PDA

View Full Version : Hello


*Jayne*
06-12-2007, 11:00 PM
Just wanted to say hello.

A little (there so much more, but isn't there always!) about myself and my background. I'm 35, married and mum to 2 boys aged 4 and 7. I work 3 days per week doing a secretarial/admin job. Never had any experience with depression until recently. Basically over the past couple of years I've lost a lot of weight (about 6 stone), and still have a few to go to get down to my goal weight. Had achieved this through diet and exercise. Exercise being something I absolutely have loved and it's how I filled my free time with about 6 classes - aerobics, circuits, step aerobics, etc. - per week, every week without fail. Have made a good social circle of friends also who are equally into the fitness thing. On top of that I also did a little running. Anyhow, back in August I developed heel pain, which I daftly ignored as a training niggle and then in September my foot really went and I damaged my tendon, ended up on crutches and developed plantar fasciitis (basically inflammation in the tendon in the bottom of the foot). Also showed a prominent heel spur on X-ray. Doc said I'd be lucky if the pain is gone within a year. It brought my training to an abrupt halt, and I needed to be off work for a little while whilst waiting for diagnosis, to rest the foot, etc. With it I lost a lot of social contact both in terms of that which I get from my exercise classes and in work. My hard earned fitness levels went down the drain to. On top of that I comfort ate and have gained 2 stone in past 2 months! I went from a very hectic daily life, to practically nothing overnight and the forced rest was very hard for me to handle. It is not the same as longed for rest.

What has happened to me over the past 6 weeks or so has truly floored me. My heel/foot pain is still there, but is considerably reduced through correct management and and in truth I can manage it well now and could go back to work (essentially a desk job) manage an exercise class or half hour on a cross trainer a few times a week, etc. and start re-building my old life. The problem is I just can't muster up the energy for any of this. The rapid weight gain has knocked my self esteem for six. Nothing I have fits me anymore and I've gone from looking quite stylish to a total slob as don't even have the inclination to go shopping for larger clothes. Lord knows what I would even wear to work if I did go back!

I have sunk into a truly awful depression from it all. I am just not bouncing back like I usually do from a difficult time (and believe you me, I've had my fair share), and how I feel is utterly alien to me. It's so frightening. I can manage my foot now, so why am I like this? I don't know what I have to be depressed about? My husband is super supportive, but I am riddled with guilt about how much he is having to do to keep things going with the children, and I won't even begin with the guilt I'm feeling about how I am barely giving the children any of my time at the moment. I'm either in bed if hubby is home or doing essentials only for them if he's not. I am good for very little at the moment and they deserve so much better. I went through many, many years of trying to get pregnant with them due to infertility and now I'm not being a very good mummy to them :( The mornings are just a wash out and I can hardly move, and if I try and force myself I end up in floods of tears. I usually tend to have an easier time of it through the early part of the afternoon, and can even manage to get out for a walk with the dog or something, but then come the evening I'm not much better than I was in the morning and of course I feel guilty that I can walk the dog of an afternoon, but not take my youngest to the park in the morning before he goes to afternoon nursery. I sleep dreadfully, and am so exhausted from that. I'm sure it's not helping. Am lucky to manage 3 or 4 hours of broken sleep a night.

Anyhow, that's all waffle, but I hope it gives you an idea of where I am right now. I'm not suicidal or self harming and I saw my GP last week about it all and am 6 days in on 20mg of Fluoxetine. I am also going to arrange some counselling. GP was going to organise it for me, but as a perk my work provides an employee assistance programme whereby an independent company will provide private counselling for me which can be organised quicker than NHS. Am sure a counsellor would have a field day with my history - crappy childhood, divorced parents, violent father, infertility, complete nightmare of an emotionally abusive mother who still has a grip on me (such a long story there) even at this age, etc. But you know what, I really don't think any of that has anything to do with my depression. That's all been in my life forever, and I've not been depressed, so why now?

Maybe it is a huge build up of things and I wonder if I've not actually been depressed on and off for a couple of years really, but my hectic life, and the exercise, etc. just kept me ticking over. When that all went overnight due to the foot injury, maybe my reserves just ran out and I crashed. I think that's probably what's happened.

