View Full Version : Anxiety & Depression Hell..*TRIGGERS*
When you were growing up, what did you want to do for a job?
Go in and ask why things are as they are, ask about promotion prospects too..
They kinda told me before that I'm limited to that role & thyre happy for me to do it (because someones got to do it). I wanna work in mental health anyway or some capacity. It hurts though when no one ever gives u a chance in life, I've even applied for ambulance services, nothing.. No one loves me & no one wants me at their workplace. I'm just a sad individual who may as well not have been born. I'm a waste of a sperm cell (blush)..
If that's how you present yourself then that's all people are going to see... You are worth a huge amount more than that, but you just don't show it or believe it. Do you have any qualifications in mental health? What about experience?
It must be said that you do come across sometimes as someone who does have a really big chip on their shoulder expecting everyone else to do it for you... But if you want it, then get out there and do it. If you want it bad enough then you'll work hard for it.
I assume that when you fill in your application forms/CV etc that you write them in proper English rather than text speak as not everyone can work that out (and I hate text speak lol) and that you present yourself well?
If there are no promotion prospects and its only one day a week then you need to get out.
If you want to work in mental health then look for entry level jobs and see what qualifications are being asked for.
My friend had to work really really hard to get onto a paramedic course.... its not an easy field to get into at all.
If there are no promotion prospects and its only one day a week then you need to get out.
If you want to work in mental health then look for entry level jobs and see what qualifications are being asked for.
My friend had to work really really hard to get onto a paramedic course.... its not an easy field to get into at all.
Thats why I feel so pessimistic because the fields I sorta like are difficult to get into (mental health,literature etc). As a result I resign myself to applyin for places like Asda, McDonald's & even they don't want me! lol (blush).
If that's how you present yourself then that's all people are going to see... You are worth a huge amount more than that, but you just don't show it or believe it. Do you have any qualifications in mental health? What about experience?
It must be said that you do come across sometimes as someone who does have a really big chip on their shoulder expecting everyone else to do it for you... But if you want it, then get out there and do it. If you want it bad enough then you'll work hard for it.
I assume that when you fill in your application forms/CV etc that you write them in proper English rather than text speak as not everyone can work that out (and I hate text speak lol) and that you present yourself well?
ye I do everythin to the letter, I'm good at writin so I can articulate my lack of skills into a targeted format. But ye ur right I'm not independent, people even tie knots for me at work :\. I present myself rather timidly but thats who I am, I don't wanna be a manipulative p**** just to fit in & lick the managers butt.
Sorry for the personal questions, but what's your highest level of qualification, eg. gcse, a-level, degree?
Please don't use unsavoury comments like that. It's not a one off and you've been warned before about how you phrase your posts.
If you're articulate, why can't you show us that side of you here?
I didn't question your independence... I questioned your use of text speak, how you present yourself as in dress code, and the fact that you seem to believe that everything should just be handed to you. You need to get up and work for it yourself...
people even tie knots for me at work
sorry, what does this bit mean?
I didn't question your independence... I questioned your use of text speak, how you present yourself as in dress code, and the fact that you seem to believe that everything should just be handed to you. You need to get up and work for it yourself...
I don't 'feel' anythin for any corporation, we're all robots in this society programmed to do as society tells us. I wish I wasn't such a realistic because then I wouldn't be depressed. Depressed people see the world for what it is & thats what creates the apathy; a disconnect from those who blindly follow. Makin a better life means conformin to this disillusioned percieved 'norm'. Indifference isn't celebrated its frowned upon by these 'robots' who think their 'robotic' nature is the way we all should be in life.
[QUOTE=rose;175415]sorry, what does this bit mean?[/QUOTE
tiein binbags, aprons, shoelace etc, I struggle with basic essentials (blush)..
Sorry, but rubbish. I am a sunny, outgoing, bubbly person yet I suffer from depression. It has nothing to do with my temperament and everything to do with being ill. And I am not a robot - I am my own, perfectly imperfect person. Being disillusioned has nothing to do with depression.
Does the difficulty with tieing things come from a condition you have?
I'm not a robot either. I am not apathetic and yet I believe I see things as they are.....
You can't tie a knot?
I dunno guys, I'm too emotionally imbalanced to even think straight.. I can't even cry properly anymore but I'm cryin so much inside. My eyes are constantly welling though :(. I applied for 10 jobs today but its done nothin to shift this emotional imbalance. I'm always on the POF datin site & every1 just ignores my hard thought messages. How do u even begin to retrieve a balanced mindset?. And yes I'm still takin Setraline 100 & yes I've tried many other AD types..
POF is soul destroying for even those who are well. I think you need to concentrate on getting well before you turn to looking at a relationship - particularly when you're looking at dating sites where it's brutal. A balanced mindset takes time, often therapy, and focussing on that without distractions of looking for a girlfriend. If I thought your illness had any real relevance with your single status, I might say differently, but I think it is much more about your own self worth - which comes from within, not from how others see you. I'm not sure if this makes sense, so forgive me if it doesn't btw
Btw thank you for taking Suzi's comments on board concerning your text speech
I try & distract myself as best I can from my lonely thoughts but its really difficult when I'm seein my brother with his gf 24/7 (who may as well live here..). And when I'm at work & out of the house I'm surrounded by girls I really like yet r uninterested. I can't escape from these dark thoughts at all. 'Normal' people have no idea what its like to be without friends, to be without love. We're social beings we all need that sense of community. I'm not seein a therapist so its even more unlikely that my wellbein will improve. I've had that many & they just rightly gave up on me :(.
Thank you so much for no more text speak! I'm really grateful!
Have you asked these girls out at all? Or are you just assuming that they are uninterested?
I understand that you feel you're in a unique position. But I can say that,when I was in my first, 'challenging' marriage, I couldn't let anyone in and I've never been so lonely as I was then. I went to work, I came home. I pushed my friends away and wasn't loved in my marriage. Normal doesn't exist and most of us have felt emotions such as loneliness, bitterness, lack of hope at some point or another in our lives - maybe not in the exact way you have for some of us (though for others in a very similar way). What I'm trying to say is, it's not what is thrown at us that defines us, it's what we do with it. You have a choice to accept this, or change. And I really believe you have the strength to change your life completely.
I've never asked suzi because there's always masculine lads circlin round these girls. These guys are vain & constantly makin stupid sex jokes yet these girls give them attention. I think some do like me but thy're very coy, its toyin with my depression this false hope. 1 said 'r u comin to the psrty 2night', I said no & she replied 'come, ask me out'. It sounds like sarcasm though.. Saturdays r the WORST because every1s out with their friends. I wish I had friends, I can make acquaintances but never friends that hang out together, it hurts so much, I can't even begin to put into words .. I've switched my Setraline back to Citalopram 20m what I originally started with. I've come full circle, if only they worked (think)..
Was it your Dr who changed your meds?
What about therapy? Why not just ask one of them out? Maybe they don't want to be around the others all the time?
You were asked to a party so you DO have friends?
ye my doctor changed them, I'm waitin for cognitive therapy. I feel that because I'm not loud & big like the others that I can't compete. They sing a lot in public because they think that somehow gives them a 'great personality'. I hate this sexually driven society so much, everyone is so needy its bloody ridiculous. I really want to break free from this spell that women subconsciously have over me. Its not healthy for the mind to be thinkin about sex all the time. Its that stressful that I can't even go about my day unless I've relieved my thoughts from such erotic fantasies (blush)..
My husband wasn't loud when I met him and fell in love with him.... It's not all sexually driven at all. I think that's just your perception of it.
I don't think I know anyone who's sexually driven and needy as you're describing - not since I was surrounded by hormonal teenage boys at school. And singing in public is fun, I sing all the time. And, believe me, it's not because I want people to think I have a great personality - it just feels me with joy. Suzi's right, your perception of other people seems to be somewhat distorted .....
well can u blame me, my workplace has tainted this perception, every week for 5 years feelin like ur at a party where ur not wanted.. I'm friendly to every1 at work yet I'm treated like an outsider. I think bein dark skinned has somewhat to do with it because they kinda categorize me in the 'foreigner clique'. I treat every1 equal, its no coincidence I get on with the introverts the most. They seem the most caring, interestin people from my experience. The majority are self-absorbed & tend to cater to the 'jack the lad' stereotype. Society doesn't gel with 'indifference' as I've said many times. Social Anxiety & depression is indifferent to the percieved 'norm'.
You think it's because of the colour of your skin?
If your workplace is so bad then are you continuing to look for something else?
I've got out more this week & socialised & feel a bit better for it (well in the garden at least (blush)..). Today though has been a bit controversial because my brother hit his gf & strangled her. I've told every1 how much I hate him & how he creates a bad atmosphere when we're all together. I made him burst in2 tears with a comment about his dad & now every1 feels sorry for him again.. I'm the only 1 who calls his behaviour out but my mum always gives in2 him despite what he does. His gf is a nice person yet he hits her, its messed up :(:..
