View Full Version : Anxiety & Depression Hell..*TRIGGERS*
A nightclub where people have been drinking and are less inhibited probably isnt the best place to meet someone, and her brother is probably thinking who is that stranger she is with and trying to protect her, I am not saying she needs protecting from you, but if her brother doesn't know you he wont know that.
Completely agree with Angie!
Re work - are you still trying to find another job?
ye i'm always lookin to claim my universal credit but I go several days without lookin because I'm just tired of rejection.. I've read a few threads on people lackin emotion & its so true. Even with that girl last night I still felt empty. I can do quick smiles then they instantly fade. This is what years & years of depression does to u. There's just somethin not right at all (think)..
What about going back to college and studying something? What about an apprenticeship? Is there a career that you want?
I just failed yet another interview after payin £20 in taxi fairs there & back.. It was for Eon energy & immediately after the questions were finished they said no. She felt guilty when I said I've had no sleep & little experience to work with. All I could say was "Errr.. (think)' & the experience I did give was too vague. Listening to peoples enquiries on the phone at my mental health voluntary is a a (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) poor answer at best. So theres my update, self esteem - still in tatters .
Are your costs to interviews not paid back by benefits?
I'm really sorry it didn't work out.
Take a look at my job interview thread to practice some questions before your next interview.
http://www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk/showthread.php?10188-Job-Interviews&highlight=job+interviews
Have you thought about Suzi's suggestion about college/apprenticeship?
OscarGilbert
14-10-15, 03:12 PM
I was having similar kind of situation. Thinking that I am alone. Frustrated of my work. Then taken some anti-depressant medicines and consulted with the doctor. He told me to have positive thinkings about others and become friendly with others. Now, by applying all those formulas, I am comforting myself in front of others.
Hey guys just thought i'd give u a brief update. I was recently fired from my voluntary role in mental health due to my reliability. This was down to my sleepin issues as i've discussed several times here. I'm the oldest in my generation (26) from my brother & cousins yet I have no purpose. I'm ashamed of my life. All I do is sleep, I hav very little energy thanks to a combination of bad routines, bad thoughts & anti-depressants. I'm bogged down in this hopeless mentality & worthless lifestyle & iv only got myself to blame (doh)
Hi SA, I was wondering how you are. I think you mentioned you hadn't been going to your voluntary job.
I think you need a plan of action to get your life on track. Have you looked into college courses?
I'm sorry, lovely. Rose is right, you need to get a plan. When did you last see your dr?
I'm with Rose and Paula love. You do need to get some kind of direction sorted... What about college? What about apprenticeships?
I just feel completely hopeless with everythin.. It was weird being called to the office by my supervisor, I got to know this person for 2 years & then she dismissed me just like that. I'm still doin my other voluntary as a project support admin atm & workin p/t at Burger King. I'm surprised im not suicidal after being socially withdrawn all my life, constantly tired & hopeless. Surely being in a state of apathy for as long as I have would lead me to think of hurting myself? (think)..
Not necessarily and be thankful that you don't have those kind of thoughts.....
When are you going back to your Dr? Are you actively looking for jobs?
Ye & u know what? Its time I learned to stop feelin sorry for myself. Its ridiculous that I've been in this state for so long when there's kids in Africa dying that can still crack a smile. I can't let this tiredness rule me. My Dr would just offer me tablets iv already had because thats all hes paid for. Many of us need a purpose to get up for, to feel alive again.
You're right. I know it's tough when illness takes all your energy and makes you feel it's not worth the effort, but there comes a point when we have to pick ourselves up by the scruff of the neck. I have faith in you
True, but do go and talk to your Dr too hun..
I'm in 2 minds whether to stay on ADs. I've not taken thm last 3 days because they ran out so now I'm thinkin shall I just run without drug free & see how I go. I know u'll prob say see my doctor but he's given me all the ADs their is. There's literally nothin more he can do but repeat himself (ring these people for an assessment bla bla bla). I've been depressed for years but its moderate & these drugs have hardly helped my lifestyle..
S deleted
26-10-15, 03:06 PM
I highly doubt you have tried every possible AD or combination and stopping your meds without speaking to your GP is is foolish. Go see him/her and tell them how your feeling. They can't help you if you don't ask
What were you taking, what dose? Just out of curiosity?
Just stopping can make you feel a whole lot worse. If you want to come off them, you should do it with your GPs support
You've tried everything? No amount of medication is going to get you out and about and up out of bed looking for jobs, going to your voluntary place etc... That, unfortunately, needs to come from you.
I've gone 4 days without already & I don't feel any different tbh, prob because I'm asleep all day to even notice. My mind def feels a bit more free though. I was on Citalopram 20mg which I've got right here on me. I tried them all; Mitazipine, Fluxotine, Setraline & at various doses. He even said himself that with moderate depression they're the only 1s he can give me.
Hugo-agogo
27-10-15, 03:07 AM
Hi SA19, I hope you will keep consulting with your GP, as maybe counselling might be more helpful? But there is also coming off meds, which can be helped with supplements like 5-HTP and fish oil, if you are sure about it.
I've gone 4 days without already & I don't feel any different tbh, prob because I'm asleep all day to even notice. My mind def feels a bit more free though. I was on Citalopram 20mg which I've got right here on me. I tried them all; Mitazipine, Fluxotine, Setraline & at various doses. He even said himself that with moderate depression they're the only 1s he can give me.
First of all, remember it takes weeks to get into your system? It's the same coming out.
Citalopram 20 isn't a huge dose and there are options.
Those are not all the medication and certainly not all the ones he could give. I would suggest that you need a psych or CMHT appointment..
I feel a bit light-headed i'm not gonna lie. I'm adamant though to never return to pills as I didnt see any benefit & I've been on them for years. I wanna get myself better naturally through lifestyle changes, exercisin & being around a community. I've also booked myself in for counseling next Tues, up to 12 sessions.
That's great, as long as you keep up with the getting out and about....
I feel a bit light-headed i'm not gonna lie. I'm adamant though to never return to pills as I didnt see any benefit & I've been on them for years. I wanna get myself better naturally through lifestyle changes, exercisin & being around a community. I've also booked myself in for counseling next Tues, up to 12 sessions.
Bravo to you! Getting out and other activity can definitely help. When you talk to your counselor, make sure to tell them you want to learn some techniques to help yourself. Booking the counseling is a big step.
Well done making those decisions to help you get well :)
Atm I'll be doin Voluntary each Wednesday from 1.30-4.30. I've agreed with my counsellor that getting a job is a long term goal & the short term is to build up my experience. In turn that ties in with socialising more. I still suffer everyday with loneliness & thats because I'm a serious recluse. My counsellor is helping me but I still hold an overwhelming sense of despair.
OldMike
28-11-15, 10:13 AM
Atm I'll be doin Voluntary each Wednesday from 1.30-4.30. I've agreed with my counsellor that getting a job is a long term goal & the short term is to build up my experience. In turn that ties in with socialising more. I still suffer everyday with loneliness & thats because I'm a serious recluse. My counsellor is helping me but I still hold an overwhelming sense of despair.
I've lived a very solitary lifestyle which suited me until I was hit by depression when everything started to fall apart. My first step at getting into the outside world was going to an over 60's luncheon club last wednesday for the first time.
It's good you're doing voluntary work and getting a job you like will certainly help, your still very young and if you get out into the world more that feeling of despair will fade.
Atm I'll be doin Voluntary each Wednesday from 1.30-4.30. I've agreed with my counsellor that getting a job is a long term goal & the short term is to build up my experience. In turn that ties in with socialising more. I still suffer everyday with loneliness & thats because I'm a serious recluse. My counsellor is helping me but I still hold an overwhelming sense of despair.
I'm glad you are working with your counsellor about this. Are you doing other things to help with socialising more?
A great step, hunni, well done and it's great to see you :)
I'm glad you are working with your counsellor about this. Are you doing other things to help with socialising more?
Not really, I need a fresh start away from my workplace, somewhere where I feel free to express myself. I speak my mind at work but I don't feel comfortable at all in myself around these cliques of people. Today I did a 12-8 without any sleep at all & my depression was through the roof. I had to grin & bear it but I hate it. I've been off Anti-Depressants for about over a month so I'm in the deep end here without an inflatable. I don't feel any different from when I was on them tbh, I was expecting a severe reaction although I'm still really depressed.
Why did you stop the meds?
Why did you stop the meds?
It wasn't intentional at the time, I ran out so I decided to stop completely, I didn't even tell my doctor. Over a month on I feel exactly the same but without that weird 'chemical feeling' in my brain. It confirmed how useless those pills were to me personally. I've always known what my problems are (Socialising, being good at somethin) & that doesn't change with/without drugs in my body. Its really difficult tryin to combat that deep despair. I do it through distraction when really I should be doing it through being constructive.
So... what's the plan? How are you going to get out and engage in more social activity?
So... what's the plan? How are you going to get out and engage in more social activity?
I've no idea, its completely alien to me. I've noticed that people seem happy when they have a balance between a career & social life. The problem is when u have neither, thats when hopelessness sinks in. I've never had 1 or the other thats y I'm forever in a struggle with despair (think)
What were you doing up and posting at 330am?!
OldMike
01-12-15, 09:53 AM
It wasn't intentional at the time, I ran out so I decided to stop completely, I didn't even tell my doctor. Over a month on I feel exactly the same but without that weird 'chemical feeling' in my brain. It confirmed how useless those pills were to me personally. I've always known what my problems are (Socialising, being good at somethin) & that doesn't change with/without drugs in my body. Its really difficult tryin to combat that deep despair. I do it through distraction when really I should be doing it through being constructive.
Stopping antidepressants suddenly is certainly not a good idea. I can see where you're coming from as I've never been one for socialising, which is ok when you're young but can lead to a feeling of isolation as you get older.
I've no idea, its completely alien to me. I've noticed that people seem happy when they have a balance between a career & social life. The problem is when u have neither, thats when hopelessness sinks in. I've never had 1 or the other thats y I'm forever in a struggle with despair
That's the ideal situation a balance between work and social life. Are there any activities you like doing which could help improve your social life?
