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WRT people sending things to each other - erm, I think I've sent you more things than I've sent anyone else!
I talk on the phone to Stella and Ange - normally they call to check on me or make me sit down and focus on them, rather than be doing lots of other different things...
I'm going to be blunt, because you're my friend and right now you need to hear it...
1) It's up to you if you come here or not. I can't make you.
2) It's up to you if you post or not. I can't make you.
3) Things aren't as you think they are. I'm not always texting or calling anyone else - the only people I call is my Mum and my little sister. I rarely send things as I've not got the money to do so. I only have other contact through facebook....
4) If I don't reply on your thread it's nothing to do with you - it means I'm caught up in something else. I'm currently dealing with home learning for my 3 kids, and Marc isn't well atm, along with everything else...
5) You HAVE to tell your therapy team everything, and I mean everything. Anything you don't tell them isn't helping them to help you. It could be the difference between working a diagnosis or not.
6) Many of the things you are struggling with you know is your head playing tricks on you. So combat them. Stop allowing them to win. You want to post and be friends then do it. Your head tells you that we are ignoring you - then tell yourself that it's complete and utter bo((ocks and move on. Is it easy? NO! But you have to do it...
7) You need to take back CONTROL.. You can do this, but you have to put the work in...
8) We can beg you to stay, we can beg you to post, we can keep on telling you that you are our friend and we like you, but that obviously isn't helping, so not I'm putting it back in your court. I'm not begging or pleading with you to stay. The choices are yours and yours alone. Stay or go. I'll still be your friend either way....
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I speak to many members away from the forum and why? Because they are my friends. You’ll notice my name pops up a lot when others have mentioned who they talk to. That’s because I make the effort to interact with my friends. I’ve driven all over the country to visit my friends, most of them living more than 100 miles away. If I had an up to date passport I would love to come visit you too. Oh and for the benefit of others who may not be aware I am in contact with you away from the forum too. Even when I wasn’t on the forum I reached out to you via email and more recently WhatsApp so you are not being left out in the way you think you are. Did everybody wants to interact away from here. This is why there is anonymity of a screen name. I chose to share my personal information with the people I care about, the people I trust, including you.
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In therapy and on other occasions I have been told I should speak up when I have something on my mind. When something is bothering me. But when ever I do there seems to be some kind of backlash of thing happening no matter what my mind is telling me the feelings I feel are real and true.
But at work I open up about things it does nothing or make things worse for me. I talk about what I feel and think about friendship here and it feels like people are defending themselfs. Explaining why they dont reply or hoe much they call each other. That was not the reason I opened up about these things. The only intension was to say I wanted a deeper connection to people. And I would have love to have had it with some of you since I see the beauty in everyone here.
But instead now I feel like I have accused you all of something and thats why it all got defensive. Never my intend. I only wanted to share my feelings. And thats something I dont think I can now.
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No, that's not the case. No one was defending themselves, just explaining things and trying to show you that things aren't as your head is telling you. We were trying to help.
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It seems my head gets everything wrong lately. In that case I apologize and thanks for the help.
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It's not nice feeling misunderstood and I'm sorry you felt that way. You know people here and should know we only try to help in our own way. I'm sorry if you didnt hear what you wanted to hear. I really dont know what else to say on the subject other than what I already said this morning.
What are you up to today? Are you going out?
I'm hoping to go for a walk or cycle later. I need to get put of bed first. The idea of putting structure back in my life has gone a bit awry. I have a zoom class in 40 mins and need to get moving to get ready for it.
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Mira, you are my friend. I genuinely feel for you cos I know what it’s like when you feel misunderstood, like nobody understands how you feel. Your feeling are absolutely valid, they are real and it hurts a lot. It’s the thoughts you are having that are wrong. You are a valued member of this forum, people do care about you. There is no agenda against you. This is your illness lying to you, trying to take over your life and make you feel awful about yourself and it’s winning. At some point you will have to question these thoughts. You need to start recognising the lies inside your head and prove them wrong. It’s never easy but I promise you it is worth the effort
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Thanks for those lovely posts Stella and SM.
If its ok this thread can be closed. I think its all been said now.
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IF that's what you want I will close it now.