Is she still in the house? Have you talked to her about it?
Is she still in the house? Have you talked to her about it?
ye she stays over every day putting up with his aggression. He's addicted to weed & they both have ADHD. Its his 18th soon & I've told my mum I can't celebrate with some1 I simply don't like. I only put up with him because of my mum who loves him. He makes every social gathering really uncomfortable with his thuggish ways.
I really hope that she is able to see what is wrong and walks away from him...
I really hope that she is able to see what is wrong and walks away from him...
She's blinded by love suzi, she even says 'I'm really glad I forgave him'. After he's done somethin bad he puts on the waterworks & then everythin is forgotten. Or buys her some flowers.. My mums just as gulluble with him, hes a good manipulator I'll give him that. Like I said previously its not easy livin with him but I'm stuck because I dont wanna move out away from my mum ^)..
Why don't you want to move away from your mum? Are you worried about her?
I never push him too far because I know what he can do. He pulled a knife out the draw the last time I got really under his skin. He's toxic but people are scared to confront him so they give him attention & say how cute he is..
Can I ask you to remind me how old you are?
Can I ask you to remind me how old you are?
I'm 25, he's 18. I would move out if I had a career that would facilitate the rent but I'd feel more lonely tbh, so its either put up or shut up. My mum has a fella but even he's intimidated by him! (blush). Every1 who chills at my house are nice people, its just him, he spoils everythin..
He sounds like a horrible boy and I wonder if the next time he becomes violent it might be prudent to call the police. His behaviour needs stopping in its tracks.
He sounds like a horrible boy and I wonder if the next time he becomes violent it might be prudent to call the police. His behaviour needs stopping in its tracks.
ye its downright abuse at times. Its an awkward situation because if I ever reported him my mum would be in bits, I don't think I could live with that guilt. His dad never looks after him, he doesn't even give my mum support for him..
Abuse? Waving a knife at someone is illegal and trying to strangle someone is assault at least. Your mum needs to face facts that part of parenting is being firm. Talk to her.
But if no one stands up to him then he'll never learn that it's wrong and not appropriate.
its excused as 'he'll grow out of it'.. Anyway back to the thread, I'm sure u guys know full well how easy it is to slip back in2 a dark depression. I'm wandering what u've learned to consistently keep it at bay. I've felt better this past week through a combination of sittin in the garden more, arrangin some more voluntary & an advocacy course, played my 1st football match in years with old friends & oc my citalopram which I think has helped.
I'm still a recluse oc & deep depression is still waitin in the shadows. Pro-activity breeds hope, depression is always there, is consistent pro-activity the only way to combat it? :8).
Looking out for signs that you're slipping I think is key. And then you can stop it in its tracks, or know to give yourself a break.
Sitting in the garden is good for the soul as far as I'm concerned (wasn't that the point of the story 'The Secret Garden'?)
Doing more work and seeing friends is exactly what you ought to be doing to help so I am glad you are doing it :)
My children once asked me how often I get depressed. I told them I'm always depressed, it's just sometimes I manage it better. That applies to me, I hasten to add, and not to everybody but I hope it's a good illustration that looking after yourself, watching for signs of a slip and adjusting your lifestyle when needed can help keep a crisis at bay. It doesn't always work, I'm not going to pretend otherwise, but it does work enough to make it worth the effort of trying. I feel like I'm rambling so I'm sorry if I don't make sense (blush)
My children once asked me how often I get depressed. I told them I'm always depressed, it's just sometimes I manage it better. That applies to me, I hasten to add, and not to everybody but I hope it's a good illustration that looking after yourself, watching for signs of a slip and adjusting your lifestyle when needed can help keep a crisis at bay. It doesn't always work, I'm not going to pretend otherwise, but it does work enough to make it worth the effort of trying. I feel like I'm rambling so I'm sorry if I don't make sense (blush)
Paula when u say watch for signs & adjust how is that possible when u have to face that trigger on a weekly basis. My workplace & its peer group triggers my depression really bad. I can be relatively fine all week then as soon as I'm around those people & girls that mess with my head it sends my self esteem plumeting. I'm uncomfortable with the majority 'clique' there & the girls keep givin me mixed signals (flirt with me thn some1 else straight after). Its so frustration especially when u've never had a gf.. And now I'm gonna drink the night away now in town & feel 10X more depressed & anxious (doh)..
I think somehow you have to find the mental strength to stop these being triggers. I wonder if these girls really are flirting with you. I wonder if they're just being nice and pleasant and you're seeing it a different way - that particularly seems more likely when you say they constantly move on to others and flirting. Most women don't do that, I promise. Most women will be kind and pleasant to the people they work with and have daily contact with because it makes life easier and often because they're genuinely nice.
Sweetheart why haven't you asked any of them out on a date?
I think you need to change job.
And I am pretty sure that those girls aren't openly flirting with every guy there. And if they are, then they are doing it to everybody and its not personal.
I'll never understand until the day I die why women love these thugs. It were my brothers 18th 2night & it was an absolute train-wreck. He smashed up bar windows, threatened his gf & racist to the bouncers. Even threatened to stab a guy who flirted with his gf. I told them to take it easy but there's no reasoning with an aggressive drunk. Yet after all this she continues to forgive him & say how cute he is the nxt day. I'm done with this bs, I've got my own demons to tackle :(:..
Thing is until someone stands up to him or reports him and he is arrested then he will continue to do the same.
How old is his girlfriend?
she's 17, they both have ADHD & it shows, constantly seekin attention. Today they're 'normal' like last nights serious aggression never happened. I remember gettin in 2 strangers car with my cousin 'because it was cold' then he drove so fast we could hav gone through the windscreen!. Never again am I goin out with my brother. I forgot my tablet as well & I'm back to feelin low now through that toxic alcohol (& I only had 3 (blush)..).
She is 17, that's quite young really, perhaps she thinks true love is all about standing by your man. I used to think that when I was 17. She probably needs some girlfriends around her to open her eyes.
Surely if he broke windows, and threatened someone with a knife the police should have been called?
And Rose is right, at 17 I got engaged and married at 19 to someone who was not good to me, and I couldn't see it at all
she's 17, they both have ADHD & it shows, constantly seekin attention. Today they're 'normal' like last nights serious aggression never happened. I remember gettin in 2 strangers car with my cousin 'because it was cold' then he drove so fast we could hav gone through the windscreen!. Never again am I goin out with my brother. I forgot my tablet as well & I'm back to feelin low now through that toxic alcohol (& I only had 3 (blush)..).
I don't buy the ADHD as an "excuse" for aggression or just being a total knob. I've enough experience in that field to know that there are different types of ADHD - some real and proper and some which are there, but being stricter would help enough....
I think you all need to stand up to him..
I don't buy the ADHD as an "excuse" for aggression or just being a total knob. I've enough experience in that field to know that there are different types of ADHD - some real and proper and some which are there, but being stricter would help enough....
I think you all need to stand up to him..
I stand my ground with him but there's no reasonin with an aggressive drunk. I'm a weak person, I've had 1 fight in my life so I avoid conflict like the plague. Its pathetic really, thats why I speak my mind to compensate for my physical shortcomings. My mums weak as well due to her Lupus & his dad doesn't give a (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)..
Tbh though I just wanna forget about him because him, his dodgy mates & his annoyin relationship are detrimental. Its challengin puttin up with this stuff, havin couples in ur face 24/7, at home/around clubs.. Just when u finally make progress it shoots ur low self esteem back lower. Depression & anxiety are really sensitive like that. U guys on here know all too well how tough it is tryin to prevent triggers that remind u why ur depressed (mines loneliness, self-worth etc).
sedgejane
30-04-15, 05:30 PM
I agree with the others, you don't stop anti depressant without the advice of your GP. They come with their own problems but sometimes you have to try a new drug to find what suits. I did.
Your Mum has Lupus? (panda) for you and her. It's a horrible illness. I think that you sound as if your heart is in the right place, but honestly if he kicks off like that again call the police. He can't be allowed to be violent around your Mum too...
I think that you just need to be told that you are worth it and you are a good person and handed an opportunity... But please stop the text speak! I'm too old and not got enough spoons (do you/your mum know of the spoon theory?) to work it out tonight! :)
my self-esteem has been so low all my life, I feel inadequate with my short height & skinny physique. A lot of extrovert types speak to me like I'm a baby due to my inferior social status. For 5+ years I've been so frustrated with myself after work knowin I haven't made progress with any of the girls. My anxiety just loves to remind me how much I fail with women *sigh* (think).. I'm doin more voluntary with another mental health community just to try & subside this desperate desire that haunts me. We're human, we need love & affection just like every1 else. Its not normal to have never had these basic needs of wellbeing, especially as a red-blooded male (doh)..