I'm just trapped.. I hate to sound so pessimistic but I'm in a serious negative mindset & I feel powerless to break free. I'm so use to feeling miserable & depressed that I don't know anythin different. I can put on a joyful 'front' at work but that just masks my inner turmoil. I have deep insecurities.. It must be hard for u guys on here tryin to help people like me that are well.. helpless. And Suzi 3.30am is nothin to me, I'm up till 7!
OldMike
02-12-15, 08:59 AM
I'm just trapped.. I hate to sound so pessimistic but I'm in a serious negative mindset & I feel powerless to break free. I'm so use to feeling miserable & depressed that I don't know anythin different. I can put on a joyful 'front' at work but that just masks my inner turmoil. I have deep insecurities.. It must be hard for u guys on here tryin to help people like me that are well.. helpless. And Suzi 3.30am is nothin to me, I'm up till 7!
I've been where you are and felt helpless and beyond hope but it is possible to drag yourself out of that place you may need meds and xounselling and it can take a long time. there will be many slips along the way. I still suffer during the winter months (I suffer from SAD). There is always hope as witnessed by many on DWD who struggle each day but are getting there. I always strive to get more good days than bad days if I can do that then I know things are on the up.
I'm desperate for a fresh start away from my workplace & the circle that are associated there. They only speak to me when they want somethin never like they do with each other. I feel completely inadequate at this weekly party where I'm not invited. They're all really socially savvy & the guys are far more physically superior to me. I feel worthless being this short & slim, no one gives u a 2nd look. *Sigh* :(
What other things are you doing to get yourself out of the circle..
What other things are you doing to get yourself out of the circle..
Just Voluntary but I don't start until Jan. My counsellor said I need to push my comfort zone because I'm stagnant in my room. I went to see my Voluntary today for a chat & they told me I need to sort my anxiety out by then as its affectin my reliability. I need some assurance really that volunteering in admin will get me a job in the long term
Is it normal to be attracted to ur counsellor?
That can happen. Your counsellor is helping you, making you feel better about yourself, feelings can develop.....
Have you thought about going to speak to your Dr and seeing if they can help re the anxiety?
It happens but, if it becomes too much of a problem, it can get in the epway of your therapy. Be careful
OldMike
12-12-15, 12:17 PM
It happens but, if it becomes too much of a problem, it can get in the epway of your therapy. Be careful
I can only echo what Paula says, be careful things don't get out of hand.
She said she can relate to me & its just refreshing I guess (blush). I don't understand how every1 around me like my peer group seem so care-free. What are they doing that I'm not? Why am I so emotionally imbalanced in contrast?. Sure they maybe masking it better, but u can still tell that they've got it together socially. For them this is the best time of the year, partying, frolicking u name it. For me this is the absolute worst. It only empathises my loneliness & how another year of misery has passed me by..
I really think that you need to be working on finding ways to meet new people and to get out more itms?
I asked my counsellor "Is their any way to get out of this, when u've been this low for so long". She said "Yes of course!". Somehow I don't believe her..
OldMike
20-12-15, 11:11 AM
Just believe her, hang on to that straw, focus on to that spot of light in the distance, never give up hope and you'll get there.
Ye I think having somethin to strive towards is really important. I have nothin to look forward to & that's whats kept me stagnant. I need to learn how to 'rise above' my vile overbearing brother. Him & his friends are pot-smoking parasites that talk in gangsta slang. It shouldn't affect me but it does because I have to listen to them non-stop.
I think that your Mum needs to step in with him...
I've heard people say that u need to be spiritual & have a plant based diet to get u through this. I'm not religious, I don't meditate & I eat junk like most people (but I also eat fruit). Is a typical lifestyle sufficient to get u through it I wonder (think)
Having a healthy lifestyle does help, of course, but, no, I don't believe it's the answer to depression - the illness is far more complicated than that
I completely agree with Paula..
Having a healthy lifestyle does help, of course, but, no, I don't believe it's the answer to depression - the illness is far more complicated than that
Can it be beaten without 'spirituality' & by eatin junk do u reckon (with the occassional fruit). I ask because I assume most depression sufferers lead an unbalanced lifestyle hence why we're actively encouraged to change it
OldMike
21-12-15, 09:44 AM
I think eating healthily, and getting some exercise helps though it is certainly not the complete answer.
As far as spirituality goes that can be a great support, but you can still get through it without being religious.
That being said you must respect others beliefs.
April_is_beautiful
21-12-15, 10:23 AM
I've heard people say that u need to be spiritual & have a plant based diet to get u through this. I'm not religious, I don't meditate & I eat junk like most people (but I also eat fruit). Is a typical lifestyle sufficient to get u through it I wonder (think)
A good diet and exercise does help, I had both of those until the end of October until the SAD kicked in. I'm reading a book called the Human Givens in which it states "But the search for answers is, we are suggesting, part of which truly being human is about. We feel that the important human given - the need for meaning - turns self-destructive if not given a positive focus."
OldMike
21-12-15, 11:10 AM
A good diet and exercise does help, I had both of those until the end of October until the SAD kicked in. I'm reading a book called the Human Givens in which it states "But the search for answers is, we are suggesting, part of which truly being human is about. We feel that the important human given - the need for meaning - turns self-destructive if not given a positive focus."
The shortest day is 21/22 December depending where you look on the web so for us SAD sufferers things should start on the up from now on. From experience it's February before I'll notice any significant change. :)
Well Christmas for me was spent around the table with my brother making comments how lazy I am etc etc. God I despise him so much. He gets away with being vile by doing stuff for my mum around the house. That kinda gives him a free pass to acting like a thug & asking for weed money.. The day was topped off by rushing the little yorkie to the vet due to a collapsed trachea. Its been coughing for weeks now so has to stay in overnight..
OldMike
26-12-15, 11:47 AM
I may be speaking out turn but that brother of yours sounds like a total waste of space asking for money for weed and acting like a thug.
Hope your yorkie soon gets better.
Hope your dog gets better soon.
Have you thought about doing more around your house so your brother doesn't get that?
I think doing more around the house would be a good idea. Also, take the dog for walks, it will get you out and about and meeting people! I hope the dog gets well soon.
Thanks guys, my dogs got heart disease apparently so its been put on steroids. I came home from work & broke down when I saw it. It looks so weak with its blue bandage from anesthetic. Its 11 years old so its not ancient. My familys really upset because Its breathing from its stomach & might not last much longer..
Hope that he/she is recovering whilst at home..
If the vet has put the dog on steroids but it doesn't seem well or is deteriorating, please phone the vet for advice.
Hope that he/she is recovering whilst at home..
She's been in a deep sleep all day from being sedated. Its upsetting just to look at her suffering. I've got another Yorkie thats 17 & that seems healthy despite the odd dizzyness it has. The younger 1 is a smaller yorkie which might be why its developed breathing problems
Came home from work today to find out my dogs been put to sleep. I saw her just before I left, on the couch asleep with its little blue bandage. It feels like a bomb has hit me, especially with my depression. Its happened all so sudden ;(..
I'm so sorry. She was obviously suffering and she's in a better place now. I'm sorry for your loss (bear)
OldMike
27-12-15, 06:42 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about your Yorkie. (bear)
I'm so sorry, I know that particular heartbreak (bear)
magie06
27-12-15, 07:42 PM
I'm very sorry for the loss of your pet.
I remember when my old cat was put to sleep a couple of years ago. She has been unwell for a while and didn't have much of a life so I had to remember that she was not in pain anymore and it was for the best. It was hard but I'm sorry to hear about your yorkie.
Thanks, she was sufferin so much with relentless coughing. The vet said her heart was enlarged & covered her whole chest. I don't even wanna be on this earth anymore tbh. My depression is getting worse & worse by the year & now this. I can't see a way out for me now. Depression + grief is the worst feeling imaginable.
If you are at risk of hurting yourself then please get to your local A+E or call an organisation such as the samaritans or calm.
I broke down when my hamster died. I called my boyfriend and actually screamed down the phone. The loss of a pet can be devastating and very difficult to deal with. What you are feeling now isn't unusual. Try to remember all the good times you had together.
(bear)
If you are at risk of hurting yourself then please get to your local A+E or call an organisation such as the samaritans or calm.
No I'm too anxious to even contemplate that Suzi. I just don't wan't to be a part of this world when there's so much suffering & mental illness. My depression hasn't got better because I haven't worked at it but even when I try to work at it I still feel nothin so I can't win.
I broke down when my hamster died. I called my boyfriend and actually screamed down the phone. The loss of a pet can be devastating and very difficult to deal with. What you are feeling now isn't unusual. Try to remember all the good times you had together.
(bear)
Its like losing a relative rose, prob worse because I was really close to this dog. It'll hit me next week more I think. I could tell in its eyes it was suffering, I feel guilty though because it may have still lived a normal life. My mum said its better to end it now than find it dead. That would have been much worse..
It was the right thing. It sounds like she was very ill. Doesn't make it any easier though .....
Hugo-agogo
27-12-15, 11:35 PM
I remember when I lost my last dog, he walked away into the fields and I had to go out to find him and carry him back, heartbreaking.:(
I hate how my house is constantly full of smoke. This is why I stay in my room, even at a time like this when I'm grieving. No one listens & they're stubborn smokers that light up everywhere. That can't have helped my dog at all. It depresses me being around this vile harmful toxin. Is their anyway to avoid it in this situation (think)..
Who else smokes besides your brother?
No, the smoke won't helped your little dog. Do you take the dog(s) out for walks? That's a good way to meet people and get exercise.
Who else smokes besides your brother?
No, the smoke won't helped your little dog. Do you take the dog(s) out for walks? That's a good way to meet people and get exercise.
Every1 in my house smokes including mums visitors. I've been invited to a new years party at someones house but I'm really not in the mood to socialise. I feel sick with grief, I haven't stopped cryin. I hardly cry with my depression because of the emptiness but now I can't stop. Losin my dog has triggered how worthless I feel to a whole other level. I don't know how any1 gets up from this deep despair..
I think you should go to the party. Being around people and a change of scenery, if only for a little while, could really help you. Better than spending it in your room.
Maybe now is a good time to be thinking about what changes you'd like to make next year too.
(panda)
I think you need to work on getting out of where you are tbh... Go to the party, you don't have to stay too long, but you might actually enjoy it!
