Getting used to it is a shame. Nobody should treat a close family member that way. I think its nasty and disrespectful. Even more so since you are such a good person.
I hate when these things happen.
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Getting used to it is a shame. Nobody should treat a close family member that way. I think its nasty and disrespectful. Even more so since you are such a good person.
I hate when these things happen.
(bear) I'm sorry lovely....
Hey you, its way to silent. How are you doing?
I'm struggling a little, have been for a while
Do you want to talk about it?
I think everything has got on top of me. J is worried I'm getting ill again but I'm able to shower every day still and that's a big indicator with me. When I can't be bothered to do that then I'm really struggling
Ok so its good that you have that. I hope you are taking extra care of yourself at the moment. We do want you to feel as good as possible (panda)
When you say everything, what’s the biggest stress atm?
Uni I think. Followed by living here, not knowing when I'm meeting the children (he's looking at the 14th, he only has one day off this weekend and is at Abbie's dance show), learning to drive, well... mainly me measuring myself against others, and today I'm tired and have sharp shooting pains up my forearm. My parents bought Talia a pack of treats and they've gone straight through her. 3am I was up cleaning up after her and stripping her bedding. Then again at 6am as she needed to go out...
Would it help to put off your next driving lesson to take that pressure off? What are you comparing yourself to?
As to when you’re meeting the kids, while I think it’s important that you meet hem sooner rather than later now they know about you, try to remember that, up to last week, a meeting wasn’t even on the cards. Things are moving, lovely
Uni - I know you’ve got a plan of what you’re doing when, and I’m willing to bet you’re actually doing ok time wise, but if it gets too much please contact the uni to get extensions. They already know you may need a little more time but they will only be able to help you if they know what’s going on
Living there - the ends in sight (bear)
I get 2 weeks off over Christmas and it's actually quite therapeutic talking to Bob. It's me. I can't help thinking that after 8 months I should be driving home by now and be almost ready for my test yet I've only just learnt how to do a turn in the road. Bob always tells me that I will get there in my own time and I'm doing really well but you know what I'm like.
It's more having no idea what is happening when. It took me forever to get him to narrow it down to before they go back to school after Christmas. And then I ended up snapping at J today. He was telling me how his dad doesn't think we should be full on as Thomas is struggling with it with her (J has said it too) and my response was "I'm not an idiot". I know I need to build a relationship and let them get used to me. I know the best way is to take things slow and steady with them, but I can't do anything about it when I feel like I'm a marginal part of his life.
I'm about 6 weeks behind for one module. Planning on using Christmas break to catch up as much as possible
Fingers crossed
You know as well as anyone does that it takes different lengths for time for different people to do certain things. It takes as long as it takes. I know it's tough, but hey you know it's true...
I'm glad that you snapped at him, maybe he'll realise how much you need this so you know where you stand. It must be so hard being in a kind of limbo - if you're already feeling like you're a "marginal part of his life" then actually you need to tell him that. You are deserving of so much more - to be the centre of someone's world, and to feel like it too.
Jaq love, stop bottling it up, talk to us. We are all on your side and we all love and adore you completely.
I have told him and he tells me I'm a huge part of his life. He took me out for lunch today and we went and chose paint and tiles for the kitchen together, then spent an hour cuddled up. It was nice just being held and feeling safe and protected.
I know my mood isn't great at the moment and hasn't been for a few weeks. I'm just hoping it will pass as there isn't anything my doctor can do for me and I don't really want to go back to counselling again.
It will pass. You’re dealing with a lot of emotional stuff right now, as well as all the course stuff so it’s not surprising it’s taking it’s toll. Jaq, it’s normal to feel crap about all of this - anyone would, whether they suffered from depression or not. Give yourself a break .....
As for the driving, a year ago you never even imagined you’d be learning to drive. And you are, driving that is
I can see why you are a big part of his life. And having a moment like you had with him is great. And should happen as often as possible :)
The feeling I have is that you are doing your best. And thats great. I am hoping your mood will pick up soon. Because you should not be put down by it.
(panda)
My fb memories tell me that I started driving a year ago. I'm glad I didn't let those lessons put me off. One of the things I said was I survived though had major anxiety and a lot of panic. I've felt pretty calm and comfortable with Bob from the very first lesson. I know I'll get there, everything just feels hard at the moment. When I spoke to the OU they did tell me I'm entitled to individual support sessions with my tutor so that's another option for me with uni.
Please remember to breathe. It took me over a year of driving lessons to learn how to drive. And I failed my test first time around. Don't panic, you're doing great.
As for the emotional stuff, try to deal with the stuff in your control. Remember you can't control all of what's around you, you can only control how you deal with it.
Love you hunni and wish I could be there to give you a big hug. (bear)
Will you take up those extra sessions at uni if you need to?
I'm going to get my assignment out of the way and then email my tutor I think.
You guys are all awesome.
We just love you Jaq!
How are you today love?
I'm tired and still a bit flat, feels like I'm wading through treacle at the moment, but I'm still able to do things. I'll take that.
You have a lot on your plate. But I know you can get through it. You have come so far and are doing wonderful. These rough days are just that. Rough days. Better days are on the way.
Step by step today, love
I will. Popping out with my parents so going to grab the chocolate for people's Christmas presents, then just going to plod quietly through my essay.
How are you doing love?
Plodding. Went shopping with my dad (left my mum with the car while the tyres were changed) and bought so much chocolate for Christmas, as well as chocolate to replace the Christmas chocolate that I ate... heading home now so lunch and then seeing where I'm up to with my essay.
How’s your mood?
Flat and irritable. I'm clenching my jaw a lot too. Staying at J's for a couple of days so I'll get some peace at least, and I finally get to leave toiletries at his so a little excited about that!!!
Thats nice, makes it feel a bit more like yours.
How are you now? Are you taking care of yourself?
I'm doing ok. Wrapped a few presents for my parents, ordered a few more so pretty much finished my families presents, well... just need to sort my dads but Talia has lots of treats! I'm getting J's mum a large kalanchoe or cyclamen, not decided yet. Need to finish J's off and get his dad something and I'm sorted. Wrapping while I watch the football but need to work on my essay. Though I could work on that for a couple of hours tomorrow and Saturday afternoon/sunday once I'm back.
Well done for getting sorted! You're far more organised than I am (although I'm doing fairly well!) ;)
I'm concerned by your flat mood love...
So is J...
Toiletries is a great step :)
Just a thought, is it TOTM?
I was wondering the same thing....
No, that was 2 weeks ago. I'm putting it down to reaching my limit and being overwhelmed
That's understandable... What can we/I do to help?
I'm not sure. Hopefully Christmas will allow me to catch up with uni work and take a weight off my mind.
(bear)(bear)(bear)
How are you feeling?