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SA89
06-05-14, 05:56 AM
This is the worst feeling imaginable.. Its in full force now for me & I feel so helpless ;(. I'm sorry if this thread title seems rather cliched but it really is hell on earth inside the confines of a singular mind. That feeling of complete utter dread & despair. A future without a future. No direction, no friends, no hope.. I just want to break from the shackles of my miserable life but I don't know how. My reasoning is pathetic towards others, it stems purely from shyness. I'm in my room apart from when I go to a nightclub etc which is basically a minefield of rejection (blush).

I'm 24 but I feel 54.. People don't seem to realise how demoralising it is to be isolated. Yet when I'm at work I'm surrounded by dkheads, Its so frustratin.. I've thought about studyin to be a counsellor or something in English literature but then there's the wall of debt that comes with any ambition. I'm quite short & I have a roman nose but that aside im not ugly lol. I just have cripplingly low self confidence.

I really hope some1 can relate to this. I just want to be loved & content like every1 else :(..

Mira
06-05-14, 07:37 AM
I guess there are many here that can relate to what you wrote. I do want to say that this is a good place to be. The people here are nice and kind.

I am in my room so much lately and I only think of the worst things. I think very poorly of myself. Low selfesteem is something I have to. I tend to think everybody is a better person then me and I find something bad in the best things that happen to me :(

Have you been to your doctor? See what he can do for you?

So you are not alone here on dwd. It's nice to meet you.

SA89
06-05-14, 08:41 AM
I guess there are many here that can relate to what you wrote. I do want to say that this is a good place to be. The people here are nice and kind.

I am in my room so much lately and I only think of the worst things. I think very poorly of myself. Low selfesteem is something I have to. I tend to think everybody is a better person then me and I find something bad in the best things that happen to me :(

Have you been to your doctor? See what he can do for you?

So you are not alone here on dwd. It's nice to meet you.

ye i was takin anti D's for a while but they didnt really help. But now I've stopped takin them just recently & I've noticed i'm cryin a lot more. It really hurts knowin I feel like this & their r people gettin married etc.. I clearly have social anxiety yet the doctor won't diagnose it. He just gives me questions to fill in. Its the loneliness thats the killer. Stressin over my career options would be a lot more bearable if I just a group of friends..

rose
06-05-14, 08:46 AM
Hi, welcome to DWD. ADs can take a while to work and often the GP will start us at a low dose, intending to increase if we see some benefits.
I think you need to go back to the GP and explain how things are.
(hi)

amaeru
06-05-14, 09:23 AM
Hi SA89 and welcome to dwd.

When was the last time you saw your GP hunni? - did you come of the ADs gradually at their suggestion? - if you just stopped taking them this might explain how you are feeliing right now.
Please go back and see him/her and tell them how you are feeling. Many of our members have found it helps to write things down for them rather than struggle to express how you feel in a 5 minute appointment.

Suzi
06-05-14, 11:50 AM
I totally agree wrt the doctors. Go back and tell them how things really are for you. Write it out as a list so you can just hand that over if it's easier...

It's lovely to meet you, welcome to DWD.

Paula
06-05-14, 01:59 PM
Hi and welcome, I agree with all that's been said. Also, just because one type of AD doesn't work, doesn't mean another won't. Hope you'll see your GP again (bear)

SA89
06-05-14, 09:07 PM
I just stopped abruptly after a year on them without consultation (blush). They stopped me cryin & made me less anxious (I think) but I was still depressed & they made me really drowsy. Last night though I felt extremely anxious & depressed, I couldn't stop cryin :(. I get those moments a lot & its intensified. The thing is; depressants are not gonna give me friends, a gf or a sense of direction. If anythin they make it harder because they make me more tired. All my life iv secluded myself to my room & when I'm out i'm really socially awkward. People like my company but not enough to fit into their cliques if u know wt I mean. I just feel so lonely & its hurts so much ;(.

A life in constant misery isn't worth living..

Paula
06-05-14, 09:40 PM
Stopping suddenly is going to give withdrawal symptoms and make you feel worse, it really isn't wise to come off them without medical supervision, lovely. You're right, ADs won't change your life circumstances but they will help support you while you make the changes you need. Please go back to see your GP

rose
06-05-14, 10:24 PM
I totally agree with Paula.

purplefan
06-05-14, 10:58 PM
Hi and welcome.
Totally agree with the others I do hope you will go and see your doctor soon, and I hope you will begin to feel better.

SA89
06-05-14, 11:31 PM
They made me really tired & I just wanted to relieve myself of that constant drowsiness. When I was on them I wasn't taking action regardless, they may have relieved a bit of anxiousness but it wasn't enough to justify that extreme fatigue as a side effect. I've noticed now though that my depression comes on more ferociously. For example, I was on a night out drinkin the other night & as the night progressed that feeling of utter dread hit me. I started upbeat but after a while without attention to distract my thoughts I felt complete despair :(. Its a viscious circle every week with nothin in between apart from a dead end weekend job & voluntary work on a monday. I'm sick to death of applying for jobs (a way out) & getting rejected.

"I can't get no satisfaction" , song of my f k n life (wasntme).

Westin
07-05-14, 03:26 AM
Hey there and welcome....
I would definitely go back to your doctor/GP. I was on some anti-depressants that made me so drowsy I couldn't get up in the morning. Sometimes you have to go through a couple to find the right one. And when you find the right one, you'll notice that this "despair" and vicious cycle will diminish.

Going to the club makes me depressed too. I try and not drink too much either, especially when I'm on meds.
I think it's great you do volunteer work! At least you are making a difference. There is hope for you sir. You're in a good place :)

SA89
07-05-14, 05:52 AM
My auntie advised me to try Vitamin D tablets so I may do that. I'm not suicidal but I am clinically depressed as I've been feeling low for years now. I've bottled up my fears & worries for years since I was a kid & now i'm paying for it mentally. Its hard to pin-point what it is exactly thats caused me to feel this low but I guess its through years & years of isolation. My 2 needs haven't been met at all; Career prospects & Social life.

I worry about them instead of actually doing somethin towards them. I've been stressing so much over the years with nothing to show for that stress. Just stress over worry which is not practical in the slightest (think)..

1286KC
07-05-14, 07:04 AM
Hi and welcome.
You need to go back to the doctor. Try writing everything you feel down and take it too your doctor. Explain how the meds you had last time made you feel, there are many others that they can try. There may also be a session they could refer you too, such as talking therapy. It would probably be a group session but this might help you to get talking about your worries instead of bottling them up and you would be around people who feel the same so you wouldn't be judged and you might get to know some people at the same time. Ask your doctor what services are available in your area.

amaeru
07-05-14, 09:37 AM
A night out drinking while on meds is not a great idea tbh - AD's and alcohol don't mix very well as a rule. Alcohol is a depressant anyway so after the initial good feeling can come a massive downer. Plus it counteracts the effects of the ADs and can prevent them from working effectively.
In addition some ADs can actually increase the effects of the alcohol.

An occasional drink in moderation will probably do no harm for most people - though many find the have to avoid completely while on meds - but heavier drinking whether regular or the occasion binge can be harmful.
Please be careful hunni

Miss Molly
07-05-14, 06:39 PM
(hi) SA89 and welcome :). I echo what has already been put.
However, you do have the support of us lot and most, if not all, do have a good idea on how you are feeling.
You are still young and have plenty of time to follow your dreams of that good career and also a good life. Yes it may not seem it now, but there are ways of getting into counselling as a career. (nod)
Though at this time in your life, sounds like you need to look after yourself and yes ok, it might feel like hell on earth now, but your gp can help.
Please do get an appointment to see your gp and give Ads a chance.
There are people on here, including myself, that were so adamant that we didn't want to go on them, for whatever reasons.
Well I can honestly say that I am so glad that I went to my gp and asked for help. And yes I am still on Ads and yes I have had to change them once, through my gp and they are working.
I too have very lonely times through no fault of my own (I'm 50) and through my gp have joined a social group (MIND) and a course. Through these I have met new people and made some friends. Yes it has and still can be difficult to meet new people, well even old friends too but I'm fighting and fighting hard to get my life good again.
You can do it, just like everyone else on here. We are not allowing the 'black dog' to control us - we are learning to teach the black dog to heel. (bear) You are not alone, we are here for you and anyone else that needs the support. (panda)

Paula
07-05-14, 06:53 PM
Fantastic post MM :)

SA89
07-05-14, 08:16 PM
Thx guys, it seems that people with social anxiety feel like they're forever doomed to a lonely existence. It seems far fetched I know but with depression & general anxiety thrown into the mix its a constant burden. When that weight of despair is in full force its the most soul destroyin feeling ever. Atm I'm debating between a different AD or Vitamin D tablets. I've tried 2 types of ADs like I said & they weren't really that significant. They had some effect but I still felt flat if u get my drift. A lot of my stress stems from not knowing what career I want & job searching in general. Add loneliness to the equation & u can understand how it effects one's mind :(..

Westin
07-05-14, 08:35 PM
What you say isn't far fetched at all. Social anxiety is such a lonely feeling. You can be in a crowd of 100 people and still feel like you stick out and nobody likes you.
I don't see why you couldn't try a different AD and a Vitamin D tablet. They aren't mutually exclusive. BUT I would be careful with the Vitamin D. Since it is a fat-soluble vitamin, it's going to remain in your system for a while. If you have a healthy diet (fish tuna, fortified milk) and are out in the sun regularly (20 minutes a day), then you are probably getting enough. If you are taking a mega dose everyday, toxicity can damage your liver so I would be careful.

I would say 99.9% of my stress comes from not knowing what career I want and the side effect of worrying about it nearly drives me crazy. So I am in the same boat with you. But you are not doomed. One day at a time has to be your mind set. Otherwise, living in the future (which you can't see), will rule your existence.

SA89
07-05-14, 09:03 PM
My hearts constantly racing 24/7, is that normal with anxiety? :s

Paula
07-05-14, 09:09 PM
If you're constantly in the situation causing the anxiety, yes. And sometimes you can always be in that situation. When in crisis I've been known to jitter, shake, pace etc all the time. It's exhausting, but it's the adrenaline coursing through you, and, although frightening, is not a symptom there's anything wrong with your heart.

rose
07-05-14, 09:11 PM
Yes it can be. Try to consciously slow your breathing, by breathing deeply into your tummy.

SA89
07-05-14, 09:44 PM
I'll try. I always feel heavily exasperated (constant deep *sighing* :o) & my head/mind always feels 'blurred' as well, its hard to describe.. :s. I'm under constant stress & I've felt like this for years much to peoples dismay. They don't understand y I'm like this 'caus I'm 24 & should have no worries' (blush).

I'm just really tired now of feeling stressed all the time, I wanna be free.. Is it even possible to overcome stress thats built up over time? (think)..

rose
07-05-14, 09:56 PM
Yes, because I've done it. I was so highly strung just the slightest noise and I would jump out of my skin, and now... I'm not.
Practice deep breathing when you feel relaxed as well as when you feel stressed, your overall stress levels will start to drop.
Meditation is good too.