I saw an occupational health doctor today and he was so good. He explained to me all about depression and how it occurs, etc. whilst I of course blubbled! He agreed I shouldn't be in work at the moment and would report back accordingly, so that's good. At least there is no pressure from the work front. I get 6 months full pay, and so far they have been very supportive of my absence. I hope that before that 6 months is up, I will be able to return to my job. Like I say, it's only 3 days a week, and secretarial, so not to tasking!

I'm just so scared that how I feel won't pass. I want the old me back so desperately. I want to feel excited about things again. I usually love Christmas, and seeing the boys open their pressies, but this year, I've bought stuff I know they will love, but just don't have that little flip of excitement in my tummy about seeing them open it. I remember that it should be there, but it's not there. Horrible :(

Gosh, I didn't mean to write so much, but once I started it just all came out. I'm sorry - are you still awake? lol. I hope it all makes sense. I'm sorry, I don't have the energy to read it back.

Jayne x

seaspirit
06-12-2007, 11:15 PM
Hello Jayne and Welcome

I have had similar circumstances as you where as I gained a lot of weight when I became ill and dependant on my friends and family to help me get around.

I decided back in July that in order to get my confidence back I needed to lose weight and so far have lost 2 stone 8 pounds but still have a long way to go yet.

Although my depression stems back from stuff that happened in my childhood which I am not ready to talk about yet a lot of it is through lack of confidence.

Like you I am 35 and I have wonderful children and a fab hubby who are my life.

I hope you find this place as helpful and supportive as I have. The main thing is to keep talking.

lady alexa
06-12-2007, 11:47 PM
Hi Jane! I'm also a new member here. I wish you luck and all the best in this struggle. It really is a good thing that there's a group such as this to help us learn and cope. We are not alone. :)

*Jayne*
07-12-2007, 12:18 AM
Thanks both.

Seaspirit - Good luck with the weight loss. It's not easy is it :rolleyes: 2st 8lb is excellent. Well done.

Lady Alexa - Yes, this place certainly looks good. Wishing you all the very best.

Jayne x

suzi
07-12-2007, 07:11 AM
Morning *Jayne*!

Let me start with my normal greeting! Welcome to DWD, you will find nothing but support, understanding and friendship here. None of us are professionals, but we all have our own experiences of depression. Noone will judge you because we all understand or have an understanding of what it is that you are dealing with...

I have read the whole of your post and then reread it to make sure i was sort of on the right lines.. I think its understandable why you are suffering right now... The huge weight loss if amazing, but then to have your whole world change within a short space of time is very difficult, for that to be coupled with pain, rest when you dont want to and the guilt you are feeling for your children isnt a good mix and would have an effect on anyone!

you are being quite hard on yourself.. you are ill, unfortunately though there is no quick cure for the weightloss and for the depression. Why dont you join us on the "getting thin thread" where we are supporting each other through healthier eating and doing some more exercise.

Do you feel the fluoxotine is helping? what time of day are you taking them?

mummyhill
07-12-2007, 08:01 AM
Morning Jayne

Welcome to DWD. I also read your post through a couple of times.

A councellor will indeed have a root through your past. You may find it usefull though as we all have issues that we thought were resolved or that we were handling really well but in reality we weren't.

You have taken the most difficult and important step in admitting there is a problem and seeking help. The next most important thing in my honest opinion is to keep talking. Theis group has really helped me, I hope we can help you as well.

lizzie
07-12-2007, 08:11 AM
hello and welcome to DWD

can only say same as the other lovely ladies

Emmie
07-12-2007, 08:31 AM
Hello Jayne and welcome. Can't really add much to the other advice given only to say that you're really very very newly on medication so try not to think about how you'll feel at Christmas or in six months time. I know from when I first started my treatment it just feels like a never ending black hole but it does pass and it does get easier just just need to let it do it's thing!

Your medication will take a little while to kick in but there's ages to Christmas, no really there is! (you've been on medication for six days there's three times as much as that to go!) So try not to worry too much about it.

katyjane
07-12-2007, 03:06 PM
:Hello2: Welcome Jayne

:)

lostfriend
07-12-2007, 03:17 PM
hello and welcome,Jayne i can't say anymore then they did , just keep talking it helps.

MaraUT
07-12-2007, 03:51 PM
Hi, Jayne! Welcome to the group! I saw your post yesterday afternoon, and it really hit home. I needed to think a bit before responding at all. First, you're a courageous soul to admit you need some help and get it. It'll take a bit of time to work through things and have your treatment settle in. Depression is notorious for sapping every bit of energy one has and for taking the joy out of things that we love to do.