I am not really sure work is the place to be looking for a girlfriend?
I think ur right rose but its the only peer circle I'm a part of. Home lifes rather hostile at the moment with my brother who is a threat to every1 in my house. Every1 feels scared to disagree with him because he lashes out, he broke his wrist again 2day after punchin a bin. He's a paranoid psycho ragin at his gf for wearin certain clothin. She's gorgeous with a lovely personality & then there's him.. She said she feels safe around me. My mums terrified of what he'll do next. U can tell just by his eyes how aggressive he is, fuelled by paranoia from his weed addiction(shake)..
Your brother really needs help.
Sadly the only way that he's going to get any help is if someone reports him or stands up to him. The more he gets away with it then the more he will do it...
I wanted to slap some co-workers today at work, the way some of them speak to me & patronise me because I'm not in the little 'clique' makes me so annoyed.. 1 big girl was like 'WHY DID U MAKE A BIG HOLE IN THE SOAP DISPENSER UR SUPPOSED TO DO IT THIS WAY'. I work my ass of there cookin, cleanin, liftin heavy stuff etc. These people are so passive aggressive towards the 'outsiders'. They look really miserable & act moody towards any1 thats quite indifferent to their little 'circle'. I blame the western culture to be honest :(:..
Are you sure they weren't just trying to help? I think that it's wrong that you felt you wanted to "slap some co-workers"....
In what way do you blame the "Western culture"?
Clearly that job is no good for you at all. Stop living with your triggers and start figuring out how to get away from them.
Are you sure they weren't just trying to help? I think that it's wrong that you felt you wanted to "slap some co-workers"....
In what way do you blame the "Western culture"?
I'm just really fed up suzi with my social situation in general.. Like I said be4 on here I'm openly friendly to every1 yet many people there only speak to me when they want somethin doin for them. I always leave there with my back aching but I seem to get a lot of dismissive behavior.. Also some girls there are 1 minute playful with me then the next moody with me. I wish every1 in this world would be simply upfront & not p*** around with peoples emotions. Other cultures are more relaxed & treat every1 like family, they're not as uptight as ours. 'Slappin some1' was a figure of speech, I just like ventin in a controlled environment (smoke).
Can you remind me of what you do?
Also some girls there are 1 minute playful with me then the next moody with me. Other cultures are more relaxed & treat every1 like family, they're not as uptight as ours.
Are you sure the girls aren't reacting to your own responses? You've generalised women a lot in what you talk about and I can assure you that we don't all flirt and then turn moody, we aren't teases. there are a very small minority of women who may act like that, just like there are a very small minority of men who treat women badly.
And wrt cultures, again you're generalising. Additionally, people are people the world over - Japan, for instance, has a reputation of a 'family' culture, yet have some of the biggest companies in the world - and I very much doubt that these companies have that culture. North Korea is not part of western culture and yet is ruled with an iron rod. Our country, imo, is not particularly uptight, I see and hear of good, caring and kindness every day.
Perhaps I'm basin my view on people I see in nightclubs & at my work. Abroad u could walk across a street & be offered a cup of coffee from a stranger. Today for example I said 'Hello amy are u alright?', her reply was 'ye..' in a quite dismissive tone. Not just today though, for 5+ years I''ve felt ostracized from the main focal social group as have other workers. We're civil in terms of workin together but personally we're irrelevant to them. They're quite conceited actually. I may be insecure, anxious, depressed etc but I always ask people how they're doin even strangers. I work part time in fast food Suzi.
Erm hunni, people are very different when they are sober and not in a nightclub! Really hunni, chances are she didn't really want to be at work today and the "yeah" had very little to do with anything....
Erm hunni, people are very different when they are sober and not in a nightclub!
ye I've noticed that, people seem like some 'plastic' version of themselves when they're out. I've just returned myself from a busy pub & it was just a miserable experience for me. Watchin from the sidelines as strangers dance & I sip my bitterly disgusting lager. These bars really trigger my depression & loneliness. I've found that u really have to be in the mood but with depression ur never in the mood. People ask me to go out with thm like my vile brother who gets girls approachin him & sayin how gorgeous he is with his Zayne 1D stylin.. My self-esteem is fragile as it is without this s*** thrown in my face .
Then don't go ......
I don't usually.. I've only been out about 4 times this year. Alcohols best avoided with depression, problem is depression doesn't go away & I can't be a hermit all my life. I've noticed a little simple cycle with my depression, the key is to try & sustain a positive movement >
Pro-activity towards insecurities = Better mood = More positive social interactions
In-activity towards insecurities = Bad mood = Worse social interactions
Do you have any hobbies or interests that could get you socialising with like minded people?
How about bowling? or sports or going to the gym where you can meet people ?
You don't have to go out to clubs to meet people. What about something like amateur dramatics? Even if you don't like acting, there are always stage hand jobs or something? Do you sing? What about a choir? What about sports?
Did you say people ask you to go out with them? If so, why don't you go?
Well I'm gonna do some more voluntary at another mental health service as a project support worker. I've asked someone out for a drink on facebook to which she said 'ye maybe' but she doesn't talk on the phone so I don't know how I would meet her :\.. My anxiety is really bad right now, nothing good ever happens to me. I'm extremely insecure & worry about the worst outcome because the worst is 'norm' for me (think)..
If that's how you feel, but you still managed to ask the question.. then you are actually doing pretty well at social interaction even if you don't feel like it. And whether any one person responds how you would like or not, at least the people you would want in your life will respond at some point.
Well done for asking her out, even though you feel anxious about things, and well done for sorting the voluntary work.
To me, that's really positive! Well done :)
I think it sounds positive too!!
Thanks lol. I'm curious though (not in that way (blush)), aren't we supposed to love ourselves 1st before we can be loved by others?. Or add value to ourselves 1st?. I ask because I lack self-worth & I'm aware that true love with thyself is of upmost priority.
Sometimes, the right person can teach you to love yourself
Sometimes, the right person can teach you to love yourself
U may be right Paula. We're havin positive chats on fb but she refuses to talk on the phone because she's shy so I'm not sure how I can meet her. She would prob feel awkward if we just met without talkin & back-out. I've been there & got the t-shirt.. I'm also aware that other men will be chasin her, women are like hot cakes, they're only on the market for so long :s.
Only 'on the market' so long?!!
I am quite shy about talking on the phone, but ok in person, so maybe she will be the same. You are chatting on fb, is that where you met?
Talk to her more on fb and see where it leads!
Only 'on the market' so long?!!
I am quite shy about talking on the phone, but ok in person, so maybe she will be the same. You are chatting on fb, is that where you met?
talkin by voice I meant rose & ye a lot of people are uncomfortable talkin to a stranger by phone, I see it as an ice-breaker though. I'm not sure how people meet through just text speak?. And Suzi I've had reasonably lengthy chats with her, I'm scared i'll come across as a stalker if I chat too much on facebook, I don't know if theres a limit.
.. I'm also aware that other men will be chasin her, women are like hot cakes, they're only on the market for so long :s.
Really? We're not cattle, and do remember that she will see who she wants to see, regardless of who is 'chasing her'.
I have met people in RL that I met online and didn't chat on the phone beforehand.
well its not happenin anyway, nothin new there. I left it a day without textin on facebook & asked her earlier whats she doin on weekend. No response. She's even 'seen' it. I met my brothers gf mate today & she said she liked my t-shirt but was very shy & left without givin me her facebook. I'd rather people just be up-front, can't be doin with all this 'actin coy' business..
Only a day? Give her a chance!
And the other girl really might have been shy! Just because she liked your t-shirt, it doesn't mean she has to be your mate on facebook!
Sometimes I wonder about how you perceive other people, you seem to be quite angry and think everyone is messing you around.
Only a day? Give her a chance!
And the other girl really might have been shy! Just because she liked your t-shirt, it doesn't mean she has to be your mate on facebook!
Sometimes I wonder about how you perceive other people, you seem to be quite angry and think everyone is messing you around.
That shy girl has a bf anyway & she was starin at me awkward when I asked her about college etc. I can't help my awkward demeanor, its just not in line with the 'cool kids' who love to smoke pot & twerk to reggae dance. I'm into beatles for instance, doesn't really gel ^). My hooded thug tattooed brother is perfect for them because younger girls love a man with 'swag'. A thug makes them feel protected. I'm always told i'm 'a good lad', unfortunately its got me nowhere..
Then why we're expecting her to give you her fb details when she has a boyfriend? And I agree with Rose, you seem to think the world's against you. I wonder whether it's that anger that puts women off, not your height
You are 25. You can listen to the Beatles, to Reggae, to Classic FM if you want, you don't need to worry about being 'cool', stop worrying about what your teenage brother is up to, or trying to flirt with his teenage female friends, who really are too young for you! When I was 18, my mate's boyfriend's 25 year old brother wouldn't have even known I existed, let alone been trying to add me on facebook. Not all girls are relentless teases, in fact very few of them are. Please concentrate on trying to build your own social group and getting yourself a job so you can move out of home and make your own life.