Suzi
07-05-14, 10:06 PM
Alexander Technique has been proved useful for others I've known with severe anxiety..

SA89
08-05-14, 09:54 AM
Life is just f u c k ed up, everytime I open the paper someones died of cancer.When ur depressed its the last thing u want to read every waking day. Its no wonder we're all stressed. Look how hard it is to find a job f f s? Or to build a social life from scratch when every1s on social media. Prospects r a gold mine in this day & age.. :8)

Suzi
08-05-14, 11:23 AM
It can feel like that, but maybe you could search for the local pieces or the good news type ones?

Paula
08-05-14, 11:28 AM
It is a fact that, when we are feeling low, we only see the bad. When we're better, we see the positives. Having said that, the national media focuses on the bad so I tend to only watch the news online - that way I can ignore the stories I don't want to know about.for instance, had you seen this?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-news-from-elsewhere-27296489

amaeru
08-05-14, 11:36 AM
K often reads it on teletext instead. He finds it less triggering

Maybe we should have a good news thread where if we come across an inspiring or otherwise good news item we can share it as an antidote to all the bad news around us

rose
08-05-14, 01:45 PM
I avoid the news for the same reason. There is often not much joy in it. And certain stories really wind me up.
I have started tentatively reading the news again recently.

Miss Molly
08-05-14, 05:28 PM
I just don't read the papers and also the news on tv, life is for living, without all that bad news of others. It's not that I didn't care, it's cos I'm putting me first in the 'headlines.' Something I'm finding hard to do but getting there. (nod)

Paula
08-05-14, 05:59 PM
I like that, we are our own headlines :)

SA89
09-05-14, 01:49 AM
aww thats considerate :). I'm seriously p i s sed off right now because to be blunt 'some b i tch is messin' me about'. I'm not seein her but we txt & she has just stood me up. People don't realise how simple ignorance can tip some1 over the edge. Especially when ur vulnerable & have never had a gf. I've compromised so much with this person (gave her taxi money, bought her drinks, put up with her pessimistic attitude & evn got ready for her tonight). She wr supposed be here 4 hours ago & has completely ignored my txts. It wouldn't hurt so much is I didnt depend on this person to alleviate this rotten loneliness I feel inside ;(..

Westin
09-05-14, 07:48 AM
To be blunt it doesn't sound like she was a great catch to begin with. I'd forget about her. To play you like that isn't worth your time. You are better than that.

BUT on the flip side I could be COMPLETELY wrong. Maybe some life emergency came up and she couldn't respond. That's a possibility too. But if she is/was your friend, I'd think she'd let you know something.

Miss Molly
09-05-14, 07:52 AM
(bear) can only echo what Westin has put hun.

Suzi
09-05-14, 08:21 AM
aww thats considerate :). I'm seriously p i s sed off right now because to be blunt 'some b i tch is messin' me about'. I'm not seein her but we txt & she has just stood me up. People don't realise how simple ignorance can tip some1 over the edge. Especially when ur vulnerable & have never had a gf. I've compromised so much with this person (gave her taxi money, bought her drinks, put up with her pessimistic attitude & evn got ready for her tonight). She wr supposed be here 4 hours ago & has completely ignored my txts. It wouldn't hurt so much is I didnt depend on this person to alleviate this rotten loneliness I feel inside ;(..

Hang on, you don't know why she didn't turn up. 1001 things could have happened so I think referring to her as you have seems a little harsh.. However... paying out for everything isn't compromising love... If it was compromising then you'd both have had your fair share of "you do x and I'll do y" kind of thing..

SA89
09-05-14, 08:25 AM
hehe sorry about that just needed to vent in a safe environment (blush). I'm tired of being let down. It was a blessin anyway because tonight i've spent serious research time on how to work through this horrible black hole of depression & anxiety. I've gathered notes but its just putting into practice. Here are some lifestyle changes I think will be helpful to improve mood over-time:

- Take steps to resolve stresses
- Talk to others/Get Support
- Exercise
- Fit fun rewardin activities in2 day
- Relaxation
- General - Eat well/Sleep well/Vitamin D

I'm gonna try my very best to work on each 1 of these because I want a better quality of life. Easier said than done I know (wasntme). The key is to work on these REGARDLESS of how u feel. It adds up overtime to counteract the misery ur feeling.
U can either sink or swim basically :).

Suzi
09-05-14, 08:31 AM
Good luck - those are pretty big lifestyle changes hun..

rose
09-05-14, 08:55 AM
It sounds like you had one of those moments when you fought back at depression and decided to beat it. Good on you!
Re the girl.... she doesn't sound that great. You deserve better than that.

SA89
09-05-14, 10:37 AM
ha they're just empty words atm, havin a sense of direction is the hardest part. Without direction despair is inevitable. Its even harder when u've no real friends to support u, its rather overwhelming to say the least. My 1st step is to sign up for a course that'll set me on the path to a career. Simply being on a path to something will alleviate the stress on 1 of my biggest insecurities. I think the ADs woud be wise to help stabilize me through this but the constant drowsiness could hinder my motivation hmm.. (think). I'm sure u guys can relate to this predicament & the fine line between stability & breakdown. I'm extremely vulnerable to giving up & crashin down to a flood of tears :s.

Suzi
09-05-14, 10:41 AM
Thing is there is nothing to say that the AD's will make you feel like that at all, worth a go maybe?

Paula
09-05-14, 10:45 AM
Not all ADs have that effect, I have to take one of mine in the morning because it does the complete opposite. Don't rule this option out, lovely

SA89
09-05-14, 11:21 AM
cool ill try & get the right 1. Every AD iv tried has made me drowsy thts y I mentioned (iv tried mitazapine & citalopram). So is their no way to overcome deep anxiety & depression without ADs? R all ADs actually safe.

Paula
09-05-14, 01:34 PM
I've not been on citalopram so I'm sure one of the other members can comment on that, but mirtazapine was one of mine and, yes, it's definitely a sedative. There are other ways to treat depression, including counselling and CBT, but the benefit of ADs is they can help support you while you go through these processes.

I would say that All ADs recommended by the NHS are safe, though some people can react to any particular AD in a way that requires immediately ceasing the drug. This is very, very rare. There is a condition called serotonin syndrome which, again, is very, very rare and can be dangerous. I've had it, it was horrible while I was going through it but I'm ok and have no side effects .

If I were you, I would see your GP, advise them you need something that is unlikely to cause drowsiness, and tell them your concerns. Honestly, millions of people in the UK take them, and come to no harm. This link will give you more info

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Antidepressant-drugs/Pages/Introduction.aspx

rose
09-05-14, 01:42 PM
I think its a common side effect of mirtazapine to feel drowsy, thats why its best to take it at night.
SSRIs like citalropam, fluxoetine, sertraline are activators... but can have the opposite effect overall, particularly if they disrupt your sleep.
I think they're safe as long as you listen to your doctors advice, you start on a low dose and increase gradually, and keep a diary of your side effects.

SA89
09-05-14, 09:54 PM
ye I took them at night to combat that, I didnt really feel my depression lift though tbh. I've literally just woken up (sleepin through the day again (wasntme)) & I just feel so flat. It really is the loneliness thats the killer. After i've had a bru & stuff I tend to pick up a bit but its always just me in my room. Browsing through facebook, seein how happy every1 else is with their 'amazing' social lifes. I dread summer so much because I literally do not know what to do with myself. Thats y I retreat to my shell..

I constantly feel like I need to be sortin my career out before I do anythin else, its always at the forefront of my mind as a priority. As a result I can never truly enjoy anythin else. Its so demoralising when u have no meaningful direction in ur life. U literally have to engineer it from scratch & its a real battle.. :s

Paula
09-05-14, 10:27 PM
I'm not going to be too nagging, but sleeping through the day is not good for your body clock, which throws everything else out of rhythm.

You do know that most people only put the good stuff on fb? If you actually ask, most have problems they won't post about. Those 'amazing' social lives are, often, not what they're made out to be. And retreating to your shell will just make the loneliness worse.

I checked your profile, and you're 24. Now, I'm 40 and most of my friends/peers did not have a clue what they wanted to do at the age of 24. My husband has never worked it out, he fell into a job at Vodafone when he was 28 and has progressed to Senior Management almost by accident! And that is the case with most of my friends. A lovely friend of mine trained as a midwife, and is now a missionary in Kenya! It doesn't have to be a battle, just find something you might enjoy for now, and see where life leads you. You might be surprised :)

Westin
09-05-14, 11:37 PM
They have anti-deps that are non-drowsy. I didn't even take mirtazapine for depression. I took it for insomnia. I usually slept way into the afternoon.

And I agree with Paula. They post an "ideal" way of living and only show you the positive things. You have no idea what their life is really like.
I have no clue what I want to do. I'm 22. I thought I did when I started college at 18 and then dropped out and then went back AGAIN. I STILL don't know. I'm just kind of, like you said, engineering it. But getting on the right meds and seeing your GP regularly and getting support will alleviate some of the battle. You may not know what you want to do yet. But you've got time. Try and not to compare yourself to the world. You are your own worst critic.

Are there any clubs nearby you can get involved in? And cool groups to join? Can you go talk to a career counselor at your local university? Just telling them about your interests can at least guide you to some resources. You never know until you try.

Suzi
10-05-14, 12:06 AM
Without wishing to be harsh you have got to get yourself up and staying up during the day. What you are doing just isn't helping yourself at all..

SA89
10-05-14, 05:03 AM
I really do appreciate the support guys even though ur all practically strangers :). My sleep has been fkd up for years because of how constantly anxious I am. I've always been a recluse because I've always struggled to make friends. I have acquaintances at work but no1 I can visit or hang out with. Im 24 & all my life i've constantly been in my room 24/7 (except for college etc). I'm surprised i've not had a breakdown! (blush). Its pathetic that I'm clinically depressed over somethin so trivial.

I'm fully aware that its down to me to change my life as it is with any1. My mums friends always tell me to 'get out there!' but its like who with!?. I do go clubbin etc with my cousin & her mates but thats like 1ce every fortnight. I can't even face goin sleep in my dark room, thts how painfully lonely I feel. Startin to well up again now ;(..

rose
10-05-14, 09:08 AM
I'm in my 30s. I fell into my career by accident after taking pretty much the first job I could get after uni.... in telesales. I still wonder 'what shall I do with my life?'
You don't need to know what you'll do with your life, life pretty much happens whatever you plan. Are you working at the moment?

Suzi
10-05-14, 10:11 AM
I'm the opposite to Rose. I always had a clear career in mind, went to Uni to qualify and even did that job for a few years and loved it. Then my husband became really ill and our lives came crashing down... If it wasn't for that then DWD wouldn't exist and I might even still be doing the job that I loved so much..

However I do truly believe that something happens for a reason, and I love running DWD..

