hi

[scarlet]

Hi,

I hope none of you think I am a total nutcase as my problems have really stemmed over the past three years.

My ex partner left me three years ago, I didnt see it coming and it was a massive shock. I came home from work and he had just gone. Things unfolded over the next few weeks which tore the heart out of me. He had had a flat in Kilmarnock for a while, he had secret friends, was pursuing threesome and bisexual sex, had several ads in places like adult friend finder and gaydar. Two months later he met a woman from a site and moved to Hull. They pursue his sexuality, well they did, I dont know about now.

My problem is the feelings of worthlessness, what was wrong with me that he had to this? I dont grieve for him anymore but I grieve for the lost me. I dont trust anymore and I am so scared of being hurt that I hide myself away. It seems then I am safe. Sometimes I feel so down and when I feel like this I hide away even more. Funny thing is, I am a teacher, loads of personality at work, well liked, lots of friends and considered outgoing and relaxed. I am fine with old, established relationships but very wary of anything new. And, of course, I am lonely.

Is this the right site for me?

[rainydays]

Hunny, you will find nothing but understanding and support here....

Pull up a chair and make yourself comfy,

and welcome to DWD!

[lizzie]

hello and welcome to DWD

I'm sure your in right place there a great friendly bunch

[suzi]

hunni, i have no idea whether this is the "right site for you"... all i do know is that you are VERY VERY welcome, noone will judge you, we all have our own experiences both good and bad and that if you need somewhere to talk then this is an amazing place as we can all tlak lots!!!!!

hugest hugs though as you seem to be finding things tough. and i can relate to your ex.. i had one very similar... .

welcome to dwd grab a coffee and join in!

[scarlet]

Thanks for the welcome.

[rainydays]

as we can all tlak lots!!!!!


I don't know what you mean:hysterical3::hysterical3:

[Emmie]

Hello and welcome, keep talking we're all very nice and you'll soon feel right at home (this site has made me feel a lot less lonely thanks to everyone being so nice to me, I know I have friends I can count on even if they are in my computer) :-)

[Karen-Louise]

Hi love,

Welcome to the site :-) I sort of know how you feel, I have very very low self esteem and as a result am very jealous and find it soooo hard to trust men. I feel like I don't; deserve to be happy and like you my friends and family see my as an relaxed out going person when really I am dying inside.

The best thing to do is talk about it, get it all off your chest I have found this has really helped talking to people who don;t really know me as you get honest opinions.


Karen xxx

[scarlet]

Thanks Karen Louise........I know hurt people exist but most of the people I know are just normal, happy people. I dont know if I am very jealous as I havent let that be tested to any extreme but I do know that the fear of being hurt again and the thought of facing months of distress and soul searching is enough to keep me well away from men.

I know what you mean about not deserving........my ex took most of my nice possessions and cleaned out the bank accounts and when I tried to recoup through the courts I was told he had legal aid (I cant understand this as he lives in a 250,000 house in hull, is now a director of his new ladies consultancy company) I felt that it must be my fault as I was left with the debt and the betrayals and he was rewarded with a new life and a successful life. I know I feel bitter about this and wonder if that is also a reason I get so down. I have manged to recover financially but thats through my own hard efforts but I cant help wondering where I could be if he hadnt taken so much.

I know what its like, also, to put on the relaxed, happy shell when you often feel anything but. Sometimes, I just want to run and the pain inside is so strong its physical..........I just want to know whether I will ever be the old me again and will I ever stop hurting

[Karen-Louise]

Hey Scarlet hope you don;t mind but I just sent you an emal xxx

[MaraUT]

Welcome to the list, Scarlet. Remember that a lot of those normal, happy people you know hide their pain and frustration. You have a right to have feelings and react to your experiences. This is a very safe place to talk to other people. We share our experiences and thoughts without judging each other, and we support each other.

[scarlet]

Thanks for the supportive words. I know I couldnt tell friends on family what I have written here and I dont think I owuld want to any more........two/three years is along time and people think I have recovered superbly and in a lot of ways I have. I just wonder now reading these words if the few people that I know that have had depression or distress in their lives are as recovered as I think. I think I tended to see it all from how I felt and never really thought aobut others.

[mummyhill]

HI Scarlet welcome to DWD.

Most of us manage to put on a good front for the real world hiding our pain and getting on with life as usual. It is great to have a site like this where no one judges, everyone here is very supportive. It is perfectly natural to only see it from your side of the fence, you aren't the first and you won't be the last. I personally see my depression as a cancer in that I can go for month or even years without a depressive episode (sort of like remission) and then it comes back. To a degree it is allways in the back of my mind that it could hit me at any time, when life is good I sometimes start looking for/anticipating the next downward slide. Finding DWD has helped me a lot though, I now have a refuge among friends.