Hunni, have you called the crisis team?
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Hunni, have you called the crisis team?
Well it’s been a long day.
I phoned the crisis team at 5pm. I spoke to a nurse that’s been out to see me. She talked to me for about half an hour reminding me of what I’ve got around me and that it’s not going to be like this forever. They can’t deal with my flashbacks though. I have had loads today and not sure if I can take much more. I’ve taken a sleeping tablet but waiting for that to kick in. They are upping my dose of venlafaxine on Wednesday.
Is it really necessary to wait for the meds to kick in before I have counselling?
That’s a decision for your medical team, lovely, but counselling is extremely hard and often triggering so it may be that it’s felt you need to be a little more stable before you start it. What dose of Venlafaxine will you be up to?
Well done for calling the crisis team (bear)
I’m on 37.5 and are increasing it to 75.
I’ve had counselling in the past and know how hard it is. I just feel like I can’t cope with these flashbacks for much longer. Will the meds help with those? Or is talking about them the only way?
My husband is on 75 mg twice a day and it really has helped.
Flashbacks occur differently for everyone. I still have flashbacks from several incidents. They can be triggered by a sound, a smell or a situation. I've told my husband everything so he can help talk me through them if it's a horrific nightmarey one. I had intensive therapy years ago now and it did really help. I'm now able to talk about things without crumbling.
One of the things I was told was to carry something with you that was a safe thing - for me it was a square of satin. Sounds stupid, but I only had positive memories around satin. It was easy to transport or to wear as a camisole top etc and so I could always have it easily in reach (tucked in a bra if necessary). I also had beady bracelet. That way each time I had a flashback, I wrote it down (date, time, trigger) and had a way to bring myself back to the present. I have to stress though that these were only techniques that I was told over 20 years ago now and things often change and this may not be right ones for you...
Went back to bed this morning and the home treatment team woke me at 11am☹️ They made me some breakfast and a cuppa and made sure I took my meds. They also brought me a info sheet on dealing with flashbacks.They are coming back out tomorrow with more meds.
I’m very flat and just feel like going to bed.
I'm really glad they came to see you and the fact that you've at least had breakfast, a cuppa and your meds is really massively positive even if it doesn't feel it right now.
(panda) Are you on your own over night?
The kids are in for tea then ones going out and the other doing homework. They are 14 and 17 so not that reliant on me other than the usual of cleaning, cooking and taxi driving! They both live with me and don’t spend that many nights away. I do feel disconnected from them at the moment, I am doing things for them because I know I have to but it’s making me very tired. It’s like I’m on auto pilot.
I know that feeling - going through the motions. Tbh, you’re cooking, cleaning and taxi driving - all of which I’d say you are amazing for being able to achieve at the moment. This will pass, lovely....
Have you told them that you're struggling atm? Maybe they can help out doing some of those things a bit more right now?
I just managing to cook, I’m cleaning when I have a manic moment and can’t sit down and I’ve not driven in a couple of days.
They know I’m off work with severe anxiety and know that the home treatment team are visiting but they don’t know how serious it is. Up until this last week any thoughts I’d have about suicide would immediately go when I thought of my 3 kids but that’s gone now and it scares me. I feel numb. The youngest wanted a hug earlier and I didn’t get that usual feeling from it. They are helping but could probably do a bit more.
Sweetheart talk to them. I learnt that actually by not talking to mine about how my husband and I are then actually they worry for more... If you need help, ask for it.
It’s difficult. I don’t know whether I can do it. Where do I start?
Do I have to mention suicidal thoughts? I’m not sure what info to say and what not to. I haven’t discussed past trauma with them, do they need to know? I feel totally hopeless and feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. Nothing makes me happy and to think a month ago I was still working full time. Where do I go from here?
I've had a bit of a nightmare with my own health over the last few months and actually I started my conversation with "Right, you know that I've been struggling and feeling more sh*t recently? Well I want to talk you through what's happening, what I need you to do and what I don't need. You can ask any questions you have, and I'll answer everything as best as I can, although if I don't want to talk about it, I'll ear mark it for later if that's OK?"
Cross posted, so adding stuff here.
You don't have to go into details of the trauma, but you can say that something happened, you'd rather not discuss it at the moment and that you'll tell them when you've dealt with it enough to talk to them about it.