SA89
10-05-14, 09:38 PM
Wow I didnt realise u ran the site, r we free to post as much as we want?. I'm just curious 'caus it could get a bit annoying after a while reading people moan (blush).

And ye I work part time rose (my mums name :)) at Burger King. I've been there 4 years, its completely dead-end. It wouldn't be so bad if didnt feel so ostracized from every1, I get on with them but I'm not in their 'clique'. I'm very socially awkward.. I volunteer as well at Mhist which is a mental health service. I do admin there so I can have a legit reference. I've applied for so manyy jobs to change this situation but hear nothing back, its such a frustrating process :(:..

Suzi
10-05-14, 09:57 PM
Yes I run the site, and the facebook page ;) Yes you can post as much as you want. I think I've read every post ever made on DWD (both this newer site and on the old one too) and so I can say with authority that it doesn't get annoying.. ;)

SA89
11-05-14, 12:27 AM
haha :). Why is it everythin we want in life is hard to come by? We all want the same; to have friends, a career & to be married with our own family. Obviously some are lucky to have those things but for others, like myself, it seems out of reach..

Suzi
11-05-14, 12:29 AM
If it was easy would it be worth it?

SA89
12-05-14, 05:26 AM
Thats an interestin point, maybe if it was easy we would have direct access to happiness?. I'm sick of competing with 100s of others for a basic job now.. Its a joke thats worn thin but there's nothin I can do other than to persist. It seems happiness is now further away than ever but then again happiness is subjective. People can be happy with the relative lives they lead.

I consider myself to be quite capable & intelligent but its not being channelled whatsoever. Thats the most frustrating, knowing I'm capable of achieving somethin, anythin yet I'm completely stagnant.

I'm curious whether its actually easier to get a high end job when ur qualified than it is to get a basic low end job against 100s of people?. I suspect it is (wasntme).

rose
12-05-14, 08:39 AM
I'm curious whether its actually easier to get a high end job when ur qualified than it is to get a basic low end job against 100s of people?. I suspect it is (wasntme).

I think you might be right about that. But you are volunteering which shows you are proactively trying to get the experience you need. What sort of jobs are you going for?

Paula
12-05-14, 08:57 AM
Have you considered doing any further training/studying in the area you're interested in? I wonder if that may help potential employers see how committed you are to this. At your age, for instance, I did an HNC at evening classes which bore no resemblance to my job at the time but stood me in good stead. I have also done qualifications at lower levels, but in an area which interests me.

SA89
12-05-14, 09:32 AM
I guess the Admin voluntary counts as training, thats why I decided to do that plus to get an insight into mental health. I've put that on my CV yet not a single response. I've done other voluntary work in admin places, IT troubleshootin etc (even though they weren't my roles as such) & I've exaggerated it the best I can. However, I only have Burger King as a legitimate reference tbh (blush).

I've seriously considered pursuing a counseling qualification but I'm not sure about listening to peoples problems for the rest of my life (no offence mods (smirk)). Writing is another I've pondered but not sure what capacity (think). I've applied for just anythin min wage Rose & Admin. It doesnt help that I have no social circle, its who u know not what as thy say.. It stresses me out so much all of this but it helps to articulate into text. I'm grateful for this forum knowing others can relate to this bleak despair :).

Paula
12-05-14, 10:33 AM
The vol work definitely counts, IMO, but perhaps some more structured study as well?

rose
12-05-14, 12:16 PM
You could try registering with a temp agency to see what experience you could get from that?

Suzi
12-05-14, 12:19 PM
Could you enrol with something like the OU for study? Or what about an adult education class?

SA89
13-05-14, 06:20 AM
I don't know tbh ladies, my minds too f u c ked up to comprehend atm. I present myself as a confident person, speak my mind etc although I'm quiet in social situations. My voluntary role demands me to be confident so I can deal with peoples problems appropriately over the phone. I'm just in a big rut atm where I'm strugglin to channel my potential into somethin productive. That applies to every1 I guess.

I'm doing watever possible atm to prevent those 'triggers' that affect my depression/anxiety, mainly by simply distractin myself. Thinkin about my future however is a 'trigger' in itself because of the stress it causes me.. (devil). I'm aware though that the only way forward is to build a future for myself. I can't stay in this vegetated state all my life.. (think)

Suzi
13-05-14, 11:00 AM
So you have a voluntary role? Cool.. What about things that you enjoy?

SA89
14-05-14, 01:54 PM
I don't enjoy anythin, I know that sounds like defeatest talk but their is no career that interests me whatsoever.. I feel completely lost. My doctors just given Fluxotene (Prozac) but I'm concerned to take them 'caus some people are against them. My doctor said theyre safe though but he obviously gets paid to spout that. FFS (wasntme)..

rose
14-05-14, 02:20 PM
I take fluoxetine and I am still around to tell the tale!

Paula
14-05-14, 02:53 PM
Lots of people on DWD are on that AD. Would it help to talk to us about what worries you about taking them?

Suzi
14-05-14, 04:18 PM
My husband was on fluoxetine for years. Not only did it save our relationship but his life too.

amaeru
14-05-14, 04:56 PM
I've taken fluoxetine on several occasions over the past seven years. It's always worked for me. Some people do report side effects but tbh I never found that to be a problem while I was on them. The most I found was that they supressed my appetite and made me nauseous for the first couple of weeks but that subsided over time.
When the time came to come off them I've never experienced any ill effects from that either. Just a couple of weeks on reduced dosage, a couple of weeks taking one on alternate days and then off.

SA89
14-05-14, 05:21 PM
Thx, I'm havin an anxiety attack as I write this.. a sudden rush of anxiety just comes over me.. I hope these ADs subside that as well. I can't tell if they're panic attacks or not but its horrible. It just comes on like my heart suddenly beats extremely fast & I feel light-headed. I'm not hyperventalatin (to the extremeties of what people do) but I'm heavy-breathing :o. It tends to happen more when I'm fatigued but it happens regardless :s..

amaeru
14-05-14, 05:25 PM
Try to slow down your breathing hunni.
Focus on it and pay attention to each breath. Try to take in a short breath and let it out Slo-o-owly.

Is there something in particular that is triggering your anxiety atm?

Paula
14-05-14, 05:28 PM
(bear) it's horrible when that happens, and exhausting. Try to rest, if possible, for a little while after an attack - the adrenaline rush takes a lot out of you. My care worker has told me that a panic attack never last longer than 25 minutes (often shorter) because that is literally the longest period of time your body can sustain it. When you feel it coming on, make sure you're sitting down, and try to even out your breathing. I hope the meds start helping you soon

rose
14-05-14, 07:07 PM
Honestly, I had horrible side effects from fluoxetine, but I genuinely believe its saved my life, so it was worth it.

Suzi
14-05-14, 08:03 PM
If it's something you are having regularly then you need to be checked out by a hospital or GP.. It might be an anxiety or panic attack or it might be something more serious. Do get checked out hun..

SA89
15-05-14, 08:08 PM
Our moans & groans really do sound pathetic when u hear about the likes of chris sutton & the achievements he made before his death. Its frustratin 'caus we're all fully aware that theirs people worse off yet we can't seem to 'snap out' of this misery. Misery over stuff thats so trivial its laughable (blush).

Atm I'm tryin to somehow rationalize what the root cause of my relentless despair is. Ripping the root from the seed its embedded in is the only way to truly be liberated of it. And thus attacking it in an aggressive-minded fashion. Its just diggin out that stubborn ol' root thats the hard part..

Suzi
15-05-14, 08:21 PM
I don't think they sound pathetic at all... It's all about what affects you.. Yes what Stephen Sutton (I assume that's who you are talking about ;) ) managed to achieve is phenomenal, but that achievement for him could be the same as someone managing to get out of bed for 3 days in a row before 10am or so..

SA89
15-05-14, 09:14 PM
sorry ye I meant Stephen (damn auto-type (blush)), I'm taken aback by how inspiring this wonderful young man was. I was referrin to our typical 'every-day' moaning not people who have legitimate reasons to moan. Basically the type on facebook that whine & complain & beg for attention. That constant self-centred neediness is embarrassing when u see the self-lessness of that young man.

Its always the nicest people that suffer the worst & that really upsets me. The prospect of death really frightens me I'm not gonna lie, however inevitable. When ur depressed that deep rooted fear intensifies. The world becomes such a bleak picture that u struggle to look past the worst things imaginable :s.

SA89
17-05-14, 09:27 PM
Sorry for the double post (delete this if its forbidden) but does any1 else feel more 'lonely' during the summer? (think). When ur a recluse summers the absolute worst time I find along with Christmas. I feel like I have to be somewhere to make the most of it which is easier said than done when u've no circle to socialise in. I have a walk round town sometimes but its not the same. Every1 seems to be doing something sociable all the time, they always seem to have plans with friends.

rose
17-05-14, 09:33 PM
I find Christmas and other 'happy times' very difficult but I must say something I always find cheers me up is summer.
You don't need to be socialising to enjoy it, just sitting in your garden with a book or having a walk in the park is so simple yet so lovely.
I am definitely a summer person!

Suzi
17-05-14, 11:02 PM
You could always try asking some of your friends to meet somewhere etc..

SA89
18-05-14, 04:22 AM
ye I go out with my cousin clubbin 1ce a week & the same thing happens over & over; she buggers off with some guy, I stay in town for a bit (feelin like a twat talkin to strangers) then I go home with my tail between my legs. I've just been now actually & its the last fkn time I go until I form legitimate friends of my own. Guys will no doubt relate to this, its the same thing ever year.

We're expected to go out & party every week but u have to be really, really in the mood to dance with strangers. I start off spirited but then depression quickly settles in, triggered by feelin completely lost in a crowd of jubilants. These constant disapointing nights contribute to my low self esteem i'd say (blush)..

Westin
18-05-14, 04:46 AM
Why not fill your nights with things you enjoy then? If you know you're setting yourself up for a trigger, do something else.

Suzi
18-05-14, 11:26 AM
Totally agree with Westin.. I've never been a lover of clubbing etc so I did something different..

Paula
18-05-14, 12:10 PM
So why do you keep doing it? I don't mean that aggressively, I really would like to know why. Is it because you don't like the thought of not going out, or because you don't know what other options there are?

SA89
18-05-14, 03:01 PM
ye pretty much the thought of stayin in on a weekend.. especially at summer/christmas. Its every1s favourite past-time on my fb etc so its kinda the natural thing to do. The alternative is stayin in on a weekend which I do everyday. When I'm out though my self-esteem is exposed in a place full of strangers. I'm an attractive guy apparently but i'm ridiculously short! (5'3-'4) (blush).

Even in Turkey last year, despite the lush setting my mood was still overwhelmingly low. I've broken down in tears several times in restaurants/pub toilets etc ;(.. I'm constantly riddled with insecurity - prospects, lack of relationships, low self-image etc. I'm percieved as a 'gd lad' with a gd sense of humour but behind the curtain I'm so unhappy with this miserable life I lead :(..

