Hello

[hurtinghusband]

I'm new to this and need someone to talk to. My wife has depression and had a major breakdown recently. shes been using another site and got groomed by some sad bastard who when asked nicely if he was genuine friend turned nasty saying it's not a crime as she's over 16 and has now really screwed my marriage up. I'm sorry to unload but I'm scared as my wife has already tried to kill her self twice and we have 2 small children who want their mum well again

[Bunny]

*hugs* welcome to DWD, we're all here to give you and your wife the support you both need

[suzi]

Hi there and welcome to DWD..
you have quite a story hun and obviously need to talk, you have come to the right place to talk. You will find geniune support and understanding here..

[hurtinghusband]

not sure how to use this site properly but I just need somewhere to vent and get help because at the moment I feel like jumping off the planet so hopefully my wife will be able to get back on top

[suzi]

this place is pretty easy to use hun, pick a topic area and write whatever comes into your head..

Please no explicit material or anything that i may find obscene though!! laugh.1 laugh.1

Seriously though, this is a good place (Although quite quiet tonight) and the other members will help you to sort out whats going on!!!!

Trust me (from one who knows) they are good at helping you see the other side and explaining what could be going on inside your wifes mind... they are good like that!!!

[seaspirit]

hello221 & groupw
You let everything out, it looks like you need a good rant to get it all out of your system. you have come to the right place, no one will judge you or your wife here, we all have our own stories to tell. We are all here to listen & offer advice when it's needed.
grouphug* grouphug* grouphug*

[darwins_reject]

hello and welcome

[darwins_reject]

I'm new to this and need someone to talk to. My wife has depression and had a major breakdown recently. shes been using another site and got groomed by some sad bastard who when asked nicely if he was genuine friend turned nasty saying it's not a crime as she's over 16 and has now really screwed my marriage up. I'm sorry to unload but I'm scared as my wife has already tried to kill her self twice and we have 2 small children who want their mum well again

oh god, that tough, im afraid there some sad people out there who seem to "get off" on hurting people. the "she's over 16" would worry me too. is she getting any help?

[Emmie]

Hello as well and really don't feel bad about offloading, that's the name of the game around here!

Other than that I don't know what to say, but I, and everyoen else, will eb here when you need us.

[Mickylass]

Hi, I'm a sufferer and will offer any help I can.
IMO it's best to get the nasty stuff out of your head, it tends to fester there, and when you read it on screen you can make some sense out of it, well a bit more than when it's in your head :)
Keep talking, We'll listen.

[jerseygirl]

Hello and welcome, bit slow on the uptake of this one, sorry!

So sorry to hear you are having a tough time, but you have come to the right place.

Like Chelle says, just taking stuff out of your head and putting it somewhere else can really help so feel free to let it all out :)

Look forward to chatting more soon, take care.....

[hurtinghusband]

thank you all for your kind words of support, it all blew up last night and then seemed to blowover which is just as hard to come to terms with. I dont blame her one bit for going behind her back and showing no faith or trust in her but at present I'm just overly protective of her and if I could take the pain away from her I would at the drop of a hat. My problem is I dont know what to do properly and I cant switch off the way I feel about her

[jerseygirl]

Ok, you can't take her pain away, but you can try and get her to share it.

Is your wife talking to anyone about stuff, be it a gp, family member or friend?? Has she ever had counselling or the like??

What you need to do is to try and explain to her how this is making you feel - I am the sufferer in my marriage - and I can say that when things are bad, I don't always notice what I am actually doing my DH..........sometimes it takes him to break down/blow up and tell me what I'm doing for us to move on..............I think that makes sense?!

Tell your wife that you want to help her and understand how she is feeling, but at the same time, being shut out is actually hurting you - make it clear that you don't want to hurt her, you just want to be able to be there for her if/when she needs you.

Make sure she knows you are there for her - which I'm sure you are.....

Try and encourage her to come and talk to us - we have ALL been there, either being the sufferer or the carer - we KNOW what it feels like.

We won't judge, we will just listen.

Big hugs.......