Then why we're expecting her to give you her fb details when she has a boyfriend? And I agree with Rose, you seem to think the world's against you. I wonder whether it's that anger that puts women off, not your height
That was before I knew. She has about a million facebook likes, a loser like myself doesn't stand a chance with such royalty. I'm never angry to any1, I just vent on here thats all. Surely u can understand how frustrating it is never havin a relationship or friends even. Its much different for u women because u have options presented to u where as men compete like rabid dogs.
Ur perception differs greatly. I'm tryin to develop myself instead of thinkin about women but its really challengin. I'm aware how un-healthy it is to have these desires play on my mind (porn doesn't help either). Thats why I'm tryin to channel that energy into more creative means like my voluntary for instance.
Erm, porn isn't going to help you to not feel lonely, or to help you feel better about yourself though.
stop worrying about what your teenage brother is up to
its hard rose when he swans around the house half naked with his beautiful gf blaring his s***** grime actin the 'bad man'. He smokes weed 24/7, there's no escapin him. Oh & his gf loves to remind him & every1 how 'sexy' he is :(:..
I think that his GF needs her head read!
Look love. To put it bluntly if you are going to continually compare yourself to everyone else you are going to come off badly - either because you think you are better than they are or that they are better than you - either isn't particularly attractive. If you want to have a relationship then that's fine, but you have to push past all your comfort zones and get out there and meet different people. If you want to meet a young lady who is different to those your brother appears to be attracting then get out to different places than he would frequent..
its hard rose when he swans around the house half naked with his beautiful gf blaring his s***** grime actin the 'bad man'. He smokes weed 24/7, there's no escapin him. Oh & his gf loves to remind him & every1 how 'sexy' he is :(:..
While it's no excuse, they're both teenagers and it's a known fact that teenagers, particularly boys, are usually idiots.
I think that his GF needs her head read!
Look love. To put it bluntly if you are going to continually compare yourself to everyone else you are going to come off badly - either because you think you are better than they are or that they are better than you - either isn't particularly attractive. If you want to have a relationship then that's fine, but you have to push past all your comfort zones and get out there and meet different people. If you want to meet a young lady who is different to those your brother appears to be attracting then get out to different places than he would frequent..
What p**** me off suzi is that my mum constantly defends & lies for this scumbag. Ur right I need relief from this toxic environment, I've said before that college is where I've met like-minded people, unfortunately with the tories still in power tuition fees aren't gettin any lower.
Well, sod the tories, they are here to stay for a bit longer so you should do what you want to do!
Then do what I had to, get a job and loans ;) Hunni, what about training on the job kind of jobs?
I need to explore my interests more suzi & well said rose!. I'm sick of feelin kinda 'hopeful' 1 day then the next feelin completely demoralised. This week iv been rejected off so many women. 1 even invited me round for a takeaway & then all of a sudden said she 'has to fly to wales tomorrow to see her ill grandparents'. And now I've ran out of citalopram until I order. *Sigh* some1 just plz put me out of my misery :(..
Why have you not sorted your prescription? That's not going to help at all...
In what way have you,
been rejected off so many women How many and in what way have you been rejected?
Are you sure that she didn't have to get to Wales to see ill grandparents?
Are you meeting these girls online? If so, you should NEVER go to their house as a first meet. Always meet in a public place.
Why have you not sorted your prescription? That's not going to help at all...
In what way have you, How many and in what way have you been rejected?
Are you sure that she didn't have to get to Wales to see ill grandparents? [/COLOR]
I swear this week I think I've broken the record for the most rejections ever! (blush). Facebook, POF etc. I think that 1 was a legitimate reason for turnin me down. Others though like 1 girl I was on the phone to was very abrupt & said 'no I'm in bed, u dnt where I live anyway.. BYE'. This was after she agreed to see me on facebook & sounded cool. She looked a bit rough from her pics (like she was on drugs) so I was kinda wary of that. Just really weird..
Are you meeting these girls online? If so, you should NEVER go to their house as a first meet. Always meet in a public place.
The latter girl wanted me to go hers then walk mine, it was an unknown area. I think the lesson here is to not let personal desires cloud ur judgement..
My friend has been on POF on and off for a few years. Believe me, this iss exactly the same sort of thing she's experienced. You're not alone in that. She's decided not to use POF again, and if she does go on a dating site, it'll be one you pay for as that weeds out the chaff itms
You sound like you are just asking any female you come into contact with! You really do need to try to see women as people, not as objects...
You sound like you are just asking any female you come into contact with! You really do need to try to see women as people, not as objects...
I'll hold my hands up, this week I acted that way with the latter girl out of pure desperation. Every other girl though I've spoken to I've asked them about their studyin, family life etc. All i've ever been is respectful & understanding to people, what more can I do!. U may assume that based on ur perception but not all men are game-players, if anythin the 'game' revolves around the woman because we're the chasers.
I think that maybe you should focus on getting you better, before you are too busy "playing the game"...
I've not assumed all men are game players, ever. I was raised by a gentleman, and am married to a gentleman. My 17 yo daughter has a lot of male friends, who will always ensure the girls in their group are walked home, and treat them with respect. The one constant with these men, young or old, is that they don't objectify the women they meet
If I was all these things ur makin out would I have had a deep conversation with a girl about her spine disorder? or waited in a guys dingy flat till the early hours with my cousin to ensure her safety?. My brothers gf says I'm like her big brother because she feels safe around me. Just because I lack the confidence of those men paula doesnt mean I think with my d***. I genuinely care & want a soulmate
We aren't making out that you are anything lovely, we are just saying that not all men are as your portray them. Not all women are game players either.. You will find someone, but you do need to work on getting you and your Mum safe from your brother and getting yourself a job that you like and working on your own self esteem.
I am quite sure that you are one of the "good guys", but sometimes you come across quite sleazy in your attitude towards women and young men your age... I know it's hard, but try not to judge by your brother and his gf....
Are we free to post on here as much as we like?. I know its ur duty of care as administrators but I'm still wary that u must be sick of listening to peoples issues. I try to articulate my struggles as best I can because I know theres people out there who are exactly like me. My mums friend said the reason im like this is because I'm stuck in my room watchin porn lol (blush).. I've gotta wait till Thurs now to get my citalopram which is annoyin because its like I'm startin again after a full week out my system..
purplefan
18-05-15, 02:11 PM
Hi SA89 you are free to post how you feel without offending or using obscene language that would offend people. I have had experience of citalopram and it is not an over night cure. You have to be patient and work with your Doctors. i would not watch porn as it can have a detrimental affect on how you think. There are a lot of people on here who can help you but you have to stop generalizing. As suzi said "You will find someone" but i think you need to focus on YOu first.
Are we free to post on here as much as we like?. I know its ur duty of care as administrators but I'm still wary that u must be sick of listening to peoples issues. I try to articulate my struggles as best I can because I know theres people out there who are exactly like me. My mums friend said the reason im like this is because I'm stuck in my room watchin porn lol (blush).. I've gotta wait till Thurs now to get my citalopram which is annoyin because its like I'm startin again after a full week out my system..
You are free to post as much as you like, and it's not our duty to post or listen, we post and listen and do our best to support each and every member here because we care and we want to.
As for your mum's friend how on eath do they know what you do in the privacy of your own room? which is your choice.
You really do have to order your repeat prescriptions so that you get them before you run out
I'm just in a toxic environment at the moment guys with my brother. I swear I'm gonna end up snappin & t****** this b******. I don't know how to fight so I'm not sure how it would go. Probably end with him pullin out the kitchen knife like last time..
I think you need a very frank and honest chat with your mum about what you both agree is acceptable from your brother and what is not. He might be 18 but only just, he is a child really, he needs some very firm parenting and guidance.
If you are afraid of him and he continues to misbehave then maybe he needs to move out.
I think you need a very frank and honest chat with your mum about what you both agree is acceptable from your brother and what is not. He might be 18 but only just, he is a child really, he needs some very firm parenting and guidance.
If you are afraid of him and he continues to misbehave then maybe he needs to move out.
Its sad really that as a 25 yr old man, a teenager angers me this much. I need to really focus on myself as u guys have suggested because I'm riddled with so much insecurities. I don't love myself at all, why should I if I've never experienced love in any form, not even true family love.
My mums no use rose (shes also called rose (nod)), every1 panders towards him & gives this vile abusive piece of s*** the attention he wants. For some reason people EVEN like him, what f***** planet am I acrually on here!? ^)..
Several things:
1) Yes you can post for free as much as you feel you want/need to.