I know this is tough, but try not to focus too much on the weight gain. You're working through a nasty, painful condition (plantar fasciatis sufferer myself), and any ADs may cause you to gain a little weight. When you were exercising all the time, did you start with such a tremendous regime or did you start with one and add the others? I guess I'm trying to say, pick one thing to work on until it becomes second nature again...then add the others. You *will* lose the weight again! You did it before, and you can do it again!

*Jayne*
17-12-2007, 06:31 PM
Hello, and thank you all for taking the time to reply. All of your words and advice have been taken on board and helped. I'm sorry I've not replied sooner, but am sure you understand that sometimes it's an effort to turn the computer on, let alone actually post.

Suzi - You asked if I thought he Fluoxetine was helping and what time of the day I was taking them. I take it in the morning upon waking which is pretty much the same time each day. Yeah, I do think it is starting to help a little now, but only really in the past 3 or 4 days. I've been taking it now 2 and a half weeks, so I apprecaite it's early days. Have had awful headaches and drowsiness from it, but these are definitely easing now. One positive side effect has been that it has helped me sleep for longer at night, and early waking isn't so much a problem anymore, although my dreams are very detailed and vivid.

Maura - Sorry to hear you also have the horrible plantar fasciitis. It's awful is't it :( I had managed to get back to some exercise this week, but think I pushed it a bit to hard in a step class last night, and whilst it was comfortable at the time (probably the best my foot has been in a very long time), it's agony today again :( Gutted really, as step is my true passion, but it seems it's not going to be something I can continue. However, I am trying to focus on knowing that the pain will subside in time again, and I can manage to cross train and do weights classes, and that these won't aggravage it. Not always easy to keep those positive thoughts going though is it.

Have had a couple of pretty good days, but today has been quite bad. It's been a bit of a Jonah day to say the least what stuff going wrong here and there, none of it truly serious, but you know how it can be, it just all adds up and gets on top of you. Just had a total melt down and feel utterly overwhelmed right now. I try to vent it all out to hubby, but he's a man of few words and not very good at saying the right thing at the right time, and so he listened and then said 'right' and turned to the dog and asked if she needed to go out for a wee! I just feel so despondent and alone in this world. I have lots of people around me, but I feel so lonely. I don't have parents really in my life anymore. They are alive, but due to relationship breakdowns, they are not part of my life. I am an only child, and don't really have any other family to speak of. I have my husband, my children, my friends, but I still feel very alone. I don't feel any of them really, deeply care for me or are there for me (can't really include children in this as they are to young) and that I can depend on them 100%. For as long as I can remember I have only had myself to depend upon, but sometimes it would be nice to be nurtured a little :(

Apologies for the self pity!

Jayne x

suzi
17-12-2007, 07:01 PM
aw sweetie!!!!

it is early days with the fluxotine!
you are doing well, just by writing it down.

oh and btw we DO care!!!!

lizzie
17-12-2007, 07:11 PM
*hugs* we care and i know the feeling of feeling lonely as i do too but we have lots of people who care really we do *hugs*

*Jayne*
18-12-2007, 01:23 AM
Thank you both.

I think I need to try and settle myself to sleep. I've been teary now for many hours and my eyes are all puffy and I feel utterly drained. My head's still racing though and although I'm exhausted, sleep feels like it's very far off. Suppose I need to try though and maybe my body will take over. I hope tomorrow is easier. Today has been very rough indeed :(

Thank you for this place. It certainly helps to get it out in writing - particularly before bed!

Love
Jayne x

lostfriend
18-12-2007, 02:26 AM
hello and welcome HUGS for you

mummyhill
18-12-2007, 07:21 AM
Hi Jayne,

I hope you managed to get some sleep, I know sleep deprivation made me feel a lot worse. Thankfully my two year old is getting better at sleeping and staying in his own bed now. And my five year old seems to now be producing the right hormones etc as she has been dry at night for just over a week now, just in time for christmas so santa can get her something nice to say well done.

I know what you mean about the small things seeming like mountains it does get better I promise. I think that the feeling lonely and as if no one cares enough is typical for depression, I know I feel like it a lot which is why I find this site wonderful, there is allways someone to talk to who understands.

