View Full Version : Anxiety & Depression Hell..*TRIGGERS*
I can tell you its in your head that you have more energy because you stopped Fluoxetine for a couple of days, the level in your bloodstream will hardly have dropped at all from the missing doses.
Keep an open mind about the Sertraline :)
ye I think u may be right because today I felt really low again at work. I did my job still & a girl asked for a hug to which I just froze (blush). I'm extremely uncomfortable touchin people especially pretty girls. When I got home I just burst into tears.
I really beat myself up over thm kind of situations because I feel like I'll be socially anxious for the rest of my life. Stella's right I need to improve other aspects of my life like my career prospects. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so ashamed when confroonted by a simple hug (bear).
A pretty girl asked you for a hug? That sounds so sweet! Perhaps this shows you are more attractive than you think you are?
When do you start Sertraline?
I've been on Setraline for a week now, I think thyre makin me more fatigued but hard to tell with depression. That girl is a virgin & 1 of my assistant managers, I really like her but my nerves r shredded each time she speaks to me. And then I feel extremely depressed afterwards because I'm so desperate to have some1 in my life. Why is it so bloody hard to read women?. I'd rather them tell me straight up if thy like me instead of all this prick teasin. I know its a selfish desire but it really has a significant effect on a mans well-being (doh)..
I'm sorry, but I find some of those comments distasteful. Whether she's a virgin or not is none of your business, and commenting on that, whether it's true or not, is not appropriate. Then saying that girls are prick teasing is why so many young girls find it hard to talk to men. They think they're being judged whether they're experienced or not. And subject to locker room conversations.
S deleted
29-11-14, 08:37 PM
Well I for one am A very straight talking woman and I'm not very popular as a result. You'll be amazed how many people are put of by that so I suppose if I was really interested in a fella I might try not to be to straight down the line so as not to offend. True what they say about men are from, women from Venus lol
Who says anyone is teasing? The thing is very few people say 'I like you' because they don't want to get shot down, its not because they are teasing anyone. You need to be able to read the signs.
I actually just Googled 'how to know if a girl likes you' and the suggestions aren't ridiculous.
I'm sorry, but I find some of those comments distasteful. Whether she's a virgin or not is none of your business, and commenting on that, whether it's true or not, is not appropriate. Then saying that girls are prick teasing is why so many young girls find it hard to talk to men. They think they're being judged whether they're experienced or not. And subject to locker room conversations.
sorry I didn't mean any disrespect, i'm pretty much a virgin myself. Its just that everywhere I turn I see girls with assholes & it really frustrates me. It eats me up everyday knowin there's potential for a 1st ever romance but lackin the balls to takin the initiative. I just want a chance to build a family of my own with some1 I care about. Every1 deserves tht chance, life is meaningless otherwise ..
Don't assume that all guys are bad and all girls are teasing, otherwise its going to put a lot of barriers up.
I've been on Setraline for a week now, I think thyre makin me more fatigued but hard to tell with depression. That girl is a virgin & 1 of my assistant managers, I really like her but my nerves r shredded each time she speaks to me. And then I feel extremely depressed afterwards because I'm so desperate to have some1 in my life. Why is it so bloody hard to read women?. I'd rather them tell me straight up if thy like me instead of all this prick teasin. I know its a selfish desire but it really has a significant effect on a mans well-being (doh)..
That post is full of things that I find completely offensive. I also know that I wouldn't be the only one to feel that way too. "Prick tease" actually makes my skin crawl and my stomach flip over with disgust. As someone who has heard that before some horrific things I can't tell you how much I hate it and how many triggers it causes for me. If you speak like that around anyone then tbh I'm not surprised you don't have a girlfriend. Women are PEOPLE and not objects..
sorry I didn't mean any disrespect, i'm pretty much a virgin myself. Its just that everywhere I turn I see girls with assholes & it really frustrates me. It eats me up everyday knowin there's potential for a 1st ever romance but lackin the balls to takin the initiative. I just want a chance to build a family of my own with some1 I care about. Every1 deserves tht chance, life is meaningless otherwise ..I don't think that the amount of sexual experiences you have make you any better or worse than anyone else. Maybe you need to chill out and relax and see women as people and it might help...
I'm nothin like that even though that comment paints out I am. I'm anythin but that actually, people tht know me say I'm a really nice person because I'm always respectful, polite & trustworthy. At my workplace there's guys who speak to attractive girls like 'I bet ur a gd s u c ker' etc yet thy r all over thm constantly flirting. I've been respectful all my life & never had a gf. If people said I was ugly i'd understand but thy say i'm attractive. This is y I'm so depressed because the assholes always win just because thy hv better social skills (envy)..
Then you must be in a pretty dreadful workplace if that's the case. I know that none of my friends, through all of my 40 years, have ever been 'all over' men like that. And my mum worked in a garage for 18 years so, having grown up surrounded by mechanics, believe me I've heard it all.
I don't know one of my female friends who would respond to people in a nice way if being spoken to like that, infact the fella would more than likely get a slap and one big verbal dressing down.
I'm not repsonding to your other posts have read them and they set a massive trigger off in me so am going to step back a bit or now
A Hug is not prick teasing and I am surprised you froze, maybe something from the past is putting that wall up as unless you suffered something bad from being hugged I would have thought you would have enjoyed / apreciated it. I am surprised you knew she was a V its not something people openly talk about unless they know you quite well and trust you with those facts. There will always be things that you don't understand a person does which is why we are all unique the statement don't understand women is a bit old as they can say the same about us men. You need to ask yourself what do you really want? If its something to just get your wick dipped then you really need to evaluate things. You shouldn't "expect" it and you shouldn't show symptoms of being desperate for it as if a lass sees your only looking for one thing it can be a turn off. Theres no rulebook, you can only do by trial and error, take the rejectiona nd elarn from it and take the positive comments and expand on them. But if you are just going to shy away when someone is "offering" a small amount of affection then you have to ask yourself why as that is the first demon you will need to get over if you are ever going to go out on a date.
Aspasia
30-11-14, 07:33 PM
I agree with the others: the fact you froze is very interesting. You seem to have a very mixed reaction to the whole issue of physical affection - you crave it yet are afraid of it at the same time. I wonder if there's something in your past that has caused these two very opposite feelings in you.
I don't want to comment the issue of some of the language you used above too much - others have warned you already that it could well cause triggers - but I will say one thing: be aware that you aren't the only one confused about how other people feel. Every single one of us who's genuinely looking for someone goes through the same confusion and nerves and wonderment about what the other person thinks and feels. Heck, even those of us in long-term relationships go through it at times too!
This causes so many issues; nobody really knows how to behave and what to do. This may well be the cause of any hot/cold behaviour you have perceived as teasing from girls. They're probably just as nervous and unsure as you.
Yes, there are people who seem to have it all figured out. They also almost certainly aren't in healthy, long term stable relationships. The kind of guys who can pick up a girl in a bar whenever they like, just because they are confident or have dominant personalities - well, they shouldn't be your role models, unless the kind of relationships you're looking for are those that last no more than a weekend at most - and I don't think that's what you really want.
I don't wanna live anymore, theres no point watsoever to my existence. I'm just 'here' to work, come home, work, come home. What life is that... I ain't livin on this earth until I'm 70 or watever & seein people happy in marriage with a family while I'm extremely lonely & slavin away at some (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)hole. Why should I care anymore when I've been a decent person all my life & its got me (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in nowhere. My brother is the most vile person u could meet yet girls love him. I'm done (think)..
Samantha340
30-11-14, 08:02 PM
SA89, you need to fight those dark moments. Is there anything in life which ever made you happy? Anything you Dream of? Work, home, work, is the normal everyday life. You need to find something in between to look forward to, something you enjoy!
Samantha340
30-11-14, 08:10 PM
Edit: Can you call anyone to talk?
You're not done, otherwise you wouldn't have told us.
Your life is what you make it, not relying on other people to make you happy. Almost 2 years ago I had a life changing accident and I struggled with adjusting to a very restricted lifestyle. But I found it was possible, I accepted help from professionals, thought out of the box and now I'm studying a theology course. But I had to do it - I had to contact the organisations who could help, I had to focus on using my brain, I had to accept my life had changed but that I could still have a good life.