Paula
18-05-14, 03:36 PM
I'm saying this with the proviso that I've never done this, though know of people who do. Have you ever considered joining one of those groups that arrange outings, doing all sorts of different things, where you can meet like minded people without any pressure? I wonder if it might take you out of the mindset that all there is to do at the weekend is clubbing, which you don't like.

SA89
18-05-14, 07:20 PM
I attended a depression & anxiety support group the other day, I suppose it helped to be with others who can relate. Some of the stories I heard wr really distressing & left me cold & rather disturbed. I think having a consistent daily routine would be the best therapy for me personally. Every day its just me & this black hole of nothingness, shut away in my room with inconceivable despair. These new ADs r a long way from kicking in as well.. I've noticed though when I'm working my depression is alleviated through the adrenaline rush. It would work wonders to work full time but thats so hard to come by :(..

I really do appreciate the support people offer on these forums considerin u've no obligation to do so. I find it to be an invaluable respite in moments of complete hopelessness :).

Suzi
18-05-14, 10:19 PM
So glad we can help you hunni.. Are you going to go back to the group?

SA89
19-05-14, 03:22 PM
I may do, I find though that I'm nowehere near as bad as the people there. Its also a bit strange being the only young person, I think its 'caus more matured people don't care about the stigma as much (blush). My 2 main issues really are social awkwardness and a lack of direction but all the speech in the world is not gonna solve that, only I can.

Being somewhere, around people (like the voluntary place I'm writing from) really does help. I dread going home 'caus when I really sit down to think what career to take I get stressed out & anxiety overwhelms me :s.

SA89
24-05-14, 11:24 PM
Feel so alone right now.. its so disheartening knowin people are livin life to the full with things to do & people to see. I'm sick to death of feelin miserable year after year..

How are u expected to be happy when u're so lonely? Or when u felt 'empty' for so long.. I definitely have some social anxiety & its always restricted me. I'm just so fed up with my life (or lack of) & can't take this misery any longer ;(..

Angie
25-05-14, 12:00 AM
Have you been back to your gp and told them how things are and how your feeling

SA89
25-05-14, 01:05 AM
Have you been back to your gp and told them how things are and how your feeling

ye he just sent me away on drugs as usual -_-.. I suppose thats all they can do, we can only help ourselves as they say. The world doesn't meet u half way. I had an assessment for counselling recently but thats weeks off. I think the key is to find some sense of direction like I said previously because ur wellbeing tends to even itself out. Direction being in prospects & relationships, both mine of which to be f u cked atm. When u find some sense of hope ur confidence naturally improves, I'm just completely lost & this despair is such a struggle to push through. Sorry for bein so negative (blush).

Suzi
25-05-14, 09:31 AM
You don't have to apologise for being honest about how you are feeling.

Angie
25-05-14, 10:43 AM
Dont apologise hun

Paula
25-05-14, 01:00 PM
Feel so alone right now.. its so disheartening knowin people are livin life to the full with things to do & people to see. I'm sick to death of feelin miserable year after year..

How are u expected to be happy when u're so lonely? Or when u felt 'empty' for so long.. I definitely have some social anxiety & its always restricted me. I'm just so fed up with my life (or lack of) & can't take this misery any longer ;(..

Honestly, hunni, peoples lives aren't generally what they seem. What people post on social media is posted through Rose tinted glasses.

What meds did your dr give you, and are you taking them?

SA89
25-05-14, 09:54 PM
Honestly, hunni, peoples lives aren't generally what they seem. What people post on social media is posted through Rose tinted glasses.

What meds did your dr give you, and are you taking them?

My doc gave me Fluxotine 20mg, been takin thm for a few nights now at 10pm. I agree with u that people put on a facade to make thm look gd. Its frustratin 'caus people at my work are so obnoxious & vulgar but they're all together in a 'clique' and thats the only 'circle' I associate with. At homes no better.. my brother is the most vile, aggressive person u could imagine yet girls love him! (wasntme). I've been considerate & selfless all my life & for what when these p r icks get it handed to them :(:.

Suzi
25-05-14, 10:48 PM
Glad you've been taking them, but just be aware they take a while to start working.

Paula
25-05-14, 11:00 PM
Hunni, you've got 2 things being put into place 1. Anti-depressants which will likely take several weeks to really get working and 2. You're waiting for a counselling appt. I know waiting for these to take effect is hard, but they're both really positive treatments. It'll take a little while but they will help. You've just got to trust in what your doctor is doing and be kind to yourself over the next few weeks

rose
26-05-14, 11:42 AM
I take Fluoxetine and it takes a while to work. I didn't even get side-effects until about day 7. I would suggest keeping a simple daily diary of how you feel.

Amaya
26-05-14, 02:30 PM
Hiya, welcome to the site from me, even if I am coming a little late to the conversation! :)

I notice that (quite a few posts back) you made a list. One of the things on it was exercise. Do you manage to do any?
I really think that one of the reasons I recovered from depression last time around was because I was exercising loads. I did a mixture of things on my own and things at clubs etc. The endorphines you get really lift your mood, and it can be a good way of making friends with a different crowd of people. So, like a rock climbing club is somewhere you can go on your own and boulder, or rope climb with others.. There are often clubs that go away for the weekend etc. Just an example.

(I can't really talk because I'm not doing anything at the moment, but I plan to again soon!)

SA89
21-06-14, 08:56 PM
Thx guys (nod). I did that list a while back & since then i'll be honest i've done absolutely nothing towards changing my lifestyle (blush).. I've continued in my rut of despair, watching the world cup from my lonely bedroom. A lot of that despair stems from a basic need to be loved affectionately. I put on the big 'care-free' persona but its just a front to somehow appear functionel. 24 yrs of being socially inept whats another 60?.. I'd not rather not live than spend another 60 yrs or so lonely ;(..

Suzi
21-06-14, 10:48 PM
Why hunni? Why haven't you done things to help yourself?

Paula
21-06-14, 11:04 PM
Have you been back to your GP for a med review? And you really do need to push yourself to get out, maybe do some exercise - but get away from the tv. That lifestyle is just going to bring your mood down

SA89
21-06-14, 11:33 PM
Its been my lifestyle pretty much all my life (blush).. I think the reason y I stay in this rut is because it feels pointless pushing myself when there's nothing to push towards if that makes sense. And the moments I do push myself (like lookin for a new job or tryin to make friends at work) I either get rejected or i'm misunderstood. I'm consumed by my insecurities & its soo frustratin. I've not had a med review but I've been taking fluxotine regularly for about a month or so I think (think).

Paula
21-06-14, 11:38 PM
Are you still waiting for a counselling appointment?

SA89
22-06-14, 12:27 AM
ye i've been waiting months!. I'm surprised I have some sense of sanity left being around people who constantly brag about their girlfriends & setting up a family..

rose
22-06-14, 05:24 AM
Hello.... are you on 20mg Fluoxetine? I had to take more than that before I saw real improvements. I think its a good idea to get yourself back to the doctor to discuss it.
Its very difficult to get motivated to help yourself but just start with something really small.

Paula
22-06-14, 11:44 AM
And, when you see your dr, ask for the counselling to be chased up

Suzi
22-06-14, 11:09 PM
Definitely agree with the others that going back an talking to your GP is the best course of action...

SA89
23-06-14, 02:39 PM
How can u tell if the dosage ur on is too weak? I'm on 20mg & its hard to tell if its workin caus I'm still really depressed just not crying as much. If I up it to 30 wouldn't that just make me even more drowsy?.. Oh & seein a counsellor at 11am, just need to wake up for it! (blush)

Paula
23-06-14, 02:49 PM
You just have to speak to your GP, explain how you're currently feeling, including any side effects such as drowsiness, and they'll be the one to decide whether dosage needs to be adjusted or a different AD tried. But please remember that it can take up to 8 weeks to really feel the benefits of an AD.

rose
23-06-14, 07:34 PM
Definitely have a chat with the GP. Before you go for the appointment try to write a list of what's better, what's worse, what's the same. That information will help the GP decide whether its the right AD for you and doses etc.

Suzi
23-06-14, 10:35 PM
Absolutely agree. Go and tell your Dr as much as you can about how you are really feeling. Tell them everything -it will help. Let them talk you through the options that are available..

SA89
24-06-14, 02:27 PM
I just feel like basic needs are not being met such as the need for affection. When u've never had a gf thats bound to get to u. Its incredibly frustratin.. No amount of pills will fill that void :(.

Paula
24-06-14, 02:29 PM
True, but the meds can boost your mood so you feel more capable of tackling the issues in your life

Suzi
24-06-14, 08:31 PM
As Paula says, the meds will help to keep your mood more stable so you can work on other things you might need to...

rose
24-06-14, 08:53 PM
I agree with Paula and Suzi. Fluoxetine is slow acting medication and it will take about 6 weeks to start seeing real benefits, its one you have to be really patient with.

SA89
29-06-14, 08:53 PM
I've noticed my depression is worse during the week when I'm not doing anything. On weekends when I'm working my mind just kinda mellows out. Work really is the best therapy. Simply being around people at a given workplace is a comfort even if ur socially awkward like me. It also bridges that isolation however temporary.

I've decided to continue my 20mg fluxotine for the time being because I don't wanna compromise the 6 week effect its already had on me (if any). Oh & I missed my counselling (caus' 11am is too early for me to dissect my life) so I'm back on the waiting list (blush)..

Suzi
29-06-14, 09:52 PM
Can you schedule stuff in during the week to make things easier for yourself...

SA89
05-07-14, 12:28 AM
Can you schedule stuff in during the week to make things easier for yourself...

I'm workin on it.. Sat-Mon is not so bad 'caus those are the days I'm around people (however temporary) via voluntary & work. My mum & her friends keep tellin me to 'Do something about it!' & to 'Get out there!' which I agree would help but I find it really disheartening knowing how alone I feel all the time without a clear path. Its a struggle to shake off years & years of isolation/worry. I've applied for countless jobs as an escape route but nothing. Woe is me I know (blush).. My counselling assessment is on the 25th & thn I'm back on a waiting list to see some1.

The future looks so bleak right now. No friends, no prospects :(..

Suzi
05-07-14, 09:59 AM
Oh yeah the "do something about it" comments.... If only it was that easy huh?

SA89
05-07-14, 07:26 PM
I wish it were.. I think with depression its hard to pinpoint what it is exactly that we need to 'do something about' because we're clouded by such misery. I know that I need to fit in to form friendships & to figure out a career so its a collection of issues really. I just get overwhelmed tbh 'caus for every step forward theirs a step back. At work its like being at a party where I'm not invited knowing I struggle to fit in. That deep rooted loneliness follows me wherever I go & theirs just no relief watsoever..

Suzi
05-07-14, 10:04 PM
Stupid thought, but have you ever written a list of the things you want to change? Not as in "everything" or "me" but more specific.. So on mine would be "lose weight sensibly" and "sort out the yarn piles in the front room".... Things that when set out so they are broken down are actually clearer and so I they are things that aren't so huge, that I might actually challenge..