Hugo-agogo
28-12-15, 10:05 PM
Losing a pet can be a trigger for all the sadness inside:(
I think you should go too. It won't take the grief away but it may give you a helpful distraction for a few hours. And, considering you don't think you've got a social life, you've been invited to one more party than I have
I'm desperate to escape my workplace in 2016 because it brings me down so much & gives me so much anxiety. People only speak to me when they want somethin & they can be really nasty in their little 'cliques'. I feel so insecure in this fast food s***hole its ridiculous. I feel like I'm wastin my potential. I wish I could leave so bad but its so hard for me to find another job. I'm trapped in a prison sentence with the most self-centred assholes ever (doh)..
Are you looking properly for work? When did you last apply for anything? Have you been to see a careers advisor or something similar?
Are you looking properly for work? When did you last apply for anything? Have you been to see a careers advisor or something similar?
Every application I send gets rejected because iv no proper experience. I'm interested in mental health but isn't that limited to counseling or a care role?. I'm resuming my Admin voluntary in Jan to build up some experience. It seems if u don't know any1 ur screwed. I'm terrible at building contacts because of my social anxiety..
Do you have any qualifications in this field? What about doing a course?
magie06
30-12-15, 08:25 PM
What about volunteering in your local day centre for people recovering from mental health illness? Places like those are always glad of people coming in with different skills to share with others. In the day centre that I attend, we love it when Lyndia comes in with her paints or when Louise comes in with her guitar. If you did it would show that you have a real interest in working with people recovering from mental health problems and it would help with that sticky question of having no experience.
I need to explore magie, I've had opportunities to become an Advocate volunteer but I wasn't reliable in a Reception role to warrant consideration. The place I'll be volunteerin in Jan is also a charity ('Building A New Direction'). Its Admin but I guess it gets u in & around that type of environment. And Suzi, I'm gonna ring next week regarding doing a counseling level 2. Its just all a bit daunting when u've been off tablets for a few months & still feel dead inside..
It probably wasn't the tablets making you feel that way then...
I think Rose is right. Any numbness caused by medication would have disappeared by now. It sounds like it's a symptom of your depression, not a side effects of meds. Perhaps you need to talk to your dr about it?
Yup I agree it doesn't sound like medication side effects to me...
Happy New Year every1, I got absolutely leathered last night on fruit cider, lager, whisky, triple vodka & a shot. I was sick 10 times at this party! (envy) . I had the most beautiful women comforting me, unfortunately they weren't single. For a moment it was like the world suddenly didn't seem so bad. Its made me even more desperate for a beautiful girl in my life. Today my depression feels 10× worse, back to my miserable reality alone in my room :(..
It's bound to feel worse, you're hungover and alcohol is a depressant. You don't need to be teetotal, but stopping when you know you've had enough, and not mixing, would have made today easier to bear
ye, last night showed to me that there is so much more to this life than being isolated in my room. Just being around people at a party & makin people laugh showed that I can be confident. I want this sociable lifestyle so bad with girls that I can hang around with. As a red blooded male I need this so bad. Every1 around me is getting engaged, living in nice houses & I really envy that so much..
Do any of these friends have any single female friends they could introduce you to?
Do any of these friends have any single female friends they could introduce you to?
Their was the most beautiful blonde girl, both inside & out, she was comforting me when I was sick. Unfortunately she's engaged to the lovechild of uncle fester. On a side note, why is it that the biggest assholes have the best social lives. It gets me down so much when I see horrible people from my workplace surrounded by beautiful women. I see it all the time on facebook (think)..
Who were the people who invited you out last night?
Who were the people who invited you out last night?
It was my brothers girlfriends 18th, I went with my cousin. My mum pushed me to get out & I turned out to be the life & soul of the place (rock). I don't want to have to rely on drink to make me feel good though. Is it possible to be in a consistently good place in ur mind?. All I ever feel is consistent despair.
I'm not surprised you are feeling bad today. That's an awful lot of mixing!!
You need to find a way to compromise.
Being sick ten times is not good though.... but I am glad you had fun.
I don't want to have to rely on drink to make me feel good though. Is it possible to be in a consistently good place in ur mind?. All I ever feel is consistent despair.
Nope, not even for people who don't have depression. But the adage 'fake it til you make it' is my mantra. Pushing yourself to challenge your own perceptions of yourself can help you achieve what you need in your life
College just told me that its £360 to do a Counseling Level 2 & then Level 3 is £3,000+ & Level 4 is £4,000+!. Its fixed even if ur on benefits. I give up with this life seriously.. On top of that I've recieved more job rejections via email yet again. My heart is racing so much right now because I'm so anxious to face this future-less future..
Are there not such things as Student Loans still?
Are there not such things as Student Loans still?
I'd rather not get in debt for what is merely a passive interest, I'd rather just be dead right now tbh. My depression & social anxiety is (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in killin me. My mind is troubled with deep insecurities. It feels like i'm the only person suffering with this relentless battle with depression & anxiety. I'm too stubborn to go back on pills. Nothing can heal me, ever.
If you want to study and get a degree-level qualification then those prices are typical these days, and once you start working the loan comes off your salary and you barely notice it. You are only 26 (?) but you need to start making choices. If you do nothing, nothing will change.
Why don't you want to go on medication?
What about speaking to someone like the OU? Although I think that being involved with people in a college situation would be good for you - but it's another way of thinking?
If you want to study and get a degree-level qualification then those prices are typical these days, and once you start working the loan comes off your salary and you barely notice it. You are only 26 (?) but you need to start making choices. If you do nothing, nothing will change.
Ye thats true, I'm just really scared to commit to something I'm not 100% on. I'd be so anxious of failing & lumbered with debt with nothing to show for it. I'm ridiculously indecisive, even in a sweet shop. This ties in with how anxious I am & constantly worrying about the future. I've always been like this & drive people mad with this mentality. And Suzi I want to prove that I can better myself without relying on drugs.
Ye thats true, I'm just really scared to commit to something I'm not 100% on. I'd be so anxious of failing & lumbered with debt with nothing to show for it. I'm ridiculously indecisive, even in a sweet shop. This ties in with how anxious I am & constantly worrying about the future. I've always been like this & drive people mad with this mentality. And Suzi I want to prove that I can better myself without relying on drugs.
I was like you for a while in that I didn't want to go back to AD's having been off them for a few years as I thought the exercise was doing would help me. However I slowly learned that they took the edge off the really really bad times. They are not the complete solution but a combination of them along with talking therapy is the best way forward. Maybe you could start on a small dose and see how you feel with that, I wouldn't rule it out completely but please do consider it.
If you were diabetic would you take insulin? Why is this different?
I know in the past you have commented on your brother smoking cannabis. Do you?
Right so I've been referred to see a psychiatrist (straight jacket here I come!) & I'm considerin going back on the drugs. My counsellor says its absolutely possible to alleviate depression without them, thats why I'm so adamant against them. I've read back on some early posts from u lot as its still relevant to how I am right now. And no I don't smoke weed lol :)
I just had to check re the weed...
Glad that you're being referred - be aware it may be a long wait though. I know you can alleviate depression without drugs, but in some cases the meds are what helps you to be more stable before the therapy..
This is a positive step. The psychiatrist will be able to prescribe different combinations of meds.
SallyGreenwood
08-01-16, 07:23 PM
It was my brothers girlfriends 18th, I went with my cousin. My mum pushed me to get out & I turned out to be the life & soul of the place (rock). I don't want to have to rely on drink to make me feel good though. Is it possible to be in a consistently good place in ur mind?. All I ever feel is consistent despair.
Hey, so
1. I use to have depression/ still have it midly. BUT... I would say I am reasonably consistently content. This doesn't mean all the time, or that I am bouncing off the walls happy all the time. But it means I think if I had only one phrase to describe my most common feeling of 2015 it would be "contented but anxious (about the future)" Ironically one of the reasons I am anxious is I am now thinking ... wow it did get better, hope it stays like that. But my plan for 2016 is to deal with anxiety too - good things come to those who wait (and work hard for it - Guinness misses that bit out).
I hope this gives you hope that one day you could also feel like that - maybe better than me too! Do you like bouncing off walls?
2. Not going to uni because you are worried about debt it very illogical. I would hate for that fear to hold anyone back. I am not saying it is not reasonable to feel or think what you are thinking, only that maybe you should bite the bullet and go anyway. Here is why I say that:
- If it doesnt work out, who cares, you wont have lost anything (unless you are in a really well paid job right now?)
- Student loans are not like normal loans, they are not included in your credit rating
- they do not contribute to the amount of "overall debt" that you owe
- you get a really good interest rate on them, which is inflation, which is basically saying you pay back only the value of what you borrowed - e.g. if you borrowed a loaf of bread, then you pay back a loaf of bread
- you dont pay it back like a normal loan, instead it comes out of your paycheck before you even see the money - I dont even notice that I have a student loan
- even then it only comes out your paycheck once you are earning a reasonable amount
- if you dont pay it off within x years (25 i think) it goes away forever
A better way to think about it would be that higher earners who are earning more because they went to university pay more tax. 9% more tax specifically. I.e. consider it like this - pretend you do not have a student loan. Instead you are simply agreeing with the government that if you earn over £20,000 a year AND you have a university degree, you will pay an additional 9% tax until you have paid tax the value of what that degree would have cost you.
In addition when you go to uni, and stay in halls (if you have depression and anxiety i would strongly recommend halls - and getting on whatever social media uni students now use to plan social events) you get a whole new community to which you belong, can easily make friends, find people in common with you, and live in a supportive environment - uni is not like being an adult, there are additional support from the uni and students union. When I was a student I didnt even have to change my own lightbulbs!
Down side- it will be difficult to say goodbye to hangovers at uni
Good side - everything else :)
SallyGreenwood
08-01-16, 07:29 PM
Their was the most beautiful blonde girl, both inside & out, she was comforting me when I was sick. Unfortunately she's engaged to the lovechild of uncle fester. On a side note, why is it that the biggest assholes have the best social lives. It gets me down so much when I see horrible people from my workplace surrounded by beautiful women. I see it all the time on facebook (think)..
Please refer to picture 16:
http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html
This answers your question
Samantha340
08-01-16, 09:05 PM
Please refer to picture 16:
http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html
This answers your question
Which is picture 16?