[hurtinghusband]

I believe now that I have to trust that my wife is strong enough to deal with whatever happens as she seems more interested in her site than me, I know she needs to be selfish to get better as she is a victim of life and I am wrong to try to protect her, I have to let her get hurt and to learn from it and just let her know I'm here wheneber she wants me and I'm not going anywhere ever.
My heart is being ripped out at the moment, I'm only sleeping with the help of her sleeping pills and not eating, I'm down a stone already but I've got plenty left to go.
I dont want to lose her or my children but I am beginning to fight my own sanity and think if I dont wake up she'd be better off as the more I love her and try to help the more I feel shut out and wrong with everything I do

[suzi]

OK the first thing that i am going to say may sound harsh, but trust me on this one..

you have to look after yourself.. that means eating properly, sleeping (without HER pills.. if you really nned them then go and get your own!!), not drinking too much and generally taking care of you. If you dont then you are not going to be any use to anyone and i truly believe that you love your children and your wife VERY VERY much. So sort yourself out!!!!

You will feel shut out im afraid... it goes with the territory, BUT you can do things to help.

TALK to her.. talk about anything you can to start with build back the relationship.. talk to her about what you are telling us.. if you dont then how is she going to know? Why are you shutting her out of how you are feeling?
If you cant do it face to face then write her a letter or something.. there are ways!

keep talking to us here too.. we will support, listen and not judge xx

[hurtinghusband]

I showed her my last post before I sent it so she knew what I've been thinking and we've now just booked in with relate to try and sort things out. part of the problem is I'm not drinking which she takes as me judging her if she does. Drink doesn't do anything for me it just makes me feel worse. Plus I'm off sick at the moment to look after her and seem to worry about paying the bills and keeping a roof over our head rather than do a bottle of gin or a couple of bottles of wine a night.

[suzi]

I know what you mean!!

Can you get housing benefit or council tax benefit even for a short time? If you put in a claim (if you are renting!) then you will have one less thing to worry about....

[hurtinghusband]

no I was off sick for two years when my shoulder got wrecked in an accident at work and the social were no help as I am employed and have a mortgage

[suzi]

b*gg(r....

[hurtinghusband]

my wife helped us trough all that she spent 3 months washing and dressing me, and I stank as my sling which pinned my arm to my body was neoprene(and I couldn't stand the smell) she also started her own online business selling out size clothes and kiddyclothes. I owe her alot. and now when she needed me I fell at the first hurdle and cant seem to do anything right. If I keep an eye on her at night (worried about blades and pills)I'm wrong if I back off I'm wrong because that means I just want attention.
what is right and what is wrong, I cant find the answer if there is one

[suzi]

hunni have YOU talked to anyone about this?? You arent "falling at the first hurdle" at all... you are still there.... dont be so hard on yourself..

[hurtinghusband]

I'm off to Doctors tomorrow for another sick note and I will ask for my own sleepers. Problem is I dont want him to say I'm now suffering to as that will just appear like I'm copying my wife for attention which I'm not. I suggested going to Rwelate and I phoned and made the appointment. I want to put things right but she is so up and down at the moment I cant even enjoy the good times and when they are there I seem to wait to see when I'll screw it up by saying or doing the wrong thing

[jerseygirl]

No-one will think you are copying your wife ~ who actually wants to feel the way you do?? NO-ONE..............

I think it would do some good to talk to your gp, tell them why it is you actually want the sleeping pills ~ they might be able to offer more than you think and help you both................

Gotta be worth a go??

Stay strong...

[seaspirit]

I have heard that it is quite common for partners of those suffering with depression to get depression themselves ~ DO NOT feel guilty you have nothing to feel guilty for. You need to look after yourself otherwise how are you going to be expected to look after someone else.

Be strong ~ Also your son's parade will be wonderful, is there anyway of videoing it so that your wife could watch it when you get home??

[Emmie]

To agree with Kerri (Jersey Girl) no one will think your copying your wife if you're suffering, you're doing a really tough job looking after your wife, it's natural to need help! Really don't worry about what your GP will say, they're not there to judge you, they're there to help and he will.

Also really don't take it personally that you feel you can't get things right with your wife, you're not falling at the first hurdle you're looking after someone who is depressed. Unfortunately that's how it is when we're depressed nothing is right, it's all just so bad. It's not that you're doing something wrong, it's just that, well the whole world is wrong, if you see what I mean.

[suzi]

can i just say that most carers of people with depression end up on anti -ds themselves...

[donut]

i'm sorry i'm late, but just wanted to introduce myself, i'm vikki and so glad you found this site, everyone is very supportive and its a real life saver.