SA89
12-07-14, 08:43 PM
Do u mean a long term list or for every small target?. I think I have in the past & I did feel a bit satisfied as I ticked each 1 off. Mines more long term though I think like 'make plans with friends at work', 'plan a career'. I'm def more sociable at work but thy're still just acquaintances really. It feels impossible to simply just be content. In my mind I'm constantly sayin to myself 'if I just had a gf & a career I'm interested in everythin will be alright, I will be free of loneliness'. But I'm just going round in circles! (blush)..

rose
12-07-14, 08:49 PM
With your career, do you know what you want to do? If not, its going to be pretty tricky to find it.
If you DO know, you could write a list of things you could do to help with the career.
Qualifications, work experience, volunteering, even a job in the same sector to get you an 'in'.
The goal of getting a career is so huge, it would be very difficult to just do it overnight, does that make sense?

Suzi
12-07-14, 09:48 PM
Those are massive goals.. You need to break it down so much more.. so you could have "sit with other people at lunch 1ce a month" to start with or "look at the volunteer website" etc... Really small chunks to make a big target is so much more satisfying as it's achievable..

Paula
12-07-14, 10:50 PM
I agree with everyone, you can have an aim of getting to that point. For instance, getting a career. You need to start by looking at your skills and training. Then look at what you'd like to do, and work out if your skillset matches your aim. If not, how can you gain those skills (study perhaps) and so on. 'Getting a career' as the long term aim is brilliant, but is never going to happen if you don't split it down into manageable chunks. It's a bit like a steak - your goal of eating it is fab but you still have to cut it up into mouth sized chunks

Suzi
13-07-14, 11:09 AM
Excellent analogy there love!

SA89
17-07-14, 11:19 PM
So when u finish 1 list do u start another to keep urself 'movin' so to speak?. I'm doing a temporary role at NEXT atm but its only for 2 days. And next week I'm attending a volunteer meeting so thats some progress I guess (though I'm yet to start a list (:s). I think a lot of peoples depression stems from a basic need of friendship & to be loved. If we didn't have that intense underlyin loneliness the perception of life would be a better place. I'm 25 tommorow & i've no one to celebrate it with other than my mum. How sad is that lol (blush)..

amaeru
17-07-14, 11:31 PM
So when u finish 1 list do u start another to keep urself 'movin' so to speak?.

Yup - well I do anyway. ;)
Some positive steps there hunni. That's great. And Happy Birthday for tomorrow (party)(party)

Paula
18-07-14, 12:53 PM
Happy birthday (party)(happy)(party)

Suzi
18-07-14, 07:06 PM
Woohoo! Happy birthday for tomorrow!
So many positives!

SA89
25-07-14, 06:49 PM
I'm starting to feel its impossible for me to be happy or even content. Without friends or prospects it really is impossible to feel anything other than miserable. Money is a constant barrier in realising what little ambition we have. Study fees are ridiculous & jobs are scarce.. NEXT seemed a nice place for 1 days temp work but just like that its gone. An environment to blossom taken away.. I feel like crying but nothing comes out :=. That 'to-do' list is strugglin to even get off the ground, Its hard to formulate a route of action when all roads are closed off.

purplefan
25-07-14, 07:15 PM
I think you have to start takin things one day at a time. You think you are drowning and sinking deeper and deeper.
One way to deal with the depression is to break your problems down and deal with them one at a time.
I think you need to go back and get your G.P. To look at what treatment is available.
What you are going through is so difficult and you feel lost.
Taking little steps at a time is one way of getting rid of that feeling. Sometimes it is difficult to cry,
Take it a day at a time.

amaeru
25-07-14, 08:03 PM
Have you tried nextstep SA89?

http://www.boltonwise.co.uk/nextstep.htm

SA89
27-07-14, 02:29 AM
ye i'm just f k n sick of people like my mums friends tellin me to 'get out there & socialise!'. I'm 25 now, I get it, I need to sort myself out whatever that means. I know they mean well but I can't just magic friends from pixie dust. People have always liked me as a person yet I've no friends just acquaintances, how does that work out!? (blush). I despise seein couples through sheer envy of what I desperately desire (envy). Without videogames I would probably feel suicidal or more outgoing I dunno. They offer me an escape just like working does, best therapy I have tbh..

I'm still on 20 fluxotine & that makes me drowsy enough so I don't really want to up it. I think they work but its hard to tell. If I was actively making progress then I'm sure they'd be more effective.

rose
27-07-14, 06:32 AM
Are you sure its the medication making you drowsy?

Suzi
27-07-14, 10:40 AM
Are you in a good sleep routine?

SA89
03-08-14, 06:38 PM
My sleep routines been f u c k ed for years lol (blush), but even if it were gd i'd feel the same tbh. I generally catch up in the day when I'm off work. I'm certain its the meds makin me drowsy 'caus everytime I go on an AD I feel more tired, but thats to be expected. I'm not gonna lie I'm absolutely desperate for a gf just to experience love & affection. Sounds sad I know but It eats away at me every waking day. I often get told I'm gd lookin (despite my lack of height), I just have serious confidence issues :s..

Suzi
03-08-14, 11:00 PM
I can see where you are coming from, but having a gf isn't automatically going to solve anything or make it better...

SA89
10-08-14, 07:13 PM
I can see where you are coming from, but having a gf isn't automatically going to solve anything or make it better...

ye ur right, its just so soul-destroyin seein people happy, getting affection, getting married etc when I'm yet to even have my 1st gf! :/. My desire for affection is clouding the real issue which is.. u know what I don't even know what the issue is. All I know is that the way I've been feeling all these years stems from my social withdrawal as a child. I even ran upstairs if some1 knocked on the door, pathetic I know (blush)..

I keep tellin myself everythin will fall in2 place 1ce I'm clear on what career path to take but I'm running in circles. Its the constant loneliness thats draggin me down & sustaining the misery. I wanna feel good for a change, I'm sick of fighting this depression , its a losing battle :(..

Paula
10-08-14, 07:25 PM
You're not pathetic, please stop calling yourself that. And fighting the depression is not a losing battle, it's just a case of getting the treatment that's right for you, and that means engaging with whatever medical professional/s necessary. If you've been struggling since you were a child, without dealing with those childhood issues, you're not going to be able to get everything else to fall into place, just because you want it to. Go to your GP, explain what you've said here, and ask for a referral to the relevant psych professional.

amaeru
10-08-14, 08:18 PM
Paula's right hunni - Make that appointment.
(nod)

SA89
10-08-14, 08:45 PM
You're not pathetic, please stop calling yourself that. And fighting the depression is not a losing battle, it's just a case of getting the treatment that's right for you, and that means engaging with whatever medical professional/s necessary. If you've been struggling since you were a child, without dealing with those childhood issues, you're not going to be able to get everything else to fall into place, just because you want it to. Go to your GP, explain what you've said here, and ask for a referral to the relevant psych professional.

I'm on a waiting list to see a counsellor. This will be my 5th counsellor lol (blush). Regardin meds I've been taking Fluxotine 20mg for a few month now & they do help in some way 'caus I don't cry as much. If I switch again i'd be startin over again while these have settled in. Maybe I need a stronger dosage I dunno but then I'll likely be more drowsy thus more lazy & less pro-active.

Atm I'm still applying for jobs online whilst working weekends & volunteering on the Monday. Just need something consistent in the week really thats productive. Then my life wouldn't solely revolve around a place where I don't fit in (mm).

rose
10-08-14, 08:51 PM
If they are helping you, but you don't feel quite right, you can ask to increase..... just go to the GP and explain what's going on.

Suzi
10-08-14, 09:14 PM
Absolutely agree with Rose. Go and talk to your GP and tell them how you are feeling...

SA89
11-09-14, 04:26 AM
Waiting 2 weeks to see my doctor who's on holiday & I'm gonna try to see a psychiatrist for a diagnosis. Tonight I went out to a few bars for the 1st time in months & it wasn't too bad but I felt rather uncomfortable. Tonight made me realise that I should really try & bulk up my physique because I'm embarrassingly slim compared to my peers! (blush). Plus I'm short as well..

Despite my ill thoughts I managed to get a few moves in on the dancefloor lol. Went out for a family meal prior to clubbin which was nice. I constantly get the 3rd degree though on how I need to be more independent & engage outside of my room. I completely agree, I just find it really difficult to look beyond my insecurities, I'm 25 & I'm ridiculously timid! :s..

Suzi
11-09-14, 09:18 AM
Have you thought about trying to go to a group who all have similar interests? A dance class or whatever it is that you enjoy?

SA89
26-09-14, 11:38 PM
My head is so convoluted that I don't enjoy anythin. I've applied for stuff here & there.. I went to my doc yesterday & apparently I cant get a diagnosis because I'm not like mental or anythin. He said my depression is a result of my social withdrawal ever since I was a kid. And he said uppin my 20mg will just mke me more tired (snooze).

I've tried other meds & thyre the same. I can't take this unbearable lonely feeling anymore. Without meaningful relationships theres no reason for me to be here. Constant misery with no end in sight.. I've even tried dating sites with not 1 response frm like 20 messages ha (blush). Desire.. Despair.. Desire.. Despair.. ;(

Suzi
27-09-14, 10:17 AM
Has the doctor referred you for therapy or given you some idea of what you can do to help? I'm really not sure that him saying that was particularly helpful...

Amaya
27-09-14, 04:57 PM
The Mind website lists loneliness amoungst the other common mental health issues. Not sure how that relates to diagnosis exactly.

SA89
27-09-14, 07:33 PM
Has the doctor referred you for therapy or given you some idea of what you can do to help? I'm really not sure that him saying that was particularly helpful...

I started therapy last week with an asian woman so i've got 6-12 sessions with her. I think with social withdrawal the only thing any1 can tell u really is to 'get out more' etc, thts y I think the doc was so vague. That advice will follow me to my grave! (blush). I do go places like town for example but its always been just me & my shadow. I'm still takin the fluxotine despite little relief but wt choice do I have?. Without thm I'm even more emotional. I can barely crack a genuine laugh anymore :s (except wen I'm banterin with my cousin).

Suzi
27-09-14, 07:51 PM
Glad you've started therapy... What about joining a group with similar interests?

SA89
12-10-14, 12:04 AM
I just don't fit in anywhere, I've had 4 interviews recently & failed every single 1 of them. Came across well just don't have customer service experience basically. I'm so desperate for a relationship that its clouding my every move. Even if a girl has a moody personality she'll still attract men wereas a man wouldn't be given a second look & be considered 'weak' :s.

When we're not meeting this need its immensely frustrating & painful. Seein other lads at work flirting with objects of my desire makes me deeply despairing within an instant. Just to experience love for the 1st time would be liberating (even if thy wr to dump me shortly after!). Apologies if this comes across as self-loathing but I just needed to vent this immense frustration to a public audience (doh).

