How can I have relationship counselling on my own.?
Our relationship was going well before this.. Now I feel like there is no desire to have a relationship..
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How can I have relationship counselling on my own.?
Our relationship was going well before this.. Now I feel like there is no desire to have a relationship..
You’re in a relationship and you need help, that’s what they do. I had some when my first husband left me and it made a very horrible time easier to deal with
I thought they were just for couples though..?
Nope ..
Would there be much point if he doesn't come too though...??
Yes there would be a point as it will help you
Definitely. It helped me deal with the pain over our marriage, our breakup, with having to maintain a relationship with him for our daughters sake. I was at breaking point when I started counselling and it got me through the worse time of my life
But we haven't broken up..?
Relationship counselling is not there for just breakups or after you have broken up, its there to help with the relationship, even if just one of you goes to the counselling, and that clearly was not what Paula was saying, she was saying that she went on her own, she was trying to help you see you don't have to go to relationship counselling as a couple, the only difference being that it was after she had broken up in her marriage and it helped her to deal with things moving forward.
Relationship counselling can be to help with any relationship, at any stage in that relationship - families, friends even co workers. I really think it could help you figure out what you want in this relationship, and what you should be doing
I agree. Relationship counselling has to be worth a go surely? It would help you to work out the areas you need to work on either together or on your own and it can provide a safe space to talk about anything and everything that's in your head about your relationship.
I guess.. I will think about it.. Just want the man I fell in love with back.. Or even just to feel like he still loves me and wants us to be together.. I hate it when he's snappy and angry with me.. He says it's because of the depression but sometimes it's hard to always be the person that gets the stick of it..
I am trying very hard to be helpful and understanding.. Doing things like his tax assessment because he keeps forgetting and it's stressing him out.. But then he gets angry because I forgot to wash one thing for him but washed everything else.. His go to is anger and it's always at the slightest thing and doesn't seem to matter how much I do right the slightest thing is wrong and causes him to get angry.. It seems so easy for him to say something that gets on his nerves or to get (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ed off abp ut something but he can't say anything nice full stop..
Every now and again I offer him a cuddle and he takes it but then it's like he can't wait to stop cuddling me.. I don't want to lose him but every day I seem to just keep (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ing him off and he just seems so angry and fed up it's hard to not take it personally..
If he's that angry and hurtful to you then is the relationship worth fighting for?
He wasn't like it before that's the thing.. He says he's just angry and sad all the time with everything and everyone...
As harsh as it sounds, I have to say that I'm leaning very much towards Suzi's comment. Would you be prepared to have a trial separation just so both of you can have a good honest think about your relationship? I think it will either make it or break it. You clearly can't go on like this. I don't think it's good for either of you.
I really didn't want that.. I didn't want to lose him at all and he says he doesn't want to lose me either.. But it sounds like everyone thinks it's not worth saving...
I am also slightly worried about if he would hurt himself..
One thing is that no matter how much you love someone, if they are going to hurt themselves nothing you can do or say will stop that. He is an adult, and no matter how much you love him, if he doesn't love you, then really there is nothing to save.
He says he loves me though and says he doesn't want to end things..
And neither do I..
He just says he's angry and miserable all the time and has been for mkonths because of his depression...
Being depressed isn't an excuse to be horrible to those around you...
We can only go on what you say....When was the last time you spent some positive time together?
Exactly this...Quote:
I am also slightly worried about if he would hurt himself..
I'm not sure I buy that tbh...
#i just don't remember you ever being happy....
He's not being horrible just snappy and irritated all the time..
Well he's got anxiety with his depression so he's not enjoying being out very much.. So that means we haven't physically done anything nice together outside but I've tried to make things nice aroubd the house.. It's also our anniversary in a week so I am hoping that we can do something nice for it..
Don't buy what..? That he doesn't want to end things..??
Being snappy and irritated all the time is being horrible. I have depression and anxiety but I’m not awful to my family all the time.
But like you guys says depression affects people in various different ways.. He's always had a problem with anger but never to this extent...
Are you guys all thinking now that this is his way of wanting to end things between us..??
I have no idea about that, but I do know that having anxiety and depression does not mean you are or should be horrible to those you claim to love.... I know I wouldn't accept it from my husband. The same as he wouldn't accept it from me..
I don't know then.. Everytime I tell him he says he's not doing it on purpose and how its not just me he's doing it to.. He says he doesn't know how to stop himself doing it and just feels like he's getting worse..
Perhaps I should just end it like everyone days.. Perhaps he doesn't love me and that's why he's pushing me away...
Until he's seen his doctor or until you both talk properly either on your own or with relationship counselling I can't tell you what you should do...
Hunni, we can not tell you what you should be doing. All we can give you is the benefit of our experiences, you are the only one who can decide whether it helps or not. I don’t know what you should do, I do think you’re in an awful situation. I wish I had answers but I don’t. Relationship counselling may give you those answers
Hi
Can i start by saying its not your fault your boyfriend has depression!! Its a mental illness and yes they can blame you for how they are feeling and make you feel like if you change the way you are or the things you do or act then it will somehow make them better. NOT TRUE!! My husband when hes feeling low and in a bad place blames me for everything. He wouldnt be moody if the kitchen was cleaner or he could find his socks!! Believe me ive heard it all he will even go back 15 years and think of a row we had and say if you hadnt done that or said that hed be ok. Again NOT TRUE!! He is struggling with a mental illness and unfortunately all you can do is be there to love and support them. It can be very hard when they are being mean for sure but if you have a strong enough relationship you can get through anything. If he needs a little space then give it to him but just let him know you are there for him when he needs you. But please know nothing you did caused his depression its not your fault and its something he will have to learn to live with and seek help for if he wants to get any better.
That's a great post in support, however the thread is about a year old....