Home, work, home could be 'home, work, exercise, home', or 'home, work, college, home', or 'Home, work, social, home'
I hope I've made sense and I hope you don't think I'm saying 'look at me and how well I've done' because, quite frankly it has been crap, and a struggle. But changing your life for the better, without relying on someone else to make you happy, is possible
Don't worry about what your brother is doing. I am sure that they girls don't love him for very long once they work out what he's really like.
I like Paula's idea of slipping in other things into your life, be it college, or a drink after work with colleagues, or a run in the park, or seeing a band you like. It doesn't have to be every day and it doesn't have to be something big, just little changes that make your life more interesting.
If you hate your job, why not look for another one? You don't have to suffer where you are!
I think you have reached out to us because you want to live.
Please call the Samaritans or go to A&E if you cannot shake the dark thoughts.
Don't compare yourself to your brother you are both different people. Try and do some different things after work and at weekends as has been suggested
What life is that? It seems a common life for anybody who works, we all work our arses off to get that measly pay check at the end of the month to survive, every working person you will speak to is in that reality so your not on your own. Outside of work is up to you to fill that little time you have between work and sleep even if its a 30 minute phonecall to a mate, a quick drink in the pub after work or a visit to the cinema or sit at home on a computer game / facebook or watching tv, You're the only person that can break the day to day manotomy of the life we all have. My brother is married, has 2 kids and a combinedc income of 3 times what I earn. Yet, I have friends I go and see, he doesn't he threw them away when he got married, he doesn;t talk much, its like gettign blood out of a stone sometimes and I wouldn't want his life where he only has his family and no true friends, he may be richer and have a family, but I am probably in a better place than him, in other words he may seem to have everything and on teh outside it looks sparkly, but go inside and its a different picture.
You've had some wonderful bits of advice from the others. I think that they are right - it IS up to you as to how you do things. You have time to do other things. Remind me how old you are? Are you living with others?
Thx guys, I'm 25 & live with my mum & brother but I'm always upstairs in bed except for work commitments. Thats been my routine all my life. People tell me to push myself but its f u c k i n hard without a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. I can't stomach seein others in relationships knowin I'm this lonely. I hate it when people say 'so hv u gt a gf yet?'. I'm 25 btw, I'm still depressed & tired even on this Citraline. Time isn't a gd thing wen ur this lonely, I'd much settle for bein hit by a bus tommorow. Quick & fast without the s h i t in between (think)..
It is hard to push yourself, there are alot of us here that understand that. Have you thought about joining a gym or finding a hobby that will give you contact with other people ?
Thing is, if you are only staying in bed and only getting out to go to work then how are you hoping to meet anyone? Maybe you should go back to your Dr and tell them how things are for you.
Thing is, if you are only staying in bed and only getting out to go to work then how are you hoping to meet anyone? Maybe you should go back to your Dr and tell them how things are for you.
I'm gonna persist with this Citraline a bit more while yet to judge the effects 'caus I don't think 2 wks is enough. I signed up for universal credit recently so I kinda have no choice now but to be more proactive. I have to like look for work 12 hrs a wk, research possible career paths etc.
You are right, 2 weeks is not long enough, and you are probably not on the optimum dose either. When is your next GP appointment?
I ain't livin anymore like I said, nothin can help me watsoever. My head is too messed up to take any sort of action, I'm a lost cause. I'm on 50mg, my doctor said see him after christmas to see wr I am 1ce again with these tablets. F u c k that, I ain't fillin my body anymore with drugs that make u physically worse, I'm close to findin closure anyway.
50mg is the starting dose for Sertraline. I think you need to make an appointment with the doctor asap. Don't wait until after Christmas.
You need to get in contact with some emergency help if you are feeling that bad..
50mg is the starting dose for Sertraline. I think you need to make an appointment with the doctor asap. Don't wait until after Christmas.
And what say?. He'll just say give them more time which I already know 'caus 2 wks is nothin. I've seen the doctor enough times, its serious confidence issues I struggle with & only I can do anythin about that by workin on my insecurities. If there was a magic pill for loneliness there'd be a way out but there isn't so I've no choice but to resolve this suffering myself :=.
Samantha340
06-12-14, 08:22 PM
Have you thought about changing the GP? Thats something I need to do because mine one is useless. You are right, at then end no one but yourself can help you. Mpst of the post about wanting to commit suicide are written by people feeling lonely. There is no cure for this. Just the presence of another person will not take this feeling away, might be temporary, but in my experience it will come back unless you are happy with yourself.
Have you thought about changing the GP? Thats something I need to do because mine one is useless. You are right, at then end no one but yourself can help you. Mpst of the post about wanting to commit suicide are written by people feeling lonely. There is no cure for this. Just the presence of another person will not take this feeling away, might be temporary, but in my experience it will come back unless you are happy with yourself.
ur right, we need to be content with ourselves 1st. I've had periods (not the v a g i nal kind) where I've felt on top of the world but thn few days later I'm feelin hopeless again. I don't know how to sustain that brief period of confidence. Loneliness is definitely a root cause of depression, I think its because a relationship is a universal need that acts as a barometer of our quality of life. If thts not being met its destructive to our wellbeing :s.
Samantha340
06-12-14, 09:04 PM
I think its because a relationship is a universal need that acts as a barometer of our quality of life.
Completely disagree, a relationship does not say anything about quality life!!!! Ever been in a room with your friends and felt lonely?
Maybe, once you are at the top, take the time to write down and how you feel and why. Once you are hopeless, get those notes out to remind yourself what you are capable of.
I completely agree with Samantha! A relationship doesn't make a human being "more" or that your life will be better....
I couldn't imagine bein happy though without ever findin love, at least just to experience it. Simply bein around the opposite sex triggers my depression because thy reflect how empty my life is & my never endin struggle to form bonds with people. I just rang in sick at work because I woke up late, its a relief though because just seein the manager who I have feelings for is enough to send me into despair
Samantha340
07-12-14, 01:25 PM
Finding love is what everyone is after. Some people never experience it.
If you have problems being around the opposite sex, maybe CBT can help there?
ye maybe Samantha, I get easily tired as well tryin to fit in all the time so I kinda give up. I've missed work & now my voluntary today because I just want to sleep all the time. These meds sedate my mind to the point were I cba movin from my bed. Mum's naggin sayin I'm a lazy so & so, she understands I'm depressed though (blush)..
Some meds can make you lethargic hun, I know mine can with me, as hard as it is you have to try and push past that and get moving etc the more you do the easier it becomes.
If your meds are affecting you that badly then go and talk to your Dr again..
Definitely talk to your doctor. I don't think Sertraline is actually meant to make you feel lethargic, it could be the depression making you feel that way?
This is why you should definitely see the GP before Christmas.
Some meds can make you lethargic hun, I know mine can with me, as hard as it is you have to try and push past that and get moving etc the more you do the easier it becomes.
my mum keeps tellin me tht I need to push myself as well. I've always been lazy thts y I'm always tired + depression mkes u fatigued as people say. The meds add another layer of tiredness 'caus thts typically 1 of their symptoms so I don't think seein the doc again isn't gonna mke a difference. Like u said Angie u need to get ur body in action to build energy. Inactivity makes u lazy & set in ur ways i've found (blush)..
Best therapy for me right now would be from a prostitute. Sorry to be blunt but I'm human, I'm frustrated & its affectin my wellbeing. I ain't gonna hv a relationship anytime soon, a weekly appointment will ease a bit of tht loneliness in the meantime (blush)
I don't see how it would ease loneliness. You aren't paying for affection, just a base action...
Samantha340
12-12-14, 08:21 AM
Suzi is right, you have fun for 1h and then? Feeling worse then before.
I need to confess somethin & u may judge me.. I've already slept with 2 prostitutes earlier this year. I couldn't take bein a virgin anymore especially seein so much porn (blush). After a night out u get a real strong urge for sex, it wasn't great though like u said. It feels better just doin it urself to be bluntly honest. Brothels r just really temptin when ur lonely like I am. I want a relationship so much & thts the closest I can get :s..
S deleted
13-12-14, 06:17 AM
You want a relationship or do you just want regular sex? If you wanna pay someone to sleep with you that's up to you dude but a relationship is so much more than just sex.
Prostitutes don't ease loneliness, probably enhances it. I'm not sure whether you're really after a girlfriend or a one night stand tbh. I'm not judging you, just hoping you will see that you're not achieving anything this way, and may be doing yourself more harm
I'm not judging you at all, but I think that you need to do something more proactive to sort you out..
