Indeed Jaq you clever little monkey. All I know is they are both a bitch to chop and taste great in a stew.
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Indeed Jaq you clever little monkey. All I know is they are both a bitch to chop and taste great in a stew.
(giggle)
Have to admit I knew that already!
It’s cos you got book smarts.
Do I want to know why you knew that Jaq?
How you doing Stella?
Thought I'd try to get my laptop out to play today. Don't use it very often cos do most things on my phone and can I find the blooming charger? I blame this new cleaner. She puts stuff in weird places and I can never find a thing. Oh well, wish me luck in my search and I might be back shortly.
Oh and yeah, I'm ok Suzi. Bit better today than I have been anyway.
Panic over! Charger has been located and it wasn't the cleaners fault at all. It was still in the bag from when I last used it on CHRISTMAS DAY!!! Well I did say I don't use it often.
Ok so the past week has been difficult for a million and one reasons but this morning I do feel a bit brighter so I'll take that. I've got a fair bit of admin to do over the weekend due to the incompetence of my solicitors secretary to copy and store documents correctly. Oh well, it gives me something constructive to do and the family mediator needs the same details for Legal Aid (yes they have to apply seperately even though it's all the same case. Absolute madness).
Also going to apply for an Access Card. My CEA card has expired and needs to be renewed but decided to go with the Access Card as the range of use goes further than the cinema and acts as evidence of disability (I still hate that word) and need of support when requesting tickets or special measures. I know technically you don't need to have a card but it's easier than carrying your PiP paperwork around as evidence and yes a lot of places still ask you to prove why you need support. Plus the other bonus is the Access card works out cheaper than CEA and lsts for 3 yrs rather than just 12 months.
The snuggle pup isn't happy with me because I kicked her off the sofa. She keeps nudging my arm for cuddles while I'm trying to type so she had to go. I'm such an evil hooman. Cuddles will be resumed later. Speaking of later, I dunno if anyone is interested but thinking of getting a few folk together on messanger for one a Music Battle. Great way to battle the cabin fever and socialise which remaining isolated. Just let me know if you wanna come and play. It'll be fun.
Never heard of an Access card, am just looking into it! Thanks!
So glad you are feeling better than yesterday lovely...
(rofl) (rofl) (rofl)
need more players for the music battles. Looks like a regular feature during quarantine
Yeah I know the clocks have gone forward - reminder for anyone who forgot, but being awake at this time of night is never a good thing. Had fun playing the music battle game with friends and ended up pouring my heart out to one of the lads in feel kinda bad about it now. He has so much to deal with himself and there’s me chatting about trivial crap. I am finding it so hard to find the right balance in life right now and not sure where I should be standing. Feel exhausted but can’t sleep. Let’s hope you don’t see me again til at least midday.
Maybe a bit random but if anyone other than staff members bother to read the crap I write please feel free to make yourself known.
Just saying 'Hi Stella'
I haven't been that well and appear to have lost the art of conversation. .... but yes, I'm out here. (nod)
Why do you feel bad for talking to someone about how you are feeling?
Did you get some sleep?
Hi strugglingmum. Just curious of whose about really.
Yes Suzi I did sleep. Workaround 8 ish but soon went back to sleep again.
I’m here too. I flit in and out.
Hey EJ, how ya doin?
How you doin'? (Said a la Joey obviously!)
Alcohol may have loosened my tongue slightly and yeah I guess you're right Paula, the thought of someone else suffering in silence would upset me but you also know that in your own head those same rules don't apply to yourself.
Had a fun night with the music battles last night with a bunch of new players from Aspie. I think they enjoyed it too. Got some random tunes playing in the background now to keep the vibe flowing. Music fixes everything right?
Do I ask how much you'd had to drink? What did you say to them?
I had a fair bit but I was alright. I opened up about why I hate myself and I deserve to hurt cos I’m a horrible person. All the stuff you’ve heard a million times before but it’s not something I’ve shared with my new group of friends until now. Others think I’ve actually pretty much got my (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) together, I’m the one they turn to for advice and stuff and I guess it makes me feel really vulnerable admitting that I’m just a mess with a pretty good mask in place.
I kinda hoped that getting the answers I was seeking at the end of last year would put an end to the speculation and lead to me accepting myself for who I am but instead it has only led to more questions. Yes I have an autism spectrum condition, it’s been a part of me my whole life and although it doesn’t define me it does lead to certain limitations and I have realised that some of the aims I had were unrealistic and I’ve had to reassess so many goals making them more realistic. I’ve not always liked it and in true Stella style I’ve pushed things around trying to make them fit before finally and reluctantly letting them go. That was the easy part. Now I need to know who I am. Learning about “masking” and the fact that throughout my life it became an integral part of life in order to help me to try and fit in. I literally have different personalities for different groups of people but I don’t know which one is the real me?
Can you try to accept that you’re human - which means you’re going to screw up but you’re also going to get things right? I mean, even I screw up sometimes ( occasionally;)).