Keep talking.

suzi
18-12-2007, 09:17 AM
How are you this morning Jayne?

lostfriend
18-12-2007, 03:42 PM
Jayne have you tryed to get your hubby to read some of the post that have to deal with some of the signs and list somethings that may triger thoughts feeling, i know it helps me with mara and some of hers. and i know that it sure help me to better unstanded more of what is was telling me.

katyjane
18-12-2007, 04:19 PM
Keep talking Jayne - it will help :)

How are you feeling today?

rainydays
18-12-2007, 06:47 PM
Hi and welcome to DWD :grouphug:

*Jayne*
18-12-2007, 09:21 PM
Suzi - Thank you for thinking of me this morning.

Mummyhill - Awww, bless your 5 year old, that's lovely news. I'm sure Santa will bring her something very special for that achievement :) Yes, sleep deprivation from the children is a real killer isn't it. Thankfuly my boys haven't been doing that to me for a while now, but of course there are times where they are ill or something and we have a few nights where we need to be up and down to them. Really makes me appreciate how lucky we've been in that respect. It sounds like you are getting there in your household also with your two. Makes the world of difference when you can get good sleep. Between children and depression it's a wonder we ever manage it though eh? lol

Katyjane, Rainydays - Thank you also for thinking of me today.

I did manage some sleep last night, but the little I had was all very erratic and unsettled with repetitive dreams and some of those being nightmares. This morning (as per every morning for past few months) wasn't great and I spent most of it dozing on and off, as my 4 year old was home. Kills me with guilt that does, but it's just impossible for me to manage anything but the basics before around midday. He went to nursery at 1 and I had a okay(ish) afternoon. Even managed to drag my butt to the gym and do a bit of cross training and some weights. The foot isn't so sore today. It wouldn't carry me through an aerobics class, but was okay for non impact stuff. Was good and even up until this point I'm not doing to badly. Not exactly dancing around the room and still feel squashed and empty, but definitely better than this time yesterday and definitely more on top of my emotions.

Lostfriend - Yes, that's a good idea. Those posts could be useful for him. Depression is such a new thing for him and I. I think we're still getting our heads around it all. I still wonder if I really do have it at times, or am I just being a persistent drama queen?!! I did buy a little book from Boots about undrstanding depression, which I've left laying around in the kitchen and I know he's looked through that a few times. I've also suggested he read up a little on the internet, just to get an understanding of it all.

Re my husband, I should probably say that he is just wonderful day to day. He pulls his weight around the house, is a very hands on dad, works long hours and is a very hard worker generally, etc. He's kind to me and treats me and the children well. He's just not very skilled at communication and usually I can draw on my own reserves to get me through tough times, or turn to my girl friends if I need to. It was just yesterday there wasn't anyone around for me through the day and well, my reserves are well and truly depleted! I'd also had a squabble with one of my good friends that afternoon and daftly, knowing what he is like, I tried to vent to my husband - double daftly as he walked through the door from work. I knew he'd listen, but equally I knew he wouldn't know how to respond, and definitely wouldn't respond in the way I needed. I know this, and I don't know why it gets me all upset. We have been together for such a long time, that you'd have thought I would've gotten used to it by now!

Anyhow, it's another day down and it wasn't as bad as yesterday. I hope tomorrow is a good one. I have plans, so at least will be occupied and have company. The morning will go as per usual. There's little point in making plans for here, but if I can manage it I will take my 4 year old and the dog for a walk to a nearby park before he goes to nursery. Not putting pressure on though. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen! Am going to see 4 year old in nursery Christmas concert during the afternoon and hubby is taking afternoon off work to come along also. After that, we're all going out to tea (including 7 year old) and then going to cinema.

Take care all.

xx

MaraUT
18-12-2007, 09:53 PM
What lovely kiddos, Jayne! And you're very pretty, too! Bringing a close loved one into your knowledge really does help. I'm glad you were able to get a workout in, and that it sounds like you're doing a little better. Kudos to your husband for contributing at home!

seaspirit
18-12-2007, 10:03 PM
Jayne they sound like lovely plans for tomorrow, if you don't get to go on the walk then you can go another day, enjoy your sons concert they are very special :)

Take care hunni x

lostfriend
19-12-2007, 03:20 PM
well my hats off to you sound like you are working though this very well ,good luck on your days plans ,just remmber that if things don't go right there allways another day. i love going to kids plays. Just tell Re that HUGS work to .