I just want anythin r8 now.. I don't hv any energy at all to have a deep conversation, I just small talk my way through work. I'm so drained all the time evn be4 these tablets (snooze)..
Its easy for people with social lives 'caus thy bounce off each others energy. I'm always nice, respectful, friendly & yet here I am feelin worthless. How can people expect me to live this life feelin as bad as this EVERY WAKIN DAY. This ain't a life, its barely an existence ;(..
My brother is a scumbag yet he's got girls that r mad for him sayin how beautiful he is. He's a vile chav, crude, smokes weed, talks to people like trash in his 'grimey' slang yet hes somehow desirable.This world is (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in backwards, it really depresses me & I hav to live with this prick & see him gettin wt he wants everyday. Life isn't fair man (think)..
No life isn't fair. Thing is if you are still going to be up at 446am then you aren't helping yourself when it comes to sorting your sleep pattern out which in turn won't help you to stop being so tired all the time so maybe then you'll have the energy to go out and meet people.
WRT wanting "anything r8 now" then without wishing to be crude, if it's just the mechanical action of sex which you require then go and buy a blow up doll. They are cheaper than a prostitute... I hope you've had sexual health screening after your visits too..
No life isn't fair. Thing is if you are still going to be up at 446am then you aren't helping yourself when it comes to sorting your sleep pattern out which in turn won't help you to stop being so tired all the time so maybe then you'll have the energy to go out and meet people.
WRT wanting "anything r8 now" then without wishing to be crude, if it's just the mechanical action of sex which you require then go and buy a blow up doll. They are cheaper than a prostitute... I hope you've had sexual health screening after your visits too..
ye sleep is def an issue, I just like stayin up late. However when I briefly stopped the ADs I noticed I had more energy in reserve. I want a relationship not just for sex but the companion side as well.
I wore protection for those visits, its mandatory in brothels. I went to my doc str8 after to mke sure & he said I'm gd if I put a bag on it which I did & I didn't hv any symptoms like crabs or anythin perculiar (blush).
You seem to be focussed on the sex side of a relationship. Women could be picking up on that, and backing off. For many women, they want to know if this man is someone who they could potentially have a long term relationship with. If you want someone to be a friend as well as a partner, you may need to take a look at how you approach, and talk to, women
SA - I'm sorry, but I find your use of language vulgar and offensive.. "put a bag on it" is probably one of the most hideous ways I've ever heard used for putting a condom on and I've heard some terms when I was teaching sex ed to a group of streetwise inner city teenagers in London!
If you are giving off these vibes to me over the internet, then I can't imagine that you are going to be coming across any less crass, crude and vulgar to any women who you might meet tbh....
Its just a term for protectin urself, keepin urself safe that's all, my doc told me to 'put a bag on it'. I approach women with respect all the time askin how they are and I'm always helpin people out. People that know me r always tellin me that im a gd lad with a lot of respect so its nothing to do with it in terms of that. Its to do with my social skills & introverted ways :s.
If you're so respectful in real life, why would you be so crude on here? its not necessary and alienates the majority of (female) members of this forum.
Hi SA, I would suggest you go to a local sexual health clinic and get checked anyway.
I've worked in sexual health clinics and I've never ever heard a Doctor refer to it anything like that, so your's must be special to use such disgusting terminology.
Honestly the way you talk about women and sex I find offensive. I'm no prude and I've seen and done things that would make your hair curl, but lovely the way that you are coming across here really is completely the opposite to the way that you are saying you really are. Which one is the real you?
The way i've come across here?. I've talked openly about my issues because theres a lot of people out there who can relate, especially at christmas which is the loneliest time of the year for many. I'm just explainin how bein sexually frustrated can affect some1s well-being, everywere u go u see people in love. Do u hv any idea hw tht feels to some1 who's never experienced any form of relationship?. Sorry to who i've caused offence to but ur makin it out tht I'm a sleaze which I'm anythin but, yet ur makin it out like that 'caus u've been offended. I apologize anyway for thinkin tht it was a creative way to phrase protection considerin its predominantly women that use this forum.
Do read back over your last posts and see if you can step back from what you've written and then maybe you'll see a bit more about what we are seeing?
At the end of the day the act of sexual intercourse is very different from being in a relationship...
ye sorry guys, I'm far past the point of carin wt others think of me now because all my life people hv took my kindness for weakness. Because i've no confidence, because iv no friends, because im a loser in this life who will never amount to anythin. My weekend job is the only thing thts keepin me briefly sane away from despairin thoughts. I'm so alone in this world, my quality of life is awful, just awful ;(.
S deleted
18-12-14, 04:19 AM
You sound all mixed up and if you are like that on here I'm pretty confident that you are just the same away from the screen. You really cannot understand that sex is not love, sex is not the foundation of a relationship. Sex is simply a physical act to reproduce. The reason you can't find a the right girl has nothing to do with your confidence, it's your attitude.
You wanna see women as sex objects then stick to paying for it, and if you can't afford it as often as you'd like, go to bed with a box of kleenex and a playboy mag.
You aren't a loser, you just need to thin a bit more about how you are speaking to and about people...
Completely agree with Stella
Stella I take in mind wt ur sayin bt ur paintin me as some sex depraved creature which I'm not. Ye I think about sex all the time but thts normal wen ur lonely & not gettin regular attention. The reason y I feel strong hated for my brother is 'caus of his vulgarity. This is how he literally speaks to women on the phone in all its uncensored glory (profanity warnin).. "Come out & i'll **** ya", Comment removed by Suzi ".
I have to listen to this every wakin day, how do u think tht mkes me feel?. Yet girls keep ringin him regardless. It mkes me extremely angry so don't say I'm like tht based off a few loose words in text format (think).
Admin note:
Please be mindful about what you are posting. That comment was offensive. The word I've *'d out also was not allowed - just putting a space between each letter does not mean I'm going to allow you to continue to post like that. Please stop. Suzi
Please see my admin notes on your post.
Thing is, I've been single for a long time, and during my relationship with Marc there have been times when sexual intercourse wasn't possible - but I've never thought about writing on the internet about the opposite sex in the way that you have.
You see, when you see me post - what you read is what I am really thinking and those who have met me after getting to know me online have said that I really am how I post online. For me, I am me. I have the same beliefs sitting on my sofa talking to my husband/children/friends as I do sitting on my sofa talking to you all here. Therefore I find it really hard to believe that you are completely different online to how you are offline.... Do you see what I mean?
Please see my admin notes on your post.
Thing is, I've been single for a long time, and during my relationship with Marc there have been times when sexual intercourse wasn't possible - but I've never thought about writing on the internet about the opposite sex in the way that you have.
You see, when you see me post - what you read is what I am really thinking and those who have met me after getting to know me online have said that I really am how I post online. For me, I am me. I have the same beliefs sitting on my sofa talking to my husband/children/friends as I do sitting on my sofa talking to you all here. Therefore I find it really hard to believe that you are completely different online to how you are offline.... Do you see what I mean?
I was clearly quotin my brother there not myself. Thats EXACTLY wt he wr sayin on the phone as I wr typin. I'm just usin an example of how I detest people like that. The reason I hate him so much is because hes vulgar, we're polar opposites, any1 who knows my mum will tell u how shocked thy r how different me & him r.
Ye I speak my mind in real life but I'm always respectful. I'm speakin about girls to emphasise loneliness thats all. Every post has been me ye oc, ur basin me on a dodgy turn of phrase or examples ive given. People can relate to a real lonely desire thts all I was sayin (hard to convey in text appropriately). A lot of stuff has been misconstrued as is the case on the net :x.
I'm not sure that's really the case. The post Suzi edited wasn't the first time you'd been crude on this thread, and I suspect you weren't quotng your brother the whole time. And you weren't speaking about girls, you were being offensive about girls - there is a difference. It is a common thread in your posts and not acceptable.
I've started to reread this thread from the beginning to make sure that I wasn't over reacting and I haven't even got to p5 without you swearing by putting spaces in or referring to women in a negative way... I've even quoted the first couple of incidents I've seen..