I appreciate the advice so thank you. Uni life sounds great especially all that partying (party). There's no career that interests me enough though to justify the investment. Perhaps something along the lines of social care but I wouldn't want to be a counsellor. I may need to boost my serotinin 1st before I tackle anything because its seriously lacking atm.
OldMike
09-01-16, 11:40 AM
Which is picture 16?
I wondered that as there is no indication.
@SA89: If ugly old guys got all the young attractive women I'd be falling over them when I opened my front door. (rofl)
Seriously though SallyGreenwood has some great ideas (I never went to uni) it looks to be a great option (just don't overdo the drinking), and staying in halls seems a good way to meet people. I'm sure you'd get to know some nice people.
Everyone has different experiences at uni - the same as everything in life.
I think that you need to go back to your GP and discuss medication - and take it every day as meant to ;) if you are even considering that as an option..
My anxiety was bad today. I restarted my volunteering at another mental health service & I had to sit next to a girl who I've not seen in years!. My heart was palpitating to the beat of a drum as I stared silently at my computer. We exchanged small talk but I felt like I was intruding because she was close friends with the others. Its scary confrontin this when ur in a deep depressive state, especially without artificial mood enhancers. People can tell I'm anxious just by my face & my awkward responses. I hope this leads somewhere (blush)..
Hope what leads somewhere - the job or the girl?
Hope what leads somewhere - the job or the girl?
The job to clarify. Its admin but I don't have a responsibility, I'm basically assisting the paid workers (inputting data, filing etc). My counsellor says it can lead somewhere but I'm fearful of it being pointless, thats my mindset. It was nice to be part of a community though & it shows that its important to be involved, regardless of how u feel. Even for a just a few hours a week it gives me a purpose & i'd like to hold on to that.
I think if it gets you out of the house and interacting with people then its definitely a positive.
The job to clarify. Its admin but I don't have a responsibility, I'm basically assisting the paid workers (inputting data, filing etc). My counsellor says it can lead somewhere but I'm fearful of it being pointless, thats my mindset. It was nice to be part of a community though & it shows that its important to be involved, regardless of how u feel. Even for a just a few hours a week it gives me a purpose & i'd like to hold on to that.
My favourite jobs have been voluntary :) and you never know where it might lead - all experience is worthwhile
It's always good to put voluntary jobs on CVs etc so it's great that you are doing it and enjoying it!
I think if it gets you out of the house and interacting with people then its definitely a positive.
ye its really important. Its not normal for someone my age to have never had a relationship or any friends. My 'social anxiety' compromises any chance of that. Throw depression into the mix & it feels like an unclimbable mountain. I'm not a bad lookin lad, so I've been told & I'm always friendly, so why am I so lonely? (think)..
OldMike
17-01-16, 09:43 AM
ye its really important. Its not normal for someone my age to have never had a relationship or any friends. My 'social anxiety' compromises any chance of that. Throw depression into the mix & it feels like an unclimbable mountain. I'm not a bad lookin lad, so I've been told & I'm always friendly, so why am I so lonely? (think)..
Wow that makes me so not normal then, I don't think that is true, there must be lots of people like me who have never had a relationship and have no friends in real life. I've known people I've worked with who's whole life is spent down the pub or in the betting shop, would I swap with them? an emphatic NO. Is my situation the ideal, well no, but whose is life is. If you can start socialising and meet a kindred spirit that would be great even if that never happens you could still end up with friends, no one can predict the future, just don't give up hope.
ye its really important. Its not normal for someone my age to have never had a relationship or any friends. My 'social anxiety' compromises any chance of that. Throw depression into the mix & it feels like an unclimbable mountain. I'm not a bad lookin lad, so I've been told & I'm always friendly, so why am I so lonely? (think)..
I understand you so much, the most of what you've revealed applies to me too although the causes are different. And the feeling of loneliness.
Sometimes you should just take a deep breath and start socializing, but you're feeling uncomfortable, never force yourself.
ye its really important. Its not normal for someone my age to have never had a relationship or any friends. My 'social anxiety' compromises any chance of that. Throw depression into the mix & it feels like an unclimbable mountain. I'm not a bad lookin lad, so I've been told & I'm always friendly, so why am I so lonely? (think)..
Oh for goodness sake! That's the biggest pile of rubbish I've heard! Maybe you and amc should talk to each other - you both think you are both the only people to not have a relationship.... You're both wrong.
Oh for goodness sake! That's the biggest pile of rubbish I've heard! Maybe you and amc should talk to each other - you both think you are both the only people to not have a relationship.... You're both wrong.
I didn't say I'm the only person, obviously there's many people who are introverted like me. Regardless it certainly feels like ur the only person when every1 on social media is shoving their relationship down ur throat.
Wow that makes me so not normal then, I don't think that is true, there must be lots of people like me who have never had a relationship and have no friends in real life. I've known people I've worked with who's whole life is spent down the pub or in the betting shop, would I swap with them? an emphatic NO. Is my situation the ideal, well no, but whose is life is. If you can start socialising and meet a kindred spirit that would be great even if that never happens you could still end up with friends, no one can predict the future, just don't give up hope.
Its not perceived normal in the eyes of society, hence why people always ask 'So u not got a gf yet?'. Hence also why people gravitate towards the extroverted types because being somewhat 'indifferent' is generally scrutinized. This is why 'cliques' form because they share this 'sheep' mindset of societys standard. Its hard to articulate this in a given sentence but I know for certain that others feel the same way.
People do not always gravitate towards extroverted types. I am quite introverted really, I prefer very small groups and one-on-one chat.
If you are 'indifferent', e.g. you give off the vibe that you don't want to talk to anyone, then no one will talk to you, and that's quite different to being introverted, I think.
Calling people 'sheep' is a bit mean, anyone who pretends to be someone else to fit in is probably struggling just like you are to be social. Otherwise, they are not struggling and they are not 'sheep', they are just part of a crowd.
You had a great opportunity to get to know people at that NYE party but you got hideously drunk and were sick. That's not a good look on anyone!
I don't think I've ever seen you write a post complimenting someone else, or saying how nice that couple are together. When I'm on Facebook, I don't shove my relationship down everyone's throat'. I do talk about what my husband is up to, or if we've gone out to dinner somewhere, but that's not me saying that friends without a partner are less of a person than me. It's just me talking about my life, and that includes my husband. You've got such a warped view of other people it seems you've become unable to appreciate the good in people. Perhaps you need to try to lose that bitterness, and then you may find others want to be around you.
I don't think I've ever seen you write a post complimenting someone else, or saying how nice that couple are together. When I'm on Facebook, I don't shove my relationship down everyone's throat'. I do talk about what my husband is up to, or if we've gone out to dinner somewhere, but that's not me saying that friends without a partner are less of a person than me. It's just me talking about my life, and that includes my husband. You've got such a warped view of other people it seems you've become unable to appreciate the good in people. Perhaps you need to try to lose that bitterness, and then you may find others want to be around you.
What do u mean Paula, I've always expressed gratitude on here & my posts are always made with the intention of being relatable to others. I admit I am stressed but wouldn't u be if u struggled to fit in anywhere?. The reason I don't talk to anyone is because I'm too anxious & insecure about where I am in life. My mind works like: A) 'I'm not content' so B) 'I won't make the effort'. Depression also makes it a struggle for me to even sustain a smile
S deleted
18-01-16, 03:39 AM
Then it's up to you to break that cycle.
Ok then, prove me wrong. Show me a post you've made recently that shows you thinking nice thoughts about someone you meet in your daily life, and another where you intend to be relatable to others.
You should always try to make the effort. If you are not content with your life, no one else is likely to fix it for you. In fact if you're not content, you should perhaps be making more effort?
To be honest you are making excuses. Yes you might be introverted and shy but I know others like that (including my own younger sister) who push themselves out of their comfort zone to then meet others - whether they want to go or not. But going and getting drunk was stupid. No one likes to hang around or even talk to someone who goes out, gets drunk and the spends the rest of the night hugging the loo.....
You have no idea about the struggles of others. You talk about not being able to fit in.. I think we all have had that at some point, some of us have loads of different reasons why they don't "fit in." I don't fit in with so many groups of people, but I still communicate with them + others on FB or similar. I didn't ever think I'd be living in a housing association property with a husband and 3 children and be running a depression forum for others so they don't ever have to go through what I went through... That's really hard. I often don't feel I fit in with a lot of conversations, but I'll still try. I didn't ever think I'd be "speaking" on the DWD FB page to over 80,000 people all over the world, but I do because I tried. That's what you need to do, get up, get out there and try. Every time you get a knock back (and I've had plenty) you just do it again.. Why? Because the alternative sucks. I have physical disabilities and it makes so many things harder, like walking my daughter to school, but I dam well try no matter how hard it is because it's important to her and it's important to me and because if I give in and hide away from the things that are hard I shall spend the rest of my days sitting in a chair taking a cocktail of meds. I have to get up and move and do it before I lose the ability to do so (which is a given). If I can, if Paula can, if Angie, Magie, Jarre, Hugo, Rose and everyone else can keep fighting, then so can you. Get up, get dressed and get out there. Find a different job and do it. The world isn't going to come to you, you have to get up and grab hold of it and make it what you want... Or else, what's the point?
I really don't know how to respond right now but i'll briefly try. Take this as self-pitying or whatever, this is just my story. My head is a mess thanks to years & years of built up stress stemmin from an isolated childhood. Ever since I was a kid I've shut myself away in my room. I saw my mum on deaths door through Lupus when I was young but she's still here fighting fit. That had an effect on me alongside my anxiety issues at school which carried through secondary school & onto college. My low self-esteem due to my big nose & 5'5 height obviously played its part amongst other factors like never having a gf. I think a father figure would have really helped give me some independence hence my over-reliance on my mum. These are not excuses but u can understand why I have a cluster (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) of insecurities. I've always been polite & friendly, so ye I don't think ur entirely fair in ur assessment. I'm not this dickhead u may think I am. Anyway I've restarted the drugs again..
I'm pleased you've started the meds again, have you seen your GP?
Unfortunately, you've isolated yourself from potential friendships, it seems, and now are angry with people because you feel isolated. That's not really fair on the people you meet tbh.
