I think you're doing great lovely! Check out the time-to-change website, it'll give you ways of opening conversations if you need them.
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I think you're doing great lovely! Check out the time-to-change website, it'll give you ways of opening conversations if you need them.
Thank you, it really means a alot to hear that.
One thing he mentioned last night and a couple of times before was thawt he hates that none of the rooms in our home have been fully completed in terms of decorating. So I've organised with my dad that whilst he is at work on Monday I will finish all the decorating in the house so that he comes home to see it's all done and looks much more cosy.
Hopefully that might boost his mood and if that is one of the contributing factors to his depression that should be fixed in a sense.
That****
Just be careful he won’t think it’s the father in law passing comment on his ability to do the decorating ...... would it perhaps be an idea to talk to him about it first?
My dad has helped us out with alot of decorating in the past, he's normally fine with it apart from thinking he doesn't do as good a job as him.
He would know I organised everything and hopefully be cheerful about that.
I'd still mention it though tbh...
Do you not think it would be a nice surprise?
He might see it as a nice surprise but depression isn't always rational. He could see it as a reflection on himself as Suzi said.
I really think it’d be safer ....
I've mentioned it vaguely so hopefully that'll help him..!
He went out with his friend last night, he said he had a good time and told his friend about his depression. I am glad he did. He was crying this morning though saying he feels messed up. I feel so sad for him.
It's brilliant that he is telling friends. It's not an easy conversation for him to have had.
I am pleased he's telling his close friend.
He's also going to do his hobby tomorrow, which he says he is excited for so I am pleased about that too.
It still concerns me that he is saying he's messed up and confused though, I feel it's just with me.
Which hobby? It's not just you, it'll be loads of things - but you know the old saying about pushing away the ones we love the most? That's about right....
I know we keep saying it, lovely, but it’s just going to take time. It sounds like he’s starting doing things he hasn’t been able to cope with for a while, so there’s improvement already :)
Paintball.. He said that it was annoying him too but he said he's excited to go tomorrow..!
I hope so, it's just so hard, we were very affectionate and now there's nothing at all, I ask for a cuddle every now and again and it's just like he can't be bothered. Hearing him say he's confused all of the time is so upsetting.
My brother wldoesnt understand mental health very well and asked me if he's depressed because he's guilty about something or if his attentions have been drawn away by someone else. It upsets me so much because I can't stop myself having those feelings when people say them. My dad wants me to talk to my partner again next time he says he's confused and tell him it's not fair that he keeps leaving me in limbo, and that I am having all of these thoughts and feelings.
I just don't want to rock the boat too much.
My Mum told me to pack Marc's stuff and throw them out of the window if he "didn't buck up his ideas" or if I wouldn't move home..... Maybe you need to tell them to back off a bit?
I know they mean well but it’s your relationship, not theirs, and your future.
Yeah maybe.....
I just think they're seeing him fine with paintball, work and his friends and just miserable with me and our dog. They know how affectionate I am and how much this is breaking my heart.
I don't know if going for a bit would be a good idea or not as I really feel like he's just miserable with me.
I remember it well love - but actually for my husband it was more than at home he didn't feel that he needed to pretend....
Hmm perhaps you're right, he has said that he's trying to "act normal and happy" because it may help him.
I just feel so lonely in my relationship, I hate having to ask for a cuddle and feeling wrong for doing so.
Have you told him this?
Not in so many words... He just doesn't seem like he cares about how I feel... When I asked if he misses cuddles and kisses and stuff he said kind of but doesn't really want them.....
Maybe you could tell him that you do miss them? Your feelings are just as valid.
Do you think you can work through this? Remind me, is he on meds/having therapy?
I've told him and he says he knows.
I don't know.... I just don't feel like he wants to be with me anymore.. He's been taking 20mg of Citalopram for 2 weeks.. He's still having the side effects of bad sleeping and a really bad tummy, everything he eats just goes straight through him.
He hasn't started therapy yet and we are due to find out when he will start it.
I told him that maybe he should go back to the doctors rega ring the side effects but he just said "why so they can give me more drugs that don't even work" so he's not feeling as though they're working.
They won’t be working yet, please just keep reminding him of that. I know it seems forever but it does get better ...
I try to..... I always try to constantly convince myself that too.........