Life is just f u c k ed up, everytime I open the paper someones died of cancer.When ur depressed its the last thing u want to read every waking day. Its no wonder we're all stressed. Look how hard it is to find a job f f s? Or to build a social life from scratch when every1s on social media. Prospects r a gold mine in this day & age.. :8)
aww thats considerate :). I'm seriously p i s sed off right now because to be blunt 'some b i tch is messin' me about'. I'm not seein her but we txt & she has just stood me up. People don't realise how simple ignorance can tip some1 over the edge. Especially when ur vulnerable & have never had a gf. I've compromised so much with this person (gave her taxi money, bought her drinks, put up with her pessimistic attitude & evn got ready for her tonight). She wr supposed be here 4 hours ago & has completely ignored my txts. It wouldn't hurt so much is I didnt depend on this person to alleviate this rotten loneliness I feel inside ;(..
I'm not sure that's really the case. The post Suzi edited wasn't the first time you'd been crude on this thread, and I suspect you weren't quotng your brother the whole time. And you weren't speaking about girls, you were being offensive about girls - there is a difference. It is a common thread in your posts and not acceptable.
I was open about payin to lose my virginity & thn explained why, how else do u expect me to explain that subject so delicately?. I evn said prior that u may judge me 'caus i'm aware tht women use this site. I'm sorry for the use of terminology in regards to that 'visit' but how else do u want me to successfully admit somethin so embarrassin?'.
Discussin such a visit is obviously gonna be crude. My posts hv been on my depression, loneliness & anxiety, that subject is partially a reflection of my loneliness. I'm desperate for a relationship & tht masked tht desire at the time. The odd terminology on tht subject I used was inappropriate ye & I've apologisied. To say its 'common' in my posts is wrong, the last few posts in regards to tht visit I agree my language was inappropriate
Samantha340
20-12-14, 08:51 AM
You said in your first post you would like to maybe study English literature. Therefore I assume you are able to express yourself in a better manner. Ok, you have apologised let's move on. Maybe let's all start again in a new Thread.
I admit can not remember if it was mentioned before, regarding feeling lonely, have you thought about going to a meet up group?
You said in your first post you would like to maybe study English literature. Therefore I assume you are able to express yourself in a better manner. Ok, you have apologised let's move on. Maybe let's all start again in a new Thread.
I admit can not remember if it was mentioned before, regarding feeling lonely, have you thought about going to a meet up group?
I've been to a few support groups were I volunteer, there wr people there who had real raw major depression, their stories wr really shockin. Thy wr all a lot older thn me in the depression group which felt a bit strange openin up to them, anxiety group there wr a few my age. The guy who runs it even pulled out a joke book & played walkin on sunshine to get every1 smilin lol :).
I've started to reread this thread from the beginning to make sure that I wasn't over reacting and I haven't even got to p5 without you swearing by putting spaces in or referring to women in a negative way... I've even quoted the first couple of incidents I've seen..
That was wrong of me callin tht girl a 'b', I was angry at the time because she used me for taxi's, vodka & haven't seen her since. I needed to vent bt tht doesn't excuse me callin her a 'b'. I swear a lot yes, its just how I express frustration like many. I maybe hv spoken about women negatively at points but not the entire thread. I'm aware tht my struggles r to do with my cripplin low self esteem & insecurities. I hope we can draw a line here 'caus I do appreciate the support.
Have you thought of a plan for after the festive period?
I'm lookin to get in2 a course but not sure wt yet. My aim nxt year is get out & put myself out there more because right now I'm a (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in hobbit. I'm dreadin these nxt few days puttin on a front in front of the family & thn news year eve out in town :s. It seems no matter wt I do even if its constructive I can't seem to shake this loneliness & thats whats constantly draggin me down.. I'm talkin more with a new girl at work but thn I think god she's so nice I wish she was my gf!. Thats how my mind works, even gettin my haircut makes me depressed because I've no1 to show it off too (blush).
If you don't want to go out on New Years Eve then don't go lovely...
How did u guys beat depression exactly?. I'm sure uve dealt with bigger issues than I hav with my loneliness. How do u get to a place of joy & content. Oh & why hv the last few posts disappeared lol.
S deleted
23-12-14, 06:39 PM
When I beat it I'll let ya know the secret. I think Lifestyle changes are most important but you have to be well enough and ready to do it. I removed a lot of negative people from my life and that gave me a huge boost, you don't realise sometimes just how your 'friends' are holding you back and how you are allowing them to do it
When I beat it I'll let ya know the secret. I think Lifestyle changes are most important but you have to be well enough and ready to do it. I removed a lot of negative people from my life and that gave me a huge boost, you don't realise sometimes just how your 'friends' are holding you back and how you are allowing them to do it
G
ye lifestyle changes are integral to balancin out depression but like u say we have to be mentally ready. With depression however we're never ready, so we're confined to relentless misery. Breakin free from an associated circle of people is definitely a big lifestyle change because ur free of any emotions u had around them.
Have you been to your GP to ask about counselling? You may be able to sit and talk this through with a counsellor and think of some practical ways to overcome your difficulties.
Have you been to your GP to ask about counselling? You may be able to sit and talk this through with a counsellor and think of some practical ways to overcome your difficulties.
ye gotta wait until jan to refer myself, its an uphill battle with just meds alone. It really does feel like my height is a reason I feel the way I do, undermined because I don't match the expected physical stature of a man (blush). Unfortunately a therapist can't help with that..
From what I've seen over the years it's about getting up, dressed and doing the basics and then moving on to adding something else in.. Eating healthily, drinking enough water, etc..
From what I've seen over the years it's about getting up, dressed and doing the basics and then moving on to adding something else in.. Eating healthily, drinking enough water, etc..
Its so simple yet so mny seem to struggle with that. Quality sleep is a foundation for gettin better i've found, without adequate sleep u really r fightin against a tidal wave. I think if people wr assured of a reason to live they would hv incentive thn to do those basics.
S deleted
24-12-14, 02:16 AM
It's these basic things which are and foundation for everything else, and when we are feeling low they are the first things to slip and then the rest of ya world not surprising seems to fall apart. Without strong foundations how can you build?
Today was really upsettin for me at work seein every1 in a joyful christmas spirit. I was holdin back tears as I was sweepin on the dining area thn cried in the toilet ;(. I feel so detached from the world, like I'm the loneliest man alive.. Depression is really exposed during christmas, its an emotional time for every1. It makes u reflect how miserable ur life is..
S deleted
24-12-14, 08:11 PM
I hear ya dude. New Year is the real killer for me. Can't remember a New Years eve that hasn't ended with me in floods of tears
The best new years I had was the one I spent by myself watching comedy on tv and having a few drinks. It seemed like I was the only person not hungover on New Years Day.
One of the best Christmas's I've had was as a student and a few of us volunteered at a soup kitchen and then over new year we got together and made pasta and pizza and had a DVD night!
The best new years I had was the one I spent by myself watching comedy on tv and having a few drinks. It seemed like I was the only person not hungover on New Years Day.
I'm worried about alcohol tbh these nxt few days as I've nt drunk hardly all year & I don't know if its safe with 50mg Setraline :(
I hear ya dude. New Year is the real killer for me. Can't remember a New Years eve that hasn't ended with me in floods of tears
I don't feel right at all around complete strangers partyin, even if im with just 1 person. It really mkes u feel like an outsider. I've been in tht situation so mny times burstin in2 tears durin a party atmosphere. Consumin alcohol when ur alone in a crowd with depression creates horrendous despair.
,hope u can relate.
Alcohol does affect ADs and is a depressant so, particularly if you rarely drink, moderation is the key. I stopped trying to make New Years parties work about 10 years ago and chill in front of the TV - graham Norton and the London fireworks with a small glass of bubbly is enough for me!
Alcohol is a depressant. Drinking whilst on any medication is not to be advised. The positive effect of the medication may be altered so I'd always advocate caution..
Worked 5 days this week which was a welcome distraction. The thought of being alone for the rest of my life is wts keepin me depressed, if their was assurance of a soulmate I'd be optimistic about 2015. I've shown a lot of confidence recently at wrk yet I'm still fkn lonely. I'm sick of the cliches that people ignorantly toss out to me like 'u'll find some1' 'u've gotta love urself 1st' or the classic' there's some1 out there for every1' (think).
I'm sorry but I'm giving you another one. You're 25, you have potentially 70 + years ahead of you - having not had a girlfriend is not a problem. You're young and finding a soulmate is somewhere in your future, but you don't have to worry about it yet
I agree with Paula - you seem to be holding on to this where you really do have a long time to find the right person..