My hubby's less than an inch taller than you, my daughter is 4'11" and confident. Height is not a barrier to friendships or relationships. have you thought about talking to your GP about your nose and whether a 'nose job' would be suitable? It may be that, if it's considered that detrimental to your mental health, they could do the surgery on the NHS.
Things can change, but you need to find a way make that change happen for you - everyone else is too busy dealing with their own (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) to figure out yours
I didn't say that you were a dickhead and to be frank if that's what I thought then a) I'd say it and b) I'd not spend time trying to help...
My husband isn't much taller than you, and I'm sure your nose isn't as big as his or his Dad's!
I don't doubt for one second growing up with a Mum who has lupus was easy and I think it's amazing and positive and wonderful to know how much you love her - but you have the option to change it all...
My other dog was put to rest today, apparently it had a tumour. It was struggling all night with its balance with its head tilted sideways, my mums in hysterics. It was an old dog at 17 so we knew what was coming. Its weird that both my dogs have gone within 6 weeks. My head is too messed up for it to sink in, I'm really emotionally imbalanced. Citalopram has helped take the edge off somewhat but hasn't helped this 'emptyiness' I have inside me. Anyway, I'm due to see a psychiatrist soon (think)..
I'm so sorry about your dog, I know the heartache over losing our pets. I'm glad you're seeing a psychiatrist, please, please be honest about everything - maybe print out some of your posts here?
I am so sorry about your dog. I am glad your seeing the psychiatrist soon, as Paula has said, be honest and tell how things are
OldMike
11-02-16, 11:50 AM
I really don't know how to respond right now but i'll briefly try. Take this as self-pitying or whatever, this is just my story. My head is a mess thanks to years & years of built up stress stemmin from an isolated childhood. Ever since I was a kid I've shut myself away in my room. I saw my mum on deaths door through Lupus when I was young but she's still here fighting fit. That had an effect on me alongside my anxiety issues at school which carried through secondary school & onto college. My low self-esteem due to my big nose & 5'5 height obviously played its part amongst other factors like never having a gf. I think a father figure would have really helped give me some independence hence my over-reliance on my mum. These are not excuses but u can understand why I have a cluster (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) of insecurities. I've always been polite & friendly, so ye I don't think ur entirely fair in ur assessment. I'm not this dickhead u may think I am. Anyway I've restarted the drugs again..
My dad was only 5' 6" and he shrank to about 5' 4" as he got in to old age and he also had a big nose and he was really confident and out going both in social situations and at home. I've worked with other smaller guys and they were outgoing too so to use a cliche size isn't everything. I'm only 5' 8" so I'm small compared to 6 footers.
I am so sorry about your dog. I think right now you have every right to feel sad and empty. Losing a pet is like losing a family member.
(bear)
I'm sorry about you losing your dogs so close together. (((hugs)))
Thanks. Whenever I'm involved with work my depression seems to escalate. Its not so much being around people, its more to do with my struggles & insecurities around them. The majority are on another level of social status from me. When I come home I'm almost close to tears because it brings to light everything that has made me a social loser up until this point. I'm really friendly towards every1, but I'm just not like them. My issues run deep from being awkward at school, scared to get dressed in changin rooms, havin little friends and never havin a gf. I'm tryna keep this brief, I'm a lost cause.. I'm so miserable & lost without a future ;(.
Why do you think you are not like them? Did you stop to consider that many people struggle with their self-esteem?
You aren't a lost cause at all. There are plenty of people who haven't had a girlfriend. That doesn't make them "a loser" at all. That's just ridiculous.
Hey, just updating u guys. I'm still being rejected by every job out there & as u can imagine I'm really depressed because of it. My voluntary has since told me not to go in for a month because of office arrangements & I'm rarely on the rota at my part time job. It doesn't help that I'm from Bolton which is apparently the 4th most deprived area in the North West. I'm in my room 24/7 & I'm constantly feeling fatigued. I wanna go out tonight but I'm scared what alcohol would do to my troubled mindset (think)..
It's lovely to hear from you, I was wondering how things were going! What about going back to college? What about different voluntary work?
Ha thanks :). I went clubbin last night & once again it was a strange experience. Dancing with strangers just feels so weird to me & it doesn't feel right to approach a stranger in this environment. These clubs are full of people that get 100 likes on their Facebook pictures. People around me expect me to 'pull' but how is that possible in such a superficial environment. Regarding my career, I've been considering ways to get into support work. I need to do something because to be doing nothing at 26 is quite scary :s..
It's been very many years since I went clubbing, but I can tell you that the clubs aren't all full of people with "100 likes"... Sweetheart you need to stop thinking that everyone else is more popular and confident than you - they all aren't!
I really hope I don't wake up tomorrow. I'm tired of being lonely & I'm tired of being unemployable. I try & try to catch a break but no employer will give me a chance. Yet my cousin like many others just walks into a job without any experience as a support worker. I'd love an opportunity like that, anythin to get me away from my (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) hole 1 day a fortnight kitchen role..
On top of that I have to put up with the worlds most annoying couple, rammed down my throat 24/7. Literally every conversation revolves around my brother & his stupid (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in loudmouth gf splittin up, gettin back together bla bla bla.. My mum loves them, I can't stand them. Sorry for the rant but it reinforces my loneliness, I'm just trapped in my room & I'm not a bad lookin guy (blush)..
SA89... Please, please, please go and get some help. Go and see your Dr tomorrow.
You aren't unemployable.. Did you ever take Rose up on her offer to look through your CV? Are you applying for the right kind of jobs?
SA89... Please, please, please go and get some help. Go and see your Dr tomorrow.
You aren't unemployable.. Did you ever take Rose up on her offer to look through your CV? Are you applying for the right kind of jobs?
Like I've said before its not different tablets I need (I'm on citalopram 20mg after goin full circle), I just need a break in life. If I had a new job or a girlfriend i'd feel better because I've never been on the level of suicidal. I'm on a waiting list to see a psych. I apply for admin & support work yet I don't even get a response despite having voluntary experience in both. People on Facebook are always bragging about getting a new job, probably because they know a friend of a friend. Life is so much harder without friends to give u a leg up..
Thing is, you are convinced that it's all about other people and you "not having a break." I do really think that you are going to have to be more proactive. You need to break out of this slump you are in.
Have you had anyone help you with a CV? What about speaking to someone in careers? What about college? What about asking about work experience? There are so many things you could do...
What about a local mind group or similar?
Thing is, you are convinced that it's all about other people and you "not having a break." I do really think that you are going to have to be more proactive. You need to break out of this slump you are in.
Have you had anyone help you with a CV? What about speaking to someone in careers? What about college? What about asking about work experience? There are so many things you could do...
What about a local mind group or similar?
I applied for 10 jobs in the last 2 days, got an interview but it wasn't the 1 I wanted lol. I want to work with people in a support role not baking pasties!. I've worked in a factory before & it was the worst experience ever. I attend the jobcentre fortnightly who helps me with most of that stuff. I don't post on here too often because I don't wanna become dependent on peoples reassurance. Is it true that an employer will give u a chance based on ur references?. I'm lookin to develop my people skills but the best I can put on my CV is that 'I've volunteered as a receptionist in a care environment' (mm).
Every job you do requires people skills, not just the customer-facing ones.
You did send me your CV but it was ages ago, I don't really feel qualified to give advice at the moment, sorry.
I wonder whether you are putting enough into your CVs.. What kind of jobs are you applying for? Surely any job and getting out and meeting new people is better than sitting around during the day with people you don't like?
When I'm chattin & smiling with a girl I like it feels like there's a glimmer of hope at the end of this dark tunnel. But then she tells me she has a bf & my depression escalates back to deep despair. She even said I was cute. I smile so much more when I'm chattin to girls because it gives me hope but nothing ever materializes (doh).. U may think that's trivial but for me its a big deal because I've never experienced the love of a gf & I'm 26. I apply for everythin Suzi & Rose I appreciate u lookin at my CV.
Hugo-agogo
18-03-16, 10:19 PM
Don't run yourself down SA89, if you can chat with a girl you're doing alright. Don't fixate on where it might lead or place so much emphasis on being in a relationship.
Don't run yourself down SA89, if you can chat with a girl you're doing alright. Don't fixate on where it might lead or place so much emphasis on being in a relationship.
Thanks mate, its the hope that kills me. All I want is something meaningful to get up for. I'm like an old man, in my pyjamas all day drinking tea & watchin soaps. I don't go out because I don't have friends to go out with. I worry about everything. I'm ridiculously insecure because I'm not doin anythin with my life & I feel a lot of pressure because of it :s..
The more you stay in wearing your pjs, drinking tea and watching soaps the more you will be lonely and aren't going to get any better. Did you ever do anything proactive about things like joining a local mind group?
When I listen to music it brings back that essence that I know is the real me. It makes me express myself & stirs an array of emotions I thought i'd lost. It makes me dance in my room which is weird but it's an emotion that has since abandoned me. But i'll then proceed to break down in a flood of sheer despair knowing that 'feeling' is in stark contrast to the reality I'm facing. A reality of profound emptiness with no friends to share my expression ;(..
What have you done to try to get out and meet new people since you posted here last?
You're unhappy, and have been for too long, but you really need to find a way to connect with people, potential friends and acquaintances. Staying in your room is not going to achieve that ......
You're unhappy, and have been for too long, but you really need to find a way to connect with people, potential friends and acquaintances. Staying in your room is not going to achieve that ......
I'm trying regularly to find new work that'll open up those aspects, along the health & social route. At work I've been connecting fine with the odd few but they'll forever remain acquaintances & its the same wherever I go. I don't post on here too often because I don't want to go round in circles, repeating the same rhetoric. My counsellors don't know what to do with me so why would anyone else. I also make a point of not bombarding u lot with walls of text because u've got enough to read on here without my biography.
Why not find another job in a different field, but related?
Why not find another job in a different field, but related?
I just wanna help others in some capacity. I think by doing that i'll be helping my own demons in a way. Right now I need to find a way to get my emotional energy right because it's seriously imbalanced. I'm fatigued all the time & I don't feel any 'joy' from anything. I tested myself on my level of depression & the results came back as between high & severe, which is quite alarming. It's no surprise really considering I've been feeling this way for years now (think)..
