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Steve
11-07-2007, 11:03 AM
Hi to all,

This is new and very scary to me because I am having to admit that I have a problem. Im not sure if Im even worthy to be on this site but here goes

Although I cant quite put my finger on what the problem is. I am married with three lovely children. My wife and I have been together for 17years and have always been very close. My wife began to have her own issues last year which festered on and off but then during Jan to MArch this year things seemed ok. But then it went downhill a bit and came to a head in May when she started to say things she had never said before like "Ive had enough, I need to get out, the kids are driving me mad, how much equity is in the house, because you never know whats round the corner." I didnt understand what she meant. She was referring to us "if its going to happen its going to happen" It made me worry and during May I began to become paranoid.

My wife is 34 and very pretty but she has always been an unconfident person and needed me for reassurance. She has been going to the gym for the last 2 years and thats paying off, she works part time 2 evenings a week at our local supermaket. All of a sudden she is very confident and outgoiung. And that is good but she has changed, she has a very large social group of freinds both at work and outsiode of work. Shes always texting and now has received texts from a guy at work. Im getting lost writing this. My paranoyer got the better of me and I started checking her phone. I confronted her about a couple of things and she went balistic. Im really afraid that my actions of not trusting her have driven her away and that the deep love she once had for me has been damaged.

The bottom line is for the last two months I am struggerling, I cry most days, Im always feeling nervous and anxous, i cant concentrate on anything and I worry about my wife all the time, what shes doing, I feel jelous all the time. I just want to be normal again, only back in April I was working hard not worrying about my wife and just happy.

Its as though Ive been knocked down and cant get up.

I love my wife so much and want to be sure that she still loves me as much, this seems really pathetic but I feel really bad at the moment and dont know what else to do.

lizzie
11-07-2007, 11:05 AM
hello and welcome

Its not pathetic at all , its good your getting out your system!! sorry not much advice but i'm sure some one will be along soon with some

suzi
11-07-2007, 11:07 AM
hi. you have come to a good place to talk and to let it all out. welcome to DWD

i know that for me my relationship is based on trust, if that is lost then its bl**dy hard to earn it back.
what exactly are you jealous about?

seaspirit
11-07-2007, 11:18 AM
:Hello2: Steve & welcome.

reading your post it sounds to me that you have a lack of confidence to. Speaking as a wife and mother I've wanted to scream out a lot of the time "the kids are driving me crazy", " I need to get out". It doesn't mean I want out permanantley.

Do you get to spend quality time with your wife without the kids??

It's great that your wife has her confidence back. You should feel proud.

All you can do at them moment is sit down and try and talk calmly with your wife. Tell her how you feel.

I'm sure you will find that you are worrying about nothing.

Emmie
11-07-2007, 12:03 PM
The bottom line is for the last two months I am struggerling, I cry most days, Im always feeling nervous and anxous, i cant concentrate on anything and I worry about my wife all the time, what shes doing, I feel jelous all the time. I just want to be normal again, only back in April I was working hard not worrying about my wife and just happy.


Can't really add anything to Ali's post (and the others) but didn't want to read and not post. Have you considered going to your GP for some advice? Two month is a long time to be feeling dreadful.

Oh and of course you're worthy to be on this site, no one will judge you here.

rainydays
11-07-2007, 12:10 PM
:welcomeblinkiegroup1:

Hmmmmm...don't like giving 'advice' per se, as I think it's important to make your own decisions, as at the end of the day, no one knows your situation better than you do.

From what you have written, your fears do seem to be based in insecurity and lack of confidence.

Change needn't be a bad thing, and rather than feeling threatened by your wife's new-found confidence, try being happy for her, and proud to be with her, as after all, whoever she talks/flirts with, she is still YOUR wife.

I agree with what Emmie has said, that maybe you should take yourself down to the GP - stress/depression can play silly tricks with your perception, and maybe if you are happier in yourself, you and your wife will be able to function better as a couple, and in turn make for a happier family

Take care of yourself

Vicky XXX

Steve
11-07-2007, 12:32 PM
Thank you to all for your supportive comments, I do feel better already.

I think Im scared that after 17 years my Wife has finally found her confidence that she does not need me as much and therefore does not Love me as much. I worry that her new found confidence could invite unwanted situations.

She did admit that one guy was after her at work because he made some suggestive comments which wound me up, this also happened back in May. he has now left. I think she is now even more freindly witrh her work coleaugese including the male ones and I suppose its all a bit new. She has always been this chatty person but even more so now. I just feel threatened.

After two hard months she is still with me and says she still Loves me. Perhaps I just need a slap in the face

seaspirit
11-07-2007, 12:36 PM
Don't say that Steve otherwise you'll get the wet kipper lol.

Keep talking as talking about things helps.

suzi
11-07-2007, 01:08 PM
wet kipper? noi wont, not yet anyway!!!

Steve it is perfectly normal for you to be feeling like this if she has now got more of a social circle...

talk to her!!!!

mummyhill
11-07-2007, 07:24 PM
Hi

Welcome to the group. Not really got any different advice to the others atm but couldn't read without saying hi.