This is how miserable my life is - My new years eve was spent applyin for jobs while every1 was out partyin with their best friends.. I've no friends at all to party with (party).. I've never even been on a date because I'm percieved too short & timid. Wts the point in me even existin till 30 let alone 70.. I have no life outside my room. I'm a social loser, a loner & thats likely to continue in 2015 because I'm simply a reject in life. Oh & Happy New Year
I wasn't our partying and neither were a lot of people I know. No, your height isn't likely to be the reason you haven't had a date. You aren't a social loser or a reject.
Have you been referred for counselling?
I was at home in pj's watching Queen and Adam Lambert and soothing a quivering dog who is terrified of fireworks.
I suspect, hunni, only you perceive yourself as too short and timid - everyone else will just see you.
I was in last night and we didnt have a drink either, just a quiet night in with the kids,
I stayed in too, only went out to watch the fireworks over London. Then I was on ebay trying to find mirrors for goodness sakes. You weren't the only one who stayed in!
I wasn't our partying and neither were a lot of people I know. No, your height isn't likely to be the reason you haven't had a date. You aren't a social loser or a reject.
Have you been referred for counselling?
It must be my height because people say I'm gd lookin & respectful. Wt more does a girl want? A knight in shining armour!. I got to know some1 better 2day at work, she was as anxious as I am & it was liberating havin some1 relate for once on an intellectual level (nod). It was a rare sense of joy & thats the key to feelin better I think, to be around people u connect with . Last night was horrible, alone in my cave listenin to my brother with a girl in the other room. With regards to my doc he said to see him after new yr to refer.
Samantha340
01-01-15, 09:03 PM
It must be my height because people say I'm gd lookin & respectful. Wt more does a girl want? A knight in shining armour!. er.
No, we like someone who cares, can be trusted, is interesting, funny, reliable..just to name a few.
... it was liberating havin some1 relate for once on an intellectual level (nod).
I am honest here... if you talk like this to girls.. then sorry, i am not surprised, you don't have a gf. It sounds a bit arrogant.
No, we like someone who cares, can be trusted, is interesting, funny, reliable..just to name a few.
I am honest here... if you talk like this to girls.. then sorry, i am not surprised, you don't have a gf. It sounds a bit arrogant.
I knew tht wr gonna sound a bit snobbish but I couldn't interpret it properly. I meant some1 to intellectually engage with about anxiety. I live in quite a rough area up north where people would simply dismiss depression & anxiety as 'man the f up'. People say I'm trustworthy, hv a gd heart, a gd sense of humour. There's so many arrogant un-pleasent people out there in a relationship with a caring, lovin partner, u can't factor arrogance based on that.
Samantha340
01-01-15, 10:36 PM
All I wanted to do is give you some feedback how you might come across. I am not present when you talk to woman, therefore its hard to comment why you might no have a girlfriend.
If you often can't interpret things properly, and end up making comments like that, whether you mean it or not, people are going to be put off. People can only go by what you say, not what you mean, I'm afraid. And, anxiety is not intellectual, it's pure fight or flight instinct. I know you mean that you have something in common with that person that you can talk to about, but that's not how it comes across .....
As has been said, you do need to think about the way that you come across...
Spending so much time around your brother must be really annoying. Are you able to move out into a house-share or on your own?
Spending so much time around your brother must be really annoying. Are you able to move out into a house-share or on your own?
He's vile, he manipulates my mum to give him £5 a day to buy his weed which he smokes in the house. He thinks hes a 'gangsta' & girls love him for that. I remember on holiday some1 said to him 'ur gorgeous u, ur brothers not eww hv ya seen his nose..(blush)'. It really reinforces my lack of self worth seein that dirtbag with a beautiful girl by his side. He doesn't deserve love at all, hes really unpleasant..
Samantha340
03-01-15, 04:11 PM
I still think the choice of your language is not appropriate. I understand you do not get along with your brother and he is not a nice guys in your eyes, I still thinks he deserves love. If those girls want to hang out with him, that's their choice.
His success does have nothing to do with you.
Maybe you need to consider moving out and get away from him?
Seriously hes a real piece of work. I can't move out really because I'd be snowed under with rent. I work p/t & get universal credit but I don't think I could survive off that. I'm just gonna have to tolerate inhalin his disgustin weed & his nasty attitude. Its hard to ignore him & focus though wen I can hear him actin like a thug all the time & gettin rewarded for it ..
Samantha340
03-01-15, 05:18 PM
You cant change your brother. Its his lifestyle. Does your mum know about the weed? I guess its her flat/house after all.
It might be good for your own good, trying to move out. How about flatshare?
If you are in receipt of universal credit then you may be able to claim houseing benefit which would help towards the rent and enable you to move out to your own flat or a flat share
You know smoking weed, or inhaling the fumes, is not going to help your MH, it will make you feel sad and anxious. Make sure your room is ventilated properly and keep your door shut, even put a towel under the gap, to stop the fumes getting in.
I can tell you really dislike him and it must be horrible for you to live in such close proximity to someone who winds you up so much.
If you can figure out how to move out, then do it.
Have you spoken to your local housing association about getting a flat?. And, yes, you probably would get help with the cost of rent
Just had a few drinks for the 1st time in ages (I took my sertraline at 8pm), I don't feel as bad as I feared. I had a glass of double rum & coke, pint of hobgoblin lager & a smirnoff, even had a dance :). It still feels horrible seein others smoochin while I struggle to even break the ice but regardless I was determined to have my dance (party).
If you are in receipt of universal credit then you may be able to claim houseing benefit which would help towards the rent and enable you to move out to your own flat or a flat share
I'd rather stay with my mum atm, If I was in a relationship thn I'd move out because I'd feel even more lonely by myself. Plus i'd miss my dogs :(.
He's vile, he manipulates my mum to give him £5 a day to buy his weed which he smokes in the house. He thinks hes a 'gangsta' & girls love him for that. I remember on holiday some1 said to him 'ur gorgeous u, ur brothers not eww hv ya seen his nose..(blush)'. It really reinforces my lack of self worth seein that dirtbag with a beautiful girl by his side. He doesn't deserve love at all, hes really unpleasant..
£5 a day? How much does he smoke?
I don't think that you should judge whether he is or is not deserving of love - everyone deserves love.
Just had a few drinks for the 1st time in ages (I took my sertraline at 8pm), I don't feel as bad as I feared. I had a glass of double rum & coke, pint of hobgoblin lager & a smirnoff, even had a dance :). It still feels horrible seein others smoochin while I struggle to even break the ice but regardless I was determined to have my dance (party).
That's still quite a lot of units if you are on medication. Has it affected your mood at all?
I'm always told that I'm lovely & put others 1st, girls say I'm cute & intelligent yet I've nothin to show for it. I could be hit by a bus tommorow & that'd be that, my life over without ever having a date. Its really upsettin & so demoralisin ;(..
What things are you doing currently to go out and meet girls?
Nothin.. but I went out last Saturday, clubs r a minefield for rejection. Seein a guy get along with a girl mkes me really depressed let alone seein couples. Theres girls I really like at work but theres always a 3rd party, its so frustratin!. I'm well liked at work but can't even get a date. My previous counsellors hv said I need to go out with them socially to be in their 'circle' if u will. I only like half of these people though 'caus thy're very vulgar & use it as a form of wit ^) & I'm very anti-social as u could guess by now (blush).
Are you anti social because of depression, or because you just don't like being with people?
What about using something like meetup and finding people with similar interests and go along to something?
ye depression really makes me anti-social. I don't feel hopeful at all about my future, its just so bleak.. No ambition, no prospects, no friends, never had a gf, sleep issues.. I can't concentrate watsoever to engineer a way forward. My minds empty :=, I'm emotionally balanced beyond rationale. Its overwhelming I don't even know were to begin :(..
When was the last time you saw your Dr for a meds review?
dear SA please make an appointment with doctor now. Tell GP how you feel. Are you on any meds?
I was thinking the same as Paula - a meds review and telling the GP how you are feeling sounds like they are both in order.
I can see light just not sure from which direction. It seems the careers I'm not interested in have gd prospects (IT, engineer, plumbin, public service) & the careers I'm vaguely interested in have uncertain prospects (counseling, writer). I'm gonna roll with a counseling lvl 2 course for now.. (think). I saw my doctor a month be4 Christmas, I'm on setraline 50m. And now off to work I go with yet another completely sleepless night (snooze)..
