Hope your struggling less today hun x
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Hope your struggling less today hun x
Tired, grumpy. I was getting very snappy with my mum last night so went to read in bed. Fed up of being so irritable all the time, it's not me!
When are your next appointments? Are you keeping note of the moods etc?
I've got a diary I'm writing everything in.There are only a few days missing as I didn't post here.
Got bloods tomorrow morning, rheumatology tomorrow afternoon and counselling Thursday morning. Still really irritable but it's not as bad today as I've spent a couple of hours with J and he calms me
Still a tough week, so take it easy where you can
I'm going to say something which is probably way out of order, but I'm concerned that your mood is pretty flat and low, and you say you are really irritable until you see J. It concerns me that your mood seems so linked with him. Whilst I get that you like spending time with him - as you should, I'm concerned about how dependent you are on him for your mood... Does that make sense? Have I upset you? I really didn't mean to...
I need to begin working through week 1 on my course.
Suzi it makes sense. I don't agree but it makes sense. I think I feel less irritable with him as I'm not as exhausted as I'm not trying to hide how I am from him. He can read me too well so there's no point in trying to pretend I'm ok. I can drop my guard and just be me, whether that is me when I'm happy or extremely irritable or really low. And my mood isn't really that low today, it's fairly level with a few dips, but mainly irritable.
Fair enough - I didn't upset you did I?
Why do you feel you need to have your guard up when you are at home with your parents?
You didn't upset me (panda)
Because my dad doesn't understand so it's just attitude to him and not me being ill. And with my mum because everything has to have a reason and she pushes and pushes trying to find an answer until I snap and then she takes my reaction personally and makes it all about her despite her ignoring me when I ask her to leave it.
Oh hunni, I wish you didn't have to pretend when you were at home.