined to tell the members they were setting up their own group chat. I mean really!? Do we need 3 different groups for the same bunch of people? It’s just causing confusion and those who thought the idea was a bad one when I first pitched it are now all getting involved. I was ready to just remove myself from everything, the FB page, and group chat, everything. Social media and messaging service are supposed to be the saviour in times like this but all I wanna do is tell everyone to sod off and leave me alone. I’ve already deleted the FB app on my phone cos I was sick of all the false information being shared by morons stirring up panic. Maybe I’m better off riding this out on my own and steering clear of all interaction. Just me, Talia and the birds.

Why do you let it get to you, hun? If they want to triplicate everything and waste their time, that’s their issue, surely? Just ignore them and let them get on with it. And maybe be pleased that a seed you had sown bore fruit?

You could just join the one and leave the others to it so you aren't in 3 different groups?