Hello out there

[Edi]

Hi Everyone,

My name's Ed and i've been really depressed for the first time in my life over the last 2/3 weeks.

Just need to know someone is out there as i can't see an end at the moment.

[rainydays]

Hi Edi - welcome to the forum!

Have you been to see your GP?

[Edi]

No, i haven't. To be honest i'm afraid of looking a failure etc. How will that help me?

I'm trying to get over losing a family member and my 1 year long relationship has just ended and it's all getting too much to deal with. She was my best friend that i told everything to, and i don't feel i can do that anymore, because i'm consumed with jealousy that she's found another man so soon. I work for myself, and i'm finding that hard at the moment aswell.

I'm not an emotional person, and have never cried in front of any of my friends, but everything's just built up and trying to get out at the same time. I've cried more over the last 3 weeks than i have the rest of my life. I just don't know how to deal with things.

[seaspirit]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Hello Ed and Welcome,

First of all you are NOT a faliure and your doc won't think that either.

Also don't feel embarassed about crying, you need to express your feelings because if you just bottle them up inside you it will just get worse.

At the moment you will feel raw but believe me in time you will feel better.

Go see your GP and tell him/her how you are feeling, they might suggest bereavement counselling.

Above all else keep talking, the best way to deal with your emotions is to let them out. Even if it means just writing them down on a piece of paper.

We are all different here, each with our own story to tell but we are al very friendly. No one will judge you.

[Emmie]

I know where your coming from about going to the doctor. I was terrified to go. I was afraid he's laugh me out the surgery that he'd tell me it was all my fault, that I actually was the dreadful person I felt. And you know what I was completely wrong, he was lovely and kind and gentle, he gave me anti depressants (which I was happy to take) and referred me to counseling.

It's not a failure to be depressed, you've had some big things to deal with and it's ok that you need a bit of help!

One last thing, to refer you to the lovely Fern Britton, she once said that she thought it was dreadful how people felt bad about taking medication for depression, the analogy she used was that if we had a broken leg we would be fine about having a cast on. It's a the same thing, it's an illness, you're poorly. You haven't done anything wrong.

[Edi]

Thanks guys,

I live alone and am not really confident enough to meet new people etc. I think this is a big thing for me, as i work for myself and regulary go a whole day without talking to someone.

I've put on a lot of weight recently and i'm afraid of going to my doctor as he'll just say i need to lose it. Which i've been trying so hard to do. But i just get fed-up about hearing about it from my family

[lizzie]

Hello and welcome to DWD

Can only say same as everyone else

remember keep talking :grouphug:

[Emmie]

I've put on a lot of weight recently and i'm afraid of going to my doctor as he'll just say i need to lose it. Which i've been trying so hard to do. But i just get fed-up about hearing about it from my family


I know exactly where you're coming from again! I had exactly the same fear and it wasn't even mentioned! He did recommend that I exercise but they say that to all of us, it's an endorphin thing and does help you to feel better, it's definitely not from a weight point of view!

I even put on more weight while I was poorly (comfort eating not going out that kind of thing!) and when I mentioned it (because they hadn't) they told me to stop worrying! Exactly the opposite of what I thought they'd say!

I think the theory is the your mind is the main priority

[seaspirit]

Ed do you have any outside interests apart from your work??
I am the same as you in the fact that I find it difficult to make friends mainly down to lack of confidence so I know where you are coming from.

[Edi]

Yes, i am a musician and regularly play in bands in the local area. But that's about it. I've got lots of friends, but no friends i feel close enough to talk to about it. My previous G/f was the only one i've ever spoken to about how i'm feeling, and now i'm having problems with that. She was my bestfriend aswell.

I'm thinking about signing up to a dating site, just so i can meet new people to spend time with. Does anyone think this is a good idea? I can't decide

[seaspirit]

To be honest I don't think that would be very wise.

How long ago did your relationship break up ??

I think you are very raw at the moment and you need to deal with your issues before taking on a new relationship. It wouldn't be fair on either you or the new person.

[seaspirit]

p.s what type of music do you play?? I have always wanted to learn to play the guitar.

[Edi]

I'm a jazz drummer!

The relationship broke up about 3 weeks ago, but she said in her mind it had broken up 6/9 months ago. We met under difficult circumstances and we always said it couldn't work out. But in the last 6 months my feelings towards her had changed and i wanted to keep seeing her. I thought i'd made my feelings clear to her, but we had crossed wires. She doesn't want to be with me anymore and i respect that. She's great and i want her to be happy, but i'm just having a really hard time dealing with it, and feel i'm dragging her down when it's not her fault really. I'm just having difficulty because she's moved on. I still want to be her best friend, and she wants to be mine.

[seaspirit]

Thats good that you can still be friends, not a lot of people can say that.

My husband is also my best friend but sometime I feel that I rely on him too much.

It is hard to get out there and meet new people, I find myself making all sort of excuses.

Where abouts are you in the UK??

[Edi]

I'm in the Southwest

[seaspirit]

Hey me to I'm in Cornwall :)

[suzi]

Hi and welcome to dwd!
you are more than welcome!!!

tbh i think you have enough to sort out with your depression rather than looking to start a new relationship.

Im confused how you dont get to meet new people as a jazz drummer? most drummers i know meet loads of people at gig s and stuff!!

[Edi]

Well, i've got lot's of people i've met but i never manage to form meaningful bonds as friends with them. I guess i should try and make that my short-term goal. I have trust issues and never seem to let people close.

Thanks for your help guys, you're making me feel a little better just knowing there's people out there who care.

[lizzie]

We all do care edi and there a great bunch for helping everyone *hugs*

[veggie]

[
Hi Edi i'm new to this i only joined 3 days ago.This is your first step to getting better because it really does help to have somewhere to go and off load your thoughts and fears to.You are most definatly not alone.
Take a deep breath and go to the doctors u'll be so glad you did.
take care. x

[hurtinghusband]

Belated hello...This is a very friendly site and there are lots of good people who care and will try to help with whatever your going through. I know they've all helped me and my better half

[mummyhill]

Hi there welcome to DWD

1) Keep talking it does help.
2) Try to go and see your GP they can really help you (the first app is the most nerve wracking but is never as bad as you expect it to be)
3) Wait before you start a new relationship you need to get over the break up of this one and sort out your other issues before embarking on a new relationship otherwise you may be setting yourself up for more heartache.
4) I know this one is difficult but please try to eat sensibly and get a bit of exercise even if it is a walk cause it will help you to feel better.
5) Before you can make new friends you may need to ask GP to refer you for councelling to see if you can work through your trust issues before you can make that step.

[rainydays]

We care Edi *hugs*

[Trinity]

Hi Edi, I am new too and lost my mum 11 weeks so I know where you coming from with the grief aspect.

As for a new relationship, don't rush into things. We dont have to have relationships and I think you need to sort out other things in your life before you take on another commitment.

Exercise is supposed to be good for grief, so what about taking up swimming or cycling........or I know this sounds cheesy but what about joining your local weightwatchers. My friend is really depressed at the moment, and has been for sometime and she put on loads of weight. She is going through a rough patch in her marriage, in fact it is probably going to be a marital split but she joined weightwatchers and has lost nearly a stone and it is so noticable, she gets a boost from people telling her and she enjoys going along as there is a really community, supporting spirt about it.

I have to admit that I am not one for taking tablets and I think it is that stigma thing and Emmie, thank you for putting on your post about Fern Britton. I have never thought of it that way before.

Edi, don't expect miracles it will take time.