Hello SA I think you need to talk to doc about sleeplessness. Also I believe your meds can go up a lot more so its worth talking to doc if they are not lifting your mood. A counselling course sounds a great way to go.
I agree with Bridget. Treatment for Depression is normally a multi pronged attack. I'm glad you're going with counselling, but talking to your Dr about a meds review is also important. 2 months without seeing our Dr when you're feeling like this, is perhaps too long.
I think doing something that is true to yourself will give you the best prospects of good emotional wellbeing. If you have that then you can figure everything else out as you go. I say follow your dreams :)
I really do think you need to speak to the Dr re a meds review.. Also undertaking a counselling course may help you to analyse your own behaviours more..
Is it true that if you are studying counselling, you have to undergo counselling yourself?
Generally, yes. And I believe a lot of counsellors only work part time
Yes you do have to have counselling yourself to be a counsellor.
Is it true that if you are studying counselling, you have to undergo counselling yourself?
It certainly is if you want to be an NHS counsellor..
Generally, yes. And I believe a lot of counsellors only work part time
Thats y I've been holding back doin a level 2 because it seems like a hard career to get into. This is y I'm depressed because theirs no 'path' I'm heading towards. It seems like a lonely career as well. I've buried my head in the sand all these years & now I'm 25. Today was a real struggle gettin through work with 0 sleep but thats anxiety for u.
25 is very young. I know people who have not started a career until their 40s when they retrained for something new. You have loads of time and another 40 years of working life ahead of you. You are about my sons age and lots of his friends are still in education or training or travelling around the world doing seasonal work.
25 is young. 25 is the age that many people come out of university, often with no career plan at all!
I think you should do the level 2 course, its better to be heading in that direction rather than just working a couple of days a week where you are now.
Have you thought about asking some counsellors around you about how they trained etc?
25 is young. 25 is the age that many people come out of university, often with no career plan at all!
I think you should do the level 2 course, its better to be heading in that direction rather than just working a couple of days a week where you are now.
that's true its better to be headin somewhere than nowhere I suppose. I feel worthless where I am in life, a family member has just been promoted as well which makes me even more a waste of space. I've wrote a little checklist on my phone to aim for because my insecurities are becoming too overwhelmin, feels like the walls r closing in..
Sounds like a good idea to keep focussing on keeping looking forward..
yep, hard though when u see old friends gettin married & bein promoted etc. I'm a complete loser in comparison, nothin goin for me whatsoever, in bed 24/7 :(..
How many of your friends have got married at 25? Because that's very unusual in today's world
The only person who can change that is you. You can do this, you can get the career and life you want, but you have to get up and make it happen lovely...
Thx, I've got an interview to become an advocate volunteer on feb 10th thats somethin I guess. I've volunteered at this mental health service for a year now doin admin. I just wish people around me would stop questionin me 'when r u goin to get a gf'..
Who is asking you that? They need to mind their own business!
my brother has his gf stay over every weekend & she flirts with me which just makes me worse because it revokes my feelings of loneliness & need to be loved. I'm so lonely any bit of hope kills me, so I remain stagnated in my cave to avoid the deep despair that hope causes me. She even asked me 'do u suffer from depression' I was like wtf how does this complete stranger know this! (wasntme)..
my brother has his gf stay over every weekend & she flirts with me which just makes me worse because it revokes my feelings of loneliness & need to be loved. I'm so lonely any bit of hope kills me, so I remain stagnated in my cave to avoid the deep despair that hope causes me. She even asked me 'do u suffer from depression' I was like wtf how does this complete stranger know this! (wasntme)..
Is she flirting (inappropriate) or does she just have a knack of putting people at their ease? And it may be she, or someone close to her, suffers from depression so she knows the signs and wants to help. Please don't assume it's written all over your face. She may just generally be realler nice
Is she flirting (inappropriate) or does she just have a knack of putting people at their ease? And it may be she, or someone close to her, suffers from depression so she knows the signs and wants to help. Please don't assume it's written all over your face. She may just generally be realler nice
more the latter, she kept askin if she can enter my room & sayin how lovely I am thn asked for my fb. She also acknowledges to me how my brother speaks to her in a controllin way yet she still gives him so much affection.. Every1 I hav chemistry with is always with some1, its really frustrating..
She sounds like a lovely lady!
yep but sadly she's with my stoner brother. I'm sick of bein a passenger to every1 else's happiness. I'm tryin to focus on other aspects of my life but its hard when I see beautiful women everywhere I go. I'm not a needy person but I need to be loved to heal this depression. I'm still takin my medication but drugs will never change that reality..
Have you had counselling?
You aren't a passenger, you are in charge of the decisions you make and the choices you pick...
Hunni, relying on being loved to heal depression is never going to work. It's a sickly cliche, I know, but you really do need to love yourself.
Part of me wants to encourage you to pinch this girl off your brother and another part thinks NOOOOO that's a bad idea!!!!
(rofl) That's what I was thinking!
lol I wish, I fantasise about her everytime shes in my house (blush).. I can't go on anymore ladies, waking up each day with no friends, no girlfriend, I just wanna jump off a bridge. If I was 'ugly' then I'd accept it more but I'm always told I'm a good lookin guy. I've just confined myself to my room for years on end through lack of confidence. Its the only routine i've ever known :(..
S deleted
07-02-15, 07:43 AM
Part of me wants to encourage you to pinch this girl off your brother and another part thinks NOOOOO that's a bad idea!!!!
I say go get her. Only a matter of time before she realises she's with the wrong brother
So, you think 'ugly' people don't deserve to be in a relationship? That's not the case, and someone you perceive as ugly will be beautiful in someone else's eyes. You've been warned before about inflammatory comments, please watch what you're saying
You can't go on anymore? If that's how you feel, you need to speak to someone asap. When did you last speak properly to your doctor about how you feel?
I completely agree with what has been said above me. Really if you are feeling like that then I hope you are getting some emergency help. Looks aren't the be all and end all in relationships etc...
I don't understand how my brother has girls fallin at his feet when he's such a (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear), it angers me so much. His voice is so annoyin to the point where I wanna pull my hair out. He speaks nonstop in'Grimey slang riddles & obsesses about his 'next joint'.. I'm still takin Setraline 50mg, I'm not seein any help at all because thy tell me if I'm not ready to take action then there's no point. I'm never ready (think)..
Sorry, what do you mean "not ready to take action?"
I really think you should go back to your Dr and tell them how bad you are feeling.
Sorry, what do you mean "not ready to take action?"
I really think you should go back to your Dr and tell them how bad you are feeling.
I mean I'm never ready to change my ways because I've struggled socially all my life. Thats y I avoid CBT because I never do the tasks they tell me (get out more etc). I feel like I'm pestering my doctor because I've nothin new to say to him.
Medication might help you to get to a point where you ARE ready to change.
50mg is the starting dose for Sertraline and I think if you are having suicidal thoughts then you really need to see the doctor and discuss what can be done. Maybe if you are taking more meds, you might find your brother less annoying (a symptom of depression is irritability).
Please, see your doctor and have a chat with them.
Medication might help you to get to a point where you ARE ready to change.
50mg is the starting dose for Sertraline and I think if you are having suicidal thoughts then you really need to see the doctor and discuss what can be done. Maybe if you are taking more meds, you might find your brother less annoying (a symptom of depression is irritability).
Please, see your doctor and have a chat with them.
I've never felt suicidal, even if I did I'd be too anxious to carry it out. All meds I've had have made me tired & thy've all been the lowest dose so increasin them will likely make me more sleepy. The meds do work to an extent, they kinda operate in the background. I still feel terrible on them but before them I was in floods of tears regularly. I think they balance ur mind although its still weighin towards the darker side.
Another symptom of depression is being tired and the tiredness side effects from ADs should only last a few weeks.
So again, increasing could actually help with tiredness.
You won't know unless you ask?
Another symptom of depression is being tired and the tiredness side effects from ADs should only last a few weeks.
So again, increasing could actually help with tiredness.
You won't know unless you ask?
ye can't forget that tiredness is a symptom of depreession. Its not aboout the strength of meds though with me, its to do with not bein physically active & making a real effort. So I resort to dating sites & get even more depressed when girls just ignore me. I just want at least a chance to start my own family :s..
