View Full Version : Anxiety & Depression Hell..*TRIGGERS*
That's wonderful news :) long may it continue!
OMG That's the most positive post I've ever heard from you! That's awesome! I'm so thrilled for you!
How do you keep the black dog on a leash because I can feel myself slippin :s.. I know that u should avoid triggers but its easier said than done. My personal triggers have been well documented here which are oc loneliness & havin no career goin for me.
How can u ignore these triggers when everywhere u turn its slapped in ur face?. When I returned from camping its been miserable to be back at my council house with my sociopathic brother again.. I feel like I'll never get to experience whats its like to have my own car, a loving partner, my own house & a career.
I feel trapped on benefits on a s*** council estate. I want to get into social care as well. There just seems to be so many hurdles & its like some have it made (those in big families who go on trips often etc). I'm getting nowhere on these shallow dating sites either & I'm a good lookin decent lad with lots to offer ;(..
How long have you been off your meds lovely? Did you come off them slowly or just stop cold turkey?
If you're that unhappy living at home have you thought about moving out? Maybe making the life that you want?
How long have you been off your meds lovely? Did you come off them slowly or just stop cold turkey?
If you're that unhappy living at home have you thought about moving out? Maybe making the life that you want?
I stopped cold turkey & ya know what? I feel liberated. The first week was rough as I was crying a lot uncontrollably out of the blue. That was exasperated by the alcohol. I was in floods of tears the next day from drinkin despite only having a pint or so.
I feel like my mind is more 'clear' though to an extent & I feel a bit more emotionally free. So I'm runnin without them because I think we should question everythin regardless of what the 'system' tell us, in this case paid doctors.
I've been workin out twice a week & I'm gonna look into some foods that are high in serotonine. Btw is health & social a good career to get into & is there lots of opportunities?. I'm doin a taster at college but I'm adamant to not be wipin arses for a livin (blush).
These paid doctors have trained and worked all their lives (and work bloody long hours too) to be able to help you with your health problems. They have to put up with constant abuse from patients, spend more time with other people's families than their own, they're constantly fighting against being overworked, they're underpaid, and they deal with underfunded working conditions 100% of the time.
I don't wish to be harsh but, if you don't respect others, they're not going to respect you.
These paid doctors have trained and worked all their lives (and work bloody long hours too) to be able to help you with your health problems. They have to put up with constant abuse from patients, spend more time with other people's families than their own, they're constantly fighting against being overworked, they're underpaid, and they deal with underfunded working conditions 100% of the time.
I don't wish to be harsh but, if you don't respect others, they're not going to respect you.
What do u mean if u don't respect others they're not going to respect u? I don't understand the context.
Who am I not respecting?. Ask anyone who knows me & they'll tell u I'm nothing but respectful, always have been. I'm the polar opposite of what my brother is. Are u assuming I don't respect people on dating sites?. If so then thats wrong & I'm sick of us guys being stereotyped as 'playa' types.
In regards to doctors, how is that relevant to me going cold turkey after years of being fed pills simply because its the only percieved 'solution'?. I've tried the 4 main AD' at various doses for several years so now I'm quittin them. So far I'm glad I did despite the initial rough patch. Question everythin anyone tells u in this world. That's including doctors who are paid handsomely by the NHS. Only u know ur mind (think).
Jaquaia
07-07-17, 08:23 AM
Paid handsomely by the NHS? Really? Don't believe everything the Government and the media tells you. And for the record, there are actually 27 licensed antidepressants on the market. There aren't 4 main ones, there are common ones that tend to work better for most people. Quite frankly, I think advising people to question everything doctors tell you, is dangerous and short-sighted. They undergo 10 years of training just to be able to practice as a GP and are constantly having to train to keep up with new treatments and developments. Google is not an adequate resource. And that's the problem with depression isn't it, we're quite often not in our right mind. I haven't seen a single GP who thinks pills are the only solution; counselling, CBT, mindfulness, exercise to name but a few.
SA - sweetheart, doctors deserve far more pay then they get and Paula and Jaq are right - there are many other meds, not just 4 and there are loads of different options for therapy.
Re social and care work - what kind of job is it you want? Surely as you've been talking about it for as long as I've known you, you'd have followed what jobs come vacant etc? As to not spending your time "wiping arses" I find that incredibly insensitive and that shows no respect to the client base at all. My Mum worked in an old peoples nursing home for years and I am a fully qualified teacher working in a special school who has helped students with their welfare needs so please don't suggest that there is anything wrong with that at all.
I'm glad you think you're doing OK without the meds, but stopping cold turkey really isn't the best plan - and if your mh is going to crash then it's more likely to after cold turkey....
I made absolutely no reference to dating, dating sites or 'playa's'. My comments referred to your attitude towards our incredible health system and the people who staff it - who go to work every day solely with the aim of helping people
I made absolutely no reference to dating, dating sites or 'playa's'. My comments referred to your attitude towards our incredible health system and the people who staff it - who go to work every day solely with the aim of helping people
Ah well I apologize but I don't have an attitude with the health system. I'm just at a point were it feels like they feed me these pills just to get me out the door, its like I'm going round in circles & that's pretty much the reason why I've quit these pills.
SA - sweetheart, doctors deserve far more pay then they get and Paula and Jaq are right - there are many other meds, not just 4 and there are loads of different options for therapy.
Re social and care work - what kind of job is it you want? Surely as you've been talking about it for as long as I've known you, you'd have followed what jobs come vacant etc? As to not spending your time "wiping arses" I find that incredibly insensitive and that shows no respect to the client base at all. My Mum worked in an old peoples nursing home for years and I am a fully qualified teacher working in a special school who has helped students with their welfare needs so please don't suggest that there is anything wrong with that at all.
I'm glad you think you're doing OK without the meds, but stopping cold turkey really isn't the best plan - and if your mh is going to crash then it's more likely to after cold turkey....
I think the pills gave me the illusion that they were 'helping' my depression but really I can't see much difference from being off them, granted its been 2 weeks. My depression is categorized as 'moderate' I think from what what CBT tests have revealed. So in that respect maybe they wouldn't affect me as they would someone with severe depression. Although my depression has been persistent throughout my twenties. I went out tonight, got absolutely off my trolley and I was the life & soul of the party. I was going up to people and chatting with a confidence I've not felt for as long as I can remember & this is 2 weeks since goin cold turkey from Setraline. I even smooched with a lady who happened to be a manager. Its like I'm using energy that's been in reserve for so long that was suppressed from the medication. That's why I say question everything if ur on the moderate scale at least. With regards to social care I just want to work face to face with people with various issues really from the psychological aspect.
Paid handsomely by the NHS? Really? Don't believe everything the Government and the media tells you. And for the record, there are actually 27 licensed antidepressants on the market. There aren't 4 main ones, there are common ones that tend to work better for most people. Quite frankly, I think advising people to question everything doctors tell you, is dangerous and short-sighted. They undergo 10 years of training just to be able to practice as a GP and are constantly having to train to keep up with new treatments and developments. Google is not an adequate resource. And that's the problem with depression isn't it, we're quite often not in our right mind. I haven't seen a single GP who thinks pills are the only solution; counselling, CBT, mindfulness, exercise to name but a few.
I should have re-phrased it better tbh, with mine at least it feels like I'm goin round in circles, I dunno.. He did tell me to make lifestyle changes & stop searching for this 'magic' pill. I guess its because he's been my GP for so long now that I've just been really frustrated with the lack of progress on my depression and anxiety. The last 2 weeks though I've been like a completely different person socially. People who see me day to day have said they're shocked because they see me as being the 'nice lad in his room'. In regards to anti-depressants they only prescribe the 4 main types at my GP. I've spoke to them several times about what's on offer.
Why are you going out and "got absolutely off my trolley"? Alcohol is not going to help depression at all. You really aren't helping yourself in this respect at all.
No GP will only prescribe 4 anti d's when there are so many on offer.
Why are you going out and "got absolutely off my trolley"? Alcohol is not going to help depression at all. You really aren't helping yourself in this respect at all.
No GP will only prescribe 4 anti d's when there are so many on offer.
I was plannin to only drink orange juice but 1 beer led to another. I had like 2 dbbl whiskey & coke & 3 half lagers so I was just the right side of merry.
I don't endorse alcohol in any way but last night was 1 of the best nights out I've had in ages. In fact the last 2 weeks for me have felt so liberating for me socially. Last night I went out at 12 midnight & came home at 7am, dancin to great music.
The kiss I shared with someone was an amazing feelin as well because their was a spark there & natural chat. I nearly got into a fight though with my cousin by the end of the night which was ashame. He assumed I was filmin him when I was simply wavin my phone in my hand.
I've def seen his true colours now, he's vile. He's the type to brag about trying to get 'laid' & he loves to brag how physically bigger he is than me. Even brags about his mcdonalds job to me like I care. He has the personality of a brick so lies about havin sex & stuff (think).
If u've read this wall of text congratulations. Oh ye to Paula I'm sorry if anythin was taken out of context. I know were ur comin from & I hope u know wr I was comin from (blush).
You have to be responsible for the amount you are drinking. You are in control of how much you are consuming.
You have to be responsible for the amount you are drinking. You are in control of how much you are consuming.
Ye I know when to stop me, usually around 5ish. I'm surprised I haven't felt emotional today from the hangover effect. I think maybe because it was such a good night thats why & I pushed all sorts of fears about partyin with strangers & talkin to girls.
The irony is if I didn't consume any alcohol it may have been a more boring night. I need to break free from my cousin though because he is not a pleasant person to be around. Even if I'm drunk I never get aggressive, people wr sayin how lovely they think I am because theres not a malicious bone in my body. I'm dreadin my birthday in a few weeks if it means goin out with him again tbh but theres no one else I can go out with (think)..
It's a really dangerous game to play feeling that you need the alcohol to have a fun night....
It's a really dangerous game to play feeling that you need the alcohol to have a fun night....
Definitely, just to be clear though I've only had a few drinks recently because I've been socialising & getting out more.
You've known me on this forum for a while now & I can say right now I feel as good as I have for some time & its down to me gettin out there this past fortnight. I'm aware though that I could come crashing down like a deck of cards so I'm takin it 1 day at a time. On the flip side I've not progressed on the career front whatsoever (unless you count enrollin on a taster course).
Right now I'm just gonna volunteer & see what sticks because I need some purpose. I need to get references from social care somehow because my tutorin was 3 months & you need more than that. Lookin at Admin volunteerin as well to gain another string to my bow (blush).
That's such a positive post - well done :)
I don't get some people at all.. Some girl on facebook blocked me for no reason whatsoever. I was chatting with her, we had a spark, even kissed & when I asked for a date she said "Ye definitely but next week caus im busy". So I left it at that caus I don't constantly text people as thats just weird.
And now she's removed me from her friend list for no reason whatsoever. I know it shouldn't be a big deal but to me it is because for once I thought I had a chance with someone. I'm f***** sick of this happenin to me ;(. When I get a glimmer of hope nothing comes of it.
I thought I was finally going somewhere, how foolish was I to even hope for a better life. Everyday is a struggle fighting this gut wrenching loneliness. Why do people do this.. I just want to know what its like to be loved ;(...
Apart from things with this woman, are things still going OK?
Apart from things with this woman, are things still going OK?
Ye I think so suzi, I've been a bit productive by contacting places regarding volunteering & attendin my appointments.
Today though I feel like I've taken a step back again (think).. My cousin were just braggin that he's getting "bitches" as he puts it which hurt me after getting that random cold shoulder on facebook.
I'm sick of feelin like I'm competing with him & my brother to find affection. I want to focus on myself but its hard when they don't shut up about getting a woman. Its a massive insecurity for me so I could do without the bragging... They're also braggin about scoring my brothers gram of coke (& I ain't talkin fizzy pop).
My birthday is also loomin soon on tuesday so I'm anxious about that as well (28, god I feel old (blush)). I really don't want to go out with them just caus "theres no one else to go out with". I'm trying to keep busy atm anyway whatever way I can. I'm still so far away from tackling my insecurities despite some progress of late. Is it really so hard to ask what others have in life?.
Sorry again for the wall of text, I feel guilty after typing that much (blush)..
Have you thought about moving out? Getting away from them?
You don't need to apologise for talking, hunni :)
Have you thought about moving out? Getting away from them?
Hmm.. I think I've got it easy with my mum so thats why I'm still here & I would feel even more lonely.
By the way I am an absolute pudding after last night. To summarise quite briefly, I got a taxi into town at 4am to meet my chav brothers ex at a nightclub. Me being the doughnut I am I waited outside the club for 2 hours in the p***** rain to see if she would come out (couldn't justify the £5.00 entry fee) And surprise surprise she didn't.. and there was a riot with about 20 people fighting. I also had bystanders approachin me for "business" aka coke when I don't even smoke let alone!..
Then after walkin all the way back home I returned to hear her in my brothers bed. Oh & I was blocked again for no reason whatsoever from a girl on a dating site despite havin a great non-sexual conversation with her about the tutoring I did. People eh? (think)..
You can tell I'm really old - getting a taxi into town at 4am sounds ridiculous to me!
Happy birthday for yesterday! :)
I'm sorry, hunni, I didn't realise! 28? (party)
Oh no! I missed it! Sorry lovely.. How was it?
I feel awful today, got drunk last night & now that gut wrenching loneliness is rising to the surface again.. This loneliness encompasses everythin from sexual frustration, lack of companionship, lack of routine, status ;(..
The irony is I went out with quite a few friends and I'm doing more socially than I have for as long as I can remember. But when I go out drinking it fuels this deep despair I have inside me of never havin a relationship. I'm 28 ffs & have never experienced what it means to be loved. My brothers ex was grindin on me in a club and kissin me & I felt nothin.. I made sure she got home alright, gathered her belongings each time she dropped it because that's the kind of guy I am. I have a good heart but I'm a f***** doormat.
These clubs are a competition for sex & are really self-sabotaging for my self-esteem. Because I always return feelin even more sexually frustrated & depressed from the alcohol & then I retreat to porn, it's a vicious circle of self-loathing (think)..
I know there's guys out there who are sufferin with this loneliness the way I am.. On the bright side I attended a voluntary interview to work with special needs children and completed the online safeguarding certificate. Whether that comes to fruition remains to be seen, rejection is part of my miserable existence after all (think)..