Have you done anything about getting out and meeting new people?
What about a Doctors appointment?
Have you done anything about getting out and meeting new people?
What about a Doctors appointment?
I've been stubbornly trying to fight it without medication but I dunno.. I may need to give in (again..). I wasn't so bad about a week ago because it felt like I was 'going places'. I was excited about a career where I could help others out. Fast forward a week & my depression has plummeted again. My mood was somewhat 'stable' but nothing came of it so I'm back down again. With depression it's so important to keep that stability, I just wish I knew how.. My despair is threatening to spiral again & I'm worried. The job centre has decided to put me on a 'work program' to make me feel even more worthless. I also missed my counsellor appointment so that's scrapped, my mum's in hospital & my gums are full of ulcers. This is shameful self-pity right here (blush)..
I'm sorry your mums in hospital, I hope she's able to go home soon.
Taking meds isn't giving in, it's making a decision to help yourself become well and, to me, that's a positive step
What do you mean that the counselling is scrapped?
Hope your Mum's OK..
I also completely agree with Paula that taking meds is no where near giving in.
My head is all over the place.. I went to visit my mum & I broke down straight away. She somehow contracted Shingles which is kinda like Chicken pox. The problem is because she has Lupus it affects her immune system more than the average person. Her blood count is really low so they had to put her on morphine. She looks like a burnt victim because her neck is ravished due to all the itching, causing nerve damage to her neck. Everyone's telling me I need to start buckin my ideas up. I don't deal with stress well at all. I feel like I'm trapped in this deep despair, waiting for the world to collapse around me. My mum's friend told me that anti-depressants are no good. I'm not sure if I agree with her..
Is that why she's in hospital? Morphine is for pain lovely.... I hope she gets much better really soon x
I think that some anti d meds will help you, others might not. There is no exact science on this..
OldMike
15-04-16, 08:48 PM
My head is all over the place.. I went to visit my mum & I broke down straight away. She somehow contracted Shingles which is kinda like Chicken pox. The problem is because she has Lupus it affects her immune system more than the average person. Her blood count is really low so they had to put her on morphine. She looks like a burnt victim because her neck is ravished due to all the itching, causing nerve damage to her neck. Everyone's telling me I need to start buckin my ideas up. I don't deal with stress well at all. I feel like I'm trapped in this deep despair, waiting for the world to collapse around me. My mum's friend told me that anti-depressants are no good. I'm not sure if I agree with her..
I've had shingles on my back and chest and I wasn't able to take anti-virals (the normal treatment these days) because I was on anti-depressants so I had the old fashioned treatment which had to be painted on the rash.
It's amazing how painful shingles is couldn't bear my clothing touching the rash so painful was nearly driving me up the wall.
When you've had chicken pox and got better the virus stays dormant inside your body then for some reason (I'm not sure why) it can suddenly travel along the nerves to the skin that is shingles, you look at the rash and wonder why it is so painful but believe me it is.
I think if you scratch it or rub it that makes it a hell of a lot worse.
For depression anti-depressants are certainly a good option but you need to see your doctor and tell him/her how you feel.
It hurts me knowin she's in so much pain Mike, she's lost so much weight as well. Her Lupus really complicates her immune system making her look yellow-ish when she's ill. Apparently someone with Lupus is 70% more likely to get it. As soon as I saw her in the ward I left the room immediately in tears. She then came out to tell me not to worry.
It's too much for me along with this deep depression. My auntie really laid into me beforehand calling me lazy & selfish because I was too scared to visit her. She doesn't understand why I struggle in life, no one does even.. I've also seen my mum on deaths door when I was younger. She's the only friend I have in this terribly lonely existence ;(..
Then you need to get up, get dressed, arrange to see a Dr and take the control. No one else can do this for you. You have to do it for yourself.
Can I just ask, how do u regain that sense of 'feeling'?. Everyone around me seem's so expressive. I want to feel what 'joy' feels like again or at least genuine laughter. The only emotion I seem to 'feel' is sadness. I expressed a lot of that the other day, crying in the bathtub, consumed by an overwhelming sense of loneliness.. I'm seeing the Doctor on Monday for some synthetic drugs but my agenda with these is they'll suppress my emotions further (think)..
Are you keeping a mood diary? What have you done each day this week? It helps to keep some kind of diary of what you are doing - even down to "got up, got dressed, had a shower" etc..
Are you keeping a mood diary? What have you done each day this week? It helps to keep some kind of diary of what you are doing - even down to "got up, got dressed, had a shower" etc..
Erm I haven't really kept 1 because the only active thing I can do is apply for jobs, I record that in my jobsearch. I've also put my name down to work with a kid with autism. Aside from that I bought some lettuce yesterday from Tesco. I've got some bits in while my mum's away, she's back tommorow. As I type this I'm 2 hours late for work but I'm not going in now..
Did you call in sick? You can't just not turn up for work...
Are you just spending all day in your home? Why didn't you go into work today?
magie06
23-04-16, 04:11 PM
You should let them know if you can't show up, its polite and fare to your colleagues.
You should let them know if you can't show up, its polite and fare to your colleagues.
I rang several times but no answer. In the end I thought I might as well not bother because I was already 2 hours late. No matter what excuse I used I would have got bollocked. If they fire me then so be it, I've been there for far too long with little prospects to show for it & it's only fast food.
Yes but it was your only source of income and it got you out of the house.
Why didn't you go in today?
Yes but it was your only source of income and it got you out of the house.
Why didn't you go in today?
True, I get Universal Credit as well so I'm not short at the moment. I pulled the classic 'sleep another 5 minutes, another hour routine' then woke the time I was due in. Ur right in that it's the only form of socializing I have, even if it is 1 day. I'm dreading ringing in tomorrow to check if I'm in, they've got my balls in a tomato slicer..
What is it that you do each day?
What is it that you do each day?
Generally? Nothing!. My life revolves around watching soaps & playing videogames. Everyone keeps asking me 'HAVE U GOT A GF, HAVE U GOT A GF, HAVE U GOT A GF' it's (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in irritating. It seems like if u don't have a significant other in this society ur somehow percieved 'abnormal'. My brother's controlling gf makes me appreciate my own freedom tbh, although I'm desperate for someone to subside the loneliness.
I really want to be involved in social care so I'm focusing on that at the moment. I've been prescribed Fluxotine (again) because I've literally tried each depressant available to me from my doctor. I'm very conflicted about these drugs so I'll no doubt put off taking them if my mind tricks me into thinking I'm somewhat 'stable' & then i'll inevitably drop off again into despair (think).
(Sorry for the wall of text, u must be sick of reading walls of text by now (blush)..)
I am sure you haven't tried each antidepressant as there are many!
I think you've tried doing this without and it's not been the best for you. So maybe you just need to give these a decent go and see if it helps?
If you aren't doing anything but sitting watching soaps and playing games how are you ever going to get out there and meet new people or prove that you are worth someone employing? You have to get up, get out and do it. Even if you did a college course in social work it shows willing and you are more than capable.
Are you signed on with the job centre? Are they able to recommend suitable training for you?
I went out drinking last night & I've gotta say these nightclubs are the WORST places for socializing. Everyone is confined to the people they came in with which is understandable but it does nothing for my self esteem. I paid £3.00 entry to stand in a corner at a place with blaring (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) music. I also came out feeling sick from the aftertaste of disgusting cheap lager. I took my Fluxotine (which I'm on now) an hour before I started drinking. These clubs paint a picture of society as a whole which is not the case but it certainly feels like it when ur in the midst (think).. And ye Paula I'm on Universal Credit who have referred me to a work programme.
Hunni, whilst I'm thrilled that you went out - clubs aren't great places to get talking to someone! Maybe a pub or something different might be better? But I would also add that drinking when you've just started medication isn't a great plan either..
When do you start at the work programme?
Hey, it's been a while since I posted here so I thought I'd provide an update. I'm about to start volunteering as an ABA therapist (Applied Behavior Analyst) & I'm really nervous. For the next 12 saturday's I'll be working 1-1 with kids who have Autism. My role is to help reinforce positive behavior traits in them so I have to be really spontaneous (make gestures, stop them being aggressive, make face paints etc). Now I really struggle myself to be positive because I've been depressed for years & worry about everything.
The interview was a large group meeting where most applicants were university students. I feel inferior in that respect as I have no formal qualifications in psychology. I'm assuming I got the opportunity by really putting my all into the questionnaire. My 1st training day is this saturday then team building on sunday before the academy opens the following week for the kids. I feel like I'm unable to express emotion anymore, I can't even smile. This is why I'm rather concerned i'll just freeze or something :s..
That's brilliant! Well done!
You'll be fine! Just be strict, and praise every good thing you see ;)
Wow! That's incredible! And they would not have given you this opportunity unless they were sure you were right for it as it's such a sensitive role. Well done :)
Hey guys, I shouldn't be writing this on christmas day but what the hell. Some of my family seem to have it in for me.. My uncle constantly takes the (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) out of me that I'm 27 & not doing anything with my life.
Today he flat out dismissed my recent tutoring experience with a child as irrelevant (blush). My cousin & mums friend also make remarks to me. Then theres my horrible brother who I've not spoken to for weeks.
As u can imagine this made me feel worthless sitting at the christmas table. There's people that really like me that can see I have a good heart & a sense of humour. I know there's so many out there who feels like me right now; depressed, lonely & unconventional.
Apparently this time of year see's more mental health referals than any other period. That's no coincidence given the pressure to 'put on a show' so to speak. Anyway Merry Christmas to whoever reads this. Ur not alone, trust me, I've been suffering inside for years ;(..
Sick to death of these f***** low life dirtbags that brag about sex & take drugs. This is why I'm a recluse because the estate I'm from is full of these d***heads that act like 'thugs' & can't hold a decent conversation (think). My brother idolises these parasites. He really is an awful person to live with. Its no wonder I feel worthless. I want to be around people the kind I met at a school for Autism.
I might be wrong here, but how about trying to go somewhere where people are more open and friendly. I can think of a lot of places I could go that would be massive triggers for me or where people are rude in general. How about trying the opposite?
Because you seem to me like a person that wants and might need it very much.
Not hang around the people that are that way would be a good start.