Noel
12-10-14, 01:03 AM
Hello , if it is any help , i was exactly like this through my teenage years , I couldn't think of any good points about myself . I was short , and so self conscious about everything , from my looks to my personality which ironically was ok until i became so self conscious . I hit an all time low when i was 18 , painfully shy with a real need to be liked by others . What i did was start going to my local gym every other night and started weight training and going on the treadmill , and they had a punch bag also . (i think at the time i thought i was rocky ) . The gym isn't everyones cup of tea but without realizing after a few months of this routine of "me" time and to hell with what others were doing or saying i for the first time in years started to get my self confidence and even though i felt like i was no oil painting i felt great about myself . I am 41 now and i do get bouts of depression which is clinical , but that time i started to go to the gym really gave me the confidence to come out of my shell . The gym isn't for everyone but it worked for me . I am sure the right person is out there for you , places like gyms or running clubs will also get you socializing .

Paula
12-10-14, 09:25 AM
You haven't failed those interviews, they'll have just gone with someone with more relevant experience. Are you working at the moment? If not, have you considered doing temp work to gain experience?

Experiencing love if you get dumped shortly after, seems to me to be a statement that you're not looking for love, but sex. And if a girl is looking for a relationship, they will see through that, and more often than not, be put off. Try looking for a girl you'd like to spend time with rather than an 'object of your desire'. (Btw, women aren't objects)

Suzi
12-10-14, 10:45 AM
As Paula has said - is it love or sex you are wanting?

SA89
12-10-14, 08:18 PM
I want both tbh but more a soul-mate who I can go shoppin with & frolic in the sun. That ain't happenin anytime soon though because I'm a serious recluse. I work atm yeah on weekends at Burger King. I just feel constantly withdrawn from every1 else there because they're all socialites. Bein 5'3 doesn't help but thats no excuse tbh (blush). Paula a few of those interviews I had wr for temp work. My brothers a pain as well, hes just not a very nice person, smokin weed in the house all the time, tellin mum to f off etc. My life is so miserable, I feel trapped inside my circling thoughts. I'm that motionless I may as well be a vegetable :=.

Suzi
12-10-14, 08:35 PM
Sorry, can I check how old you are? What do you do with your time during the week when you aren't working?

SA89
12-10-14, 09:07 PM
Sorry, can I check how old you are? What do you do with your time during the week when you aren't working?

I'm 25. I'm in my room all the time on the internet or the playstation except for Mondays were I briefly volunteer as a receptionist at a mental health service. I've been the same ever since play-school, its not autism though 'caus I speak just fine with people. Its more social anxiety were I struggle to engage with people (unless I'm spoken to kinda). I'm really quiet wereas every1 I associate with is the complete opposite. They have the security of an esteemed social life. Close friends, gfs, parties, basically 'normality' that i've always wanted but can only dream about. Some of these people aren't even that endearing tbh but thy're loud and assured which draws them to each other (think).

Paula
12-10-14, 09:54 PM
Lovely, I've looked back at your earlier posts and noticed you were on ADs but came off them suddenly with no medical supervision. Can I ask if you are taking anything at the moment, and when was the last time you saw your doctor for a checkup?

Suzi
12-10-14, 10:37 PM
Staying in your room playing on the playstation isn't going to help at all. Is there anything else that you could be accessing?

SA89
15-10-14, 04:34 AM
Nothing interests me enough to get in debt over. I'm sick of applyin for retail jobs & gettin overlooked after the interview but I'm 25 & need to be regularly workin. Basically I don't have customer service experience so I may as well not even bother applyin. I'm a gd saver & live with my mum but 2 days a week at Burger King is not great in ur mid 20s (blush). My voluntary job is gonna give me more responsibility which I'm doin in the hope it leads to paid work. Its a charitable mental health service though so an oppurtunity may never arise!.

I know this may sound like 'woe is me' but everythings heightened when ur a loner. No friends or anythin to pick u up when ur down. I'm on Fluxotine 20mg btw & I saw the doc other week, even he's clueless!. Oh I'm seein a counsellor though who likes to ask me 'how am I feelin' after every f u kn sentence (yawn)..

purplefan
15-10-14, 07:15 AM
Counsellors are a funny breed. They like to keep in control of the conversation ànd ask awkward or confusing questions to see what your reaction is. However if the questions are bothering you, you can tell him/her how annoyed it is making you.
The job market can be a tough place and when depression is there, it can be tough to sell yourself in a positive light.
The only thing there 8th to keep on going. I know it is demoralising getting rejection letter after letter.
I do hope things get better.

Suzi
15-10-14, 08:25 AM
As the lovely PF suggests, have you told them how that is making you feel?

SA89
15-10-14, 01:55 PM
ye I suppose thyre just doin their job. The thing is I see a new job as the only way to build up my confidence & meet new people. In my mind I'm like 'I shall continue to seclude myself until I prove myself with a career plan'. I've refused outings based off this warped mentality. I'm ashamed of where I am in life. I don't even go to the pub or anythin just caus I'm so uncertain about my future :s.

Suzi
15-10-14, 02:43 PM
I don't think you should be ashamed of it at all. No 2 people will do things at the same time.... Give yourself a break.

Amaya
15-10-14, 03:14 PM
Do you enjoy learning things? Because there are lots of funded college courses around that might open up employment opportunities in the future. Plus at college there's a better chance of making friends with like minded people than in the workplace. Perhaps think what you would like to learn about and make some calls/ internet searches. It might help with the boredom too :)

SA89
18-10-14, 09:20 PM
Do you enjoy learning things? Because there are lots of funded college courses around that might open up employment opportunities in the future. Plus at college there's a better chance of making friends with like minded people than in the workplace. Perhaps think what you would like to learn about and make some calls/ internet searches. It might help with the boredom too :)

Completely agree with u that college has like minded people, thats y I'm lookin in2 goin back, plus I want a future. However, is the employment rate higher with an education opposed to not?. I'm curious 'caus theres people at Burger King with degrees yet thy're stuck flippin whoppers!. Thats y i'm so hesitant to pursue counselling studies 'caus theres no guarantee of a career at the end of it. I'm scared of getting in2 debt with nothin to show 4 it (think)

Suzi
18-10-14, 10:04 PM
Yes that's true, but it's always been the way. I have a degree - actually a good degree which I'm not currently using and may never be able to use again, and I have the debt. But I wouldn't change it. For me it was the right thing to do and I still study various things because it gives me time to be me...

Paula
18-10-14, 10:09 PM
I don't think any education is a waste. I'm currently doing a course that I'm loving, but I'm unlikely ever to be well enough to use it. However, 1. I'm loving it and it's stretching my brain cells and 2. Who knows if it's going to help one day?

If you're keen on counselling, perhaps volunteering at your local CAB could be a step in the right direction?

SA89
19-10-14, 02:37 AM
ye I think volunteering combined with a qualification is the best way to go. Experience accounts for more than a certificate nowadays, its just finding ways to get that experience. Voluntary is the best way to get it under ur belt 'caus its openly accessible. Hopefully that sense of control will help ease the depression because its still overwhelming. Even after a relatively pleasent day at work I come home & feel detached from the world 1ce again. I'm just desperate to experience a genuine relationship, its all I think about & its made me so miserable.

I'm probably the most caring person in my workplace & I banter with people but there's a divide of 1 big 'clique' & every1 else. Its really annoying & triggers my loneliness everytime I see this group of people. Thats y I'm desperate for somethin fresh because theirs no light at the end of this tunnel :s.

SA89
19-10-14, 06:16 PM
Rights thats it.. there's no point to me carryin on this life. I have no life & I don't wanna be like this for another 20,30,40,50 years. Social anxiety has beaten me & raped me of my self-worth. Everywhere I turn there's people livin life to the full, Its (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in soul-destroyin.

I'm cryin my eyes out as I'm typin this after yet another miserable day at work of feelin unwanted. I wish I never had anxiety or depression, my quality of life is severely diminished & theres no way out. I don't want to live anymore & I ain't ringin the Samaritans. I'd rather not pro-long the misery ;(..

Paula
19-10-14, 06:55 PM
Hunni, try to calm down and talk, here and/or the Samaritans. Or please get yourself to A&E. There is always a way out - I've been where you are, lovely, and my doctors found a way every single time. Please, please get yourself to safety (panda)

Paula
19-10-14, 08:55 PM
I hope you're a bit calmer now, hunni. When was the last time you saw your doctor? What treatments have you had? Medication, CBT, counselling etc? There is so much point to you carrying on, you are such a warm, caring person. This forum is here to help and support each other through tough times, and we will be with you all the way (bear)

magie06
19-10-14, 09:16 PM
Oh hunny I hope you are feeling a little better now. I wish I had a magic wand to help you get through the next few hours. Have you got an emergency doctor that you can get in contact with after hours? Or is your A&E nearby? I now if it was in my case the out of hours doctor is always there for me. Then after seeing him or her there might be a referral to the hospital. I've never had to use this service myself but I know that it's there as a safety net for me if I need it. I hope that you have a safety net like me!

Suzi
19-10-14, 09:59 PM
I'm sorry that you have had a bad day at work, but I do agree with the others that you need to see some medical professionals... I do hope that you get to A+E or a crisis team.

SA89
25-10-14, 08:04 PM
sorry for being melodramatic, I just wanted to express the sheer despair of depression :(. Today was better at work because there where new staff so it freshened the scene up a bit. People seem to really like me because I'm easy going & rather quirky but I still don't have a 'circle' of friends'. I'm only 5'3 (which is embarrassing for a male) but people have mentioned I'm gd lookin, yet i've never even had a gf like EVER. Thats y I'm so frustrated..

'Singletons' are single in transition but for us awkward virgins it seems an eternity. I'm not a virgin but thts another story. At least they've experienced love/lust. I dread turnin the lights off at night, thats how deeply lonely I feel. Anyway If u've managed to get through this self-pityin, attention-seekin block of text then u deserve a medal (blush).

Paula
25-10-14, 09:43 PM
You don't have to explain the sheer despair of depression, everyone here gets that. It does help to talk, properly, about how you're feeling, however. In my 20's, most of my friends were work friends - and transitional at best. My true 'circle of friends' have been built up through my 30s - and they're the ones I trust completely. It's from that age onwards that we learn what is really important in friendship. So don't fret.

I don't think think I've ever discounted a man because of his height, build, looks. What has always mattered to me is personality, kindness, and someone who can make me laugh. It's doesn't matter how tall the man is who's rushing you to A&E after a fall, just that they're prepared to be the one to get you there.

Suzi
25-10-14, 10:49 PM
Pass me a medal as I read your whole post too ;) Seriously, your height isn't going to be the be all and end all - people fall in love with people for far more than their looks. My husband fell in love with me (overweight, loads of medical issues etc) and I fell in love with him (no hair due to alopecia universalis , depression, other factors)and we've been together for 15 1/2 years - he's also not that tall...