I think you could do with a new social circle and maybe you are going to the wrong clubs. Years ago when I used to go out clubbing I would go to more alternative places, there are lots of people there really just for the music and the dancing and to make friends.. sometimes there are not such the 'meat market' of the pop clubs.. if you know what I mean. You might meet other people through volunteer work too. It sounds like you did your best not to take advantage of your brother's ex. That can't have been easy if you are so lonely. Maybe you could investigate hobbies, clubs, sports or something that is more in the daytime where you would meet people without having to get drunk? If you can build a social circle with more positive people around you for friends in the first place, the girlfriend finding will happen automatically one day without you having to focus on it.
I hope it isn't easy though. Building new friendships takes a long time and it is hard when you are already depressed to get up the enthusiasm and selfconfidence to try it.
Alcohol is a depressant, lovely, so I'm not surprised it had that effect on you. You've been doing so well recently so I hope things will look up when you're over the effects of last night. And that's great news about the interview - well done :)
I completely agree with Emmy and Paula. I'm not going to give you the alcohol lecture again... Try something new - it might help...
I think you could do with a new social circle and maybe you are going to the wrong clubs. Years ago when I used to go out clubbing I would go to more alternative places, there are lots of people there really just for the music and the dancing and to make friends.. sometimes there are not such the 'meat market' of the pop clubs.. if you know what I mean. You might meet other people through volunteer work too. It sounds like you did your best not to take advantage of your brother's ex. That can't have been easy if you are so lonely. Maybe you could investigate hobbies, clubs, sports or something that is more in the daytime where you would meet people without having to get drunk? If you can build a social circle with more positive people around you for friends in the first place, the girlfriend finding will happen automatically one day without you having to focus on it.
I hope it isn't easy though. Building new friendships takes a long time and it is hard when you are already depressed to get up the enthusiasm and selfconfidence to try it.
Thanks Emmy, that's great advice and your spot on. Whenever I go out for a drink I feel like I'm glued to my arrogant cousin. Last Friday however I actually went out with new people which was refreshing, although one of them happens to be my brothers ex. She brought along her friend though which was great and I was also with one of my old friends who is a lesbian. My cousin somehow still managed to find me in a bar which p***** me off & I inevitably was left with him by the end of the night.
Prior to that on my birthday last Tuesday I went out with my awful brother & was kicked out of a club because he was caught sniffin drugs, guilt by association you could say. And yeah volunteering has been an eye opener for me in the past, a taste of what its like to be around great people away from the culture of drinking. I need to take more initiative and make plans when I meet some of these people. Regarding finding a girlfriend, I can't begin to tell you how much I've stressed myself out over the years, desperate for some form of affection. I can feel myself slowly becoming more independent but its like I'm playing catch up with people who have years of independance under the belt. I'm 28, its ridiculous :s..
Alcohol is a depressant, lovely, so I'm not surprised it had that effect on you. You've been doing so well recently so I hope things will look up when you're over the effects of last night. And that's great news about the interview - well done :)
Thanks, it's only weekends I go out for a drink & its difficult to resist when your out in that culture. If I was self-assured in other areas of my life it wouldn't affect me as much emotionally. I'm quite the dancer when I'm out lol (blush). Although when I glanced at myself in 1 of those big mirrors on the dance floor I noticed how short I was compared to the other guys & my self esteem came crashing down as you'd expect.. I'm good looking but short (5'5 (blush)..). I've always been known as that "quiet lad in his bedroom" so I'm slowly trying to address my lifestyle. I've tackled it head on recently but it's very much a work in progress so I'm very wary of the importance of keeping busy (nod).
Hey, hunni, my hubby's 5'6" and my dad's 5'5 1/2" and to me they are heroes. Height is not important ;)
Definitely height isn't important!
I'm feeling anxious about Friday because it's the weekend & that means alcohol :s.. Not just that though, I may be going out again with my brothers ex and her friend for a few drinks. It's an uncomfortable situation because I get on well with her but she was in a relationship with my vile "brother" (& I use that term loosely because I despise him).
He doesn't even know I kissed her last week. She's not been with him for a while though so I'm not doing anything wrong right? (think). He's an extremely volatile person so if he found out he would potentially go psycho. This scumbag even pulled a knife on me once so I know what he's capable of. I'm not a "playa" by any means but I'm so lonely & it was refreshin to go out with them last week. My mums also worried about me going out with her again. Ideally I'd go out with her friend instead but I get on more with the other. I wish I wasn't so sexually frustrated but I am & its a really depressing feeling. You can understand my dilemna right? (think)..
Why does it mean alcohol? You don't have to drink....
To be honest this sounds like trouble. Why risk it upsetting everything just to go out with her - unless you are going out with her because you like her etc...
Why does it mean alcohol? You don't have to drink....
To be honest this sounds like trouble. Why risk it upsetting everything just to go out with her - unless you are going out with her because you like her etc...
I don't drink much at all, about 3-4 is my limit. I've noticed the best nights out are when I've been a bit merry. I've been on nights out on just orange juice & they've been forgettable. A few pints gets you on the dancefloor but I stop when I'm just merry.
It's her friends birthday so I'm not going for the ex in question. I just want a laugh because the alternative is stayin in by myself & thats miserable on a weekend. My "brother" thinks he can control everyone but I've slowly learned to stand up to him. I'm doin weights as well to try & bulk up my physique.
I hope that you have fun...
Have a fab weekend, hunni :)
Well its all kicked off & I've been threatened to have my throat slit with a knife. I really don't wanna exist anymore, I don't feel safe at all around this person ;(..
You were right Suzi, it really isn't worth the trouble, I should have thought with my head & not the other head. She instigated this & not once did I ask to go for a drink with her. I always asked her to bring her friends. She came onto to me & kissed me when she was drunk & it didn't go further. I told him straight up & now he's gone psycho as usual. I didn't back down, I was screamin "YEAH UR A COWARD CAUS U ALWAYS HAVE TO RELY ON A WEAPON". I'm disgusted how my mum was in between me & him to break it up.
I'm not goin for a drink again with his ex, nothings worth this, not even sexual frustration. I was wrong but to threaten someone by sayin " ill find u & slit ur throat" is vile when I only went for a drink. I stayed at my mums friends last night with my mum because we dont feel safe in our own house. I'm dreadin goin home & my mums scared as well, its not right ;(..
I'm so sorry this has happened. As you say, it's probably best you stay away from this girl although I can understand how difficult it must be to have your social life dictated to you by your brother.
Have you and your mum spoken to the Police about these threats - if you're both scared he could attack you, he really needs to be stopped somehow ....
Definitely get to the police and tell them what's happened. This is not right in any shape or form.
I'm so sorry this has happened. As you say, it's probably best you stay away from this girl although I can understand how difficult it must be to have your social life dictated to you by your brother.
Have you and your mum spoken to the Police about these threats - if you're both scared he could attack you, he really needs to be stopped somehow ....
I've said to her if he ever pulls a knife like he did a while ago then the police have to get involved. My mum would be hesistant though because he's her son & he's said how he hates "grasses". On Friday he voiced these threats explicitly so I went & stayed at a flat for the weekend with my mum & her friends.
Now I'm back home & it's like everythin is brushed under the rug again with him swannin about smokin weed. He really is the most vile person you could wish to meet. It was nice to get away from this environment for a bit & I went to the local pub as well without a drop of alcohol which I'm quite proud of (gets me very emotional ;(). I still feel like my depression isn't lifting & thats because my situation remains stagnant despite recent progress.
It's even worse when people tell me how decent & good lookin I am because it reminds me how inept I've been socially & lacking independence. I'm slowly waking up to this & trying to break free somehow. I also need to stop thinkin that having a girlfriend will solve all my insecurities (think)..
I know it's hard to see when you're in the middle of it all, but that post has so many positives and shows how far you've already come in so many ways :)
I am so proud of you reading that post! I know you're struggling a bit atm, but I wanted to also say that you are sounding so much more mature and completely different than you have done in the past. You aren't blaming everyone and everything else for the way that you are feeling - you have acknowledged that your situation isn't great, but you are trying to do things to change it. That's huge.
The fact you are staying to protect your Mum is completely admirable and I think it's so lovely - but really your brother sounds completely out of control and sounds like he could do with some professional help.
I also wanted to say that I've noticed you venturing out of your thread and posting on others recently, with really good, kind and caring comments. Just wanted you to know that I've noticed and it's so lovely to see. You really have changed and it's lovely..
It seems to me like you are one sort of person inside, living in a world that expects you to be another kind of person. I think if you change your life, whether that involves changes to one or all of the following: where you live, where you work, your friends, family, your hobbies, where you go out, or if you go out drinking at all.. then you will have a chance to be who you really are. You might need professional support to deal with the self esteem issues, but you could lose a lot of the stress and negative reinforcement by just doing something else completely. Sorry if I am repeating myself a bit from what I have said before. Your environment is toxic for you. There is nothing wrong with you apart from how you feel about yourself.. but feeling like that keeps you doing things that reflect badly on you, like kissing the wrong girl etc. and this just reinforces the bad way you feel. Same with the drinking.
I would say just stop doing the things that you know are bad for you. Start doing something that are different. Sport club instead of night club.. for example. There will be a difficult inbetween period where you won't know if you will ever make a new social circle.. but it will slowly grow and you will be able to make a fresh start and act the way you want to instead of dealing with the bull(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) that you have around you now. You can be yourself.
It is really cheesy and probably kinda annoying to read, but a therapist said it to me once: If you always do what you have always done, then you will always get what you have always had. Time to switch it up. For those things you want for yourself.. you can have them :)
Not sure what the situation with your brother and mum needs.. probably he should be kicked out. But if that is not possible, maybe you two could move house. Maybe you could live on your own. All I know is I read your posts and I think you gotta change it all. Get some control back over the basic things in your life and see a therapist for the internal things you can't change alone.
(Do ignore me if my advice doesn't help, it is a bit strong I know, it is just my opinion and I was hoping it would help.)
It seems to me like you are one sort of person inside, living in a world that expects you to be another kind of person. I think if you change your life, whether that involves changes to one or all of the following: where you live, where you work, your friends, family, your hobbies, where you go out, or if you go out drinking at all.. then you will have a chance to be who you really are. You might need professional support to deal with the self esteem issues, but you could lose a lot of the stress and negative reinforcement by just doing something else completely.
I would say just stop doing the things that you know are bad for you. Start doing something that are different. Sport club instead of night club.. for example. There will be a difficult inbetween period where you won't know if you will ever make a new social circle.. but it will slowly grow and you will be able to make a fresh start and act the way you want to instead of dealing with the bull(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) that you have around you now. You can be yourself.
It is really cheesy and probably kinda annoying to read, but a therapist said it to me once: If you always do what you have always done, then you will always get what you have always had. Time to switch it up. For those things you want for yourself.. you can have them :)
Not sure what the situation with your brother and mum needs.. probably he should be kicked out. But if that is not possible, maybe you two could move house. Maybe you could live on your own. All I know is I read your posts and I think you gotta change it all. Get some control back over the basic things in your life and see a therapist for the internal things you can't change alone.
(Do ignore me if my advice doesn't help, it is a bit strong I know, it is just my opinion and I was hoping it would help.)
Hey Amaya, this is great advice & I want you to know that it's appreciated, I even go back & read these posts from time to time. Anyway your spot on with what you said & it's interesting that I felt really positive a few weeks ago by simply being more active socially. I was attending barbecues, pubs & went camping for 3 days. Now I seemed to have crashed again back into my routine of sleeping till 5pm & it's f***** me up. My depression & anxiety have been pretty bad these past few days because I'm once again in a pit of uncertainty. I'll still see those people who I went camping with but it's not a frequent thing as they have their own lives & the girl I went out with last week well, that's mentioned above..
A lot of people with anxiety are "stars that can't shine". I'm seeing a counselor weekly so that's somethin because I've been cold turkey off anti-depressants for about a month or so now.
I am so proud of you reading that post! I know you're struggling a bit atm, but I wanted to also say that you are sounding so much more mature and completely different than you have done in the past. You aren't blaming everyone and everything else for the way that you are feeling - you have acknowledged that your situation isn't great, but you are trying to do things to change it. That's huge.
The fact you are staying to protect your Mum is completely admirable and I think it's so lovely - but really your brother sounds completely out of control and sounds like he could do with some professional help.
I also wanted to say that I've noticed you venturing out of your thread and posting on others recently, with really good, kind and caring comments. Just wanted you to know that I've noticed and it's so lovely to see. You really have changed and it's lovely..
Thanks that means a lot. I wish I could say I've changed but I feel like I need to validate it first by getting a job or a girlfriend or a car first. That's just how my f***** up anxious mind works (blush).. I'm forever in a bubble of uncertainty because I have nothing concrete like everyone else has like a happy relationship or whatever. I'm often belittled for not having a job or a girlfriend so if I can improve in those areas maybe my depression will lift somewhat.
By the way I really envy most people because most people in life don't have to deal with depression. They get "fed up" that's it over a relationship break up or whatever. Imagine if we moaned about our depression the way they do about their trivial break ups. Oh what I'd give to just be "fed up" like most people & not suffer with this despair every waking day.
Most people go through life just being "fed" up nothing more which is temporary. To deal with depression & anxiety every single day of your life is incomprehensible. It stays with us simmering under the surface. It's an epidemic in society yet there's still a massive stigma. I'm just grateful that I have this forum as a solitude (I even said this to my counselor) because out there in the real world my depression is hidden under a mask of shame (think)..
You've not mentioned wanting a car before.
Do you think your mood is slipping the longer you are off your meds? Have you told your GP yet that you stopped them?
You've not mentioned wanting a car before.
Do you think your mood is slipping the longer you are off your meds? Have you told your GP yet that you stopped them?
I really don't wanna go back on them Suzi, they trick you into thinkin they work when they don't. As soon as I stopped them I did so much socially, what does that tell you?. And yeah my GP knows & told me to continue with the counselling & getting out more. The reason I've been more anxious & depressed lately is because I've been ruminating in my room all day wereas 2 weeks ago I broke it up somewhat by socialising elsewhere.
I'm not sure were I stand with this volunteering either for special needs. I gave the woman everythin required & completed the online safeguarding. She said next term is september so does that mean i'm involved or what? ^).
I became suddenly interested in driving after my camping trip, it envied me how convenient it is & it looks so relaxing on the motorway with some great music (blush). I just wish I had a job to pay for this, its embarrassing being on benefits.. Anyway my druggie "brother" is manipulating my mum to lie for him to the dealers who he owes money so I best go. Sorry again for overloading you with this wall of information (blush)..
You don't have to go back on the meds at all - your body, your choice. Can you find other ways to get out of your room and do different things? Is there a playscheme near you that you could get involved with? Are you involved with your local church for example? What about doing an online course - no it might not get you out of the house all the time, but it could help towards it - there are loads of free courses online. What about volunteering as a scout leader? You gain great experience, shows a commitment of working with children and will give you a good reference to put on your CV...