Welf's right, you need to be around positive people and, though it may not feel it, there are more good than bad ..... how is the ABA role going?
I'm sorry, I don't know why, but I missed your post on Christmas Day. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that people can't see past the initial issues and see that you are a good person, but you are poorly.
Have you applied to local special schools? I know that when I was teaching in a couple we were desperate for other people to come in and interact - even just as kind of playground lunch volunteers etc? It might mean a bit of a journey, but it also might be what you need?
Not hang around the people that are that way would be a good start.
Ye I don't hang with those people as such, theyre just in my house often with my brother. It was an eye opener being at the school because ive never been in such a positive environment.
how is the ABA role going
It went well, I did 12 weeks tutoring a child with Autism. At the start it was tricky to grab my childs attention but he built up trust with me & opened up more. I taught him functional skills, gestural communication, picture exchange communication. Got a certificate after it, I felt a bit sad at the end when it was finished. I gave my child a hug & that was that. The school awarded me most improved tutor 1 week out of the whole school (blush).
I'm sorry that people can't see past the initial issues and see that you are a good person, but you are poorly.
Have you applied to local special schools? I know that when I was teaching in a couple we were desperate for other people to come in and interact - even just as kind of playground lunch volunteers etc? It might mean a bit of a journey, but it also might be what you need?
I've applied to a few but no joy. Its something I'm interested in though & my tutoring reinforced that. Its challenging but rewarding when u see a child smiling back at u & comin to u when they need something.
Its frustrating caus I'm pushed to attend a work programme weekly to recieve any income. They're tryin to force me into jobs that I have no interest in like factory work. I made it clear I dont eant want to do that but they threaten to sanction u if u don't oblige. Its very demoralising (think)..
I know all about how frustrating the system can be... Keep calling and looking on all the local sites.. What about calling the school you did your training in?
I know all about how frustrating the system can be... Keep calling and looking on all the local sites.. What about calling the school you did your training in?
Well I had an interview today at a healthcare centre for autism & I came out of it thinkin 'Wouldn't it be great if I ceased to exist..' I conveyed my ABA tutoring experience to them but I was extremely anxious & presented my answers poorly.
I got the impression they didn't think I'd cope with the healthcare side of it. They said they'll send me a letter lettin me know. Typical really, no one ever gives me a chance. I'm a lonely waste of space. My mind is beyond repair. I may as well die & be done with it ;(.
First, don't assume it went badly, you just never know. Second, well done for going, that's a huge deal and you should be proud of yourself :). Third, have you ever had any interview training? It might help, particularly with the nerves.
Paula's completely right! You don't know that!
I was extremely anxious & presented my answers poorly.
I had an interview last week and I just knew I hadn't done as well as I could have. Actually the feedback was not as harsh as I thought it would be (although it was still a no).
I posted here a long time ago a list of questions I always prepare answers to before interviews. I can't find it at the moment but I can send it in a PM.
First, don't assume it went badly, you just never know. Second, well done for going, that's a huge deal and you should be proud of yourself :). Third, have you ever had any interview training? It might help, particularly with the nerves.
Thanks Paula, my mum knows I'm depressed & hugs me to try to reassure me. I honestly think if someone else like me locked themselves away in their room all their life they would have killed themselves by now or at least tried to. 27 years without any social connection whatsoever completely destroys ur brain chemistry.
People want the best for me because they see that im a good lad with good morales. I do interview stuff with my work programme, that place is purgatory.. This interview was my ticket out of hell (think).
Sweetheart what things are you doing each day? Are you getting out and meeting anyone? Are you working?
Sweetheart what things are you doing each day? Are you getting out and meeting anyone? Are you working?
Right now I'm attending a course that I'm mandated by the work programme. I really struggle with maths yet they expect me to complete their tests in a timely manner. I feel like such a f***** loser on this programme.. I didn't pass that job interview either despite having the EXACT skills they were looking for (Autism support).
I really feel like the walls are closing in on me & there's no light or escape in sight.. If I didn't feel so desperately lonely inside then maybe.. maybe I could hope ;(.
Can you do some courses in maths to help you?
ANOTHER REJECTION.
"It has been a difficult decision (BULLS***) however after careful review of all candidates’ skills and experience I regret (no u don't) to advise you that on this occasion (u mean EVERY F***** OCCASION) you have been unsuccessful following this stage of the recruitment process and we will not be proceeding any further"..
Summary
"YOU'RE BETTER OFF DEAD TBH"
Regards.
Sorry for my slow reply, I saw your post earlier when I was on my phone and I wanted to give it a proper answer when I got to my laptop.
As Suzi suggested, can you take a course in maths? Or do you know anyone who could help you study? I have taught maths before and usually the biggest barrier to learning is the person saying 'I am not good at maths, I never understood it at school and I don't now.'
The truth is, we use a lot of GCSE level maths in our every day lives, it's just not obvious that is what we are doing. I wish I could help you, I do feel quite passionately that people could be better at maths if only they had the help they need. And many employers need a good level of maths so it's worth improving your skills.
Re job rejections, the thing is, there is only one job and several candidtaes. And often a rejection is not a personal slight on you, it just means that there was a person who better fitted the role. Sometimes I look at jobs and think they are just perfect for me, then I don't even get an invite to interview which is so confusing, but I have learnt that it's just how life goes.
I am also trying to find a job at the moment and it's really hard, you can check out my thread in over18s which chronicles the highs and lows of my journey.
I know that the process can be soul-destroying, and I understand why you feel hopeless, but you have to dust yourself off and keep trying.
You once said you love writing, have you ever thought about writing for a living? You could try writing a novel, or try to get some freelance writing work?
Re job rejections, the thing is, there is only one job and several candidtaes. And often a rejection is not a personal slight on you, it just means that there was a person who better fitted the role. Sometimes I look at jobs and think they are just perfect for me, then I don't even get an invite to interview which is so confusing, but I have learnt that it's just how life goes.
I know that the process can be soul-destroying, and I understand why you feel hopeless, but you have to dust yourself off and keep trying.
The thing is they responded positively to a lot of my answers ("Thats an excellent answer" etc) then the following day these cold heartless b******* send me an automated rejection letter. I'm f***** sick of seein this letter in my inbox.
I answered a lot of the competency questions correctly as well except a few which I struggled with. EVERY single interview I've had I've failed except Burger King 7 years ago. I'm still there part time but they havent given me work since Dec.
I'm doin maths right now on my work programme, I have to attend daily. They've sanctioned me though as I've missed a few days. I'm keen on support work as I have experience tutoring an Autism child. I don't understand why they reject someone with the skills they're lookin for. This world is f***** backwards tbh, from its outdated stigma's to its hard nosed policies for the lower class.
I appreciate ur kind words Rose and its comforting u can relate. I'll check out ur thread. I see a career as my only escape from this darkness, thats why rejection hurts me so much. I've been in a desperate state of loneliness for so long ;(..
I received a standard rejection letter from a role that I interviewed for three times. I was very annoyed about it, after all the trouble I went to to give them my time. I do understand your pain.
Please go to the maths lessons though, they will help.
And you know sometimes you can do great at interview but they still pick someone else. Remember, the people are interviewing are just people, they've all been interviewed themselves before and everyone makes mistakes. I have interviewed people; it's hard making the right choice, honestly. I know that's not much comfort but it's the truth.
You could also ask for honest and frank feedback as to why you were not chosen? This should help with interviews in the future.
Have you look into apprenticeships? There is a goverment website... https://www.getingofar.gov.uk/
I imagine the competition for apprenticeships is fierce but it might be worth looking at?
I know it sucks, but really you need to try to calm down the aggression lovely. Definitely ask for feedback as it will help. Do you research into the company before you go for interview? What about college? Could you think about going back or maybe doing an OU course or similar?
For the record though - it's a child WITH autism, never "an autism child"... I have 1 child and 1 husband with diagnosed ASD and one who is being assessed... and also that's one of my areas of expertise when I was teaching (Autism and Emotional and Behavioural Difficulties in teenagers in case you were interested ;) )
Where do I begin here (think).. Well, I'll start with the blazing row I had with my uncle. He goes on & on & on about how I need to sort my life out. He told me I'm a lost cause which I said was rich considerin he collects toys for a living.
Then I went for another interview only to be told they were unable to see me as I was late yet it was my work coach who had given me the wrong times!. He said sorry but I was up all night researchin :@..
And if that wasn't enough, today I was removed from my EQL course due to bad attendance. I passed the course but I can't continue & do the maths tests. I've learned so much maths as well & passed the practice test. The guy said I'm a 'bright lad so its a shame'.
When someone tells me that I feel 10x worse because it reminds me what a failure I am in life. I'm 27, on the dole & in my room all day. After tutoring a child & excelling at it I thought 'This is it, finally I'm goin somewhere'. How foolish to even think that, to even hope. It's been relentless disappointment this year :(..
If the work coach gave you the wrong time (is it written down) can you ask them to perhaps smooth things over and get you another interview slot?
Did something happen specifically today with the course, were you late or did you not attend the last one?
Was the test for a proper qualification such as GCSE or NVQ?
Sorry you've had a bad day...
Have you had lots of time off from the course?
What things are you trying to do to get out of your room and the house and getting out and doing something different?
Everydays a bad day... and I'm too physically fatigued to do anythin about it. Its a combination of my depression, anxiety, loneliness, sleep disorder & Setraline. Do ya know that sayin "Bottling emotions affects ur wellbeing" or along the lines. Well I've been doing that for years & now I'm suppressed of any sense of elated relief.
It make me so despairing when I see these wannabe 'bad boy' types attract all the women. Or just seeing any couple for that matter, or even friends together. I've had this problem ever since I was a kid, alone at school break times. I remember even waking in the early hours, about 7 years old, sitting in the center of my room feeling deeply fearful & lost. At SEVEN years old (think)..
Sorry you've had a bad day...
Have you had lots of time off from the course?
What things are you trying to do to get out of your room and the house and getting out and doing something different?
The reason I don't do anythin about it is because my self worth is so low to even join a group or somethin. I go to my work programme thats it, rest of the time im in bed. I've applied everywhere for work but nothing & I've been sanctioned..