2) No one is under any "duty" to read or reply to any thread or post. The only person who has read (and generally replied to) every post is me.
3) Anyone who feels that it's ok to pull a knife out on anyone needs to be reported to the police and so they can get the help they need.
4) Porn is generally not a good thing to do. It's not going to help you with loneliness at all.
5) You need to sort something out regarding your meds. Most pharmacies will sort a repeat prescription service hun, so really there is no reason that you should be running out - especially with a weeks break. That isn't ever going to help you at all...
Several things:
1) Yes you can post for free as much as you feel you want/need to.
2) No one is under any "duty" to read or reply to any thread or post. The only person who has read (and generally replied to) every post is me.
3) Anyone who feels that it's ok to pull a knife out on anyone needs to be reported to the police and so they can get the help they need.
4) Porn is generally not a good thing to do. It's not going to help you with loneliness at all.
5) You need to sort something out regarding your meds. Most pharmacies will sort a repeat prescription service hun, so really there is no reason that you should be running out - especially with a weeks break. That isn't ever going to help you at all...
Ur like a cyber mother on here suzi lol. My mum picked my prescription up today, I ran out last thurs. I really admire how supportive people are on here, I don't know if all depression sites r this way but I appreciate this sites community. I only watch porn every other day otherwise it hurts & I don't want my balls to turn purple. When its 'porn' day though I can't go about my day until I've released those lustful thoughts. Its like a drug in that sense in how u need to have that fix..
This is just my opinion, I have never been a 25 year old man, but I don't think that wanting to pleasure yourself every day is all that unusual! You're a young man in his prime... sounds kind of normal to me!!!
WRT your brother I can only really suggest two things
1) Everyone around you is blind to how he is
2) He isn't as bad as you think he is
Which do you think it is?
People only speak to me when they want somethin. I'm sick of this workplace man, I just can't relate to the majority at all. I can't be myself around these 'cliques', I'm percieved as some socially awkward alien.. I can't even get 1 friend to hang out with.. They brag about how 'fit their birds are' & flash their bulgin biceps. I could have a reasonably hopeful week yet when I step foot in this slavepit my self-esteem & what little value I have of myself shoots right back down. And rose, i'd say thyre 'somewhat blind'.
I do find it hard to believe they're all like that. Tbh, there's not that many men with bulging biceps other than in a film, if nothing else .....
theyre all nice people but I just don't fit in, its hard to explain, this is why I hate text speak because I can't accurately convey my frustrations. Like iv said before its like bein at a party where ur not invited, every single week for over 5 years.. I get on with the quieter 1s just fine, I'm really confident around them, like u would never tell that I have social anxiety. Around the more assured personalaties I freeze up, my heart races & depression sinks in again. I feel inferior to them because of their high social lives. Fast food is a highly sociable environment, it doesn't gel with my awkwardness at all..
If you don't like text speak then why use it?
Are you still trying to find something different?
I feel ugly & unloved regardless whether I do somethin new. I hate my pelican nose, my skinny frame & my hobbit height. I've already began my new voluntary admin & already im thinkin 'why.. why am I doin this..'. I envy guys at work that have gfs, I've been single & insecure since childbirth. My brothers gf is f***** annoyin as well, shoutin round the house how she has c** stained in her knickers ^)..
maybe you could be a bit more thoughtful about what other people might want to read, your last post was really distasteful, and if you really need to say things like that you could do it more privately.
and if your home life is so dysfunctional you are a grown up - take responsibility and move.
I feel ugly & unloved regardless whether I do somethin new. I hate my pelican nose, my skinny frame & my hobbit height. I've already began my new voluntary admin & already im thinkin 'why.. why am I doin this..'. I envy guys at work that have gfs, I've been single & insecure since childbirth. My brothers gf is f***** annoyin as well, shoutin round the house how she has c** stained in her knickers ^)..
You have been reminded on several occasions about your offensive posts. You may have 'starred' some letters out but that does not take away the meaning behind your words. It's disgusting and completely unacceptable.
SA89 Your use of asterisks is not acceptable or is the language you use. You have been warned on many occasions. This is your last warning before I take further action. You are not here as a given right, and I will not have such disgusting use of such misogynistic phrases or such demeaning comments any more. I am also sending this message to you as a PM. I will ban you if you ignore me again.
SA89 Your use of asterisks is not acceptable or is the language you use. You have been warned on many occasions. This is your last warning before I take further action. You are not here as a given right, and I will not have such disgusting use of such misogynistic phrases or such demeaning comments any more. I am also sending this message to you as a PM. I will ban you if you ignore me again.
Sorry, I thought blankin swearin was ok compared to spacin it out, I wasn't aware swearing was forbidden full stop. In my last post I quoted my brothers gf for a reason, I'm as disgusted as u are with what she said. How is that misogynistic when I was quotin her?. U warned me before about apparently being demeanin & I've been respectable ever since. How did I ignore ur warnings if I took all that on board? u guys even thanked me for doin so! (blush).
You did, but then you slipped back into text speak. I don't think that it's just the swearing, it's the tone of your posts - the aggression, the way that you are using phrases which are just not appropriate.
I think perhaps rather than discussing things in detail - ie what your brothers girlfriend was saying - you could just say that she was being disgusting or offensive rather than sharing those words with us as sometimes its not necessary to have the words as exactly they are said.
I think you really need to sort out your situation; get a full-time job and get your own place away from your brother.
Your brother's girlfriend sounds pretty gross. Pretty much every post I hear your frustration about your living situation, I really think if you can fix that you'll feel loads better.
everythin is centred around my social life frustrations rose, If I moved out i'd be even more lonely away from my mum.. I've felt anxious since childbirth (bein alone on school breaks etc..). Every1 around me keeps tellin me 'u need a girl in ur life, wen r u gettin a gf, what u gonna do with ur life..'. I'm sick of it (think)..
Samantha340
31-05-15, 06:40 AM
I don't think a girlfriend is the answer to your problems. You need to change. As said before, move out. Away from your brother. Get your own place. Go and see your mother once a day if you are really close, invite her to your new place. Join a club to build your social life. Be respectful to new made contacts, watch your language, the way you are saying things is important. You don't want to come across as arrogant. Take responsibility for your own life. If your brother is happy with his girlfriend let him be, his choice. It should not effect your life.
Then join clubs there are normally loads which may at first not be your ideal, but join them to meet people and have a good time. Choirs, book groups, sports teams, volunteer at things, running clubs etc etc etc
I understand being close to your mum. I'm 41 and my mum and I are best friends. I've always turned to her straight off for help and support. However, one year ago my mum and dad moved 7 hours drive away to Northumberland. I was devastated, as a lot of people here will attest to. My husband, however, was convinced it'd be good for me, that I was too reliant on her. One year on, and I can see he was right. We're still close, and speak to each other a lot, but I've managed without her, have become much more self sufficient and, though I still wish they hadn't moved, I've survived!
You might surprise yourself how you cope without her, after all it's what we're supposed to do - leave and make our own lives
I wish I was never born. All my life I've been a passenger to every1 elses happiness. Its easier for people who have friends or a relationship because they have a support system. Loners don't have that reassurance to keep them goin.. I've looked after the house often while my mum was away & I didn't like bein completely alone at all. I have so much hatred towards my 'brother' but that doesn't mean I wanna move. Most people in this needy society would not be able to cope without friends, affection. I've been strugglin without that ALL MY LIFE, & people wonder why I'm the way I am (timid & vulnerable). These socialites would be exactly the same if their needs of love weren't bein met :(..
If you are feeling genuinely like you wish that you hadn't been born then you need an urgent review by your Dr and to push for more help. If you are in any danger of hurting yourself or others then please get to the nearest A+E department, call the samaritans or crisis line..
I think you think everyone else is having a great time, socialising, meeting people, but its not the case I assure you.
Several pages ago you said you have trouble at work tying knots and you need help with that. Do you mind me asking, are you actually able to work full-time, what qualifications did you get at school?
ye I'm perfectly capable to work, just jobs r scarce so I'm stuck in fast food for now. I get about £130 a week with that & my universal credit. I got pretty bad grades (lots of E's & F's), I'm bad at everythin apart from English & IT (C&D). U can tell just from my posts that I have quite the vocabulary ;). I'm prob dispraxic with my shoelaces, swimmin etc. And Suzi I've asked my GP countless times for a proper diagnosis, he says the same thing everytime; that its social anxiety stemmin from shyness when young & my 'medium level' depression is a result of that (think).
Then you need to ask for more help - maybe a referral to the CMHT if you are thinking such dark thoughts.
Tonight was really weird, I was invited around some girls house who I literally just spoke to for the 1st time 2day on facebook. Anyway when I met her she was on the phone all night to various men pesterin them to visit her. I was sat at her table in disbelief while her & her friend chatted away on the phone for hours to random guys. Like why even invite me in the 1st place?. I seriously don't get the thinkin behind some people. I spent £10.00 taxi fair in total there & back as well (blush)..