Call the woman about the volunteering.
Talk to your Mum. Your brother is so far out of control.
I like the suggestions Suzi has made :)
How is it going? Is everything okay with your mum?
I feel like she needs to say no to him because she is the parent, even if you guys are adults now. If you are always in between you will never move forwards yourself because all your energy is used up by your brother's problems and your mum's lack of boundaries.
Sorry to always say such blunt things on your thread.
I'm just f***** up right now again with my anxiety & depression.. It's embarrassing that at 28 years old I suffer with the same low self esteem & insecurities I did when I was younger.
I'll take ur advice on for sure guys, right now though I'm not even in a functioning state. I'm literally sleeping throughout the day. I haven't done my weights either this week & now I'm constantly lookin in the mirror to see how much muscle ive lost. I hate how slim & short I am.
Thats how my mind operates, I over analyse everythin.. This anxiety has plagued my entire existence.. I don't speak to my "brother" whatsoever but subconsciously I feel really uncomfortable just off the vibe thats in his presence. So yeah thats a somewhat quick update. I've lost control again on my state of mind ;(..
Sweetheart are you sure this isn't the effects from the cold turkey of your meds?
What about setting alarms?
I am almost ten years older and still struggling with problems I have had all my life. It is not embarassing. It is just a question of getting the right support to work through things and making the healthy choices in life so that you change things. If we both do that from now on.. well then you will have still done the right thing ten years earlier than me! It can all get better.. even when it doesn't feel like it.
I've been asked to go to Turkey for a week in September with my mum & her friend. If I don't go the alternative would be stayin in the house with my b****** "brother". He'll be invitin his druggie friends over & gettin drunk every night.
The thing is I've been to Turkey before & if anythin it made my loneliness worse because the women are very defensive due to their culture. Not to mention I was surrounded by beautuful couples. Its £200 quid for a week plus extra for spending. A change of scenery doesn't change my depression so I'm worried i'll be wastin my money (think). Oh & thanks for your kind words & yeah my anxiety was better on the meds but the depression was still as bad.
Actually a change of scenery sounds good and although you're going with your Mum and her friend it still might be fun and you might get to meet new people and potentially make some new friends....
Or you could take a holiday at the same time on your own somewhere and meet new people. Even somewhere in the UK not to far away. Do something you always wanted to try but never did. Then if you make any friendships the people won't be too far away. Just a thought.
I'm really anxious about this holiday because I know that Turkey has had some threat lately. Its been booked now for sept 26th so theres no turnin back. Its in Anya which is the central part of Turkey apparently. I'm also worried about getting some sleep over there because I struggle even at home.
The last time I went Turkey I was awake all night on some days which affected me the next day. My anxiety was horrendous because I couldn't stop thinkin of how s*** my life is back home (no prospects, no girlfriend etc..). A couple of week ago I would have been so excited because my confidence was on the rise but I've crashed freefall into a pit of despair again :s..
Can you try really hard to make sure that each negative you think you stop and counter it with a positive.. You might make new friends, you might have a brilliant time!
It seems to me that you feel horrible about almost every aspect of your life right now. Do you think that if you weren't struggling with depression and anxiety that you would be enjoying the things that you have? Or is it the situations that are making you feel like this in the first place? To me it seems like the second one, but maybe it is a mix. I am just wondering why you keep going with things that you do not seem to want to do.. It would be my best wish for you that you could build a life for yourself that you could enjoy. Instead your energy is used for things that do not bring you happiness or peace.
Can you try really hard to make sure that each negative you think you stop and counter it with a positive.. You might make new friends, you might have a brilliant time!
I'm sufferin so much suzi with my anxiety, I can't begin to describe how much pain I'm goin through :s. My heart is racing like its gonna burst out of my chest. I'm tense, agitated, fearful, emotional, depressed, everythin u can imagine.. I've booked a blood test to check I'm not anemic. I want the world the swallow me up because I'm curled up in bed & I don't know were else to turn ;(..
It seems to me that you feel horrible about almost every aspect of your life right now. Do you think that if you weren't struggling with depression and anxiety that you would be enjoying the things that you have? Or is it the situations that are making you feel like this in the first place? To me it seems like the second one, but maybe it is a mix. I am just wondering why you keep going with things that you do not seem to want to do.. It would be my best wish for you that you could build a life for yourself that you could enjoy. Instead your energy is used for things that do not bring you happiness or peace.
Ur right Amaya, I feel like the only way i'll ever 'solve' my deep insecurities is to get a job & a girlfriend but it doesn't work like that because I have to love myself before anything. I think it's a mix of both the situation & my mental disorder. I hate being on benefits because I feel worthless & I hate having never experienced a relationship at the age of 28. My anxiety stemmed from when I was a kid. I remember being unusually shy compared to the other kids at school. I use to absolutely dread break times because I was always alone. I was a worrier even before the age of 7, how messed up is that!.
My anxiety was manageable 2 weeks ago because I was engaged with a new group of people. I felt on top of the world for the first time in ages. I had more energy as well from goin cold turkey but I've crashed massively recently. On top of that I'm now fretting about my holiday to Turkey because its a risky country. I'm hyperventaletin at the prospect when I should be excited :s..
Are you sure that you shouldn't go back to the Dr and tell them how you are feeling? I know you said you don't want to take the meds, but there might be one which suits you better and actually does help your depression?....
It does sound like you might need to get some kind of medical help alongside making some changes in your life. Maybe therapy? Meds are always an option, but if you were anxious at such a young age then you probably need some very in depth therapeutic work. Are these new friends people you will see again do you think?
Anxiety is really debilitating. I am going through quite a crisis right now because of it and the only thing I can think is good advice is to get as much support as you can in every way, positive people in your social life and family.. and medical professionals who will really listen and explore the options with you. I would also stay away from people who are not good for your health. I had almost no social contacts when I had to go into hospital three months ago. It took a while, but I have two girls I meet up with regularly now and maybe a third too.. It was scary to start because you wonder what people will think of you.. but eventually with effort you can build a small network of supportive people who will enjoy spending time with you. I started by texting a lot of people I knew through my Dutch course and these were the only two that kept in touch. It was terrifying to start, try to open up to people. But now I know it was worth it.
About the holiday.. If it could be a positive time for you then it is worth fighting through the anxiety to the good time on the other side. I find anxiety is always worse before doing something and once you get started it usually reduces or goes away completely. However if it is not something you actually want, then why put yourself through it when you can just cancel. In other words, do what you want and don't let the anxiety boss you around. And whether you go on this holiday or not, I really hope you do have one because it sounds to me like you could really use one! Maybe you can make the deal with yourself that you are going to have a holiday and then all you have to do is choose between Turkey or somewhere else. I think a change of scenery will give you a good boost :)
Oh hunni (bear). I've always said that, rubbish as it is, I can manage depression but anxiety, on the other hand, completely screws up my life. I do wish you would go back to see your GP ......
It does sound like you might need to get some kind of medical help alongside making some changes in your life. Maybe therapy? Meds are always an option, but if you were anxious at such a young age then you probably need some very in depth therapeutic work. Are these new friends people you will see again do you think?
About the holiday.. If it could be a positive time for you then it is worth fighting through the anxiety to the good time on the other side. I find anxiety is always worse before doing something and once you get started it usually reduces or goes away completely. However if it is not something you actually want, then why put yourself through it when you can just cancel.
On Friday I had that exact same anxiety but I got up, had a shower & got myself down to the pub and I ended up chattin to a few people there. Some even shared their experiences with anxiety & I sat down with someone who told me deep stuff about being abused. It was reassuring to see that I'm not the only 1 with struggles & it shows that even in the midst of mental turmoil we can take action to alleviate it.
On Saturday I actually felt ok because I had that social contact the night before. Today however has been the same torture all over again with my anxiety :s. I've noticed my depression is twice as worse the moment I wake up, anyone else feel like that?. Its the most awful despair imaginable. It either improves as the day progresses or stays as bad as when first waking. I'm seein a counsellor for CBT & in regards to those friends they're more my mums friends & they're always busy.
Are you sure that you shouldn't go back to the Dr and tell them how you are feeling? I know you said you don't want to take the meds, but there might be one which suits you better and actually does help your depression?....
They helped my anxiety but they didn't really help my depression because they make you more tired which in turn makes you even more un-motivated. At least now I have the motivation because I'm far less tired. The catch is that my anxiety is far worse so its a double edged sword. I'd take being less tired though anyday because I don't feel constricted by those side effects.
Ruminating in my room all day is what's festering my negative thoughts & that triggers the anxiety into a vicious spiral. I've had Mitazipine in my draw for a while now but I refuse to take it because I've tried all 4 AD types countless times. My doctor won't give me any other options because he's restricted. As soon as I stopped I had a lease of life. It's such a relief to have my energy levels uncompromised by drugs. I need someone to give me a break now in voluntary or whatever to give me a routine. That's frustrating me atm (think)..
Oh hunni (bear). I've always said that, rubbish as it is, I can manage depression but anxiety, on the other hand, completely screws up my life. I do wish you would go back to see your GP ......
I saw my GP recently, he can't do anymore more than offer me the 4 main ADs which I've had 1000 times over. I'm having a blood test anyway this week so that should shed some light (or darkness :s..). I think your right about depression being more manageable. They're both equally awful but anxiety is destructive both physically & mentally. Depression feeds into that anxiety because it circulates those negative thoughts. By the way did you mention somethin about Turkey before or was it someone else?. I'm going there in a few weeks & I'm very anxious about it..
Jaquaia
20-08-17, 11:07 PM
Did you know that there are medications that purely tackle anxiety? I take propanolol which, although technically a beta blocker, is used to treat the physical symptoms of anxiety. It helps massively to relieve the racing heartbeat and tight chest feeling I get. It might be something worth discussing with your gp, see if there's anything you can take to ease the anxiety while the CBT starts to work
Yes I did mention Turkey but that was an over protective mother trying to tell her 19 yo daughter what to do. So don't listen to me ....
There are more than 4 ad's lovely - which ones have you tried?
Jaq is right, it doesn't have to be an AD to help with anxiety...
Did you know that there are medications that purely tackle anxiety? I take propanolol which, although technically a beta blocker, is used to treat the physical symptoms of anxiety. It helps massively to relieve the racing heartbeat and tight chest feeling I get. It might be something worth discussing with your gp, see if there's anything you can take to ease the anxiety while the CBT starts to work
My anxiety hasn't been as intense since the last couple days, its still very much present though bubbling beneath the surface. Its been more my depression, fluctuating between despair and somewhat on the edge of despair. When its the latter it tricks me into thinking its under control & that I'm doing fine. I'm aware this is a false dawn though :s.. Most importantly I need to get out of this bloody room & give myself a purpose, that's the best medicine I reckon..
There are more than 4 ad's lovely - which ones have you tried?
Jaq is right, it doesn't have to be an AD to help with anxiety...
I've tried Setraline, Citalopram, Fluxotine & Mitazipine several times over at various doses. My doctor won't prescribe anythin else because they're considered the 'safe' options by NHS standards. These pills just made me want to sleep all day which made it even harder to get self-motivated. That's why I'm so against them.. I'm stressed at the moment with my income because I've not been paid for months by Universal credit. I missed 1 appointment so they won't pay me. My money is evaporating before my eyes which makes me even more guilty that I just paid for an holiday (think)..
Yes I did mention Turkey but that was an over protective mother trying to tell her 19 yo daughter what to do. So don't listen to me ....
How did she find it? I'm going end of September in Antalya. I went to Altinkum a few years ago & enjoyed it to an extent. My anxiety kinda got in the way of me enjoying it but thats something I have to live with. I went when I was a kid as well.
I've tried Setraline, Citalopram, Fluxotine & Mitazipine several times over at various doses. My doctor won't prescribe anythin else because they're considered the 'safe' options by NHS standards.
There's plenty more that are widely used in the NHS and different types are listed here. http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Antidepressant-drugs/Pages/Introduction.aspx For example, I'm on venlafaxine and amitryptaline. And venlafaxine, for instance, doesn't normally cause drowsiness - I take mine in the morning. If your gp is unwilling to prescribe something else, get a second opinion, please
My daughter hasn't booked a holiday yet, she's hoping to get a late deal
If you haven't got any income, have you called them to find out why they aren't paying you currently and how you rectify it so you do have money coming in?
I'm in serious mental distress right now, I've been crying all day uncontrollably ;(. I even broke down in front of my mum as soon as she asked me "how are u, are u ok?". Completely set me off again. Basically, the b******* at Universal Credit have informed that I won't be getting paid for the foreseeable future because I have sanctions pending.
A week ago they told me I had 18 days left & now they've told me I've got another 1 lasting 500+ days immediately after. I've been attending consistently over the last few months & I thought I was finally at the end of my sanction. As soon as I put the phone down I was engulfed in a sea of despair. The world seems completely bleak & I fear for my future. I can't pay my mum & I have a holiday upcoming.
I'm constantly living in a state of perpetual fear & living with a psychotic brother only fuels my anxiety. Last week he smashed the house up, threatened my mum & was goading me to come out of my room with these sinister words "Get him out of his room, tell him I've got a knife waiting for him..".
My anxiety that night was an indescribable fear. I feared for my mum downstairs, I feared for someone getting hurt :s. I'm back on Setraline but at a lower 50mg to start. Today was the 1st pill I swallowed in months since going cold turkey. I have no choice. My mental wellbeing is not right at all. I attended a voluntary information day as well & have started a health & social course so yeah that's my update. I want to disappear (think)..
Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry things are so bad for you right now.
Why do you have sanctions? Why are they over 500 days? Can you get to the CAB and get some help to sort this out? You can't live on thin air?! Have you applied for PIP?
WRT your brother - he needs reporting to the police and you and your Mum need to get somewhere to get some help and protection from him .
Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry things are so bad for you right now.
Why do you have sanctions? Why are they over 500 days? Can you get to the CAB and get some help to sort this out? You can't live on thin air?! Have you applied for PIP?
WRT your brother - he needs reporting to the police and you and your Mum need to get somewhere to get some help and protection from him .
My mums really worried about me. I was in distress again today & I've had very little sleep for 2 days. I somehow managed to attend my health & social course & a student there empathised with my situation. They said its abuse even though its not physical. It only happens to that extreme when hes had alcohol. Everyday though he verbally intimidates people. He blackmails my mum by saying "sorry" & threatens us if we ever report him for being "grasses"..