SA89
31-10-14, 10:18 PM
I'm slim though as well as being short which doesn't help. I just never seem to put on weight & I eat a lot. Combine that with a big nose & social anxiety & walla! u have low esteem (blush). I ain't ugly despite these factors but these insecurities have certainly kept me in a shell all these years. People don't realise how mentally exhaustin it is tryin to improve urself socially & fit in when ur a recluse & have no friends. Especially so with depression.

I feel detached from everythin. Being around people does nothin for me & when I reach out to engage I'm left with awkwardness. 25 years of feelin worthless.. I'm extremely emotionally imbalanced & it blocks any feeling I conjur up from deep within :s..

Samantha340
31-10-14, 10:44 PM
I know what you mean and don't really have an advice, only thing we can do is learning to accept the way we are.

Suzi
31-10-14, 11:53 PM
Have you ever had specific therapy for this?

SA89
01-11-14, 01:45 AM
ye I'm on my 6th session. I've started workin out a bit 1ce a week & I bought a lovely 50' tele today. I've also been given a bit more responsibility at my voluntary which will benefit my CV. None of this eases the loneliness though. The only way to ease this intense despair is to engage with people & i've struggled with that for 25 years. I'm gd at bein civil but thts not enough. I'm sick of seein every1 else happy but me, I want some of that happiness! :(.

I feel imprisoned within my self, desperate to be free. Its mentally exhaustin.. Sortin a career out is at the forefront of my mind thats y I seclude myself. I feel ashamed to even bother socialisin knowin I'm doin absolutely nothin with my life (blush)..

Suzi
01-11-14, 11:11 AM
Are you doing anything social which means you get to meet other people?

SA89
01-11-14, 07:36 PM
Other than work & voluntary no. I get on with people at work & 'banter' but I don't hang out with them 'caus I'm not in their circle, thats always been the case. I'm not socially savvy like that. Every1 seems to always have plans; weddings, halloween parties etc. If I just had like a little circle thn I don't think my social anxiety would be as bad. Because thats a foundation to build upon. I talk perfectly fine to people, I'm just ridiculously timid :s.

Anyway.. I've got a voluntary meeting soon, thts a chance to mingle I guess. I've had 5 counsellors & 3 types of meds & I'm still friend-less. I don't really class workmates as friends. A friend is some1 u hang out with :8).

Paula
01-11-14, 09:48 PM
Why do you think you're not in their circle? Is it because of their attitude or is it because you pull back? If there's an office do, do you go, for instance? Do you chat around the coffee machine?

Suzi
01-11-14, 10:32 PM
I do wonder too why you instantly think you aren't in the same circle..

SA89
01-11-14, 10:36 PM
Why do you think you're not in their circle? Is it because of their attitude or is it because you pull back? If there's an office do, do you go, for instance? Do you chat around the coffee machine?

Bit of both, the majority who wrk there r ur typical 'jack the lad'. When I did a counseling course briefly last yr I found a connection somewhat with the students. In fast food its ur typical army type mentality, people banterin about football non stop & makin sex jokes to the girls etc. I take the p i s s as well (helps day go faster) but I'm always on hand to help people out & I make sure to involve other shy people when I'm speakin (panda).

After 4 yrs in 1 place its clear there's a divide between the introverts & extroverts. I'm kinda in the middle 'caus I'm friendly to every1 yet really awkward at the same time. Its the same everywere really, the introverts r kinda just pushed to 1 side (sorry if I'm ramblin (wasntme)).

SA89
01-11-14, 10:47 PM
if any1 reading this thread has difficulties socialisin like I do I've found this to be invaluable http://www.succeedsocially.com/. Covers everythin ;)

Suzi
01-11-14, 10:55 PM
Do you do anything for fun?

SA89
02-11-14, 07:20 PM
Do you do anything for fun?

Gamings the only fun I get. I'm desperate for a change in working environment but jobs r scarce without experience. I'm never gonna move forward in this place, doin the same s h it for 5 years on top of not fittin in..
Theres no point to life without friends, relationships. I don't want to continue my life being alone. 25 yrs of insecure misery, thats evidence enough that its not gonna get better. I'm not cut out for this world :(..

Paula
02-11-14, 07:23 PM
But you've been in your current job for 5 years, so you have that experience. Have you considered doing some training to broaden your horizons?

Suzi
02-11-14, 09:25 PM
SA89 of course you're "cut out for this world"... We aren't all the same, we don't all like the same things and we react differently to each experience. It doesn't mean that some of us are more "cut out for this world" than others at all.

You do have experience - maybe you need a change of scene? What kind of gaming?

Samantha340
02-11-14, 09:41 PM
Theres no point to life without friends, relationships. I don't want to continue my life being alone. 25 yrs of insecure misery, thats evidence enough that its not gonna get better. I'm not cut out for this world :(..

I dont know anything about your life, but just one question: Not at least one friend in school?
And there is no evidence that the next 25 years will be the same, unless you can predict the future, which would be brilliant, so you could give me the winning Lotto numbers. ;)

I know you think, the last 25 years were awful therefore the rest of my Life will be the same, BUT there is no evidence for this. Yes it might be the same if we dont put the hard work in to try changing our lives (new job, new hobby, new friend), but a new hobby will lead to meeting new people and who knows who will cross your way. (Just my opinion, after having a great day. I put my worries far away and just went out to meet some friends, concentrated on them and actually managed to enjoy myself.
Lately, I have been the same as you, I am not made for this world and everything is sh**. Changing this thinking is hard work, but concentrating on positive things does help. And believe me, those positive things are only small things, like getting a smile back from a stranger)

SA89
04-11-14, 02:45 AM
Thanks, I really appreciate the support (nod). My head is so f u c k ed up, it feels like its impossible to re-program. Its funny 'caus at my mental health voluntary I'm capable guidin people to the right direction but not myself. I may just jack in these meds 'caus whilst thy may work in the background somewhat, I just wanna sleep all the time. They hinder motivation & i've been on a few types.

Need to weigh up if being more tired but less anxious is better than vice versa. The only way to be free of this lastin misery though is to have a gf to share my life with. That opens up so much possibilities and gets u out to exciting places. I'm desperate for that assurance of havin a partner by my side. I can't enjoy this life by myself, its so depressin & 'empty'. Just me & the internet every soddin wakin day. The only medication I need is love :(.

Paula
04-11-14, 10:51 AM
Please do not just jack in the meds. Going cold turkey is extremely unpleasant and may set your mood back significantly. If your meds aren't doing the trick, please discuss alternatives with your gp. There are many different ADs out there and sometimes it is a case of trial and error - it took a long time for me to get the correct combination of meds but we got there in the end. Additionally, there are alternatives to meds, or things you can use together with meds. Counselling, CBT etc. please go to you doctor and talk things through

Suzi
04-11-14, 12:06 PM
I completely agree with Paula, go and talk to your Dr..

john d
04-11-14, 01:33 PM
Got to agree wth the girls on this one.don't want to put you off meds but it took a good 2yrs to find a combo/dose that worked for me but it does take less for others,see your gp if I was you and certainly don't go cold turkey on the meds

purplefan
04-11-14, 02:41 PM
If you just stop taking your meds it can lead to more problems. I have to agree with the others and see your GP.
Going through what your going through is no easy quick fix remedy. It is a tough time, so please continue to take your meds
Unless your GP tells you not to.

SA89
04-11-14, 08:15 PM
I know wt u guys r sayin but each day is passin me by in bed. I'm in a fixed lucid state 24/7 with these chemicals whizzin roun' my 'ead (snooze). Theres pensioners that have more energy than me! (blush). All the doc will do is either up my dose or switch them to another drowsy substance. Drugs have that effect. Citalopram, Mitazopine & now Fluxotine i've had. Talkin 'feelings' through is irrelevant if I feel tired all the time to actually 'act' on what the counsellor is tellin me.

Paula
04-11-14, 08:39 PM
Not all meds cause drowsiness, there are many more options. If you tell your doctor that's a problem for you, they will help. But they can't help you if you don't tell them. And, once the drowsiness goes, you can perhaps investigate the talking therapies.

rose
04-11-14, 10:11 PM
Mirtazapine usually makes people feel drowsy. Out of interest, what dose of Fluoxetine are you on?
Don't just stop taking your meds, its likely that doing that will make you feel very unwell.
Please see the GP again?

Suzi
04-11-14, 11:22 PM
Are you sure it's the meds causing you to be so tired or could it be something physical?

SA89
05-11-14, 12:19 AM
I'm physically healthy & I eat well, my sleeps been (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ed for years though so thats also to blame. I go sleep late & awake in the evening. Before the meds though I felt more fresh in my mind. The seretonin has definitely made me more sleepy. Depression/stress/anxiety on their own wear u down without supplements. I tell my doc everytime if hes got somethin tht doesn't mke me drowsy & all he can do is sample somethin else on me like a guinea pig.

Paula
05-11-14, 10:39 AM
Unfortunately, there's never a 'one size fits all' effect with ADs. Your doctor is not treating you like a guinea pig, they're just trying to find out which AD suits you. Different people react differently to different ADs. The doctor is trying to help you, but you have to do your bit too - telling them the meds aren't working for you is a good start.

Suzi's right too, you should ask your GP to rule out physical effects.

Suzi
05-11-14, 11:03 AM
Paula's right, you need to tell them what's going on..

SA89
07-11-14, 11:22 PM
when u change meds aren't u startin from scratch?. All those months takin fluxotine will be a waste won't it because i'm re-adjustin again to another drug. Oh & I didn't show for my counseling y'day so thy've removed me from the 'case'. I dunno how I'm gonna get through this with no support at all now :(..

Paula
07-11-14, 11:49 PM
If the fluoxetine isn't working, you need to tell your doctor so you can work out a program of change. It's not a waste if the Dr feels it isn't right for you, because you can rule out that drug. But you're not going to get better by pretending to the doctor that they're working. And you need to explain to the counsellor that you wish to continue the counselling sessions, and commit to it - if not, you may need to go through the referral - again talking to your doctor

SA89
08-11-14, 12:41 AM
I can't tell if thyre wrkin or not though paula. I'm still depressed but thts the same wih any drug 'caus thy don't magic it away. I've found ADs to reduce anxiety more thn anythin evn though its still there. I don't cry as much 'caus thy kinda block any emotion comin through. My counsellor has cancelled all my sessions now so thts done.

Paula
08-11-14, 11:28 AM
That doesn't mean you can't get re-referred if your doctor thinks it's appropriate. No the ADs don't Magic it away, but they do provide support while you find other ways of coping with depression. Keeping a mood diary each day might help you realise whether the treatment is having an impact - when your days are bleurgh, you may look back over the last month and realising you're having less bleurgh days than before.

Suzi
08-11-14, 01:05 PM
when u change meds aren't u startin from scratch?. All those months takin fluxotine will be a waste won't it because i'm re-adjustin again to another drug. Oh & I didn't show for my counseling y'day so thy've removed me from the 'case'. I dunno how I'm gonna get through this with no support at all now :(..
Why didn't you go to your counselling?

