Sorry I hadn’t finished that post.
Thanks for the hug SM.
Another tough night. Going to take the dog out now see if that settles me a bit.
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Sorry I hadn’t finished that post.
Thanks for the hug SM.
Another tough night. Going to take the dog out now see if that settles me a bit.
Oh lovely, please, please, please call them - it’s exactly what they’re there for. Are your wounds clean and dressed?
Yes apart from one on my back. I can’t get a dressing on it.
It’s the reaching out physically that I struggle with. When it gets to the point of needing to phone I’ve usually SH so feel ashamed and can’t talk.
You have nothing to feel ashamed about. You deserve the help - but they can't help if you don't talk to them and tell them everything that's going on. Can you get someone to help you dress the wound on your back?
It’s an old wound that I keep opening up by scratching at it. The home treatment team know about it. They usually ask to see it. They know I find it hard to phone them and I think that’s one of the reasons they are visiting everyday. I am sharing more with them now than I was when they first starting coming out. I think it’s a trust issue. It usually takes me a long time to build a relationship with anyone and when it’s not the same person coming out to see you each day it’s hard.
Reaching out and trusting people can be so difficult. I really get it but look on it as. I want to get better, I have to talk, I have to phone, I will not let shame stop me.
Guess what. You are valuable. You deserve help. You are not a bad person. You are a good person who is having a hard time . There are people who want to help you and support you. There are people who understand what you are going thru. Use HTT, use this page, use all your resources and stop being hard on yourself. You are not well. Be kind. Xxx
Thank you.
When I decided to post on this forum it was a last resort.(I don’t mean that in a bad way) The support I’ve had off you and all the others has been unbelievable. I really am at my lowest point in my life but thanks to you and all the others, I’m still here.
The home treatment team have just called and are visiting at 11.30am. I promise I will be honest with them.
Good. They can't help properly if they don't know everything (panda)
You are amazing. I don't say that lightly. I am SO glad you chose to join us.
Feeling very anxious about them arriving. Thankfully I know who’s coming and she’s the one that visited yesterday. Do I ask them to take away any meds I was tempted to take last night?
I’ll let you know how it goes.
Hope all goes well today with the home treatment team.
How did it go lovely?
Please give them any meds. I had to keep giving them paracetamol that I kept buying. They never judged just said well done for giving it up. I identify so closely with you and what you're going thru. Please keep talking. X
Well, that was a tough hour and a half. Followed by an afternoon of walking Ted and sitting in the fresh air.
You will all be pleased to know that I’ve been very open an honest with the home treatment team. The wound on my back has been cleaned and dressed. I’ve got to try and leave it alone as it’s not looking good. So if I say I’m scratching you have permission to have a moan!
I told them how low I was last night. I didn’t tell you this morning but I had a handful of tablets and a glass of water ready to wash them down. Ted jumped at the back of my leg when I was about to put them in my mouth. That made me stop.
I gave them all my meds. They have left me with what I need for tonight and tomorrow morning.
You’re right SM they didn’t judge me, they were pleased I told them.
I’m exhausted now.
I'm not surprised you're exhausted but you've done absolutely brilliantly! (panda)
Well done you. I'm so proud of you. You are brilliant. Xxx
Thank you.
I’m on my own now until just after 9pm. I’m going to try and distract myself until then.
I am so proud of you. You’ve done amazingly well today :) We are here for you, lovely
So how's it going? Have you company now?
Yes. They’ve both been in since 9.30ish but have both been moaning about each other! Teenagers!!
I’m now in bed and trying to relax before the meds kick in. Been scratching though as my anxiety this evening has been quite high.
Fingers crossed for a half decent sleep.
Could wearing gloves help stop you from scratching? Or take up a hobby that keeps your hands busy? Knitting? Crochet? Colouring? Cross stitch? Painting? Writing?
How did you sleep hun? Xx
Morning, lovely
Morning lovely, how are you?
Afternoon
Not a great night hence the late post on here today. I slept from 10.30ish until 2. I then struggled on with negative thoughts until 5 and ended up phoning the HTT.
I dread to think what my back is like. The anxiety is high and I just can’t settle.
I’ve tried gloves, I end up just taking them off! I like colouring but not great with knitting, sewing etc. If I don’t scratch I just use something else.
I'm glad you phoned. Are they coming to see you today? Have you tried dropping an icecube down your back? Sounds silly but sometimes jerks me out of the self harm mode, or pinging an elastic band around my wrist.
It's going to get better. Talk to them about your sleep as getting your sleep controlled goes a long way to helping you cope. Xx
Big hugs, sweetie. Well done for making that call!
I'm so glad you called. That's a huge step forward lovely. Asking for help is so hard.
Thanks all.
HTT have just been. They brought me some promethezine to help ease my anxiety. I can take up to 3 a day. I’ve got temazepam to take for my sleep but not working as well as it was when I started on it 10 days ago.
Unfortunately your body can get used to night sedation. Maybe they could relook at your dose. You are doing brill. Hope the promethezine works for you. Xx
Thats what they said today and they need to check with the doctor about a different dose. I’ve taken a promethezine, feeling a little sleepy and a bit more numb than usual.
Going to try and have a colour/sudoku then settle down to watch Strictly.
That sounds like a plan (though I’ve never been able to get sudoku)
Hope the meds have helped lovely. Did you enjoy Strictly? We loved it!
They have taken the edge off the anxiety, just feel a bit dozy now!
I loved strictly!! Really surprised to see Danny at the bottom of the leaderboard though. I do like Stacey and Kevin, she has no previous dance background and I think has done really well so far!
My daughter is a massive fan of Kevin lol... We want Danny to do well, he seems to have lost his mojo a bit over the last few weeks and he's an amazing dancer and all round nice guy and we're all huge Red Dwarf fans!
Hope you get a better sleep tonight hunni. Glad the promethezine has helped a bit. Xx
How are you today?
Morning, lovely.
I suspect Danny will go tonight - the furore over the ‘bullying’ will scupper him imo