That must of been awkward i would of thought of a excuse to leave lol. I guess there just after attention from guys seeing as there inviting guys over the same day they first talk to them...
That is odd. Why did you go?
Never EVER go to someone's house if you don't know them, its really really dangerous, it could have been a man, you could have been mugged, all sorts could've happened. The worst that happened this time is that your pride was dented. Be careful!!!!
Rose is right. You HAVE to think about protecting yourself.
That is odd. Why did you go?
I'll be honest she was flirtin with me on the phone so I thought she seemed like a nice girl..
Never EVER go to someone's house if you don't know them, its really really dangerous, it could have been a man, you could have been mugged, all sorts could've happened. The worst that happened this time is that your pride was dented. Be careful!!!!
I spoke to her prior to ease some of the risk. Her & her friend who was rather overweight were really loud & bolshy, bragging how they like black men & dancing to reggae dance. They asked me why I was so quiet as I sipped my can of fruit cider like an abandoned child in the corner. This is why I have a perception of women because I've had so many disappointing experiences like this..
Of course it was disappointing, a random girl you didn't know invited you to her house. Have more respect for yourself and please don't put yourself in such danger again!!
Of course it was disappointing, a random girl you didn't know invited you to her house. Have more respect for yourself and please don't put yourself in such danger again!!
I'll be honest rose its all do with lust. The slightest bit of interest someone shows in me I feel I have to grab it with both hands. Getting a girl is like the lottery with my anxiety. She weren't even that fit either but beggars can't be choosers as they say..
Samantha340
25-06-15, 04:42 PM
she weren't even that fit either but beggars can't be choosers as they say..
With this attitude you never will. I could say much more here but its not worth the energy. Seems like nothing will change regarding that topic.
Of course it was lust. But following your dick is going to get you into trouble. There are people out there who specialise in luring people to their houses in order to rob them, or worse. If it seems too good to be true....it is. I feel like no one has spent time educating you about the world. I hope that doesn't sound harsh.
Decent girls (and they're out there) do not flirt with someone on the phone and then get them to come to their house so you must have known what type of situation you were going into. The fact is you have no respect for women. And no respect for yourself. Until those change you're never going to be in a relationship, because no decent girl is going to be interested.
I'll be honest rose its all do with lust. The slightest bit of interest someone shows in me I feel I have to grab it with both hands.
If you just want sex then go and pay for a prostitute.
Getting a girl is like the lottery with my anxiety.
Nope, not down to your anxiety. It's down to you not going out and not having respect for yourself or for the females you encounter.
She weren't even that fit either but beggars can't be choosers as they say..
That's a HORRIBLE comment. I can tell you that I am no where near "fit" but I'm much too good for someone with that attitude.
If you just want sex then go and pay for a prostitute.
Nope, not down to your anxiety. It's down to you not going out and not having respect for yourself or for the females you encounter.
That's a HORRIBLE comment. I can tell you that I am no where near "fit" but I'm much too good for someone with that attitude.
I told her that she seems like a good mum & asked her lots of questions how she copes funding thm etc. I gave her a lot of respect despite being blanked by her & her friend all night. I even said thanks for the drink & clearly told her I'm not after 1 thing. U'll be surprised to see how respectful I actually am, I'm just really fed up with never havin a gf. I'm in a desperate situation with this loneliness & havin no friends..
Samantha340
26-06-15, 08:35 AM
Your politeness does not always come across here which leaves me wondering what impression you leave in behind in real life.
Also, sometimes over politeness can came across as fake.
Was the child in the house when you were there?
The others are right, here you tend to come across as someone who is only after one thing and who just doesn't seem to respect anyone, hates everyone - especially if they are in a relationship. You come across as someone who believes that they are better than everyone else, with a chip on your shoulder and actually quite obnoxious at times.
I am quite sure that you are none of the above in person, but I do wonder whether we see the "real you" or if you are completely opposite...
Was the child in the house when you were there?
ye 3 kids in tow, I felt sorry for them because their mother was clearly struggling. Her friend was dancin & swingin 1 of them round in its carriage-thingy, poor mite must have felt dizzy..
The others are right, here you tend to come across as someone who is only after one thing and who just doesn't seem to respect anyone, hates everyone - especially if they are in a relationship. You come across as someone who believes that they are better than everyone else, with a chip on your shoulder and actually quite obnoxious at times.
I am quite sure that you are none of the above in person, but I do wonder whether we see the "real you" or if you are completely opposite...
I can't prove that suzi because here we're all anonymous. All i'll say is that i'm really awkward, some say mr bean like at times. I struggle to express or feel any emotion which can be percieved as rude but actually its to do with my anxiety. And samantha thats because I'm tryin to fit in & find lastin friends. I never laugh out loud because I'm anxious of how false it sounds, same with singin around acquaintances..
Samantha340
27-06-15, 06:53 AM
What are you actively doing to meet new friends?
I just want to recap here.
You met a girl on facebook and spoke to her once and then went to her house.
She met you on facebook, spoke to you once, and then invited you to her house, the house which also contained her three young children.
How would you feel if you had a child with someone and the mother invited a complete stranger to her house while your child was there?
That's absolutely disgraceful on the part of the mother, very dangerous indeed.
That is not something that I would ever consider safe for you, for the mother or for those children who must be really confused as to who everyone is... Shocking behaviour...
What are you actively doing to meet new friends?
Nothin. Today I worked really hard cleaning on a night shift & I thought to myself "Why?.." I have no bond with any of my colleagues & I've no one to share my hard earned money with. My mum is my only friend who is waitin for me after a gruelling shift. It hurts so much seein people frolick together in the sun & goin on holidays. Everythin seems pointless without friends, loved 1s :(..
Samantha340
02-07-15, 05:34 AM
Nothin.
You need to change this if you want to meet knew people.
Sweetheart you aren't going to make new friends if you don't do things to find them....
I struggle to engage with people, I feel trapped & conflicted by my depression & social anxiety.. Even if I found them I'd freeze. My mums tryin to get some of the family out for my birthday nxt week but that means my brother & his gf will be there who I both hate. They're so self-absorbed & obsessed with weed. My brother is an aggressive thug who thinks makin silly noises non-stop is funny (think)..
I have depression and social anxiety. I've forced myself to engage with people since my illness started 25 years ago - it's tough but it can be done, and gets easier as time goes on (most of the time).
Wrt your birthday party, if others in your family are there hopefully they'll 'dilute' your brother itms. I thought you liked his girlfriend as she was nice to you?
Do you want to do something to celebrate your birthday?
I really do think that someone is going to have to do something about your brother!
I've not celebrated it before so its just another day to me.. Just by me sayin that u can gather an idea how emotionally damaged I am, years & years of loneliness does that to u. My birthday is just another reminder how sad my life is. I'm soon to be 26 & I've missed out on so much.. I can't let go of all those wasted years being a recluse..
But you aren't doing much to change that are you?
Did you not have friends at school?
But you aren't doing much to change that are you?
I don't know how to suzi. How does any1 go from a hermit all their life to a valued member of society. People keep sayin "Ur time will come", thats bs because my time is long overdue (think). How can I love myself if I've got nothin to live for..
Did you not have friends at school?
2 but they've moved on to happy families..
Samantha340
04-07-15, 07:41 AM
You find something which interest you. If there is nothing, then force yourself to do something. Have a look around, search the internet, sport club, photography, social projects, game groups, cooking.... There is so much available, even shy people meet ups. But it you who has to do it. Just sitting there and saying "I can't" doesn't get you anywhere. Try it and stick with it for a few weeks to see if you like it.
Samantha is right. You find something which interests you and go for it!
I went to a few clubs today in Manchester with my family & got leathered off 4 cocktails. I was up dancin all night showin some confidence but I still couldn't attract any girl. I'm not a bad lookin guy & my hearts in the right place but I've never had a gf. It gets me down because its so frustrating. I agree Samantha & I like the thinking of doing somethin regardleess of how u feel, goin to clubs though makes me feel worse :s.
Then don't go to clubs. They're meat markets. Clubbing doesn't really qualify as finding interests ......
Samantha340
05-07-15, 10:18 AM
Never said you should go to (dance) clubs. I suggested join a sports club. It's known that exercise boost your confidence, energy level and is good for people with depression.
Did you speak to any girls at the nightclub?
Dear goodness, I hated clubbing!
What things do you enjoy?
at my cousins 21st today each time I spoke I was put down. I was told 'i'll never get p****' (cat reference) & people were laughin at me sayin I watch porn in my room. Each time I gave my input some girl told me 'no one cares what I think'. This is why I hate these gatherings because people go on at me about how I need to come out my shell. I know my life sucks but people just love to remind me (blush)..
