Quote:
I'm sitting here now on the sofa and can just start to feel a little anxiety/sadness creeping in and the pressure of "It's the weekend, this is where you're supposed to enjoy time away from work as part of your work life balance - this is supposed to be the good bit..." yet knowing thi sis unlikely to materialise, nor do I have the energy/will to make something happen.
Another description I conjured up today that might resonate with others is that when I'm in what is a traditional 'happy place', what ever that may be - Christmas morning watching the kids open their presents, a summer afternoon BBQ with family, relaxing by the pool on holiday etc.... in that whilst you might be smiling, whilst you might be going through the motions of being happy, that beneath the mask, you know that deep down inside, something's just not right. That you can't fully relax, you can't let go, you can't give in and be happy, as if doing so is to somehow release control, somehow saying everything's ok, when it's bloody well not... that no matter how 'nice' this event is, you can't just enjoy it for what it is as you know that soon enough, it'll be over and everything will still be awful again afterwards?
Or is that just me being a miserable sod?
He asked me how long ago it was when I was happy/content for any length of time and my answer shocked me. I was 7 years old.
Sorry for venting.
Never be sorry for venting. It's better to get it out of your head here than leaving it to fester...