I don't think it's wasted. I've enjoyed having the chance to get to know you a little.
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I don't think it's wasted. I've enjoyed having the chance to get to know you a little.
How old are you? (roughly, you do t have to be specific if you don’t want)
Ok, so life isn’t a fairytale. For anyone. I’ve been through some pretty traumatic stuff (worse than some, not as bad as others) and there were times when I thought like you. That my life was a waste and that there was no real future ahead of me. The only difference between you and me is time - I’ve had time to adjust to what’s gone wrong, had time to forgive myself and to stop beating myself up. And I’ve had time to listen to my friends here, who all understand and empathise, and, with their support, dust myself off and make a life that isn’t what I thought it would be, but is still a good life. Not a fairytale but I’m happy.
Give us time to help you, lovely, your life will change for the better
it's true lives can change, sure, and I am so glad for you that your life is a happy one
I don't think mine can, to be honest
not because of the depression and stuff gone on, but because of emotional pain threshhold
I'm sure you'd agree with me that we all handle pain diffrently and some can take more than others (emotional pain this is)
reasons people may want to commit suicide is a good example of this.
some people's reasons for wanting to commit suicide may seem trivial to others, but a lot to them
same in reverse
Are you seeing anyone for counselling - sorry if you've already answered - it's hard keeping track of all the members both here and the Facebook page...
Is it cbt? Or a different type of therapy?
There is nothing trivial about wanting to commit suicide, for people I talk to, people I care about or for myself. I know about emotional pain, Ophelia, I promise you that. That’s my point, I have been at the very depths of the black pit many times and will probably be there again in the future - that’s not defeatist, just a fact of my illness. I have had two options, and I chose to live and to live as well as I could. Please believe me, I do not take your illness lightly, nor do I think it’s a walk in the park and you can click your fingers and all will Be well. So if I gave that impression, I’m sorry. But I do believe that you can have a life, I do believe you can be happy - maybe not 100% of the time - but you can be happy. I want you to have that opportunity. I want you to be happy.
Ok let me tell you a story I’ve shared before so for those who have heard it before I apologise and will try to keep it brief.
Without boring you with the background early in 2013 I’d convinced myself that I was more of a burden to those I loved than a blessing and I was ready to end my life not just to end my own pain but to prevent the further suffering of those around me. I was minutes away from doing the deed when I received a text from a relative stranger at that time showing concern and that was all it took to change my mind. Someone I barely knew reached out to me at a crucial time and if she cared then maybe I was wrong in thinking the world was better off without me. Anyway I didn’t follow through with my plan obviously as I’m still here today. Now fast forward 12 months or so, and I’m chatting on fb messenger with a lass I knew through our joint hobby. She was a mum who had recently had a baby and relationship issues etc. and I just shared my experiences and chatted with her. Just being friendly really. Never really thought anything of that conversation until later when I learned that this woman was ready to end her life and talking to me changed her mind. I’ve no idea exactly what I said but it meant something to her. That got me thinking. If I hadn’t received that random text messages at the moment I did, I wouldn’t have been there to have that conversation which prevented her from ending her life.
The moral of this story.....yeah life may be crap and seem like it ain’t worth living but each of us are put on this Earth for a reason. We may not understand why we are here or why we have to suffer the way we do, we may never know what our purpose is but the smallest act can have the biggest impact on the people around us and to cut our lives short could have consequences further down the line. I’m not going to pretend it’s easy but tomorrow you could change the lives of others by the simplest act, opening a door for someone, giving up your seat on the bus, or saying good morning to a passerby. It may mean nothing to you but to others it could be a lifeline.
Completely agree.
I cut my arm today.
nothing major just a little blood...
and yes, self harm- I didn't cut it on furniture or anything
Is it clean and dressed?
Do you want to talk about why?
their's not really an individual reason, I don't think.
I've been doing it a lot since the age of 9, I started it because of the abuse I was getting from family, then as I got older, I realised their was more reasons for me to do it.
" I deserve it", or " this is a release and it works,", or " I hate my body anyway, does it matter if their's scars on it?", etc etc
I have atemted multiple times, and once when I got really close and it still failed, I did it because it failed, and I really hoped it wouldn't.
I've tried alternatives... the elastic on the wrist, the drawing my emotions, etc etc,
but I do it for the blood- not the pain, so none of those things really helped me
1 of my friends suggested trying something to simulate blood, like water, or juice, but then I got in to the habbit of infecting the wounds, so..
One of our members has drawn on herself using red pen before, have you tried that?
It's not my idea, but one of our members here. It has helped them in the past.
I think a distraction thread would be good.
ways to distract yourself from depression... like a sticky at the top of this forum.
just a thought
yeah.. I tried what you posted here, and actually it's sort of neat. if that member is here now, thank you!
thhoughts are going very fast today
thoughts about ending it all and stuff
We’ve got a Distraction thread right here :)
http://www.dealingwithdepression.co....ion-Techniques
Hunni, please keep talking to us here. These are ‘just’ thoughts, you do not need to act on them ........
As Paula says, they are "just" thoughts. You can push them aside and not act on them.
How are you feeling today?
mostly empty, and wondering the point of my existance
I cut my arm again today, and broke down crying over nothing at all- saying all that though, I do have a small reason to smile.
I just went online and discovered that the bradshaws- complete 25 cd set is going for £130.
and if you don't know who the bradshaws are... it is a radio programme- or rather, was a radio programme about a family who lived during the 1960's, and it was about life in the north of england.
what's so remarkable about it is it's 1 guy doing all the voices
I love the bradshaws, so I really hope it's quick to arive
but apart from that... just emptyness
yeah- I have that box set to look forward too, but how I am.. it may as well not come at all
When was the last time you saw your Dr?
(panda)
Have you told them how bad you are feeling lovely? Do you have a support worker you can call on?
How are you feeling today?
they know, and they are trying their best....
but hmm.
well they can only try, and it's not working
I think even they are starting to struggle... all these med adjustments and nothing seems to be the right one.
and the only people I can really call on are my support forums online- so places like this
What meds are you on/have you tried?
Have you spoken to a psych or is it "just" your GP in charge of your meds?
a psych also
I'd be worried if it was just my gp... the One I have can't even diagnose simple things
paula, what meds havon't I tried
I've been on mood stabilisers, anti depressants, sleep meds, anti anxiety meds, doctor is running out of options
sometimes I feel like i'm 1 of these cases that are just.... untreatable
let's face it- when I'm in hospital, even the staff are having their doubts about it
You aren't "untreatable" I'm sure about that. Don't give up.
ETA: Sweetheart I've seen on another thread that you've been in hospital. Are you OK? Do you have support? I'm glad you've come back.... (bear) (panda)
I was considered untreatable too. I’m now on a combination of meds that keeps me relatively stable most of the time. As my pdoc said to me, there is always something else out there to try
so...
not posted to this thread in a while
going through a really bad case of the christmas blues, which has triggered, among other things, a case of overspending.
on stuff I don't want
unhealthy habbit, yes, and I don't have money I can just throw around on 10 cd sets of musical styles i've never heard of, but it's helping me cope with the emptyness of another christmas alone
Sorry you're feeling down lovely... Did you ever think more about seeing if there were things you could join in with over the festivities?