What kind of things is it giving you limitations on?
I'm not sure I worded that right Suzi but what I mean is that I got really upset about not being able to do the simple things that other people do without thinking and sometimes these things are a real struggle for me. An example, doing the washing up. It might take someone else 10 mins to get it done but for me it would take 30 mins because of how I prefer to do it and my inner perfectionist means I have to check and check again that every item is spotless That the items are washed in the correct order and placed on the drying rack accordingly. When I was doing my construction skills course I had the best scores of the group because I was obcessed with accuracy but it was stated on the feed back that it took me a lot longer than it should (only because they had to give some kind of feedback that wasn't excellent or 100%)Things that to me are perfectly logical and get the job done right first time but the detail I go into isn't the same maybe as everyone else so judging myself against what others can do isn't fair on me because I'm not like everyone else. I struggle massively with executive functioning at times as you've all been aware for a long while and I need to learn not to beat myself up over that because it is just another symptom and not being able to cope with a situation in that moment is not just me being lazy or procrastinating.
So yeah, I can't compete with NTs despite thinking I was "one of them" my whole life and now I know why I didn't fit in and couldn't do stuff the way I was expected to. I wasn't a failure I was autistic.
I live in a house with 3 people with Aspies, I get it....
With it being Autism awareness month next month I've decided to write something which will hopefully make those who have known me a long time and think that it's impossible for me to be on the spectrum something to think about. To recognise that it's always been there but they just never put the clues together. Thats if anybody actually bothers to read it. I'm probably wasting my time but I just want people who supposedly care about me to accept that this is real and just because I don't have serious learning difficulties, a low IQ or non verbal doesn't mean I don't have it. It's mad that you am expected to prove that I have the condition despite an official diagnosis. I'm too clever, or too sociable, or too normal.
I know you probably find it amusing that I was so adament that I couldn't possibly be on the spectrum and now I'm trying to convince people that I am. I guess I'm trying to educate others who are as ignorant as I once was. It's not a bad word, it's not scary, it just explains why I am the way I am and I guess I want people to think about all the times I've said or done something wrong, and they thought I was just being difficult for the sake of it, that I wasn't. I just see things in a different way and express myself honestly. I say what I think rather than think what I say and often it's not until others react to it that I even realise it could be taken the wrong way. Oh what am I telling you guys for? You already know this and I genuinely appreciate the way you handle me. I step out of line and you call me out on it. Paula is especially good at telling me off and I love you for it :)
I need to find entertainment before I die of boredom. Sorry for boring you lot with my drivel.
For what it's worth I don't think you have anything to "prove" about having or not having Aspies or anything else. I certainly don't find it amusing about you being adamant that you couldn't be on the spectrum as I remember quite how upset you got with me about it.....
I know that you see things differently and you say what you think, I know how things can be taken on either side... but that's not necessarily due to your ASD alone..
You are you, no matter what the diagnosis...
It wasn't boring at all...
You are Stella, one of my closest friends, who just happens to have an ASD diagnosis. You are not Stella, my autistic friend. I love you no matter what, even when you're being a twat.;)
No possibly not but it sure is a trait amongst many others. Wanna share your thoughts???
You don’t have anything to prove to me ..... and, yes, I’ll call you out if I think it’s needed, as I’d expect you to do the same for me :)
I’ve sat and watched Aladdin tonight. One of my favourites but instead of making be feel good I still feel pretty flat. Time for bed I think.
Your diagnosis hasn't made any difference to how I see you, it's a part of you but not all of you. When I told my mum about your diagnosis, her immediate response was "oh! Oh well, she's still our stella!" It explains some things but it doesn't change who you are, not to us.
You need puppy cuddles!
Which version of Aladdin?
How are you this morning?
Certainly not drivel and an ASD diagnosis doesn't affect who you are though it gives an insight in to how you feel and behave.
YES!!! Exactly this! I want people around me to have that insight, to understand me better but they can only do that if they understand the condition. Thank you.
Suzi I was watching the animated movie cos I love it. Remember going to the cinema to watch it with a friend back in 92. IÂ’ve not seen the live action version yet but I will give it a go today and let you know what I think. IÂ’m glad you give a good review Paula. A promising start.
Hey I loved both versions too! :)
How are you doing today love?
Ok. It’s Tuesday and I’m determined that it’s not going to be like the past three Tuesdays. For some reason it all hits the fan on Tuesdays lately so today I’m just gonna chill with some brain dead stuff like listening to chill out tunes, and playing games on my phone. Gonna take the dog out for a drag in a bit and try and work out what to have for dinner tonight as the cupboards are getting bare. It’s really good that the local CoOp is delivering but that’s only any good if you know exactly what you want and cos I don’t know what they’ve got it’s kinda difficult. My sister is a waste of space cos I asked her to grab me a few things at the week end and she failed dramatically. Gonna try a Tesco click and collect I think. An excuse to get out of the house with limited exposure.