I'm gonna try & claim Carers allowance & income support because my mum has Lupus. Btw is 50mg Setraline too low to have an effect?. I've had it before oc but I had to take it to 100. I've been given 2 packs of 50mg now so I guess I should just take them. I need somethin right, especially with a holiday comin up. I don't know how I can possibly enjoy it with all this s*** hangin over me :s..
Oh hunni... It is abuse, both abusing you and your poor Mum. Lupus is horrible, I really sympathise - she certainly doesn't need the crap from your brother. Have you two spoken about it and what options there are? I hear that reporting things anonymously can easily be done through crimestoppers ;)
Did the Dr give you the 50mg? I would suggest you start it for a couple of weeks and see how you are doing.
I'm in Turkey right now with a group of people I barely know. I feel like a complete outsider & I overheard my mum tellin them I have severe anxiety & depression. Theres a gay couple and 3 beautiful girls who all know each other. I'm tryin to fit in but its tough when you have the weight of a mental illness hanging over ur every move. I can't even laugh properly, thats how f***** my head is.
I've brought my Setraline with me but I feel compromised by my depression wereas everyone else is free of this burden (think)..
S deleted
28-09-17, 05:18 PM
You may have your meds with you but are you taking them as prescribed?
Oh hunni I’m so sorry things are so tough (bear)
You can do this. Are you taking your meds properly?
Are you drinking and eating enough?
You may have your meds with you but are you taking them as prescribed?
ye I take it at 6pm everyday stella. I've only been back on them for a week or so.
You can do this. Are you taking your meds properly?
Are you drinking and eating enough?
Yep lots & lots of water & a couple meals each day. Ive been getting a few hours sleep because its so humid but thats not an excuse for why I'm so socially awkward. I don't feel comfortable in this group im in turkey with except my mum oc.
I literally stay silent because I'm a complete outsider. The 2 gay guys are big personalities with their own businesses. I also feel very shy around girls. They keep sayin "hav u enjoyed it so far" & I nod my head when deep down I'm in deep despair. I don't feel any emotion so how can I possibly "have a laugh" like normal emotionally functioning people? :s..
Have you tried to get to know the others? Even a little ?
Have you tried to get to know the others? Even a little ?
Its improved the past few days but the girls are so shallow. For instance, 1 of them said how she loves the "bad boys" & when a turkish guy flirted with her she said hes the perfect size (tall & muscular). She even bragged how she fancies my brother. Another girl said she see's me as a "brother".
As you can imagine all this makes me feel like s*** & doesn't help my confidence. I've dealt with this all my life, how I'm a nice guy & good looking yet I'm overlooked :(..
What about other people there?
What about other people there?
I've not felt comfortable with any of them except my mum & her friend. I just don't mix well with confident people. Everyone is so proactive in life compared to me. They have their own business, car, friends etc. Theres another person in the group who is also isolated just like me. She goes off & does her own thing wereas I've been participating in everything. Today we went to a turkish bath for instance which I enjoyed.
Regardless of my crippling depression & anxiety I've engaged in every experience so far. But this holiday has reaffirmed to me how lonely & inadequate I am as a person. I burst into tears today when I lost our hotel keys. Who in their right mind reacts like that on holiday? :s..
Why not go for an afternoon with the other isolated lady?
Hey, it's been a while since I provided an update so here goes. The last few months have been a roller-coaster for me emotionally. Recently I've been attending training for working with challenging behavior. Being part of this positive environment in training has felt amazing & did wonders for my sense of well-being (nod).
Then as time went on, due to the extensive background checks there was a delay in my file being signed off. After my last day in training I was told they were still waiting. At that point I was getting very stressed & burst into tears out of nowhere in the back of someones car. It wasn't a pleasant feeling to see everyone around me have their files sorted except me ;(.
Then today I got the confirmation that my offer was withdrawn from the permanent role due to failing a portion of the training. I've been in floods of tears all day & I'm frustrated why some other people were given the go ahead to work despite having no experience whatsoever. Some even scored the same as me in that part of the training.
They've offered me additional support to pass that portion of the training. If I complete that, they've encouraged me to then join another part of their support team. I went cold turkey on my Setraline about a month ago so that perhaps explains my increased emotional state ;(. However, for the most part, I've felt so much better off those pills. I feel liberated with a new lease of life coupled with the training I've been doing.
Oh hunni, cold turkey always causes mood swings. It’s always better to come off slowly, with the drs support. Why did you decide to stop them?
I know this training hasn’t worked out how you thought but it’s not that long ago you’d never have even tried to do it. I know that doesn’t make it better but it does show just how far you’ve come. Do you plan on redo the training?
(bear) Sorry you're struggling, but cold turkey withdrawal is almost always going to have a massively negative effect.
What bit you fail and how badly?
(bear) Sorry you're struggling, but cold turkey withdrawal is almost always going to have a massively negative effect.
What bit you fail and how badly?
It was the intervention part Suzi, we had to stand up & demonstrate how to handle vulnerable people in certain situations. When it was my turn I came across really anxious and hesitant as the whole group was watching. I was then taken aside after that session by the instructor who had a word with me. He said I didn't appear confident in that scenario so requested more training & marked me a low 2 I believe. That affected their decision to put me on full time so they suggested further training then they'll put me forward for another part of their support team. I guess they still see something in me to not completely withdraw my contract. I'm just worried I'll f*** up that part of the training again. The rest of my training went fine; first aid etc, but I let myself down on the intervention. My anxiety gets in the way of everything tbh (think)..
Oh hunni, cold turkey always causes mood swings. It’s always better to come off slowly, with the drs support. Why did you decide to stop them?
I know this training hasn’t worked out how you thought but it’s not that long ago you’d never have even tried to do it. I know that doesn’t make it better but it does show just how far you’ve come. Do you plan on redo the training?
I've actually felt amazing since going cold turkey. The extreme fatigue from those meds made me just want to sleep 24/7. Without them I feel like I've unlocked energy levels that's been long forgotten. My anxietys increased but my depression is roughly the same as when I was on them. I'd even say that my depression has lifted since going cold turkey. My sense of wellbeing has improved dramatically & being in a positive environment in training has definitely helped that. I doubt I'd have even had the energy levels to attend that training if I was still on those pills. Random crying aside I feel so much better without these meds in my system.
I plan to re-do my training as I really want to work in social care. It's so rewarding & interesting & it's such a positive environment to be part of. If I pass this further training then I think I'm good to go but nothings certain in this life (wasntme).
If you have extra support I'm sure you'll be fine. Just be calm, careful and gentle but forceful if needed. I'm sure you can do it.
If you have extra support I'm sure you'll be fine. Just be calm, careful and gentle but forceful if needed. I'm sure you can do it.
I'm waiting on the details as to what happens next. I just don't like waiting for email responses tbh because it can take up to several days. Then if I contact HR it's usually rather abrupt. They said "they'll get in touch" in regards to scheduling me in for further training. That uncertainty only ever fuels my anxiety lol (blush).
Yesterday my mum caught me in floods of tears which was quite distressing. I try to hide it but when someone says "are u ok?" it sets me off. Sure that may be a symptom of going cold turkey but I feel so much better without them awful meds that mess with your system without you even realizing it. In addition, I'm so grateful to have access to my emotions again even if it involves lots of crying. On those SSRI'S I was completely emotionally blunted & had extreme fatigue. I didn't even get out of bed whereas now I feel capable of embracing life. I'm applying for other roles in social care right now but I'm contracted to the other place so I'm kinda in limbo. They have further training planned for me & if I complete that I can join a more flexible part of their support team. Nothing is certain in this life except death so I feel like I'm being pulled from pillar to post (think)..
Sounds like they are trying to help you which is good.
Have you told your Dr about stopping the meds and how you are feeling?
Sounds like they are trying to help you which is good.
Have you told your Dr about stopping the meds and how you are feeling?
Yeah I told him the other day, he said if it's working for you then continue off them. I think he realises that I've been going round in circles back & forth between Setraline, Mitazipine, Fluxotine & Citalopram & the only benefit was a slight decrease in my anxiety. In regards to my depression, it was probably WORSE on them due to the extreme fatigue those pills give you.
A lot of people aren't aware how debilitating those side effects actually are. They fall down a rabbit hole of going from pill to pill without knowing the underlying effects they have on you. If your suicidal then yeah they probably help but because I'm moderately clinically depressed they did more harm than good. I didn't even leave my bed ffs. Now I have my emotions back, I'm sleeping much better, I'm pushing myself more & I'm feeling gradually more confident socially. My anxiety seems to have increased but it's outweighed by those positives. I'm re-doing the training this friday which I'm nervous about. I need to try & get my anxiety under control before then (think)...
Will be thinking about you Friday
I'm sure you'll be fine on Friday. Well done for talking to your Dr about it all.
I'm tired of being misunderstood. I'm tired of living with a controlling brother. I'm tired of living with depression & anxiety ;(.
There's just no escape from this hell I'm in. I'm scared to even leave my room due to that other person's presence. It's the equivalent of abuse on a psychological level. I started my 1st shift in care work last week which served as a temporary relief.
But it's flexible so the shifts aren't guaranteed. That's my only escapism right now, otherwise I'm confined to my room with my dark thoughts & relentless anxiety. If I leave my room I'm in the presence of a bully who loves to control me & my mum. I feel so alone in this world. It really feels like I'm the only 1 suffering with this despair & ceaseless worry :s..
Oh hunni, I’m sorry, there was a glimmer of hope not so long ago :(. But congrats on your job, I hope the shifts become regular
Have you thought of going to your housing association and asking to be rehomed due to domestic violence?
Have you thought of going to your housing association and asking to be rehomed due to domestic violence?
It's not domestic violence, its more verbal threats when he's had a drink. He drinks on the weekends, sometimes he's out the house which is a relief. Without a drink he doesn't threaten anyone but still unpleasant. There's always a vibe around him that makes me uncomfortable because he's a controlling person.
Living with him most of my life has definitely been a factor in my mental state. He potrays a masculine, thug-like image & I'm completely the opposite. I think he see's me as a threat in a way as I can articulate myself well.
Oh hunni, I’m sorry, there was a glimmer of hope not so long ago :(. But congrats on your job, I hope the shifts become regular
The shifts are delivered on a 1st come 1st serve basis. They vary from around the north west, with stockport being the most in demand. That's quite far from me but I know I need to learn the train/bus route otherwise I'll be short of work. I've been up there several times to complete my training & worked out the travel all by myself (even used google maps to direct me at times!). I'm just worried about getting home if I'm on a late shift.
Sorry for the wall of text btw. I just feel that so many can relate to depression, anxiety & loneliness as demonstrated by the amount of views this thread has had.
The 3 go hand in hand & it's a mental hell. It's an epidemic even as there's so many sufferers, we just choose to be open about it to break down a preventable stigma. In a way, my anxiety has been the barrier from me ever hurting myself.
For many people who have suffered with depression for years like I have, it's a different story. Still I wouldn't wish anxiety on anyone but at least it's made me vigilant in regards to my health. That's the 1 positive I can take from it (think).
It IS domestic violence - It's emotional abuse. https://www.nhs.uk/livewell/abuse/pages/domestic-violence-help.aspx
My depression is getting worse & worse. I feel completely apathetic towards life & feel nothing, except sadness. My trigger right now seems to be related towards death. When I see an old person for example, it makes me really emotional inside, like my soul is crying in turmoil. I guess it reminds me of death which I fear every single day (think)..
Sorry to be bleak but it conveys exactly how dark my soul is right now. I don't "feel" any emotion whatsoever. For others, it seems their depression "comes & goes" whereas mine is constant & unrelenting, there's no relief.
Anyway, today I attended an interview for a support worker role. Silly ol' me then happened to forget my documents for proof of address, so I had to walk miles back to town (getting lost in the process) & walk all the way back to the place again.
The interview was a mixed bag as I hummed & erred & gave stupid answers. I gave some really good answers but I think I (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ed it..
I completed 5 shifts in residential support recently from my current support role. I did well & was there for the service user at all times but again my anxiety is telling me I did bad. They send me shifts on a rotating basis but HR take so long to email new shifts across & they're always busy when contacting them. That makes me feel worthless because I'm always left in the dark. Oh & I'm seeing a counselor again soon, starting next week, the same 1 I had last year (blush)..
Glad you're seeing a counsellor again soon, but I really think you need to go back and see your Dr..... Tell them what you are telling us.
I agree with Suzi, it breaks my heart that you were doing so well but now are struggling. Did you look at that link Suzi showed you?
Glad you're seeing a counsellor again soon, but I really think you need to go back and see your Dr..... Tell them what you are telling us.
My mum keeps sayin the same thing. What more can a doctor do though than feed me pills like a guinea pig?. The 1st couple week off Setraline I felt great but that period was in conjunction with the training course at my work provider.
I think the reason I feel so low now is caus they're completely out of my system & I'm not having that social interaction that I was getting from the training. I don't want to go back on pills though. I'm a couple month off them now & I don't wanna give in caus they're not natural & make me tired. I'd rather give meditation a try & to be more sociable because loneliness is at the very root of my depression.
I agree with Suzi, it breaks my heart that you were doing so well but now are struggling. Did you look at that link Suzi showed you?
This year has been positive in regards to progressing into social care. In addition to my support work with a trust, I was successful the other day in my interview for another care provider. That'll be full time & can work it round my other support role.
But ye, in regards to my wellbeing, its been very much up & down. The past month I've felt completely "flat" & again it stems from being a social recluse. If I'm workin full time then that will distract me somewhat from my inner thoughts. I worry though that it'll deprive me of even less social opportunities caus I'll be so busy. Oh & ye I looked at the link. I think its emotional abuse but only when he's had a drink which isn't often. Most days we stay out of each others ways. Again sorry for the wall of text, I need to be more concise! (think).
Don’t worry about being concise, it’s more important that you have someone to talk to. You need to do what’s right for you but sometimes it’s worth thinking about ADs as something that helps support you while you work out what needs to change in your life itms
Congratulations on the job! When do you start?
Never feel you have to be more concise if you need to talk, then you need to talk!
They doing my checks at the moment prior to training. I already completed training in February for my current role which involved safeguarding etc.
It needs be done again though as its a different care provider. I'm kinda worried about the personal care aspect. It seems rather disgusting..
It's not disgusting. You just need to change your mindset - it's about helping someone, you do actually just zone out of it as something that isn't great. It's about providing help, care and dignity.
It's not disgusting. You just need to change your mindset - it's about helping someone, you do actually just zone out of it as something that isn't great. It's about providing help, care and dignity.
I enjoy support work but I've not really done that aspect of it yet. So far my 5 shifts in my bank role have been with non verbal younger people. Its been 2:1 support but I've had periods were i've been left alone. I've done activities like takin them to the park, listening to nursery rhymes etc.
