Quote:
Originally Posted by
selena
I'm feeling so bad, so depressed, I'm fed up with my work, with my boaa, with my current place, with my f...g life, with my mom's disease, with the fact that I've failed in my private life.
You haven't "failed" in your private life at all! You've been spending so much time and energy taking care of all those around you and trying to be the perfect daughter etc that you haven't had enough space to meet anyone properly!
Quote:
I know that is nothing in comparison with my mom's sufferings, but this is just the way I'm feeling, that I'm useless and cannot stop the process of disease.
Of course it's important how you are feeling! You cannot give every waking moment to work and caring for your Mum, no one can. Sweetheart if all of medical science can't stop the disease progressing then you have to see that it isn't anything to do with you being "useless" at all! You are far from useless.
Quote:
But that's ME. I just want to cut my fingers, my veins, to take something, and also fear that one day a customer will find me in tears.
That I'm not worth of being loved, and hearing at home my mom's good and a bit vile comments at once, although generally we get along well now. I'm feeling that she's more or less happy each time I fail in my real or online attempt to build up a relationship with a man. I know that is a sin to think so, but that's my feeling, her ideal of man is hers and the image of religion too. I'm feeling bad in my relation with prayer and church too, I'm feeling punished, trapped, breathless.
In fact, too much accent on me, I'm maybe egoist but responsible for everything, just feeling I cannot cope with this chaos anymore...
You are NOT responsible for everything. It is not a sin to have a relationship with a man at all. You can build up a relationship without having sexual experiences if that's what worries you....