You're only 25, you have years to start your own family! If you are talking about starting a family on a first date that could be a bit of a turn off, talk about pressure! What about something like meetup or joining clubs that interest you. An art class, an exercise class... that sort of thing.
ye can't forget that tiredness is a symptom of depreession. Its not aboout the strength of meds though with me, its to do with not bein physically active & making a real effort. So I resort to dating sites & get even more depressed when girls just ignore me. I just want at least a chance to start my own family :s..
So Rose's point about increasing the meds, so potentially improving your mood and being able to be more physically active and able to make an effort, is a valid one.
Can I be blunt? You are 25 and yet you keep saying that you want a girlfriend, can't see why your brother is getting a girlfriend, but you aren't willing to do anything to change how you are? What is it exactly that you want? There is no way that a magic wand can be waved to make you better - you have to work hard to get better and only you can do that!
Can I be blunt? You are 25 and yet you keep saying that you want a girlfriend, can't see why your brother is getting a girlfriend, but you aren't willing to do anything to change how you are? What is it exactly that you want? There is no way that a magic wand can be waved to make you better - you have to work hard to get better and only you can do that!
Sorry, my counsellors get annoyed at me as well, no one knows what to do with me. I seriously struggle with social anxiety, depression, low self-esteem & anxiety in general. I'm constantly worrying about silly things, even my mum gets annoyed with me. If I wasn't lonely I'd be more content & less insecure..
So Rose's point about increasing the meds, so potentially improving your mood and being able to be more physically active and able to make an effort, is a valid one.
I'll consider it with my doctor. The reason I haven't increased them is because I upped a previous medication & it didn't make a difference. All it did was give me added side effects of drowsiness & I don't like taking drugs in any form as it is..
I'm not getting annoyed at you at all, I genuinely am interested in what you want to happen and how you want it to happen....
This is a different medication, and they all affect you in different ways. No one likes taking pills, but it's got to be better than this, surely
I've increased my dose from 50mg to 100 for the Setraline & I have to see my doctor again in 2 week. I don't know why though because surely 2 weeks isn't enough time for them to kick in
It's probsbly to make sure you're ok on them and don't have any difficult side effects
I've increased my dose from 50mg to 100 for the Setraline & I have to see my doctor again in 2 week. I don't know why though because surely 2 weeks isn't enough time for them to kick in
Well done, that's a positive step. 2 weeks is to check everything is ok. If you need to see the doctor before then, don't be afraid to ask.
I keep meaning to ask you, do you only work at weekends?
Well done, that's a positive step. 2 weeks is to check everything is ok. If you need to see the doctor before then, don't be afraid to ask.
I keep meaning to ask you, do you only work at weekends?
ye rose 1-2 days & I volunteer on mondays. I feel completely hopeless about the future & I'm a serious recluse. My mind is so riddled with sadness that its impossible to break free :s. People tell me to think positive but how can I when I have no friends, no future & I'm 5'3. My mums friends try to encourage me to do somethin but I feel so bad.
I don't wanna engage with any1 because I'll bring them down with my reclusive miserable demeanor. People seem to like me & say I'm funny & a good lad, I'm not sure why though at all ..
Have you looked for a job that gets you out of the house more often? It might help with your feelings of being a recluse?
Or college or something just to get out, meet people and help to raise your self esteem...
Its funny because people say to me 'ur always in ur room, no wonder ur depressed!. Its completely abnormal as a human with needs & what not to be in their room 24/7. Clinical depression is inevitable if u never leave ur room, u can try to ignore it through distraction but it eats away at u over time because ur social wellbeing isn't being met. Idle mind is a devils workshop & before u know it BAMN ur in a straight jacket.
I've increased my dose from 50mg to 100 for the Setraline & I have to see my doctor again in 2 week. I don't know why though because surely 2 weeks isn't enough time for them to kick in
I was on 50mg sertraline but i braved another visit to gp and it the dose was upped to 100mg. Things seem a bit more "normal" now even after only two weeks after the bigger dose.
It does take about 4 to 6 weeks for you to get the full benefits from the ads ive been on
Take care
Njr
Its funny because people say to me 'ur always in ur room, no wonder ur depressed!. Its completely abnormal as a human with needs & what not to be in their room 24/7. Clinical depression is inevitable if u never leave ur room, u can try to ignore it through distraction but it eats away at u over time because ur social wellbeing isn't being met. Idle mind is a devils workshop & before u know it BAMN ur in a straight jacket.
I have to say that I don't think it's ever a case of it being like that at all. But if you are working an volunteering you aren't in your room 24/7 surely? Is there no other options rather than staying in your room?
Its funny because people say to me 'ur always in ur room, no wonder ur depressed!. Its completely abnormal as a human with needs & what not to be in their room 24/7. Clinical depression is inevitable if u never leave ur room, u can try to ignore it through distraction but it eats away at u over time because ur social wellbeing isn't being met. Idle mind is a devils workshop & before u know it BAMN ur in a straight jacket.
I think you have answered it yourself. If you feel your depression stems from being in your room and not having social interaction, then you are going to have to do something about it.
At age 25, working 2 days a week isn't going to sustain you long term. Suzi suggested college, I would suggest a full-time job, either of these are good options for building a future.
There is nothing wrong with being 5'3'', you cannot grow so you'll have to accept your height as what it is. I think your confidence will grow as you get out of the house more, away from your annoying brother, and build your own life.
ye I think ur right, all I do is sleep all day in my room, I feel constantly drained (snooze).. I'm aware of everythin u say I just can't seem to get out of this funk that i've been in for years. My brother is a scumbag who manipulates my mum into givin him £10 daily to fund his filthy cannabis addiction. He also speaks to his gf in terms like 'I'll slap u me'.
I'm in my room 24/7 suzi, work/voluntary is just 2 days. I only go downstairs to make a cup of tea or to warm my dinner up. Now imagine that routine all ur life with the exception of the odd rare night out. Its barely an existence let alone a life. I really struggle to form a life because I don't know what a life is..
No one but you is going to change this. First, ignore your brother - whatever sort of person he is, that's not you and you don't have to be involved with, or care about, his life. The only thing I would say is to talk to your mum about the money. Ultimately, tho, if she's happy to give him the money, that's her decision and you need to respect it.
But the rest? That's up to you. You need to get out of your room, what are you interested in? Is there any way of taking your interests and see if there is some sort of group locally? And why are you working 2 days? Is there a reason you don't have a full time job or study? Both would mean increasing your social circle. You're 25, you should not be stuck in your room. If it's social phobia, I truly understand, but the only way of getting through that is pushing through it.
Absolutely agree with Paula. Get up, get out of your room! Staying in one room isn't healthy and isn't going to help you at all. Sleeping lots also isn't going to help. When was the last time you did some exercise or went out for a walk?
TBH you aren't going to meet anyone shut in your room. Get out there. If you want things to be different then it's only you who can make that happen.
I can only repeat what I said before. You need to get out of home and get into full time work or study. Or in 5 years time nothing will have changed.
If you want the same attention from your mum that your brother gets, get it for the right reasons.
Did you do ALevels, what did you study, what were your career ambitions in the past?
When I interact with people it only resurfaces my deep feelings of loneliness. I shut myself away to avoid that inevitable despair. Everyone really likes me at work because I'm not afraid to speak my mind. I really like a few girls there but I dread seein them because its the hope that kills me. I work 1 day a week & everyday that day comes around I burst into tears straight after ;(.
I really want friends but they're just acquaintances. People constantly tell me how great their relationships are, I'm reminded over & over & over. I'm sufferin so much every wakin day. Distraction is my only friend :s..
Sweetheart you aren't going to get any friends if you don't go out and meet them. Get out of your room and go and meet people lovely!
Absolutely! You need to put the effort in, people aren't going to come queueing up at your door to meet you.
Why does interacting make you lonely?
My voluntary boss told me I failed my interview to become an Advocate today. I really had my heart set on it & saw it as a light at the end of the tunnel, a sense of purpose. Now I'm back to having no direction again & we all know where that leads..
Absolutely! You need to put the effort in, people aren't going to come queueing up at your door to meet you.
Why does interacting make you lonely?