I'll be ready though for when the time arises & I'm aware it requires a lot of patience & persistence. Btw if I'm going to be workin all day every day, isn't that counter productive to me being more sociable? (think).
Both my husbands I met at work - actually the same work ;)
I met Marc whilst I was working too ;)
I've never experienced a relationship & I'm 28 now! (blush). I envy couples so much caus they seem free of worry & loneliness. These dating sites are catered towards the shallow & superficial because no one replies to my messages. I ain't bad lookin either, I'm just a bloody recluse lol.
I was talking about this just then actually with my mums friend. I mentioned how I leave the room if I see a happy couple because it triggers how lonely I feel inside. It did me good to get out of my room at least. I'm not sure if chatting in the kitchen counts as socialising though.
Of course it counts!
I can honestly say that I'm definitely not free of worry or loneliness because I'm married! It really isn't going to make those feelings go away because you have a girlfriend...
My sister found her current partner on a dating site - they aren't all shallow and superficial.
I’m not free of worry or loneliness, or jealousy or a lack of self confidence, or any of those things that we ‘should’ be free of in a relationship. It’s not Through lack of trust with my husband, it’s a lack of confidence that I deserve him, it’s a belief that he’d be better off without me. He proves every day that he loves me and is going nowhere. There’s nothing wrong with our relationship, just with me. But I don’t think I’m on my own there.
Jaquaia
30-04-18, 11:00 AM
Definitely not alone with that Paula. I feel exactly the same with J.
magie06
30-04-18, 01:30 PM
And me with Gerry!
I had to disclose my depression & anxiety for my pre employment checks. The question asked if I had a psychological condition in the last 3 years. I've answered honestly & said that Ive had moderate depression & anxiety & recently came off Setraline in addition to receiving cbt counselling.
Can an employer withdraw an offer based on that?. If they did then that would be discrimination as it doesn't affect my ability to work. I've never felt suicidal, just moderately depressed & anxious due to how lonely I feel (think).
No I don't believe they can...
That employer called me today & wants to see me tommorow to discuss my depression, which I disclosed in the medical check. He told me on the phone to not worry & that they won't be withdrawing their job offer. But why does he want to see me?. Lots of people have depression so I don't get why I need to elaborate further face to face.
Jaquaia
17-05-18, 06:39 PM
Possibly to see if you need any extra support putting in place.
Jaq’s probably right. I know it’s tough but try not to worry
S deleted
17-05-18, 07:33 PM
Because as an employer they have a duty of care toward you and I would imagine it is to discuss ways they can support you in the workplace.
Thanks, todays been tough. I feel so low as I've had no sleep whatsoever & that call exacerbated my depression further. Despite this, I managed to take a girl out to the pub & we had a few games of pool.
But then as she was awaiting her taxi home, I ignorantly withdrew myself to the garden instead of waiting beside her. Instead, I was sat staring at the sun, overwhelmed by this bleakness that pervades me :s. The past few days I felt "better" but today I feel so hopeless..
I think the fact they called and asked is a positive thing - they obviously want to help you...
Why didn't you wait with the girl you went out with? Every girl likes to be waited with whilst waiting to get home....
Because I felt tearful & was tryin to contain my emotions. On the way back from the pub she told me how she's gonna still speak to other guys or somethin. I've spent the past 2 days with her but we've only kissed & cuddled. We had our backs turned in my bed & I was wide awake the whole night 😩.
As for the employer, I'm curious how exactly they intend to support an employee with depression. I'm worried what to say exactly. I've never been suicidal but I've had it for years on a moderate level. If they equate depression with being potentially psychotic then that's completely unjustified. I'll let you know anyway how this chat goes with them tommorow.
Jaquaia
17-05-18, 09:52 PM
Why on earth would the equate depression with being potentially psychotic??? Psychosis and depression are 2 very different mental illnesses, neither of which an employer can discriminate against!
I can't see them seeing it as potentially psychotic lovely, try not to worry x
It actually went well & they just wanted to know If I needed any support. I told them that I've been off medication since Jan & that I'm seein a counsellor. I even asked whether other staff had disclosed their depression prior to starting & she said "oh yes, all the time!".
I also had a chat with the person who's in charge of my file & she's now recieved everythin she needs regarding references & DBS, so its finally been submitted.
I was belittled today which is nothing new in my household. No prizes for guessing who. I was called an "f'in daft pr***" by that so-called brother of mine. I locked the back door in the house & he was angry because he expected it to be unlocked. So he came stormin back from work to shout verbal abuse at me.
All I did was lock the door as I was upstairs. He belittles me all the time & controls people. He even shouts at the dog aggressively simply for barkin. I'm seem as pathetic because of how timid I am.
Anyway I start my induction on June 18th so that'll at least get me out of the house (think)..
Are you sure you can't talk to your Mum about what other options there are for the pair of you to sort something. He sounds so volatile and dangerous...
Really struggling (think).. On Sunday I was in floods of tears, triggered from sad music. I was also ignored for no reason by a girl I was gettin along with. We had a dance & a hug the night before then when I texted to simply say how I enjoyed our dance she blanked me. Tired of these f***** mind games.
My sleep patterns f***** as well & I missed counseling so they prob gonna discharge me. Been goin sleep at 8am & wakin at 6pm.. I've got my induction for support work on June 18th so waitin for that. Please don't recommend seeing a Doctor because I'm adamant against pills in my system just like a vegan is against meat..
Oh hunni, I’m sorry things are so bad. Was that the first time you missed counselling?
You need to change that sleeping pattern. It might mean forcing yourself to stay up one day and then going to bed at the right time.
Sorry things are so tough for you. What things have you tried recently for a sustained length of time to help yourself to feel a bit brighter?
You need to change that sleeping pattern. It might mean forcing yourself to stay up one day and then going to bed at the right time.
Sorry things are so tough for you. What things have you tried recently for a sustained length of time to help yourself to feel a bit brighter?
I'm so worked up today, I feel like my hearts gonna burst out of my chest!. I'm dealing with the most incompetent (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in HR manager imaginable. I've contacted her several times to confirm my shifts which I emailed to her. I listed 4 shifts startin from tommorow at 7am but she won't give me confirmation. She said she'll email me by today & hasn't. Its been like this since the day I registered back in March.
I rely on her to give me a shift schedule or to confirm the shifts I emailed but I'm always pawned off. In addition my mums goin on at me for keep which I cant give her.. My sleeps been ok past couple days as I've been goin sleep early at 11pm. I'm still in counseling as ur allowed 3 absences before being discharged. Sorry for the vent btw (blush)..
Did you get hold of her to find out if you're working tomorrow?
ye she told me that I'm not "experienced enough" for the service that I asked to do shifts at. I could do Stockport shifts again as their service is open to inexperienced support workers but its really far. Anyway I emailed them to tell them that weekends are best as from next week I'll be at an induction for another care provider. After that I'll be starting full time with them.
On a side note I had an embarrassin moment at the doctors today. I rambled on a bit & he was very abrupt with me mid sentence saying "I'VE GOT 4-5 PATIENTS WAITING SO I'LL HAVE TO LET YOU GO". I spilled my guts out to him about my mental health then he dismissed me in a really unpleasant manner (blush)..
Well done for telling the doctor how it is. It’s disgusting, though, when GPs react like that. I’m sorry, love. A full time job? That’s fantastic, really awesome :)
Did the Dr help you at all?
That's horrible that he spoke to you like that - I hope you are going to try to see a different one?
Hope that the other care provider is good to you.
I'm gonna be workin non stop startin Sunday but I feel so overwhelmed. My depression is all consuming, it follows my every waking move. Last night I had a panic attack, tossing & turnin in the dark, feeling completely hopeless ;(..
I also got told off after my induction class today. I made a stupid remark about feeling "half asleep in class" & she said she was concerned that I didn't participate as well as others throughout the week. I'm just not a chatty person like that & I have crippling depression to deal with.
The service I'll be workin at is all male staff which I'm not happy about. I feel more comfortable around women tbh, I'm just not the typical lad type. Anyway they told me to see how I feel after my 1st week then ring them back. Its so awkward as the rotas are already in place but I felt its best to tell them now. Ive had 1 shadow shift there already. I wish I could shake this despair as I'm gonna be so busy (think)..
Sweetie, you’ve worked so hard to get to where you are now with your work. I wish your anxiety wasn’t preventing you from enjoying your achievement. That said, everyone is tense going into a new Work environment and we’ve all been there (panda)
Maybe next time there’s a comment about your participation, you could tell whoever it is that you’re reserved but that it doesn’t mean you aren’t committed to the job
I totally agree with Paula. You've done so well to get to where you are.
Another day, another rejection. Got stood up by a girl because she "wasn't in the mood". We agreed to meet today then as I was in the bath she decided she couldn't be arsed. Then she texted this diamond of a line "we havent spoken properly yet". Then why did u agree to meet then? And isn't that the whole point?. I even suggested talkin on the phone but no, excuses excuses. Tired of these f**** games that people play (think).
I can feel myself sinking after feelin hopeful of a date. Rejection is dangerous for someone with depression & anxiety. I'll be workin from tommorow non stop with this despair hanging over me. I keep crying randomly as well, I'm not in a good place at all. I appreciate u sayin its been an achievement for me to become a support worker. I just don't feel it. I feel so hopeless ;(..
Then you need to challenge your thoughts. Actively stop yourself and make yourself tell yourself something positive each time... You can get through this lovely - are you sure you wouldn't find going back to the Dr and talking things through with them as a helpful thing?
My doctor has no answer other than medication to which I've exhausted. My counsellor suggested a worry group though & maybe a psychologist. As soon as I read ur post I was in floods of tears again because I feel so helpless.
Today I completed my 2nd shadow shift. It was the dullest 7 hours of my life, sat on the sofa all day. Tommorow I'll be more hands on apparently as I start properly. I'm (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ed off though that its all male staff.
I contacted the service manager & she told me to give it a week at the service & see how I feel. Its just my preference to not be pigeonholed with all male. I'm on every single day as well in a service I didnt ask for (think)..
Jaquaia
24-06-18, 10:14 PM
I thought I had exhausted the medication route but I've finally found one that has improved things for me.
Is there a recovery college in your area?
I'd be surprised if you'd exhausted all the medication options tbh... When did you last go and talk to them about how you are feeling?
Thing is, it’s sometimes not about how many of the meds you’ve tried, and sometimes about how they’re combined. I’m on 2 ADs of very different groups plus a mood stabiliser plus something that helps with anxiety. While most people don’t need that, adding in another ad, for instance, can be the boost needed
My GP only prescribes Sertraline, Citalopram, Fluxotine & Mirtazipine as the others are not as safe apparently. They mess with heart rhythm for instance. I've been cold turkey from Sertraline since January as I don't want drugs in my system.
I have herbal tea but need to drink it more to see if it helps. I'm definitely not right though. I'm gettin very emotional everyday. It doesn't help that I work with staff who are all happily married with a family. That makes me feel so inadequate & really triggers my loneliness (doh)..
Then you need to ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. And I’m sorry but ‘not as safe’ doesn’t cut it for me when someone’s quality of life is suffering - particularly as most of them are absolutely ok for most people. Venlafaxine, for instance, is widely used and very effective. It has potential side effects but no more so than others (in fact I found mirtazapine harder to handle than Venlafaxine).
Jaquaia
24-06-18, 10:50 PM
All drugs go through extensive testing before they are licensed for general prescribing. All drugs have side effects but that depends on the person, but they are predominantly safe otherwise they wouldn't be approved. Unless there are reasons why your gp needs to take extra care with you, a health condition for example, then they are just making excuses. My gp was limited because of the immunosuppressant that I'm on but they were still able to prescribe 8 different medications.
Erm my husband is on venlafexine and it's completely changed his and our lives - that with intensive psychotherapy. You deserve to be helped. If your GP won't do it then ask to be referred to someone else who can. Oh and I take 2 completely different AD's for pain and I know on how they make me feel...
Really do not settle for being told that the others aren't safe, that's total rubbish!
I've dug myself into the most awkward situation. I've been called into the office at my support service because I requested a possible change of service. I asked for a service thats not all "male staff" & now they have concerns about me. I fear the worst tbh (think)..
I'm dreadin this appointment tommorow with the manager. How do the hell do u even give a reason for not wanting to work with all male staff?. I've told them its just a preference but how the (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) do u even elaborate on somethin as ridiculous as that?. If they sack me then its unfair dismissal in a way. They also never told me I was going to be workin with all male staff.
What is your reason for not wanting to work within an all male team?
OldMike
26-06-18, 08:48 AM
I've worked in a largely all male environment all my life and there's nothing wrong with that. It's not the gender or sexuality of the people you work with it's how you get on with your colleagues that counts.
They also never told me I was going to be workin with all male staff.
Did they ever tell you that you wouldn’t be working with all male staff?
Today has been extremely stressful for me. I was called into the office again with 2 managers. They outlined more concerns because a staff member reported me for "struggling to fold clothes". Then immediately as I started shift, I was told to take a challenging person shopping. A grumpy old man who can switch on a dime. I felt so much adrenaline during that period. I was almost cryin in front of the service user, I was that stressed ;(.
When I returned to the service, a manager was observing me work out the finances, makin me even more nervous & went through some checks (which suggests I proved myself in some way as I was threatened with dismissal a few hours prior).
Then I came come home to my vile brother & his mates getting (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ed in the garden, calln me a "daft bstrd" & a "dopey cnt" for no reason other than to belittle me. All this on top of my depression. Its just a preference to work with women & men opposed to all men. I've never been the "jack the lad" type & prefer to interact with women (sorry for the wall of text).
Were you struggling to fold clothes? What other concerns do they have? Did you manage to help the service user? Why were you threatened with dismissal?
Were you struggling to fold clothes? What other concerns do they have? Did you manage to help the service user? Why were you threatened with dismissal?
They threatened me with a possible dismissal interview. My last 2 shifts since that last meeting have been productive. I took the service user out again today into town, managed his finances (expenditure, balance etc) & made his tea.
I did what was required of me to prove that im capable by myself. Despite that, I was getting an unpleasant vibe from the other staff member on shift. He raised his voice at me a couple times & hardly spoke to me. I don't feel comfortable workin with this person at all. Its like he's waitin on me to slip up so he can report me. I haven't cried today which is rare. I'm sure its just a smokescreen though (think)...
Sounds like you've made a really positive impact on the SU's day! Well done!!
Maybe just work away from this other person if you find it uncomfortable to be working near them...
You've only just started, you're not expected to know everything or how to do everything yet...