I just want to cry... This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with... It's hurts so much and I can't stop this king it's all my fault he's like this.......
There's not always a reason for depression so try not to blame yourself. Do you have any support from people who will just quietly be there for you rather then advising you to move out/kick him out?
If the side effects don't ease this week then please try to get him to go back to the Drs. Not each medication works for each person - every member of the mod/admin team alone all have found different meds at different doses to work best...
It's really hard not to blame myself.. We went out today for some dinner and a movie to try and take him out of the house.. Earlier in the day he had been doing his hobby.. We talked alot about it and he seemed to genuinely light up talking about it.. Even laughed and smiled a little bit
.
As soon as it came to the end of the night though he seemed to go back to being miserable, especially when I told him I had a good time. All I got from him was "yeah" like he didn't enjoy himself with me but says he enjoyed himself at paintball.
My parents are being supportive, my dad went through something similar with my mum. I think they're just concerned that he seems fine with everything else but just miserable with me and they're watching my heart break daily when I talk to them.
Have you heard about the Spoon Theory? https://butyoudontlooksick.com/artic...-spoon-theory/
It’s possible that, by the time he got to the end of the evening, he was absolutely drained and that will take a toll on his mood. Maybe he would have coped better with dinner or a movie. He will want to push himself, I suspect, to prove he’s ok, but that may not be the best thing for him.
No I hadn't. Thank you.
Perhaps you're right... I just don't know what to think and feel anymore.. It's all so hard and I feel like I am being dragged along for a ride I can't get off of.
He's throwing himself into his hobby, going again Friday and Sunday this week but doesn't seem to be at all different with me. He keeps saying how he is confused but he doesn't seem confused about anything else apart from me :(
Sweetheart this seems to be tearing you apart. You sound totally sad and drained by it all.... Maybe you need to have a talk with him and tell him what you're telling us.
I don't feel like I can talk to him about it.. He hates when I go on and on so unless he opens up about how he's feeling I don't want to talk about it all.
I feel like if he continues telling me he's confused about everything (when he doesn't seem confused about paintball or work) then I may have to tell him to go get space round his mum's.
Have you thought about writing him a letter explaining how you feel? Hunni, if he says he’s only confused about you, that’s probably because your relationship is what matters most to him, and what involves the strongest feelings. I can’t say this enough, it’s still really early days with the treatment ....
I completely agree with Paula. Are the side effects lessening at all for him?
Yesterday I did his surprise for him.. He seemed a little overwhelmed but definitely liked it.. He broke down crying whilst I was showing him everything.. He said that he still feels terrible and it's beginning to creep up all the time.. He said when he was at paintball he just froze and begun thinking about his depression and how he had to tell some people as they noticed he wasn't himself.. Including his manager at work. He still doesn't know what's caused it and nothing seems to make him happy.. He then went on to say how he's making everyone miserable and feels awful about it... Despite telling him he wasnt making me miserable he told me he had overheard a conversation between me and my dad the other week where I told my dad I was really upset and how my dad was concerned about me..
Thankfully that prompted me in to telling him how I felt and why I said those things, that I feel as though he doesn't want me and wanted to end things. He didn't say much when I said those things but did he did say he loves me...
I told him it's early days and that we can get through it together.... He wanted to stop the conversation after a while so we did...
The side effects don't seem to be lessening just yet.. I've told him to go back to the doctors but he has an appointment next week Friday so said he will just wait till then....
Bless him! Everything he said could have been said by my husband when he was really poorly. I'm glad you managed to tell him how you are feeling etc
Keep talking...
Did your husband ever figure out what triggered his depression...
Thank you for your kind words and advice.. Is there anything I can do to help i.e. take him out or things like that..?
Actually he's recently finished a very long and intensive course of psychotherapy and he and his therapist have worked out where it stems from. It's been long, hard and exceptionally painful journey and he's no where near through it. He's on a break "to let it all sink through and let him use the techniques" for a while until he starts counselling.
With Marc we went out taking pictures which really helped as he's an awesome photographer.
All you can do is sit and listen....
I understand. Just have been a long and tough road for you guys. How long until you started to feel better in the relationship.?
At the moment I am just a bit upset about the lack of reassurance from him, I told him how I felt he didn't want me anymore and how I questioned if another woman was involved and he didn't say anything. Is it normal for them to not even bother to reassure you.?