Trust them.
Thanks.
I’ll try tonight.
It'll feel strange, but from someone looking in at my husband and his struggles with his mental health when he finally told me how he was feeling it made everything easier - at least I knew and actually I had been imagining all sorts... We've been together nearly 20 years. We speak openly about health including mental health as it helps each of us, but it helps our children too - to know that it's OK not to be OK all the time and sometimes even their parents need help....
Home treatment team been out to drop meds off and take my blood pressure. They are increasing the visits to daily again as they are concerned about how low my mood is and my increase in self harm. They are going to call me later to see how I am.
I’m on the sofa with Ted and going to search Netflix for something to watch.
I’m glad they’re coming out daily at the moment, lovely. One day at a time ....
Sometimes we need to take fairy steps and ignore any expectations of how we feel we should be.
It feels like I’ve taken a step backwards though.
Just had a phone call from the home treatment team. I’m on daily visits for at least a week. They were asking questions about the kids too. I’m now panicking, do they think I’m a risk to them?
I’ve started scratching at a wound.
It's very much not a step backwards. It's a huge positive that actually you are asking for and receiving help! Sweetheart they won't think that, they are just asking - I've sat in many an appointment with my husband where they were asking more about the children, our cat, anything to get him to talk and to try to break down barriers.
If you are unsure then ask them lovely.... You are amazing. Keep fighting.
Feel like I’m losing the fight.
I’ve got so many things whizzing around in my head it feels like it could explode.
I’m now waiting on the sleeping tablet to kick in then I’ll get peace for a while.
Night.
It does feel like that some days, recovery isn't a straight line. Take things hour by hour if you need to (panda)
Allalone, please know that you are not alone. I really do know where you are right now and how you're feeling....I've been there. It really does get better please believe that, even if its only with a tiny bit of belief, cling to it. It takes a while for meds to kick in but they will..... and there is loads out there to try. Getting sleep sorted is a big thing because it gives you a big of energy to fight what is going on in your head. Keep talking. X
It really isn't going to be like this forever lovely... (panda)(panda)
Not a great night.
Got a horrible headache this morning and so flat.
(panda) sweetheart, I know it doesn’t seem it right now but there is a way through this. You will get better and life will get easier
I can’t get rid of these negative thoughts. I’ve really tried this morning. I’ve taken Ted for a short walk, got a chocolate and banana loaf in the oven but have self harmed as well.
I’m not sure what to do next.
The counselling will help. The problem is, counselling could do more harm then good if you're not relatively stable. Hour by hour lovely, you will make it through the other side (panda)
Can you come up with a box where you can keep things to do in the event of negative thoughts? One of our members made one. In it she had something for each of the senses - an audio book, some colouring, something fabric, something nice to eat, one of her favourite smells etc When things are tough she can open it and use it until the moments pass..
Have you looked at our distraction thread? Tried the ideas there?
I’ve looked at the distraction thread. I’ve tried walking the dog, baking, colouring, sudoku, tv and music this morning but still resorted to self harm. Which helps for a small amount of time but then makes you feel bad for doing it so you end up doing it again to get rid of the bad thoughts and then you’re back to feeling bad again. One of the treatment team suggested helping me do a hope box. So that’s worth a go.
I feel like I need to get rid of these flashbacks and nightmares. I don’t want to carry them round with me anymore. They are awful.
Oh sweetheart. I'm going to send you a pm - nothing bad, I hope...
Hi Hunni, just leaving this here (panda)
Had home treatment team round late this afternoon. They are trying to reassure me that it won’t be like this forever. They are worried that I won’t phone if I’m in a bad way.
I’m absolutely shattered so I’m already in bed.
They are 100% right, it will pass. I know (believe me I know) it doesn’t feel like it right now but there is always a way through
They are right hunni... This isn't forever. Why would they not think that you would phone them if you needed them?
Wish I could give you a real hug but here is a virtual one. I promise you, it will get better. I SH too so I understand completely how it makes you feel. You won't always do it. I'm glad you have home treatment team, they were a real support for me at times that I needed them. Listen to them and always phone, they really do care and can help you to distract. Xx
I’ve only phoned them once. I tend to SH instead and the SH is getting worse.