I feel constantly on edge living with this monster at home. The other day he went into a rage fit, took a knife from the draw & patrolled the streets with it. All because someone accidently ran over his bike. Every time he drinks & has a sniff he threatens to stab someone who crosses him.
I also recently quit my job with immediate effect as I felt like I was about to be pushed. My anxiety & depression has made my life completely (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in hopeless. If only I had the money to be free of this devil that I live with :(..
Oh no! Why did you quit??? You've waited so long to get a job in that sector the experience would have been great on your CV - and the money could have helped you to move out!
I'd have to call the police if he was out with a knife...
My mum said to me "Ur never happy, I have an illness but I just get on with it. You have nothin to be worried about" to which I replied "Mum, I have anxiety & depression..". I feel so guilty for feelin this way. This is why I never open to anyone :s..
Oh no! Why did you quit??? You've waited so long to get a job in that sector the experience would have been great on your CV - and the money could have helped you to move out!
I'd have to call the police if he was out with a knife...
I've been on training last few days for another care agency. I just hope they don't contact the place were I recently quit. And ye the police should def have been involved but everyone was too scared to be seen as the "grass". He's not been violent since but then again hes not drank or had coke..
You have no reason for feeling guilty. But maybe you should get to see your Dr again lovely...
Have you thought about talking to crimestoppers anonymously?
My head is like a (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in washing machine, its relentless. I get very little relief from this mental torment. What anxiety & depression does to you over the years.. I can't even begin to describe..
I've stubbornly gone without medication since January & really struggled mentally as my mind is "free" & free is dangerous. Yesterday my birthday was spent speakin to a counsellor. How messed up is that?. Most people have friends to celebrate their BDays with. Not me (think). I've been referred to a "worry" group. And ye I'll look into crimestoppers.
So why are you still adamant that you don’t want meds?
Happy belated birthday for yesterday...
I don't think it's messed up, I think you seeking and getting help is actually really positive. Why not make this the year you get you more stable? Go and see your GP. Tell them everything - take a bullet point list if it helps and get the help you need...
OldMike
20-07-18, 11:44 AM
Happy belated birthday (better late than never) :)
Thanks, I struggle even more on weekends due to the increased sense of loneliness. Everyday though is hell inside my messed up head. I worry about my health (even though there's nothin physically wrong with me), my mums health, death, being alone. So I confine myself to my room all day & cry ;(.
I know there's many out there who also suffer with anxiety & depression. Thats why I continue to log my struggles, not only as an outlet but for someone to empathise with. And the reason why I haven't gone back on the meds is because they made me really sleepy. On top of that they blunt out ur emotions, but maybe thats better than intense crying right? (think)..
I’d say that’s definitely a better option. However, perhaps you could talk to your doctor about different meds, they may not impact so heavily
There are many other medications that can be tried. Not all have the same side effects.... Surely it's better to try so you don't spend all day crying. Doesn't your Mum know?
Yeah my mum knows caus she can see how visibly anxious & depressed I am on a daily basis. She keeps tellin me I shouldn't be suffering when there's meds in front of me. She also knows about my intense crying episodes (blush).
I know there's more ADs to the ones I've tried but I wouldn't like to go against my doctors advice. He prescribes Citalopram, Fluxotine, Sertraline & Mirtazipine & thats it.
I wouldn't like to take the risk on my physical health with the others. I'm considerin goin back on Citalopram. I know I've been round in circles with these pills & they haven't done (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) for my depression but they at least relieve the anxiety.
What risks to your physical health do you specifically mean? I’m surprised your doctor is so limited with what they can prescribe. Amitryptaline, for instance, is also used for many physical/neurological disorders, as well as an AD, so is widely prescribed by GPs ........
I think that if your GP is only prepared to prescribe those then you should be pushing for a referral to someone else who can prescribe alternatives. Also I think you should take your Mum with you to your appointments...
I don't want drugs in my body full stop but I'm sufferin really badly. I can't justify resorting to these fatigue inducing pills when I haven't even explored natural solutions.
Right now I'm on a detox from caffeine & I've noticed my anxiety drop in intensity. Its still there but the extreme physical symptoms seem a bit more manageable. I need to get out of my room, meditate, socialise & maintain a healthy diet. Easier said than done but I need to at least explore these options that are open to me. I've been crying a lot but being in my room festers that loneliness (think)..
Yes you need to do all of those things, whether you’re taking meds or not, they’re important. (Nb, not all ADs cause fatigue ;))
I completely agree with Paula. Not all meds are like that - how many have you tried?
Think I'm about ready to cease existing. I've (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ed up a social care job that I enjoy doing. I'm on the brink of being sacked after 2 shifts because of performance issues & because I don't have a full uniform. I quit my last role prior after 8 shifts as well. I can't do anythin right I'm a waste of space.
I may as well just die now because unconsciousness is the only relief I get from this miserable (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in existence. Never had a girlfriend, never had a sustainable job, depression, anxiety, anhedonia. I'm done (think)..
What's happened with the job?
When was it last that you saw your Dr?
There are options and you can get through this...
I was reported because I said I've never used a hoist which is just bein honest. And I was reported caus I put dirty clothes in the skip instead of a red bag even though I was told to put it in the skip by a staff member.
And now because I dont have a uniform available. I did ok considerin I was put in a challenging environment without experience but theyre gonna sack me. They knew I had no personal care experience yet they thrust me into a highly challenging environment instead of easing me in. A lot of the time I was on my own as well & I didn't shy away from any duty. I don't know whether to jump before being pushed.
They're callin me in next week so its obvious they're gonna pull the trigger which is unjustified due to some invalid complaints. I enjoy being a support worker & now its been taken away from me again. I saw my doctor last week who agreed that I may be anhedonic as I can't "feel" joy or laughter. A life without that is barely a (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in existence so why should I even live (think)..
Why don't you have a uniform? Were you provided with one?
I think you need to see a different doctor or at least get referred to your cmht and get some proper help.
I was provided with a t shirt but I dont have pants or shoes which I should have bought but I assumed I'd be at the non uniform service for longer than 2 shifts. The staff management was all over the place. I was left alone a few times with a floor full of elderly patients. I didnt shy away from any duty like feeding, dressing, changin the old peoples nappies.
They use agency staff as a scapegoat. Theyre gonna call in me next week so I think theyre gonna sack me. I dont know whether to jump before bein pushed. In my last role, I jumped after 8 shifts. I have Citalopram but havent touched it caus the fatigue of these pills is too much of a risk.
You have to go back and talk to your Dr. There's no point in them thinking that you're taking them and they're helping when you aren't taking them at all..
Go to the meeting and see what they have to say. If you leave then you can't claim anything in benefits if you need to..
I really think that you need to go and get some proper help with your depression and actually take the meds and get some therapy. Until you do then you're always going to have this kind of issue...
It’s possible they want to talk to you about additional training, the additional work you have been doing etc. Please don’t jump because you think they’re going to fire you - find out the truth first
I've not spoken to my agency for 5 weeks now because my mental health is all consuming. I did another shift since I last updated here but it was with dementia again. I've emailed them anyway to be put on support shifts rather than healthcare as that was what I signed up for.
It's been 5 weeks since then & I've not got back in touch. I'm just in bed everyday consumed by worry & despair. Sure I could take my Citalopram but that only makes me more tired. These doctors are so quick to dish out pills. I'm not mentally well but that's down to my reclusive lifestyle. I've lived in my room all my life. Right now I can't function because of the worry. I worry about everythin under the
f uc kin sun. The slightest aches I jump to the most drastic conclusions. I can't escape these worries & never will. I've worried since I was in play school ffs. My head is a washing machine, only the cycle never ends :s..
Jaquaia
11-11-18, 07:52 AM
I'm going to be really blunt here... you are so dismissive about doctors dishing out pills but is what you're doing really working? At what point do you stop complaining about doctors giving you pills and actually give them a go just to see if they might be what you need to help you out of this dip? The fatigue could be a side affect that would wear off after a week or so, that's what my partner found when he started them. Or if it's something that you can't cope with there are others that may suit you better. Did you know that antidepressants aren't even recommended as treatment for mild to moderate depression, it's counselling so if the doctor has followed NHS guidelines, they consider your depression to be moderate to severe?. Have you even considered requesting counselling? If worry is affecting you as much as you say then you need to go back and speak to your doctor and go in with an open mind.
Nothing will change if you don't do something to help yourself. Nothing we can say will help unless you're willing to actually try things. We can offer support, but it has never really made you feel much better has it?
I disagree, I think your mental illness is a big reason why your lifestyle is reclusive, not the other way round. It doesn’t seem to matter what is recommended to you by doctors and those who are trying to support you, you refuse to take it on board and make the changes to your lifestyle that could help you recover.
I get so frustrated because we’ve seen how different you can be, and the positive impact on your life, when you do listen to those around you and make changes.
Sweetheart, you've been a member here for over 4 years and as you are still in the same position that you were then it proves that doing it your way just isn't working.. How much longer before you try something different?
Hey I've not posted for a while because I feel like posting without showing signs of improvement only adds to my shame as Suzi mentioned.
I'm still struggling with all these issues & probably will till the day I die. I'm kinda resigned to this life now (unless I choose to end it early of course..). I've just had a lecture from my mum's friend how I don't help my mum around the house. I'm fully aware of this yet I'm too apathetic to do anything about it, despite my guilt. My depression and anxiety is a major factor along with my lack of independence. I'm 29 & I've missed out on that development through being a major recluse. I support my mum financially with what little benefits I get, so that's something.
Anyway, I'll wrap this brief update with what I've been up to. I attended a training course recently to work in an autism centre. I was there daily for 7 days which involved physical restraint exercises. Since then I've retreated to my room again. I apply everyday for work and voluntary. Got a few interviews next week including 1 to be a mental health advocate volunteer. I've joined a group from the meetup app but they all seem much older than me. It may be a bit awkward but I'll join them for a drink regardless. I had an assessment recently and they ruled out autism. They've referred me to yet another counselor. I'm not taking pills and haven't for a year. I'm tired of hearing about them as the "go-to advice". I've had chamomile tea the past couple days which seems to have sedated my mind a little bit (think)..
Hey there, i know what you mean. I have been away for a while from the forum too. And I can understand why not making any progress might make you feel that you should not be here.
I understand. But I dont agree. We are all human and if we like it or not. We are not meant to be alone (trust me. I keep trying this).
You are a part of this forum as much as the next person. And life is not a race. We walk it in our own pace. Some people achieved great things early on others later in life. It does not matter. I read that a woman got a college degree at 80. Its all awesome.
I have gotten worse over the last few years. Not even the same. But with one change. I opened my mind up to outside help. Even if i thought that will not work. Or how do they know me? I went through. I am not where I want to be. But for the first time in my adult life I feel that I am getting there. Not now. Not tomorrow. But one day. And that helps.
I still have way to many dark days. But I am grateful to be here. On this forum. Meeting people.
And I am glad you posted again.
Hi hunni.
Staying away from the forum doesn't seem to be helping, so you might as well keep coming back to see if it does help when you can talk things through a bit more! :)
Have you not thought of trying different meds?
Can you try to get up each day, shower and get dressed and go and sit with your Mum for a while?
Hey there, i know what you mean. I have been away for a while from the forum too. And I can understand why not making any progress might make you feel that you should not be here.
I understand. But I dont agree. We are all human and if we like it or not. We are not meant to be alone (trust me. I keep trying this).
You are a part of this forum as much as the next person. And life is not a race. We walk it in our own pace. Some people achieved great things early on others later in life. It does not matter. I read that a woman got a college degree at 80. Its all awesome.
I have gotten worse over the last few years. Not even the same. But with one change. I opened my mind up to outside help. Even if i thought that will not work. Or how do they know me? I went through. I am not where I want to be. But for the first time in my adult life I feel that I am getting there. Not now. Not tomorrow. But one day. And that helps.
I still have way to many dark days. But I am grateful to be here. On this forum. Meeting people.
And I am glad you posted again.
Thank you Mira, I can relate to everything you said :). I attended 3 interviews this week (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday) and gave a good account of myself. I'm very good at articulating myself but I stumbled slightly on the 3rd interview with a few questions. I didn't sleep either but pushed myself to attend all 3. I've also took the initiative to put myself forward for a few meetup hangouts. Its with a group from the meetup app and they arrange outings on a weekly basis. This Saturday I'm penciled in for games & lunch from 2-5. They arrange things like comedy clubs, pub quiz', bars etc. It'll be surreal because not only are they strangers but they're around 20+ years older than me. But I'm going regardless & I've also applied for lots of voluntary as I'd like to get back into it. I hope this has given you food for thought to maybe try yourself? (blush).
Hi hunni.
Staying away from the forum doesn't seem to be helping, so you might as well keep coming back to see if it does help when you can talk things through a bit more! :)
Have you not thought of trying different meds?
Can you try to get up each day, shower and get dressed and go and sit with your Mum for a while?
I feel marginally better when I've been out in the sun to appointments like I've done this week. Even if it's a brief respite from my room it's a positive step in the right direction. Right now I feel a bit more hopeful but I need to connect that hope with tangible results (ie social outings, some form of work routine), otherwise I'll fall back down into that pit of despair which I've done time & time again. I'm sure we can all relate to that (blush). That's the tricky part that I've always struggled with, finding a routine and sustaining it. Despite my relative progress this week I still feel "emotionless". How do you rekindle a bright spark that's long since been burnt out?. Please don't tell me pills are the answer (think)..
Why are you going out with people 20+ years older than you?
I'm not going to tell you that "pills are the answer" because you know as well as I do that actually the only way you're going to get out of this is to force yourself up every morning, shower, get dressed, get out of your room and to do something - what about an online free course? What about a course near you? What about a college course? Something different?
Why are you going out with people 20+ years older than you?
I'm not going to tell you that "pills are the answer" because you know as well as I do that actually the only way you're going to get out of this is to force yourself up every morning, shower, get dressed, get out of your room and to do something - what about an online free course? What about a course near you? What about a college course? Something different?
It's the only meetup group that's in Bolton on the app. I'm looking forward to it as I don't go out at all so it'd be nice even for just a few hours. Funny enough, a few people I grew up with got in touch on facebook saying how it's been so long & they fancy a catch up. But I wouldn't feel comfortable at all because they all have amazing lives with a family and a beautiful wife or girlfriend.