Samantha340
09-07-15, 06:49 AM
I know there are strange people in the world, however, I have never heard of behaviour like this. You say you are a nice person, why would someone give you a response like this? People fool around and make fun of each other. But this doesn't seem the case. Did something happen in the past why people react to you in this way? I would say, stay away from them. Go away, start a new life where nobody knows you! Even at a age of 21, people are normally more respectful.
I think there's 2 potential reasons behind this, either you have some awful people in your life, or you aren't acting like the sort of person you tell us in real life (and talk like you talk here). Tbh, most people are decent so I don't understand how you surround yourself with people who aren't.
I think someone would have to be a seriously horrible person to have that stuff said to them by anyone nice. I can only assume that everyone you associate yourself with is incredibly spiteful and nasty. I agree with Sam; get away from there and never look back.
It does sound like you are surrounded by horrible, rude and abusive people all around you - be it at home, work or social situations...
It was 1 particular girl callin me weird, it was basically a girl who shared my bed a while back (nothin happened). I was being civil with her & she said "R u tryin to get in with me? Ur not my type". I replied "Don't flatter urself love ur not my type either!". In regards to comin out my shell, well I get these comments from every1. My auntie loves to tell me that I need to sort my life out. I only went round for the buffet tryin to mind my own business (think)..
For goodness sakes get away from these people. I wonder if you've ever been in polite society!
Do you have anyone in any part of your life who doesn't treat you badly?
Do you have anyone in any part of your life who doesn't treat you badly?
my mum.. the rest of my family aren't necessarily bad to me, they just want me to be independent. They tell me to 'get out of that bloody room & live life'. I just feel overwhelmed on how to go about changing my life.
Samantha340
09-07-15, 09:13 PM
Do you want to move out?
Get out there, meet new people and change the people in your life..
ur right suzi, there comes a time where u just have to say 'this ain't workin'. Unfortunately I can't quit my job because i'd lose £80 from my £130 total weekly income. I ain't ready to move out. Another thing is that because I'm so anti-social that I'm playin catch-up with every1 else who hv been socialisin for years. It could take years & years until I'm socially successful (blush).
One thing at a time then. A lot of friends are made at work, so perhaps changing jobs could deal with your dislike for your job, and help you begin to socialise?
You don't need to be sociable to get another job. You need to be working more than 1-2 days a week. Perhaps you could sign up with a temp agency and get some experience of working in offices?
I completely agree. You could be doing something very different, but you need to find your way out of your job...
Its really frustrating not being able to express urself around even nice people. Have u ladies ever felt like that?. I just wanna be free & explore my personality but i'm trapped inside for watever reason. I haven't progressed socially & I've made no progress skill-wise in 6 yrs at work..
Maybe because you aren't working enough hours or in the right job to be able to be "part of the team" so to speak...
'Everybodys changing & I don't feel the same' that song by Keane really reasonates. My house was full of couples today kissing, laughing at my awkward mannerisms. I'm desperate to have that love with another girl. They were sayin how I should be a utuber because I make thm laugh. Thats how pathetic I am. People will forever overlook as some1 who makes thm giggle through my demeanor. I'm just a joke who still can't tie his shoelaces (think)..
Samantha340
13-07-15, 08:54 AM
Are you sure they laughing at you? I know that feeling when you think everybody talks about you, makes fun of you, but in reality that's not the case.
Then you need to do something to change it lovely. You CAN do this, but only YOU can....
I feel like my voluntary work is going nowhere, its not helping me get a job at all.. I'm turned down for every application, its making me question why I'm still doing this voluntary. The whole purpose is to get me a real job but I'm overlooked despite my admin experience..
Samantha340
16-07-15, 06:58 PM
Have you had your application / CV from a professional? I think the job centre is offering such service.
Have you had your application / CV from a professional? I think the job centre is offering such service.
ye its a very well articulated CV but I don't have good experience in anythin. Just bits & pieces like Receptionist & kitchen work. I have to try & sell that as best I can but I get nowhere because they prob contact my references & find out I'm not skilled usin a database or on the tills etc. I fail at everythin. Applications, interviews, social situations, tyin knots, u name it.. And people wonder why I'm depressed :(..
I am sure you can use youtube tutorials to learn how to tie knots.
If you would like me to look over your CV, take out your name and contact details and anything else you don't want me to see, then PM it through to me.
Samantha340
16-07-15, 08:49 PM
I think you should take up the offer rose made. I have not seen her CV but judging by the amount of job interviews she gets, it must be good.
its always good to get a second opinion. Everybody is different. You might like the layout of your CV, but others might not see it as outstanding.
Definitely take Rose up on that one. She knows what she's talking about!
Mrs-Darling
17-07-15, 10:12 AM
I'm going to be blunt here and say that you come across as 'entitled'. Your posts read as though you have the right to have a girlfriend because you're a 'nice guy'. You don't actually come across as the 'nice guy' if I'm being honest. Relationships don't fall into your lap, they take work- a lot of work. Most people meet their significant others either through work, friends or common interests. You've been given quite a lot of advice about how to develop your interests and work opportunities and I really hope you take the advice and offers of help up. I know it's difficult getting out there but clubbing (which you say you hate) and sites like POF (which is basically a cattle market) aren't really where you should be looking for friends. Why not join a paying website where you'll meet a better quality of match?
I have to add that your obsession with porn isn't going to do you any favours as it's possibly distorted your view of women. I'm not suggesting this makes you a bad person, just that I don't think it'll help you in your quest to find a partner.
As you use Facebook, why not join some groups on there that interest you? I've made some really excellent friends through activism on Facebook, some of whom I'll probably never meet in real life owing to geography but some others who've become lifelong friends.
As for the women who didn't want to talk on the phone, it's not that unusual, believe me. I rarely even talk to my family on the phone never mind someone I've yet to meet!
And lastly, it won't do you any favours to see any women you do meet as a future mate straight away. I can't speak for all women, obviously, but if I think I'm being pursued for anything other than friendship when I first meet someone it can make me beat a hasty retreat!
I appreciate ur lengthy post Mrs Darling. I don't value myself at all, that's why I'm always in my room. I went out Sat for my birthday, had a dance, but I've no confidence to speak to women. Seeing beautiful girls all tarted up makes even more desperate & depressed. I always come home from these occasions feeling worse because people encourage me to 'enjoy myself & pull'.
Its just not in my nature yet I desire it so much. My boss hasn't given me any shifts either this week because of new staff. I don't fit in there anyway because people dismiss anythin I have to say but still it gets me around people (think)..
First off, 'beautiful women all tarted up' really?? That's so disrespectful. And going out to 'enjoy yourself and pull' is completely the wrong way to go about finding someone. If you want a relationship, you need to meet people outside of the cattle market.
Again, I am very unconfortable with the way you talk about women. You keep saying you're respectful yet you have never come across that way.
Seeing beautiful girls all tarted up makes even more desperate & depressed
"Tarted up?" Really? Not a respectful way of talking about women....
Are you actively looking for other jobs?
Sorry I should have said dolled up. Clubs are a minefield for rejection tbh.. People always say to me 'try & pull' but my response is always I'm here to dance not to pull. And ye Suzi, well around 10 applications a week.
Mrs-Darling
21-07-15, 06:06 PM
Sorry I should have said dolled up. Clubs are a minefield for rejection tbh.. People always say to me 'try & pull' but my response is always I'm here to dance not to pull. And ye Suzi, well around 10 applications a week.
"Dolled up" isn't any better, seriously. Clubs are a minefield for rejection as you say and not where you should really be looking for a potential partner. The world is a minefield for rejection, it's how you deal with it that matters. I do feel for you but your attitude towards women needs some working on, I'm afraid to say.
Did you take up the offer from the other forum member (Paula?) to look at your CV?
I also think you need to think about how you talk about women.
Let's start at the beginning - what kind of jobs are you applying for?
Sorry I should have said dolled up.
Nooooo! "Dressed up" is probably the best phrase to use.
"Dolled up" isn't any better, seriously. Clubs are a minefield for rejection as you say and not where you should really be looking for a potential partner. The world is a minefield for rejection, it's how you deal with it that matters. I do feel for you but your attitude towards women needs some working on, I'm afraid to say.
Did you take up the offer from the other forum member (Paula?) to look at your CV?
If I at least had friends I wouldn't be so desperate for a woman in my life. Its so easy to make acquaintances but I always get stuck makin plans with people. I always see people ringin each other, hangin out & it all looks seamless to them without prior arrangement. Some of these people are dry as a slice of white bread yet they have great social lives. I just don't get it at all (think)..
Maybe you need to find a way to widen your circle of friends and do some of the calling?
Perhaps what you see as dry, they see as restful
Let's start at the beginning - what kind of jobs are you applying for?
