He shouldn't have been nasty to you, but I agree with Paula. He doesn't want you to go with him and you have to stop pushing those decisions....
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He shouldn't have been nasty to you, but I agree with Paula. He doesn't want you to go with him and you have to stop pushing those decisions....
But I don't understand why.. He's never had a problem before and now he does.. Even friends have said we are supposed to be a partnership so why is he locking me out of something to important..
He doesn't seem to respect my decisions or feelings so why should I.. I am fed up of doing so much for him and getting the smallest of things thrown back in my face...
Because you love him, because he’s ill, because sometimes we have to take the crap as well as the good times.
We have explained so many times why he might not want you to go to the doctors with him and, ultimately, he has the right to talk to his doctor in confidence. He may want to talk about things he doesn’t want you to hear and may feel stifled in front of you - for instance I knew my husband knew I was suicidal but I couldn’t bear to talk about that with my doctor in front of my husband.
Does your partner go to all your doctor’s appointment with you?
I know you're right Paula.. I do love him.. But it's just so hard when he keeps treating me like he barely wants me around anymore.. I genuinely feel like he would much prefer it if I just walked away.. He doesn't seem to appreciate anything I do and seems to act like I am no more helpful than he's "mates" at work....
To be honest yeah he did.. And I went to his before too.. The only times we didn't was when the other was working.. I just don't know how much longer I can deal with him making me feel like crap for just trying to do something nice...
If you walk away you will only be proving the illness right - that he is useless, unlovable and only deserves to be alone....
He's not going tp show appreciation right now when he's struggling so much....
But he keeps making me feel like that's exactly what he wants.. To be alone.. He even said that's why he doesn't want me to come this weekend so that he can be alone.. Perhaps I should just let him be alone permanently..
I just don't want everything thrown back in my face every time I do something to annoy or upset him...
In my opinion I think he's being a bully. However bad you feel with depression it doesn't excuse bad behaviour.
In this case I think I'd let him go on his weekend and see how things are when he gets back on Sunday evening.
I am just going to do that Magie.. He never seems to see any problem in how he speaks or what he does lately.. It's all just my fault...
I think I will just leave him to sulk now.. I am not going to try anymore than I already have..
And as bad as it feels for me to say this I couldn't care less if me being off with him makes him feel worse..
Try to do something nice for yourself this weekend. Meet up with friends for coffee and a good old natter. Go to the cinema, see a girly movie that your bf wouldn't go to with you. See your parents. Have a big Sunday lunch with all the trimmings. But please don't sit and wonder what he's doing or thinking all weekend. Live in the moment each day, and even pretend that you are a young free and single for these 2 days.
I am going to...
Although not sure I should act like I am single....
It's always good to act young free and single.
Haha the young and free bit yes but acting single in a relationship I am not sure I agree with..
If that's the case I might as well be single...
I guess I am just angry at the moment.. Of course I do care.. I care about him massively..
But I hate the way he's been making me feel about myself.. And I hate that he gets a "get out of jail free card" because he doesn't see the problem in what's he's done..
He's now missed his doctors appointment and has no more antidepressants left.. All because we had an argument this morning..
Now he's not come home after work again and his phone is off.. He hasn't communicated with me saying he was gonna be late or anything ...
This is exactly why I feel like making him leave...
You’re angry so you’re more likely to do or say something you’ll regret. Just put everything aside - your feelings, worries for the future etc - and don’t make any decisions until you’re calm and rational. Believe me, that’s the only way you’re going to be able to do the right thing for both of you
But how can I carry on like this.. I am sat here crying my eyes out after only a week after him doing this to me again...
Why did he miss his appointment?
Because he's gone out drinking....
Or so I assume he is.. He hasn't contacted me at all today and his phone is off so I have no clue what or where he is again....
Sweetheart I don't know what to say.
So he's out of anti d's and has gone away?
What was the argument about?
I am absolutely in bits.. He acts like he doesn't love me and doesn't care.. He rolled in this morning at 230am saying he went to the pub.. Left at 8pm and has been sat on the trains going back and forth because he fell asleep for 6 hours.. He lost his brand new £900 phone though he claims to "think" he knows where it is which leads me to believe his whole story is made up again..
He went away this morning as I basically made sure he got up and left.. He said he forgot about the doctors but remembered that he was (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ed off with me because of the argument this morning (which was because I asked to go to the doctors) .. He phoned them and asked them for an emergency prescription for 7 days but I had to pick them up for him so he hasn't got any for tomorrow so is going to skip tomorrow...
I am at my wits end with him.. Every one including his own friends and mother is telling me to kick him out...
Why did you ask him again about going to the drs yesterday? He'd made it really clear he didn't want you to go......
He's not right, but you keep pressuring him is going to cause him to kick off.
Wait and see if his phone "turns up"
Make sure you have a lovely evening tonight....
I went through why I asked again beforehand.. But I also apologised after it happened and he carried it on...
I don't think I want to sit around and wait anymore.. Every time he does something our of order or mean to me he just seems to get away with it because he's depressed.. Meanwhile I am sat here gutted and extremely low myself and he's off paintballing having a whale of a time not even with a care in the world or thought for me..
I am trying my best to be supportive but I get the smallest of things thrown in my face and no thanks whatsoever for even the smallest of gestures...
I can understand why you are feeling like that....
I've already said that actually depression isn't an excuse for treating you badly - ever.
So I think when he comes home tomorrow I will tell him to go back to his mum's.. He hasn't bothered to text or call me today knowing I am upset and angry at him...
And to top it off.. He told me he didn't want me to go paintball with him so he could have space and time to sit in a room on his own and think but I've just been told he's currently sat in the bar with the entire paintball team laughing and enjoying himself..
As much as I want him to enjoy himself I get the feeling now that it was never about needing time to think about work and paintball it was just an excuse to get away from me...
Who told you that?
My partner told me he wanted space and time to think about what's wrong with him and what's going on in his head...
And my dad (who's there as the camera man and driver) is with them now and told me my partner is in the bar (not drinking) having a laugh surrounded by the team...
So he isn't drinking? Could he be just trying to fit in?
Did you have a good day with your nephews?
Not that my dad can tell no.. Possibly but my dad is very cross with him and thinks he's acting really carefree..
I had an okay day...Unfortunately I was really down about him so it hindered my day...
Do you trust him?
I did.. But since he lied to me I don't trust his stories..
Can you try to have a good day tomorrow and leave major decisions till after then?
I've just found out that he was actually at the pub with a girl I specifically asked him if something was going on with because he was seeing her every day and he purposely "set me up" to find him looking at her... He left his phone with her after the pub closed at 11pm and he got in at 230am or in the pub whilst he is with her....
Starting to think this depression he apparently had is because of a guilty conscious or doesn't even exist anyway..
Sorry, am a little lost - are you saying that he is there at the paintballing event with that girl?
No he's at paintball but when he didn't come home from work on Friday and came in at 230 am he was with that girl..
Who told you?
I've seen it on Facebook
Surely if he was cheating, he wouldn’t be naive enough to allow evidence to get onto Facebook?
There isn't evidence of the two of them together.. Just evidence that they were in the same place at the same time..
My mum decided to message the girl and the girl said he told her he wasn't happy with me and didn't think he loved me anymore.. Saying how he is depressed and so on.. But is sometimes flirty saying she's pretty and so on.. Apparently nothing has gone on..