Sweetheart if you are spending all your time in bed then nothing is going to change for you. You have to get up, get washed and dressed and do something different.
What jobs are you applying for?
S deleted
11-04-17, 03:58 PM
You don't know how lucky you are. You have no job no benefits due to sanctions and yet you still have food in your belly a roof over your head, and the luxury of being able to lie in bed all day. If you aren't happy with your life got off your butt and change it cos no one else is gonna do it for you. Time you stood on your own to feet. I know what it's like to feel so low that I don't wanna get out of bed, or so anxious I'm scared to leave the house, or to have so little self worth that I don't think I deserve anything good in my life, but I want to feel better, I want to be able to enjoy my life so I push myself. If I don't go to the shop for food I don't eat, if I don't pay the bills I have no gas, electric, hot water, phone, broadband etc. Doing nothing will only make my life worse. You need to get up and sort out your benefits or find a job even if it's sweeping the floor and cleaning toilets in a local fast food joint (which for the record is actually an important job as cleanliness and hygiene and all part of a good customer experience).
Jaquaia
11-04-17, 04:00 PM
Sometimes you have to push yourself to do the little things so you don't get trapped in a vicious cycle. Believe me, I know how hard it is. Most days it takes me a couple of hours to drag myself out of bed and another couple of hours to get dressed. Have you thought about getting up and sitting in the garden with a drink for an hour or so? Start with something small. It might be good for you to contact Mind too. Counselling or CBT might help you with your self worth, or a self-esteem course or something.
Sometimes you have to push yourself to do the little things so you don't get trapped in a vicious cycle. Believe me, I know how hard it is. Most days it takes me a couple of hours to drag myself out of bed and another couple of hours to get dressed. Have you thought about getting up and sitting in the garden with a drink for an hour or so? Start with something small. It might be good for you to contact Mind too. Counselling or CBT might help you with your self worth, or a self-esteem course or something.
I'm trapped in that vicious cycle, it only alleviates slightly when I find hope in something. I felt hopeful when I did my tutoring recently & I had a purpose 'cause I was mentoring a child who had an actual impairment. I just wish I had some friends I could visit to relieve the loneliness. Its such a miserable existence when u have no one but ur mother to turn to..
You don't know how lucky you are. You have no job no benefits due to sanctions and yet you still have food in your belly a roof over your head, and the luxury of being able to lie in bed all day. If you aren't happy with your life got off your butt and change it cos no one else is gonna do it for you. Time you stood on your own to feet. I know what it's like to feel so low that I don't wanna get out of bed, or so anxious I'm scared to leave the house, or to have so little self worth that I don't think I deserve anything good in my life, but I want to feel bett).
I know how fortunate I am compared to people who don't even have a home or clean water. That doesn't make a difference to my mind though. I've always felt like I don't identify with anyone. I'm a realist & I've noticed a lot of people with depression share that line of thinkin of seeing through all the bull****.
Ur right though, I bury my head in the sand because I don't know how to ignite that spark. I'm ashamed of myself so I hide away, drowning in my deep insecurities.
And Suzi, I apply for everythin. I want to get into social care but I need more strings to my bow than tutoring. It p***** me off though how people with no experience at all can walk into a job (think).
Jaquaia
12-04-17, 05:56 PM
You won't find friends if you hide yourself away. Contact Mind, see if they have any groups you can attend. Everyone is in the same boat as you so it might be easier knowing people there understand. Look into CBT, it can help change your thinking and enable you to deal with things easier. Also, have a look on fb to see if there are any depression support groups in your local area. A guy near me started one and now they've started having meet ups which are easier as we can all support each other.
Sweetheart, it is so hard to drag yourself up and out of the state you are in, but hunni you've been a member here for a long time, but you haven't actually changed your situation much at all. Go to the jobcentre, get help with your CV, get interview help etc and do it.
You won't find friends if you hide yourself away. Contact Mind, see if they have any groups you can attend. Everyone is in the same boat as you so it might be easier knowing people there understand. Look into CBT, it can help change your thinking and enable you to deal with things easier. Also, have a look on fb to see if there are any depression support groups in your local area. A guy near me started one and now they've started having meet ups which are easier as we can all support each other.
I've shut myself away mostly ever since I was born. For me its not just a passing loneliness, its a loneliness that's persisted with me since I was about 5. Thats why I think there's no hope for me because I'm far beyond repair ;(..
Sweetheart, it is so hard to drag yourself up and out of the state you are in, but hunni you've been a member here for a long time, but you haven't actually changed your situation much at all. Go to the jobcentre, get help with your CV, get interview help etc and do it.
I missed another 2 appointments so thats another 3 months sanction I reckon. Still have to pay my mum £200 a month as well regardless. My mums friend shouted at me the other day, calling me a 'half-wit' a 'lazy b******'. I can't really argue with that tbh, I'm a waste of space with nothin going for me. I remember havin a bit of energy about me in my teens playing football often for instance. Now I'm riddled with fatigue & my mind is clouded with profound despair. If only a superior being could wish away the deep insecurities I have about my mum, my reclusiveness, my lack of prospects. I think I'm close to being free now, thats all I'll say ;(..
Jaquaia
21-04-17, 06:34 AM
So what are you going to do about it? I'm going to be blunt here and I'm genuinely sorry if it offends you, but sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself is not going to help you get better. You need to get yourself back to your doctor, discuss medication and get referred for counselling or CBT. No excuses on why you can't do that. If you want to get better, you will try and find a way. There are loads of meds out there that you can try. Contact MIND like I suggested, see what help they can offer. Try getting out of your room for a bit, even if it's just to sit in the garden for a bit to get some vitamin D. Nothing will change if you do nothing to change it. I know it's hard, but until you say enough is enough and force yourself to do things, nothing will change.
I have to agree with Jaq. You need to get up, get out to the drs and do something positive. Why did you miss the appointments ?
Nothing will change if you do nothing to change it. I know it's hard, but until you say enough is enough and force yourself to do things, nothing will change.
I agree, what's stopping me is my lack of self worth. I'm really self-conscious about being slim & short & on the dole. Even when I workout I don't put weight on. It upsets me so much when I see other guys with girlfriend's, even if they're just friends. It reminds me of everything I've never had.. I've been told I'm a good looking guy but I've been inaccessible my whole life, locked away in my bed cave. I need a shave as well & maybe a stylist (blush).
I have to agree with Jaq. You need to get up, get out to the drs and do something positive. Why did you miss the appointments ?
I over-slept, probably because of my sleep pattern. Right now I'm thinkin why bother when I'm going to be sanctioned for months on end. I've applied for youth work but I need to somehow conjur up some suitable references.
I guess thats positive in a way. I'm still on Setraline, my doctor won't even properly diagnose me. He dismisses me as socially anxious, that's why I'm restricted to 4 types of anti-depressants. I'm classed as 'moderately depressed' even though I've been low for years (think).
Jaquaia
23-04-17, 10:42 PM
Can you see a different doctor? See if there's one with an interest in mental health at your practise?
And I get the lack of self worth. I'm very self-conscious about being short and fat, plus I have a form of alopecia. I've slowly learnt to fake confidence. It does actually work to an extent.
The thing is oversleeping really is a crap excuse for not going...
You aren't going to be able to get references if you spend all day in bed. Get up, find "something" to do - volunteer/ offer to go into schools to help with ta work or listening to readers/ Do you have a local prison? They are always on the lookout for people to help look after babies/younger children on visiting days etc.. To be honest, I think you need to try to apply for anything and everything - doesn't matter if it's stacking shelves, but everything will help to build up a CV and get you a reference....
Right I'm a bit drunk right now with my head ringing like a broken telephone but I feel compelled to indulge you on my night out.
I went out with my brother & cousin, I had about 4 drinks, we met a few familiar faces yada yada. The thing is, I was up dancing all night yet all it did was remind me how uncomfortable an experience the club scene is. Dancing with strangers like a lemon, desperate for these girls to notice me, how sad is that? (blush).
Meanwhile my brother went down a backstreet with 3 girls & it made me feel awful tbh because I'm desperate for that affection that comes so easily for him. Everywhere we went he had beautiful girls giving him attention. At 1 point they told me to sit with their drink whilst they scurried away with him. It made me feel like a spare part, a courier for them to entertain my brother.
It got me out of the house so thats something I guess & its amazing what a few drinks can do to ur energy levels. Its just the same old though, people braggin to me about their wives & kids while I make a t*** of myself on the dancefloor. Oh & I necked my Setraline with a vodka & coke, not sure what effect that will have (think)..
1) That's not affection. There is NOTHING affectionate about a quick shag in a street alleyway. NEVER confuse those two.
2) Drinking on medication is NEVER a good idea.
3) I'm glad you got out. But clubbing is something you've never enjoyed and is a really fake situation for so many reasons.
Right brace yourselves here because I've got quite an interesting update to share with u all.
Ok so where do I start with this one (think).. The past week I feel like I've had some kind of epiphany. Why u say? Simple really, I did some proper socializing for the first time in ages. Last Friday I went to a barbecue. 2 days later I went to a communion party gathering then went town from 2-12 partying. And now I've just come off a 3 day stint camping in the lovely open nature in a friends caravan. Its really opened my mind & for the first time in all my life I have a sudden ambition to learn to drive. And you know what's really interesting? I did all of this after coming off my Setraline. I'm using energy that's been lost in reserve from the suppression of medication.
But here's were it gets a bit dark.. I haven't stopped crying since I quit my pills. I randomly seem to burst into tears uncontrollably, possibly fueled further by alcohol ;(. As bleak as that sounds I'm grateful to be feeling something again. My doctor gave me Mitazipine again to try but right now I'm saying f*** this ^) I want to take control of my life so I'm running free without drugs in my system & it feels f***** liberating tbh.
I've also signed up for a brief taster course at college in health and social. In addition I'm now seeing a counselor every fortnight. What I've opened my mind towards in the past week has been a massive eye opener to me & that's the life I want for good. I want a car, a job in social care, a girlfriend, a wife & my own family. I know I'm playing a very dangerous game right now but if I sit back like a guinea pig and let these doctors feed me I'll never break free from this s*** existence that has been my life purgatory.
My soul is still tortured by deep rooted loneliness but I've seen what life could be like & it could be so much more (panda).
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