What have I got to show?. Absolutely nothing. The question would inevitably pop up "so what have u been doin all these years, are u still in ur room a lot? do u have a girlfriend yet?". The answer to that would be "yes & I've been suffering with depression and I'm still a worrier as I've always been but I got into support work recently". I feel shame and it hurts even more to see others with significantly better lives than me. I missed out on the social and emotional development that most people have had throughout their teens & 20's. Oh & I received a job rejection today because I wasn't "clear in some of my examples". I'm going to sink again I just know it. Btw I hope I didn't come across as rude when I said pills ain't the answer. I intended it to be said in a jokingly sarcastic kind of way (blush).
magie06
11-04-19, 04:24 PM
Try not to compare yourself with others. Most of what is said on-line is just a 'version' of the truth. No one knows what goes on behind the screen, and what may seem like a very happy relationship, could be the complete opposite. Try not to take everything at face value.
Magie is right. And when I meet people my age who all are married and have kids and live the dream they complain too. Nobody is living the perfect life. So when they meet you even they might be happy to be doing something else. And just hang out.
When you talk to people about getting a job rejection and talk about it in a normal way they might even offer tips. Because we all had job rejections. When you get an invite by someone they are not sending it to make fun of you. Or look down on you. People that are that way would not even take the time to send you an invite. The people that do want to see you and talk with you. And laugh with you. Not at you.
You want to look at my life for example.... From the outside I am married, I have 3 amazing children, a lovely house in a great area with a really large garden, my car that I love, 3 dogs....... What you don't see is how much I struggle with my mobility, the fact that there are days when I'm sobbing because my hands hurt or when I move my neck and I stop and wriggle my fingers and toes to make sure I can still move them, the fact that I hope and pray I've lost weight each week, that I have to use mindfulness as a habit and way of life just to be able to move. The fact that it takes me around 30 mins a week to sort out the meds that I take by the handful 4 times a day. You don't see that there are days when I'm having to take Marc his meds in bed because he can't get up, that there are hours when I just sit and listen to him or H, that I'm terrified about B going off to uni because of his Aspies and I can be there to help...
What I'm trying to say is that yes on the outside I have everything, on the inside that's not quite how things are - don't assume because you don't know.... It's actually a massive achievement that you have actually tried fighting this for so long....
Sweetie, even when I was in a psychiatric hospital, staff often didn’t realise I was a patient because I was always clean and nicely dressed. I had a great husband (who visited me every day) and 2 gorgeous, well adjusted daughters. And yet I was ill enough to need to be a patient. I haven’t been able to work for almost 12 years because I’m so ill yet anyone meeting me is unlikely to see the anxiety, the pain etc etc. What I’m trying to say is that it’s rare that anyone shows the crap, we all want people to think our lives are perfect. Don’t believe all you see on Facebook ...
magie06
11-04-19, 08:52 PM
If you are worried about other people being 'more ahead' than you are, then don't! Don't forget that Richard Branson was a good age when he set up Virgin airlines, Morgan Freeman was in his 50's before he was discovered. There are loads more examples out there, of people who didn't follow the 'normal' time lines!
Why blend in when you were made to stand out?!
Failed all 3 interviews because that's the story of my (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in life. 1 rang & said I did a good interview but claimed there was others that were more "detailed" which is a bull(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) reason because I gave plenty of accurate detail in my answers. I reckon discrimination is a factor, especially when it's so competitive. "Lack of detail" is a way to cover their corporate arse's for what they really think. I'm tired of the whole job search process. Even when I perform well I still get rejected. If they had any idea what those rejections can do to someone as vulnerable as me they'd think twice & be more courteous. They'll be sorry if they hear about me in the news tommorow, strung up from a shower rail (think)..
You want to look at my life for example.... From the outside I am married, I have 3 amazing children, a lovely house in a great area with a really large garden, my car that I love, 3 dogs....... the fact that I hope and pray I've lost weight each week, that I have to use mindfulness as a habit and way of life just to be able to move. The fact that it takes me around 30 mins a week to sort out the meds that I take by the handful 4 times a day. You don't see that there are days when I'm having to take Marc his meds in bed because he can't get up, that there are hours when I just sit and listen to him or H, that I'm terrified about B going off to uni because of his Aspies and I can be there to help...
What I'm trying to say is that yes on the outside I have everything, on the inside that's not quite how things are - don't assume because you don't know.... It's actually a massive achievement that you have actually tried fighting this for so long....
wow ur a proper trooper, is that what inspired you to run this forum?. Do you suffer with depression like the users on here or are you more emotionally balanced?. And ye your right that a nice house doesn't equate to good mental health because it's just stuff at the end of the day. That's why even millionaire celebrities suffer like George Michael. There's even homeless people that have better mental health than rich people. I tried mindfulness recently by sitting in the garden & being "present". I think I need to practice it more. And ye battling depression & anxiety for so long is an achievement caus many would have killed themselves by now, especially being as reclusive as I am.
Sweetie, even when I was in a psychiatric hospital, staff often didn’t realise I was a patient because I was always clean and nicely dressed. I had a great husband (who visited me every day) and 2 gorgeous, well adjusted daughters. And yet I was ill enough to need to be a patient. I haven’t been able to work for almost 12 years because I’m so ill yet anyone meeting me is unlikely to see the anxiety, the pain etc etc. What I’m trying to say is that it’s rare that anyone shows the crap, we all want people to think our lives are perfect. Don’t believe all you see on Facebook ...
Exactly, it's amazing how much a front people put on when the reality is so different. But I think with "normal" mentally functioning people they're able to deal with that reality better. People who don't suffer with their mental health operate on a balanced emotional frequency which they've sustained through resilience. It's so easy to fall below that balance but they have the mental tools to sustain their wellbeing. That's why sadness to most people can be managed wereas we'd fall into despair. I wish I knew the answer to restore that balance. What I'd give to simply feel "normal" and experience joy and excitement. Even when I see people laughing I'm envious because I'm incapable of "feeling"..
If you are worried about other people being 'more ahead' than you are, then don't! Don't forget that Richard Branson was a good age when he set up Virgin airlines, Morgan Freeman was in his 50's before he was discovered. There are loads more examples out there, of people who didn't follow the 'normal' time lines!
Why blend in when you were made to stand out?!
That's true & inspiring. I've always stood but for the opposite reasons due to my awkwardness and timid quirks. Simply being independent would be an achievement for me as I've never had that. I always think "I can't live life until I have a job". That mindset makes me put off socializing. A job isn't just about the money for me, it's more about the sense of belonging & purpose that I desperately need. I desperately need a routine because I'm not just a recluse, I'm a hermit. That's why I feel like my issues are really unique & complexed because I've been this way my whole life. It's had a profound effect on my mental health as you can imagine. I carry the loneliness like a tight leash around a puppy desperate for freedom. I'm the definition of a star that can't shine :s..
magie06
12-04-19, 09:41 PM
[QTE=SA89;392984] twice & be more courteous. They'll be sorry if they hear about me in the news tommorow, strung up from a shower rail (think)..
wow ur a proper trooper, is that what inspired you to run this forum?. Do you suffer with depression like the users on here or are you more emotionally balanced?. And ye your right that a nice house doesn't equate to good mental health because it's just stuff at the end of the day. That's why even millionaire celebrities suffer like George Michael. There's even homeless people that have better mental health than rich people. I tried mindfulness recently by sitting in the garden & being "present". I think I need to practice it more. And ye battling depression & anxiety for so long is an achievement caus many would have killed themselves by now, especially being as reclusive as I am.
Exactly, it's amazing how much a front people put on when the reality is so different. But I think with "normal" mentally functioning people they're able to deal with that reality better. People who don't suffer with their mental health operate on a balanced emotional frequency which they've sustained through resilience. It's so easy to fall below that balance but they have the mental tools to sustain their wellbeing. That's why sadness to most people can be managed wereas we'd fall into despair. I wish I knew the answer to restore that balance. What I'd give to simply feel "normal" and experience joy and excitement. Even when I see people laughing I'm envious because I'm incapable of "feeling"..
That's true & inspiring. I've always stood but for the opposite reasons due to my awkwardness and timid quirks. Simply being independent would be an achievement for me as I've never had that. I always think "I can't live life until I have a job". That mindset makes me put off socializing. A job isn't just about the money for me, it's more about the sense of belonging & purpose that I desperately need. I desperately need a routine because I'm not just a recluse, I'm a hermit. That's why I feel like my issues are really unique & complexed because I've been this way my whole life. It's had a profound effect on my mental health as you can imagine. I carry the loneliness like a tight leash around a puppy desperate for freedom. I'm the definition of a star that can't shine :s..[/QUOTE]
Failed all 3 interviews because that's the story of my (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in life. 1 rang & said I did a good interview but claimed there was others that were more "detailed" which is a bull(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) reason because I gave plenty of accurate detail in my answers. I reckon discrimination is a factor, especially when it's so competitive. "Lack of detail" is a way to cover their corporate arse's for what they really think. I'm tired of the whole job search process. Even when I perform well I still get rejected. If they had any idea what those rejections can do to someone as vulnerable as me they'd think twice & be more courteous. They'll be sorry if they hear about me in the news tommorow, strung up from a shower rail (think)..
That's a terrible thing to say.... That screams lack of respect for anyone who has taken their own lives, those who fight those thoughts on a daily basis and does nothing to make you sound anything like someone who has any respect for anyone at all. It goes against everything that I and thousands of others fight against that kind of flippant comment and stigma around depression and suicide.
Why exactly do you think they are discriminating against you?
In what way do you think you gave enough detail, but they didn't - give examples?
wow ur a proper trooper, is that what inspired you to run this forum?. Do you suffer with depression like the users on here or are you more emotionally balanced?. And ye your right that a nice house doesn't equate to good mental health because it's just stuff at the end of the day. That's why even millionaire celebrities suffer like George Michael. There's even homeless people that have better mental health than rich people. I tried mindfulness recently by sitting in the garden & being "present". I think I need to practice it more. And ye battling depression & anxiety for so long is an achievement caus many would have killed themselves by now, especially being as reclusive as I am.
Your first sentence here sounds so rude! I'm not, and never have been wanting praise or "well done you" or similar. It's not about that, that isn't why I posted what I did. I hardly ever say how things really are for me.
No I don't have diagnosed depression - I have had post natal depression 3 times and I have cared for Marc with his breakdowns, and recoveries... Mindfulness is more than sitting in the garden trying to be present once. It takes hours of practise.
You being a recluse is your choice. There are so many things you could try, but you don't ever seem to take responsibility for any of this...
It's also important to note that you don't have to be someone who shuts themselves away to be someone who takes their own lives. Again - a flippant comment which does nothing to show you as a respectful and thoughtful human being at all.
Continued in the next post.
Exactly, it's amazing how much a front people put on when the reality is so different. But I think with "normal" mentally functioning people they're able to deal with that reality better. People who don't suffer with their mental health operate on a balanced emotional frequency which they've sustained through resilience. It's so easy to fall below that balance but they have the mental tools to sustain their wellbeing. That's why sadness to most people can be managed wereas we'd fall into despair. I wish I knew the answer to restore that balance. What I'd give to simply feel "normal" and experience joy and excitement. Even when I see people laughing I'm envious because I'm incapable of "feeling"..
That's true & inspiring. I've always stood but for the opposite reasons due to my awkwardness and timid quirks. Simply being independent would be an achievement for me as I've never had that. I always think "I can't live life until I have a job". That mindset makes me put off socializing. A job isn't just about the money for me, it's more about the sense of belonging & purpose that I desperately need. I desperately need a routine because I'm not just a recluse, I'm a hermit. That's why I feel like my issues are really unique & complexed because I've been this way my whole life. It's had a profound effect on my mental health as you can imagine. I carry the loneliness like a tight leash around a puppy desperate for freedom. I'm the definition of a star that can't shine :s..
Actually you have the same chances as countless others. You do, however seem to be wallowing in self pity. That isn't something I say lightly, but what things are you doing to help yourself? What therapy are you doing? Are you pushing yourself to get up, get dressed? Are you eating and drinking properly? Are you doing things like helping your Mum around the flat? What about signing up to a free online course or something that proves to potential employers that you are wanting to learn, to progress, to challenge yourself? In all the time I've known you, it's always been someone else's fault that you don't have a gf, a job, the right therapy, etc... Maybe some of it is down to the choices that you make.
I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but some of what you've said has really upset and offended me. I am just saying it as I see it....
Allalone
13-04-19, 08:27 AM
“They'll be sorry if they hear about me in the news tommorow, strung up from a shower rail ..”
I apologise now but I’m going to have a little rant. This isn’t something I do but the above quote has hit a raw nerve.
That last sentence in your first paragraph is unbelievable. I would say that over the last six months I have battled suicidal thoughts on a daily basis for about 4-5months. It is a flippant comment that shows no respect for me and thousands of others like me that have battled against these thoughts to still be here now. I have stayed in bed all day, not left the house, or showered etc and sometimes that’s what you need to do but also only you can start making the changes. Living with depression isn’t easy but I’m doing what I can for myself without wallowing in self pity.
Rant over.
“They'll be sorry if they hear about me in the news tommorow, strung up from a shower rail ..”
I apologise now but I’m going to have a little rant. This isn’t something I do but the above quote has hit a raw nerve.
That last sentence in your first paragraph is unbelievable. I would say that over the last six months I have battled suicidal thoughts on a daily basis for about 4-5months. It is a flippant comment that shows no respect for me and thousands of others like me that have battled against these thoughts to still be here now. I have stayed in bed all day, not left the house, or showered etc and sometimes that’s what you need to do but also only you can start making the changes. Living with depression isn’t easy but I’m doing what I can for myself without wallowing in self pity.
Rant over.
This is exactly what I meant when I posted what I did... (bear)(bear)(bear)
Jaquaia
13-04-19, 09:29 AM
Failed all 3 interviews because that's the story of my (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in life. 1 rang & said I did a good interview but claimed there was others that were more "detailed" which is a bull(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) reason because I gave plenty of accurate detail in my answers. I reckon discrimination is a factor, especially when it's so competitive. "Lack of detail" is a way to cover their corporate arse's for what they really think. I'm tired of the whole job search process. Even when I perform well I still get rejected. If they had any idea what those rejections can do to someone as vulnerable as me they'd think twice & be more courteous. They'll be sorry if they hear about me in the news tommorow, strung up from a shower rail (think)..
I didn't reply to you last night as I too was disgusted and would have ranted.
Other candidates could have given better answers and were more suitable for the role. You weren't n their interviews, you have no idea if they did better than you or not. By dismissing this as a possibility you are being pretty horrible to the others and sound pretty entitled and to be brutally honest, like a spoilt child. Just because you felt you did enough doesn't mean that you were right for them or that no one else could have done better than you.
Most people experience rejections before getting a job offer, it's just how the world is. But to dismiss it as discrimination without even a shred of evidence is disgusting. So many people are discriminated against on a daily basis and can't do anything about it as there is no evidence. People throwing around that accusation because things didn't go their way makes things harder for them.
