I'm sure it will lovely. It just takes time.
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I'm sure it will lovely. It just takes time.
Time? 12 years isn't enough time to see some significant improvement rather than a steady slide down?
I know, I know, but sweetheart it's taken Marc much longer and it's only the last few months that there have been big developments - It doesn't matter how long it takes love...
I'm just so tired
How are you doing this morning lovely?
Tired. It's taken me a while to get going today.
Hunni it took over 20 years before I got the right mix of meds, support etc so that I wasn’t crashing every few months/weeks even. But I have now and, even though I’m not well, nor ever expect to be, I am now well enough to cope and to have a life. It’s not the life I dreamt of but I don’t think anyone gets that. It’s a good life and more than I expected. I hope you don’t have to wait as long as I did for stability, enjoy the good things because, with time, those are the things your future is built on
Completely agree!
Another that agrees
Ok I get it.
How has the rest of your day gone?
It was ok
And today? You’ve gone very quiet, love
Today is much the same. Struggling to get going.
Have you done the basics?
With some orders from J, just about.
Do you know why you're so down atm?
Not a clue
Oh hunni... Anything to do with cycles?
No, not had a proper period since September, just a bit of spotting. Everything just feels like an I'm scaling a mountain at the moment.
Are you eating and drinking OK? What about sleeping? What about exercise? What about getting out of the house doing something that doesn't involve medical stuff?
Sorry, loads of questions.
Sort of, not really, some but so exhausted and not just physically, not often but try and go with my mum to get my dad so I'm getting some fresh air at least.
OK Well there are things there which are going to help which you know, so I'm not going to preach... But I do wish I could help... Are you able to be kind to yourself lovely?
I'm physically not hungry but am eating so I can take my meds. I'm slowly getting into the habit of sipping water throughout the day and always have a glass of orange juice first thing and a drink with tea, so doing the best I can with eating and drinking at the moment.
I'm in bed by midnight every night, often earlier, yet rarely fall asleep before 1am and am always awake around half 4, 6 and 7. I try and switch my big light off by 9 and turn my tv off by 10, my window is open so my room is nice and cool, I've been using the essential oils and the blue light is permanently off on my phone. I'm doing what I can physically manage with exercise but I'm mentally exhausted and my body feels like lead. I hate going out as I don't like the area I live in. It feels too busy and noisy, I feel like I'm constantly looking over my shoulder so my anxiety goes through the roof. And I can't really be kind to myself tonight as I have a 900 words assignment due Thursday lunch.
You sound so sad lovely....
I cried on the phone to J sunday night, cried myself to sleep last night, and have already had a rant to my mum about a photograph today. I am so tired of finding every single day a battle.
(panda) sweetheart is there any way you could get out some more and find some way of getting local friends?
I have no idea. The times I have gone out, my mums started with the "what if I need you" lines so I've given up. I find it very difficult going in to a group of people unless I know them. I still find it hard walking into the hotel bar in Manchester and I've known most of them 15 years. The only time my sister bothers with me is to send me pics of my niece, she's happy with her little family and loads of friends, and my brother never bothers with me unless I text him first, besides, he's got a new gf. I tried to make an effort to build bridges with my old friends and wasn't even worth a response. They assumed the worst of me, despite knowing me for a decade. They never once thought there might be something more to me withdrawing.
Is there any wonder I think people will be better off without me?
Maybe it's time to do something different? Do you walk Talia? What about trying something like meetup or spice?
As for your Mum - what did she do before you moved back in? I know that one as my little sister has exactly the same with my Mum...
I walk Talia when I can. Like I said, where I live sends my anxiety through the roof and I'm constantly looking over my shoulder when I'm out. No idea what meetup or spice are. Never heard of them. Different? Like what? Going places on my own places me on the edge of panic. I get very paranoid and very agitated and anxious and I spend the next few days exhausted. So it's trying to find a balance between loneliness or being terrified. At the moment, loneliness is the lesser of 2 evils.
My mum says she's trying to have a joke with me and I'm being oversensitive.
Meetup - https://www.meetup.com/
Spice - http://www.spiceuk.com/home?handshak...e#.WqjSj2hl_rc
They are both ways of meeting up with people who have similar interests etc.
Have you spoken to your GP about the anxiety and panic you have about going out?
Spice seems to be more York/Leeds/Sheffield way. There isn't a lot on meetup but I'll have a look at what there is.
J has just left. I have strict orders to take it easy with studying. And to make sure I drink. He also made sure I've eaten. He's encouraged me to email my tutor and let him know how much I'm struggling at the moment too. My tutor has been awesome and given me an extension until Monday.
I'm not used to being looked after. I'm not used to being held while I cry or having my feelings put first. I'm not used to having my fears listened to and being reassured freely and with no resentment. I'm not used to childish behaviour purely because it makes me laugh so hard my ribs hurt, purely because he wants to see me laugh and smile. Is this what it's meant to be like?
What about something like a book club?
Glad you've contacted your tutor. You know that this isn't something that they won't have come across before.
Yes, that's exactly what it's meant to be like.
I've seen one book club on there so will look. I know, still didn't stop the panic though.
So, so tired now.
Yes, yes, yes that’s what it’s like!
Tired is expected after a day of emotion and stress.
Am I just being a tit? Booking a hotel for my mates wedding felt far more stressful then it needed to be
No, those things that should be straight forward are usually the things that trip me up too
Oh dear God no, things like that are manically difficult for me too..