Things kids say

[seaspirit]

Junior school children writing about the sea!


1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)


2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)



3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne, age 7)



4) Sharks are ugly and mean and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)



5) A dolphin breathes through an arsehole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)



6) My dad goes out in his boat and comes back with crabs. (Emily age 5)



7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)



8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)



9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always
screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)



10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)



11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)



12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

[mummyhill]

Thanks for making me smile hunni

[suzi]

pmsl!

[crazy girl]

:hysterical3:

[veggie]

:hysterical3::hysterical3:i love this post

[lizzie]

:hysterical3::hysterical3:

[seaspirit]

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it!

These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!

JACK (age 3) was watching his mum breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mum why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his mum good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her mum explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his mum asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her mum knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

The Sermon I think this mum will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his up turned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mum, what is butt dust?"

[rainydays]

:hysterical3::hysterical3::hysterical3::hysterical 3:

At the weekend, Jess was getting dressed, and she said to us - serious as you like 'I have two bottoms. One for wees, and one for poos!':hysterical3:

[seaspirit]

Bless her lol

I was doing Abbie's workbook with her at the weekend and she had to fill in the missing words.
One sentance said ' My Daddy drives a _____ to work.
What did Abbie write??


Chicken :hysterical3::hysterical3:

[crazy girl]

:hysterical3::hysterical3:

[Emmie]

how does daddy drive a chicken to work pary tell? That's utterly random! is your car particularly chicken like?

[veggie]

:hysterical3::hysterical3:Oh i do love this thread.
My Megan asked if all of life was "grey" in my day after she'd seen a black and white movie when ahe was about 4yrs old.

I went to a nativity play a couple of years back, when the shepherds knocked on the stable door "Mary" answered and said "oh not now,Jesus has been a right little bugger all day" it was priceless.:hysterical3:

[seaspirit]

how does daddy drive a chicken to work pary tell? That's utterly random! is your car particularly chicken like?


Emmie we have been trying to work that out ever since. Now when we were on the farm we had loads of big chickens lol but still not possible to drive one lol .

[suzi]

:hysterical3::hysterical3::hysterical3::hysterical 3::hysterical3::hysterical3::hysterical3:

[suzi]

had to share!

The "Middle Wife" by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that, and I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."

"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.

"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino' s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder , just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along.

Now you have two choices...laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!!

Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!

[seaspirit]

:hysterical3::hysterical3::hysterical3: omg that made me laugh so much I'm crying lol

[veggie]

:hysterical3::hysterical3::hysterical3:that's the funniest story i've heard in ages,will pass it on.