SA89
09-11-14, 02:31 AM
I'll be honest.. I didn't go 'caus I couldn't be bothered. Walkin to town in the freezing cold just to hear wt I already know. I've had severe social anxiety all my life but improvin it is 2nd to creating a career for myself. I told her this & we looked at ways of gettin back to college (currently applyin for financial support on that front).

Regardin the tablets I'd say my mood has been up & down wereas prior I didn't ever feel positive. On this 20mg fluxotine I've felt hope at times but then i'll crash to despair again (doh).

Suzi
09-11-14, 11:56 AM
Really not turning up because you couldn't be bothered doesn't show anyone that you want help and with such underfunded resources they are being much harsher on people who don't turn up to give that space to someone who does.
When are you seeing the Dr next? Tell them about how things are on your meds...

Paula
09-11-14, 01:09 PM
Hunni, the medical staff can only do so much. You really need to be commited to helping yourself and working with your GP and counsellor. They are trying to help you, but the impetus has to come from you. You can get better, you just have to really want to

SA89
09-11-14, 10:48 PM
I attended 5 sessions & i've had 5 counsellors altogether, I'm gettin nowhere & I know its down to me. Talk is cheap I need to take action to rewire my mind. I need something, anythin to look forwarrd to. Something that is a release from now 'caus now is hell. I just don't fit in with extroverts at all, I feel completely inadequate towards a cocksure alpha male, however crude thy may be.

Suzi
09-11-14, 11:01 PM
What kind of counselling have you had? Could you speak to your GP about something different? Is there a mind group near you that you could attend?

SA89
16-11-14, 03:04 AM
I seriously think I need to stop ADs now guys. They suppress any emotion I feel, I don't feel empathy, nothin. My depression is moderate I think (evn though it feels overwhelming) because i've never felt suicidal, just really depressed for years as a result of my social anxiety.

I appreciate ur advice but I can't progress my emotional state at all if its artificially suppressed. Freein my mind is the only way I can truly 'feel' somethin again. Sedating moderate depression just makes u emotionless in the long term tbh :(.

Angie
16-11-14, 04:01 AM
My depression is moderate I think (evn though it feels overwhelming) because i've never felt suicidal, just really depressed for years as a result of my social anxiety.

Just because you don't feel suicidal doesnt always mean your depression isn't severe, I have a diagnosis of severe depression now 2 years on from first being diagnosed, though have had depression a lot longer than that, and I am not suicidal,

If you are not happy on the medication then you really need to see your gp and talk to him/her honestly about it, if you find that hard then write down what you want to say and show them that

Paula
16-11-14, 02:03 PM
I seriously think I need to stop ADs now guys. They suppress any emotion I feel, I don't feel empathy, nothin. My depression is moderate I think (evn though it feels overwhelming) because i've never felt suicidal, just really depressed for years as a result of my social anxiety.

I appreciate ur advice but I can't progress my emotional state at all if its artificially suppressed. Freein my mind is the only way I can truly 'feel' somethin again. Sedating moderate depression just makes u emotionless in the long term tbh :(.

Every AD is different and has a different effect on every different person. If you didn't speak to your Dr about the suppressed emotion - and how you feel about that- nothing is going to change. So, coming off ADs is not the only way of truly feeling anything again. I'm on high doses of 2 different ADs, a mood stabiliser, and tranquillisers and still 'feel' many emotions - joy, empathy, love, worry, etc etc. it might just be the wrong AD for you.

rose
16-11-14, 04:24 PM
I came off Sertraline because I thought it was suppressing my emotions, it turns out my emotions were suppressed by depression, not the ADs. The ADs were just about keeping me sane. Coming off them caused a huge emotional crash and it took a long time for me to get stable again.
Make sure you go back to the GPs and discuss this properly before you do anything. Staying on ADs a few more days, until you've seen the GP, isn't long is it?
What ADs are you taking?

Suzi
16-11-14, 07:38 PM
The others are right, don't just stop taking them please. I've seen what that did to my husband and it wasn't nice. Please do go and talk things through with your GP.

SA89
17-11-14, 03:16 PM
Cheers, I'm taking Fluoxetine 20mg (about 6 months). I've been on Citalopram & Mirtazapine as well so I've been on a gd few, even uppin the dose to an extra 10mg. I feel the same on all of them (really drowsy with a mental block) despite feelin less insane as rose said.

So I'm at a crossroads; continue to be sleepy & motionless but less anxious or stop & be extremely anxious but with a head clear of chemicals and maybe more energy (think)

Paula
17-11-14, 09:59 PM
There are many different options with different effects. Mirtazapine, for example, is a well known sedative. Others aren't. Please, please, please talk to your doctor

rose
17-11-14, 10:07 PM
I agree with Paula. Don't just stop. As you say, it could make you extremely anxious. Talk to your doctor and discuss all your concerns.

HabitualHermit
17-11-14, 10:44 PM
stopping abruptly is NEVER a good idea. Side effects of coming off them can be very extreme. The experience you are havin will be very much related to that. breathe deep and ... listen to the above. You may want to come off them and it may be possible but NOT LIKE THAT. big hugs and hold on to a flame of hope.. life can change for the better xx

Suzi
17-11-14, 11:23 PM
I've seen what just stopping can do to someone... and then I had to just stop some other medication for an operation and by goodness it was more than horrible. Really don't do this by just stopping. You've mentioned 3 types of AD - there are so many more and other types of medication which may help... It might mean that you need a change in dose, rather than a change in medication...

SA89
20-11-14, 05:47 PM
My docs given me Sertraline 50mg (thts the only strength) & said to take thm after 2 days. I've lost 2 kilo's apparently but he ruled out a blood test unless I lost more. He put my sleepiness down to depression. I came downstairs today & my mums friend was shocked how rough I look.

I've not had a bath in 2 weeks, my hairs sticking out both sides & I hv a full grown beard (blush). Its not like I have anywhere to go or people to see though so I don't see the point. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm a mess :s..

magie06
20-11-14, 05:52 PM
Please see your gp. Bring these notes with you when you go. Then you can't forget anything. Best of luck.

Paula
20-11-14, 06:01 PM
You need to look after yourself. The meds can only do so much, they give you the stability to work from, but you have to do the rest. There's no point a diabetic taking insulin but then scoffing down a bagful of sweets. So, please, have a shower, shave, eat properly and hydrate.

rose
20-11-14, 08:30 PM
A shower will make you feel better. I know it seems like a huge task but you only have to stand under the water a couple of minutes if that's all you can stand.
The normal starting dose for sertraline is 50. When you take citalopram, you usually take up to 40mg a day, with sertraline I think its up to 200mg a day.
So, 50mg is a normal starting dose, try not to worry that it sounds like a lot more.
Are you doing an immediate swap?

SA89
20-11-14, 10:01 PM
ye I'm swappin for the fluxetine, I can't take anythin for 2 days though to get it out my system. I only really wash every friday before work because I've no social life so wts the point lol (blush). I've said this before but I want to reiterate how much I appreciate every1s support on here. U guys have no motive to help me or others on this site yet u go out of ur way to offer advice (nod).

rose
20-11-14, 10:10 PM
Oh I thought you were on citalopram at the moment.... fluoxetine takes ages to get out of your system properly. Having a shower will make you feel better, honestly.

Suzi
21-11-14, 12:07 AM
I hope you've managed a shower and a change of clothes. It will help.
You can only do this if you want to... You have to help yourself.

S deleted
21-11-14, 12:11 AM
I find the one thing that makes me feel good is a nice relaxing soak in the bath. Feeling fresh and clean is uplifting and makes me feel more confident. I know how easy it is to let personal hygiene slip when your feeling down but a shower a shave and some clean clothes and you'll feel like a new man.

SA89
21-11-14, 04:26 PM
Oh I thought you were on citalopram at the moment.... fluoxetine takes ages to get out of your system properly. Having a shower will make you feel better, honestly.

When should I start takin the Citraline?, i'm worried 2 days won't be enough to get fluxetine out my system. I don't want the fluxetine to conflict with my new meds :s

john d
21-11-14, 04:50 PM
Hello.regarding you med change over,I would follow what you're gp says.fluoxetine does take awhile to get out of your system but the one you are replacing it with will take sometime to get in your system.like I say any doubt then get in touch with your gp.
Btw I hope the meds start to help you soon.took me awhile but I got there.take care

rose
21-11-14, 05:58 PM
Do what the GP says, they won't conflict, they're in the same class of AD.
My advice is always, when starting a new medication, to keep a daily record of how you feel. As the title of your thread suggests you have both anxiety and depression, keep a separate score for each. It will give you a benchmark to start from.
Whenever you need support, we are here. (bear)

Paula
21-11-14, 07:40 PM
Just do what the gp says, they know what they're doing with these meds, because they're among the more well known of ADs

Suzi
21-11-14, 09:51 PM
The others are right. They will have their reasons for doing it this way..

Aspasia
22-11-14, 11:46 AM
Since it was Friday did you have your shower yesterday?

SA89
22-11-14, 10:47 PM
lol ye I had my long awaited bath (blush). I'll be honest right now though, I don't think i'll be here in 5 years. No matter how confident I come across in social situations nothin is changin in regards to my loneliness.
Its harder for guys tht are as short as me (5'3) to find some1. People say I'm cute but I'll 4ever be ovelooked for some1 taller, no matter how nice of a person I am. I'll be 30 in 5 years & I don't wanna pro-long this misery any longer (think)..

Suzi
22-11-14, 11:16 PM
I really think that you are being a bit judgemental there... There is nothing to say that you won't find someone who loves you for who you are. There's nothing wrong with being 5'3... My mil is 5'1/4 and that's in her shoes lol..
I really think you need to go and talk to your Dr about all of this.

Paula
22-11-14, 11:36 PM
When I could wear heels, I was taller than my hubby in them. It never mattered to me that he's short - it was him that I fell in love with. And, hunni, you're only 25 ......

SA89
23-11-14, 02:04 AM
I've spoken to my doc Suz only the other day lol. He's gonna refer me to yet another counselor after christmas. I've had a lot more energy about me 2day coincidentally as I've put the meds on standby. As soon as I start this Citraline (tomorrow) i'll drop again I just know it because thts wt drugs do to ur body. Energy is everythin when dealin with depression. And Paula u need lend me those heels (blush)

S deleted
23-11-14, 02:17 AM
if a girl is gonna judge you for being short before even trying to get to know you she really ain't worth knowing, but one thing I will say is we all need to learn to love ourselves first and foremost. Take care of you're appearance, and do things that make you feel good. i know its hard when you're feeling low but the satisfaction of getting up and doing something when you really feel like you can't face it, is one of the best feelings in the world. I bet you felt so much better once you had ya bath didn't you?

Suzi
23-11-14, 12:31 PM
Hunni you need to try to find positives. Changing your viewpoint can really help...

rose
23-11-14, 12:40 PM
I can tell you its in your head that you have more energy because you stopped Fluoxetine for a couple of days, the level in your bloodstream will hardly have dropped at all from the missing doses.
Keep an open mind about the Sertraline :)