Admin, Receptionist, McDonalds.. I've not turned up to my voluntary for a month now because I can't get up for 11am. The poor woman comes in to train me on a thursday yet I don't even turn up. I'm always up late with my anxiety so I sleep in. I go to my paid job just fine but with voluntary I struggle to get motivated. I just hate uncertainty & I'm uncertain if i'll get paid work from the back of that. Constant rejection says otherwise (blush)..
Its probably safe to assume you have been fired from your voluntary job then.
To be honest I'd find that really rude of you not to turn up. I think that you need to sort yourself out a bit love...
I've got a cold comin on & it feels absolutely terrible along with my depression & anxiety. I don't know if u guys have ever had a cold when majorly depressed? (whew). In regards to that voluntary I emailed a lengthy apology detailin my struggles with anxiety & sleep which she appreciated. I'm on a waitin list for counseling because I'm mentally unwell & I seriously can't get through this on my own ;(..
If I am unwell, especially with a cold, it makes me feel a lot worse.
Try to see the doctor next week for a meds review as you are clearly struggling and need more help.
Samantha340
25-07-15, 09:08 AM
Ok, you need to get your life sorted. Complaining about how bad everything is and saying what you want does not get you anyway. First of all change your attitude (Boring/plain/.. people have a good life so I deserve one as well and it should be come to me by waiting is not going to happen). Go to your GP and tell them you struggle with daily life (sleep, job... ). Tell them how bad it is and you need help now. Try finding a goal to work towards (job), what does interest you? You have to be active to get out the dark place you are in.
Ok, you need to get your life sorted. Complaining about how bad everything is and saying what you want does not get you anyway. First of all change your attitude (Boring/plain/.. people have a good life so I deserve one as well and it should be come to me by waiting is not going to happen). Go to your GP and tell them you struggle with daily life (sleep, job... ). Tell them how bad it is and you need help now. Try finding a goal to work towards (job), what does interest you? You have to be active to get out the dark place you are in.
I have to agree with Sam. I've been (and probably still am) in the mindset of complaining about how bad everything is for me and thinking I have some sort of entitlement to a good life. I'm far from sorted but I have written on here loads of times about how miserable I am for one reason or another. While it's good to let off steam, constantly recycling what you don't like and why you are down doesn't achieve anything productive.
I've probably tested the patience of quite a few people here which I'm not proud of at all because at the end of the day everyone wants to support everyone and not push them away. It's hard when you are down but you do have to find a way to keep your mind active to avoid falling into those dark places.
That's a brilliant and honest post Alex, thank you.
SA - The others are right. You need to see your Dr. You need to tell them everything and exactly how things are for you. No point saying that you're "fine" when you clearly aren't.
I'm impressed that you sent that email. That is much more thoughtful and much more how I think of you. You can do this, you can get through this and you can be happy - but you are the only one who can make that happen.
Thanks for the support, I wish I shared ur positive energy. Every1 around me seems to be full of energy, free as a bird. They're always at house parties etc. I can't shake the inadequacy of never havin a gf or even close friends.. Colleagues even made fun of my nose today, another abnormality I have.. I'm not autistic but I feel as good as. I just want to express my true authenticity but I'm trapped. If I had more energy to work with then maybe I could escape (think)..
Samantha340
02-08-15, 08:32 PM
Every1 around me seems to be full of energy, free as a bird. They're always at house parties etc.
You said it yourself, seem. Lots of things are different to what they are seem. Didn't you say you don't like parties? You need to figure out what you want, what you enjoy and then try finding a way to get there.
Please please please do not assume that you feel "as good as" someone who is autistic. Both my husband and my son have diagnosed Autistic Spectrum Disorders and you have absolutely NO IDEA what it is like for them.
You have no idea how other people are feeling - you say they "seem free as a bird"... But you don't know what's going on in their head or what they are trying to get away from.
You said it yourself, seem. Lots of things are different to what they are seem. Didn't you say you don't like parties? You need to figure out what you want, what you enjoy and then try finding a way to get there.
I suppose its that they offer the opportunity to meet someone, thats what makes me envious. But ye ur right, I need to discover that value in myself somehow. Without value in urself u can't really reciprocate what anothers givin out. I asked a girl if she missed me today & she said ye which made me feel good for just a brief glimmer. But now I can't stop thinkin about this girl & its not healthy because I'm conflicted with bad self esteem for myself. This hope/self hate paradox is a viscous circle for me that keeps my depression restricted from movin towards a progressive motion (sorry for the ramble (blush))..
Please please please do not assume that you feel "as good as" someone who is autistic. Both my husband and my son have diagnosed Autistic Spectrum Disorders and you have absolutely NO IDEA what it is like for them.
You have no idea how other people are feeling - you say they "seem free as a bird"... But you don't know what's going on in their head or what they are trying to get away from.
That was wrong of me to put it like that & I'm fully aware that autism is an actual social impairment. I can relate though to a lot of their struggles because social phobia causes intense loneliness. My mum thought I was autistic at 1 point because I've displayed similiar behavior ever since I was a kid (being unusually quiet, reclusive etc). Its true that people are different behind closed doors to what's percieved, most of my peer group however seem free of social difficulties because they have a foundation of friends who they ring & go to their parties.
Then you need to do something to break that and to force yourself - even "fake it till you make it" to get out, do something different and meet new people and make new friends.
Oh and Autism is far from just "an actual social impairment"....
I had a blood test yesterday to see if I'm anemic which may explain why I'm so fatigued. I felt really dizzy when she injected me & had to lie down in her office. Anyway i'll find out Fri.. as for the tablets I'm stickin with citalopram. My doc said I can come off them because i've tried all & its hard to tell if they work (I suppose they won't if I'm always in my room..). Counselings on a never endin waitin list as usual, so ye thats my brief update.
Are you drinking enough water?
What dose are you on for citalopram?
What things are you doing to try to get out of your room a bit more? Or at least have more social contact?
Are you drinking enough water?
What dose are you on for citalopram?
What things are you doing to try to get out of your room a bit more? Or at least have more social contact?
Even when I do socialise no ones interested in me because I've no confidence & I'm short with a pelicans nose (blush).. Every night I hear my brother havin sex, it just makes my situation worse..I can live without friends if I had just 1 person who loved me for 1ce in my life.. I'm on 20mg & drink plenty of water.
Then you are simply hanging out with the wrong people. Those who matter won't care about your height or your "pelican nose"....
Even when I do socialise no ones interested in me because I've no confidence & I'm short with a pelicans nose (blush).. Every night I hear my brother havin sex, it just makes my situation worse..I can live without friends if I had just 1 person who loved me for 1ce in my life.. I'm on 20mg & drink plenty of water.
Could you ask him to make less rumour, as this is upsetting you. You know, sometimes it's better to say it in a direct way, and he will learn to be more delicate.
And the last, you're a special person in your own way.
I walked into work today & was told I wasn't needed which really hurt. I get told this a lot because of my lack of versatility. I almost started welling up not because of the money but because its the 1 time of the week I get to be around people..
Why are you not as versatile as others? What is is specifically that you do?
I walked into work today & was told I wasn't needed which really hurt. I get told this a lot because of my lack of versatility. I almost started welling up not because of the money but because its the 1 time of the week I get to be around people..
I also prefer to work individually rather than in a team.
What are you supposed to do at your work?
Why are you not as versatile as others? What is is specifically that you do?
This may sound embarrassing but its a weekend job at Burger King. I can only do production & now there's new staff in i'm even less needed. I'm not sure if u can be sacked purely through new staff comin in..
I also prefer to work individually rather than in a team.
I know what ur sayin selena, there's a lot of divides when workin in a team & I don't like that. In a fast paced environment u don't even get a chance to know people. My voluntary office stuff is much more relaxed, I just can't find paid work in that field. Its depressing bein stuck somewhere u don't fit in..
production? You mean cooking? So why couldn't you clean tables or something instead?
production? You mean cooking? So why couldn't you clean tables or something instead?
ye I do cleanin as well but thats like a side job for everyone, I'm not fast enough to make orders. I'm always applyin for office jobs but I'm always rejected. The government said unemployment has gone down but its still bad in Lancashire where I'm from. Its hard to value urself without prospects. My eczema's really bad as well because I'm always stressed..
Is Manchester easily accessible to you? as you could register with agencies there?
Why aren't you fast enough? Is it because you don't have enough experience?
Pretty much Suzi. Anyway off-topic I spoke to a couple girls 2day in a nightclub which is progress I guess.. 1 of them approached me & put my arms around her kissin my cheek as we chatted. It was a nice few minutes for me but then her brother came over & warned her off. It seems that when I finally do connect with some1 its all too brief & they vanish never to be seen again.. Its really frustrating, I'm 26 & have never experienced love (blush)..
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