suzi
19-10-2007, 07:38 AM
My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood
ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm
in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big
f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a
diamond.
****************************
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will
make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the
bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back
in.
****************************
A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you
the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."
****************************
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor.
****************************
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make
Love to you really badly. She said - Well, you've succeeded.
****************************
He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'. She said
'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit
On the sofa and fart'.
****************************
He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that
I gave you?' She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat
bastard'.
***************************
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
****************************
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
****************************
Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.
****************************
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
****************************
Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of
marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.
***************************
Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a
head?
A: Reload and try again
ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm
in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big
f*cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a
diamond.
****************************
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will
make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the
bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back
in.
****************************
A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you
the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."
****************************
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor.
****************************
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make
Love to you really badly. She said - Well, you've succeeded.
****************************
He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'. She said
'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit
On the sofa and fart'.
****************************
He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that
I gave you?' She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat
bastard'.
***************************
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
****************************
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
****************************
Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.
****************************
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
****************************
Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of
marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.
***************************
Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a
head?
A: Reload and try again