And if you're vulnerable enough that a job rejection would make you suicidal then you're obviously not well enough to be applying just yet. That's on you, not them and to blame it on them is utterly abhorrent. They're not going to offer you a job just in case rejecting you affects your mental health, they want the best fit for their business.
And your last sentence is incredibly disrespectful to those of us who have battled with suicidal thoughts! It's comments like that which is why people aren't taken seriously. A year ago I was suicidal, there were a number of occasions when I found myself stood holding a handful of opiods when sorting my mums meds and thinking "what if...". I had to battle bloody hard to not act on those thoughts and to see you say that, what came across as "It would teach them a lesson if I killed myself..." no, just no!
Stop blaming everyone else for your life and take some responsibility. You won't start getting better until you do. Listen to the advice you've been given here instead of dismissing it. If you're so dead set against meds, get some counselling. Try mindfulness like Suzi has suggested on a number of occasions. Contact your local Mind and see what help they can offer. See if there is a Recovery College in your area. Search for courses that will get you out and meeting people. There are so many options but you have to be willing to try them.
I'm sorry for the offence I've caused & ye it was flippant but I was (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ed off yesterday, we all say things we regret. I've had rejection all my life & it hurts. I speak my mind maybe too much at times. Some of what I said has been misconstrued & this is why I hate text speak. I'm trying to be a better person but this isn't gonna happen overnight, I have a mountain to climb. It hurts that everything I've said positive on here to people is now seemingly dismissed or misinterpreted as "rude". Don't why I even bother tbh :x.
Trying to be a better person is something commendable. And so worth striving for. It is understandable that yesterday may not have been the best day you could have. It would throw off a lot of us. And rejection stings. If its just or not. This is something we all understand. We all have had rejection and failures in our lives. Some we can not change and some that might be our own fault. But the one thing we all can control is how we react to this. And making comments to people that try to help is not helpful.
Speaking your mind is good. And you should always do that. But there are polite ways of doing it without getting these kind of reactions.
I'm sorry for the offence I've caused & ye it was flippant but I was (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ed off yesterday, we all say things we regret. I've had rejection all my life & it hurts. I speak my mind maybe too much at times. Some of what I said has been misconstrued & this is why I hate text speak. I'm trying to be a better person but this isn't gonna happen overnight, I have a mountain to climb. It hurts that everything I've said positive on here to people is now seemingly dismissed or misinterpreted as "rude". Don't why I even bother tbh :x.
Thing is, you made some hideous comments in that post and there was no remorse at all - you could have sent a message to myself or any of the team saying that you made some comments that you wish you hadn't and could we help by editing your post, but you didn't. Honestly? I don't think that you would be apologising now if people hadn't commented and said how much you upset them.
Rejection? From here? That's utter b(llocks. We have always welcomed you, no matter what you say or how much we suggest things that you either do or don't act on. No one here has ever rejected you. I have never asked you not to speak your mind, just to be respectful of others and their struggles...
What exactly do you think has been misconstrued or misinterpreted as "rude"?
I just want to point out that you have no issues making yourself understood at all on here and you never have done since you stopped text speak ;)
Thing is, you made some hideous comments in that post and there was no remorse at all - you could have sent a message to myself or any of the team saying that you made some comments that you wish you hadn't and could we help by editing your post, but you didn't. Honestly? I don't think that you would be apologising now if people hadn't commented and said how much you upset them.
Rejection? From here? That's utter b(llocks. We have always welcomed you, no matter what you say or how much we suggest things that you either do or don't act on. No one here has ever rejected you. I have never asked you not to speak your mind, just to be respectful of others and their struggles...
What exactly do you think has been misconstrued or misinterpreted as "rude"?
I just want to point out that you have no issues making yourself understood at all on here and you never have done since you stopped text speak ;)
Suzi you've completely misinterpreted a lot of what I've said & you've done it again in that post. Apart from the suicide remark which was unnecessary of me, what hideous comments exactly did I make?. When I said your a trooper, I didn't mean that as condescending or sarcastic, I was genuinely interested in what motivated you to run this forum & you've completely took it the wrong way. Of course I respect others & their struggles because I'm going through the exact same (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) as most on here. To say otherwise is suggesting my mental health isn't as bad as others.
I wasn't referring to rejection on here, I was referring to my life in general. This is exactly what I mean when I say you've taken things I've said out of context. I have as well at times & it's natural with texting (not text speak that's a different thing entirely). As the owner though, if you misinterpretate something it can have a ripple effect as your posts hold more weight as an administrator. And of course I've appreciated the support I've had on here.
Trying to be a better person is something commendable. And so worth striving for. It is understandable that yesterday may not have been the best day you could have. It would throw off a lot of us. And rejection stings. If its just or not. This is something we all understand. We all have had rejection and failures in our lives. Some we can not change and some that might be our own fault. But the one thing we all can control is how we react to this. And making comments to people that try to help is not helpful.
Speaking your mind is good. And you should always do that. But there are polite ways of doing it without getting these kind of reactions.
Thanks, I've always tried to relate my struggles to people on here as I'm aware it can help them too. It's comforting that people can identify with my loneliness, worry & deep despair. That's why I suggested maybe you could also try a meetup group like I'm trying atm for instance (nod). I always strive to relate what I say to everyone else as I know that by being open, it can be reassuring to others who also suffer. If you look at all my posts you'll see that I've always made them relatable.
I'm the same in person as I wear my heart on my sleeve even in the face of adverse stigma I face in my household. I shout my struggles to the rooftop, don't care who knows lol (blush). A lot of men would be ashamed of being so open but not me. I can see how implying I'd hang myself after a job rejection could be triggering. I'm very vulnerable so it wasn't entirely flippant. But I don't understand the other supposed hurtful comments I made. Apart from that rash remark, everything else has been misintepretrated which is very frustrating. I'm tired of being misunderstood but I guess that's part & parcel of mental health (think)..
Suzi you've completely misinterpreted a lot of what I've said & you've done it again in that post.
In which case I apologise.
Apart from the suicide remark which was unnecessary of me, what hideous comments exactly did I make?. There was more than one flippant comment re suicide. Again you implied that you didn't get the job due to discrimination, that you think that you were better than everyone else.
When I said your a trooper, I didn't mean that as condescending or sarcastic, I was genuinely interested in what motivated you to run this forum & you've completely took it the wrong way. I apologise for taking it the wrong way, just that after your comment it felt as if you were continuing to be flippant...
Of course I respect others & their struggles because I'm going through the exact same (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) as most on here. To say otherwise is suggesting my mental health isn't as bad as others.Thing is, you don't appear to be doing everything you can to help yourself. Over the years you've had some brilliant advice about doing things such as getting up every day, speaking to your Dr, doing the 3 positives a day etc and even when you do follow it you revert straight back to staying in your room, and not continuing it. When you stopped your meds we suggested that instead of just stopping that you should go and talk things over with your GP - not even to get different ones (although that may have helped enormously) but just to tell them what you were doing and maybe getting more help in other ways. You didn't.
I'm not saying your mental health isn't "as bad" as anyone else's - I've never said that. In fact I think you're more likely to find many examples of me saying that whatever you are struggling with is as important and "as bad" as everyone else's because it's happening to you.
I wasn't referring to rejection on here, I was referring to my life in general. This is exactly what I mean when I say you've taken things I've said out of context. I have as well at times & it's natural with texting (not text speak that's a different thing entirely). As the owner though, if you misinterpretate something it can have a ripple effect as your posts hold more weight as an administrator. And of course I've appreciated the support I've had on here.
It wasn't only me who read it that way though....
I can see how implying I'd hang myself after a job rejection could be triggering. I'm very vulnerable so it wasn't entirely flippant. But I don't understand the other supposed hurtful comments I made. Apart from that rash remark, everything else has been misintepretrated which is very frustrating. I'm tired of being misunderstood but I guess that's part & parcel of mental health (think)..
It seems to have been "misinterpreted" by most of the other members of the forum, not just me though so obviously there was something "off" in the way you posted...
When I was growing up, particularly during my teen years, my dad had to say to me on a regular basis - it’s not what you say, it’s the way you say it. As I’ve grown up, I’ve tried to remember that as I interact with everyone in my life. It’s not easy for me and I’ve failed far too many times, because my natural instinct is to say exactly how I feel, but I’m grateful to him for teaching me that. Online, it should in theory be easier as I’ve got the opportunity to look at what I’m saying before I post (though even then I do get it wrong sometimes) and I try to consider how I’d feel if someone had said that to me.
I’m sure you don’t mean to upset or anger people but, looking at all the comments that have been posted over the last few days, it’s clear that many members are seeing what you say very differently to what you mean them to see. Perhaps, then, taking some time to look over your comments before posting, and more closely consider the impact they could have on other members, could mean they’d be misinterpreted less often?
hey I attended a meetup group yesterday with 7 strangers at a marketplace bar. It featured an open mic night were musicians would get up & perform 1 after another. I was really chatty despite not knowing the group & they seemed to be very welcoming. The lady who runs it is a mental health worker & the assistant is a police woman. I stayed from 7-15pm-11.5pm then walked it home from town in the dark as I missed the last bus. 1 guy even opened up to me about his own anxiety & depression & I shared my story with him. This group meets up regularly & I've put my name down for each outing, next 1 is a comedy night I believe.
I know I should take more responsibility so hopefully this helps me to socialise. I emailed HR from the training I did recently & they said I need to do my 2 shadow shifts before the next refresher course. I'm worried though caus it's a very challenging environment to work in & I'm not an independant person at all. I can't even use a washing machine so how am I going to support people with autism? :s. I have some brief experience with autism but not in a facility like this. And once again I'm sorry for offending anyone. I was really hurt after those 3 job rejections & it's discouraged me from ever finding a career. I should have also been more clear because typing is not always easy to convey (blush).
That group sounds awesome! Well done for going and for signing up for more get together :)
Had kind of a social breakthrough on Saturday by drinking with my brother & some girls on the estate. I walked shop with them & then drank vodka outside their house. It was something I'd thought I'd never do as it's a rough area were I live. Then a car pulled up & some guy came walking down wielding 2 machetes!. He had both his young daughters with him & he punched the car window caus his girlfriend was sitting in the back. He threatened the driver before walking off as he assumed she was cheating with him. His 6 year old kids were crying their eyes out.
Thank goodness his girlfriend didn't try it on with me as she was being flirty all night. After that I went to my aunts & chilled in her garden shed with some lads. 1 of which had been in prison for theft & assault. I had a bloody mary then came home with a fiver missing & he was sat right next to me. He's stole a phone from me in the past apparently. He seemed friendly with me as well. It's only a fiver so I'm not gonna report it & risk my life in the process but I still feel violated. He even said "You gotta kill or be killed" when discussing knife crime. So all in all an unusually sociable night for me. At least it got me out of the house right? lol (blush)..
Hey,
Yes great you got out and that you had a breakthrough. But is this the sort of social things you would like to do? I find it hard to believe any good can come from that.
I don’t quite know what to say about all that except, there’s no way in hell I’d have stayed in that environment for more than a millisecond. That’s not healthy socialising, love
Erm.... I'm not sure where to start with that.... Sitting outside drinking vodka isn't going to help as you know that alcohol is a depressant.. Hanging around with people who think carrying knives is OK let alone with small children around is, quite frankly, a disaster waiting to happen..
Also why were you drinking bloody mary's in a shed "with some lads"?
Hey, Yes great you got out and that you had a breakthrough. But is this the sort of social things you would like to do? I find it hard to believe any good can come from that.
I've never mixed before with these people as they're completely different to me but I just needed to get out as the weather was nice.
I don’t quite know what to say about all that except, there’s no way in hell I’d have stayed in that environment for more than a millisecond. That’s not healthy socialising, love
I know but there's not many options in my area in regards to decent people. It's a rough area in Bolton so most of the people here are (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)heads, potheads or on crack. That's exactly why I don't socialise but this was a one off.
Erm.... I'm not sure where to start with that.... Sitting outside drinking vodka isn't going to help as you know that alcohol is a depressant.. Hanging around with people who think carrying knives is OK let alone with small children around is, quite frankly, a disaster waiting to happen..
Also why were you drinking bloody mary's in a shed "with some lads"?
I'm not even a drinker & haven't had alcohol in a year, except for the half lager last week & the vodka on saturday. I weren't hanging around with the guy with the machetes, he came on the street & started kicking off which was my cue to leave. The shed is more of a mini garden house which looks really nice.
My aunt invited me round to have a look at the lights around the garden. Her fella's constructed it all for her & he's very chilled. There just happened to be a few lads around, 1 of which had been in the local paper for theft & assualt. I tried a bit of bloody mary which was revolting then left about 1.20am with a fiver missing :s.
Maybe you could have a look outside your immediate area? I'm sure not all of Bolton is that rough...
magie06
23-04-19, 10:30 PM
My town is known the length and breadth of the country for having a very, very bad image. That doesn't mean I spend my days and nights in the bad areas. I stick with my own kind and socialize with people I like.
Hey lovely. Your thread is over a 100 pages long. Maybe its time to close this one and start a new one?
I went to another meetup last night, this time it was a quiz night. It was a chilled evening at a cafe/games place. 1 of the older women there was very patronizing. Everytime I spoke she would speak to me in a strict tone for no reason whatsoever. She even berated me for not being into Harry Potter! (blush). I also felt like my suggestions were being ignored at times. I hate it when I speak and then people look away and I'm not acknowledged. A lot of fellow introverts will relate to this. In the company of highly extroverted people it can feel like you're indirectly ostracized. Like they're somehow superior because of the adventurous lifestyles they lead in comparison.
I've got another 2 scheduled for next Thurs & Fri. I could have stayed out as I was in the mood for a dance but didn't realise my old friend was in town until I got home. Later on, the whole (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in street walked into my kitchen and sat down in front of my mum smoking weed till after 2am. It's easy to say kick them out but it could have escalated as they were drunk so we tried to keep the peace. They were civil but it was completely disrespectful (think). I'm not sure about creating a new thread but I guess I could think about it.
At 124 pages, this is too long really... Please start a new one and I'll close this one.
I think your Mum needs to set some ground rules as that behaviour is totally unacceptable.
At 124 pages, this is too long really... Please start a new one and I'll close this one.
I think your Mum needs to set some ground rules as that behaviour is totally unacceptable.
Hey feel free to close this suzi, I've created a new thread as this was getting too long. But I'm proud of the interest this thread has generated as it shows people can relate. I'll miss this thread (blush)..
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