It just reaffirms my need to be loved & have a rich social life. It frustrates me knowin that people express their appreciation for me yet I'm not a part of their life in any meaningful way :(
Do you know why you didn't get the position? Have you asked for feedback?
Most of us have a need to be loved and have a rich social life. There's no harm in that - that's how we humans are generally. Why do you think that's a bad thing? And you're not going to be a part of anyone's life in a meaningful way if you don't spend time getting to know them, and them getting to know you. It's never an instant thing.
And, yes, did you get feedback?
purplefan
09-03-15, 04:39 PM
For you to say that you are no part of their life in any meaningful way is wrong. I think you are being too hard on yourself.
I know you had your hears set on the job, but why not go and talk to your boss to ask why you did not get it? It may well be it was not your fault sometimes employers have the most difficult task in choosing someone from the interview.
I think if you talk to your boss will let him know you are still keen and willing to work on any problems that may have came up during the interview. It is hard to pick yourself up from a failed interview but remember it maybe just down to sheer numbers. Don't give up on your dream job. Try and take this as another step forward.
I know you will succeed. You are doing all the right things. Only a matter of time.
Definitely ask for feedback. How was this voluntary job going to support you into paid work? Is there another way?
My boss called me to his office & gave me a detailed reason. I failed 6 answers on confidentiality & he said I'm too insecure to be ready. I've failed every interview for that exact reasonin. I'm just a loser in life.. nothin ever goes my way. I asked for another chance down the line & he said maybe in about 3 months. Advocacy is basically supportin people with benefits, confidence etc. It can eventually lead to paid work 1ce ur proven.
If this is something you've been told before, you're going to need to work on it. It's great you've been given honest feedback, and something you can work on. So you revise every aspect of the job so you don't get caught out like that again, and knowing all that will give you more confidence at interview. And, if you know the subject, you have no reason to be insecure
Can you ask for more training and support in those areas?
If this is something you've been told before, you're going to need to work on it. It's great you've been given honest feedback, and something you can work on. So you revise every aspect of the job so you don't get caught out like that again, and knowing all that will give you more confidence at interview. And, if you know the subject, you have no reason to be insecure
I meant every interview in general like argos etc, ur right though I have real deep issues. The only way I can feel assured of myself is if I had a sense of purpose thats why I really wanted to be an advocate. I avoid people I know because I don't have a sense of purpose. A job status that I can be proud of (blush)
And Suzi I don't think I can now because he said 3 months. By that time I'll probably be in a gutter, washed up on some remote island
But if you don't ask then you won't know. No harm in asking a it will show initiative and how much you want this job too..
Have you considered having some interview technique training?
But if you don't ask then you won't know. No harm in asking a it will show initiative and how much you want this job too..
he said 1 of the reasons I didn't get it was because he said they've had people before that they had to 'molly-coddle' (panda) so to speak. He understimated how assertive I'd be based on my interview. The most frustrating thing is that the answers that I gave incorrect I actually knew were wrong if that makes sense? .
For example:
Would u share information about a client to a staff member etc?
I was certain the answer was no but I was confused because u need to tell some1 if thy're suicidal or being abused. My answers varied between yes & no throughout this series of 'trick' questioning & the interviewers body language (which were 2 men) led me to believe the wrong answer each time. I hope that makes sense.
Unfortunately, he only had your interview to base his view of you on. And interview questions don't tend to be trick questions, just questions they expect you to know the answers to, and probably they expect more than yes and no answers.
Unfortunately, he only had your interview to base his view of you on. And interview questions don't tend to be trick questions, just questions they expect you to know the answers to, and probably they expect more than yes and no answers.
I didn't actually answer 'yes' 'no', I gave detailed answers. Ur right 1st impressions are essential, I always fail at being cross-examined
Have had interview training? It can be done face to face or by phone
Hi, here is the thread where I shared some useful stuff on preparing for interviews:
http://www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk/showthread.php?10188-Job-Interviews&highlight=job+interviews
purplefan
10-03-15, 11:06 AM
I think your selling yourself short. I don't think you will be washed up. Or you have 1 or two things to work on. So why not get some help to give you some confidence. Depression is a hard thing to cope with and to go to an interview even though you did not get it is pretty good. Perhaps get some family and friends to set up a mock interview? You could kill two birds with one stone and make a fun night of it.
Definitely look through rose's thread. I think your answer is right. Yes to confidentiality, but no if person would be at risk..
magie06
10-03-15, 12:19 PM
When I was working, I used to attend a lot of interviews. I was so nervous about them, I made an appointment with the career guidance teacher in my old secondary school. She was brilliant. She went through the sticky questions, as well as the normal questions that you can slip up on. It really helped and as far as I can remember I got the next job that I interviewed for.
I've not taken my tablets in 3 days, I'm startin to feel worse. Failin yet another interview on top of my deep despairing loneliness. I don't feel well at all ;(..
Please take your tablets, urgently. You'll be feeling worse because of the lack of support from them, but soso withdrawal symptoms. Why did you stop taking them?
Why would you stop taking your tablets? Please go and see your Dr and tell them what you've done and why...
I can't remember what you are on and what dose, but almost all ADs have discontinuation symptoms and you are going to feel worse if you just stop taking them.
Please stop this deliberate self-harm, get back on your medication as prescribed and get yourself to the GP if you continue to feel worse.
I slept through past 10pm 3 days in a row which is my time to take them. My mind is relentlessly filled with sadness even with them, although they stabilise it better. I'm on Setraline 100mil rose.
They are not so time-sensitive that you have to take them exactly the same time each day. If you meant to say 10am, just take it when you wake up, whatever time that is. If you meant to say 10pm (how do you sleep through 10pm?) take it earlier in the evening.
Sertraline has a relatively short half-life, meaning you are going to feel discontinuation symptoms if you suddenly stop taking them.
I KNOW the feelings of persistent sadness are there regardless of whether you take them or not, but take it from someone who stopped Sertraline against their doctor's advice.... things can get a lot worse.
Please make an appointment with the GP if you feel that they are not working, they will be able to advise what to do next.
Did you take your medication today?
I second Rose. Please take it
I'm taken them yes. My doctor said my depression isn't really major depression, its more pro-longed depression on the back of my social anxiety. I'm a decent enough person who puts others feelings 1st so I don't know why I've never experienced romance. When girls speak to me they always say 'Awww..'. I'm never taken serious (think).
My horrible brother gets what he wants through bein nasty & manipulative. I get so f PLEASE DON'T SPELL OUT WORDS TO GET ROUND THE SWEAR FILTER. IT'S THERE FOR A REASON. angry inside when I see how much love he gets :@. I'm never invited anywhere; parties, wedding or holidays. I'd like to see how people would survive without love all their life, let see how they'd cope with being lonely..
I've removed your language from your post. Please don't swear by putting spaces in the words. I don't like it.
Are you getting out and making friends? If you aren't meeting anyone then who do you expect to invite you anywhere?
I've applied for more voluntary & I attended a job fair so I'm doin what I can to break the cycle of loneliness. I'm tryin my best not to think about women atm. Its much easier for women to find romance than men because we do all the chasing. We're competin with dozens of other men for a girls attention, who she's seen a thousand times over. If ur 'short', introverted etc u don't ever get a look in no matter how nice u are. I'm not generalisin every1, its just how society is (think)..
No, I don't think so. I think that's your perception of it, which is warped due to your experiences and to your low self esteem and mood.
In my relationship, it wasn't Marc who made the first move or spoke to me first... I did that.
Applying for jobs isn't going to break the current loneliness though, getting out and taking up a new hobby or something will help that, join a choir, go plane spotting, painting, fishing, painting your bum bright blue! Whatever gets you out and in and amongst people and being able to talk to them and enable you to make new friends will help that...
I'm with Suzi, here. With both my ex husband and my husband it was me that made the first move. I've always believed that, if you want something, you need to put the effort in - and that applies to both genders.
I put effort in by bein nice, I have time for every1 yet here I am suffering. I'm always friendly to people & I even laugh at myself, even when people insult my big nose or my awkwardness. I know lots of people who are self-centred with bland personalities yet these are the ones who are married with lots of friends. In nightclubs all I get is women turnin their nose up at me, every1 seems to be really shallow. I'm not ugly I'm just 'nice' (& short). I'm tired man, this world is backwards, i'll never get to experience love :(..
Nightclubs isn't really the best way to find someone. It's artificial, everyone's drunk and you really don't get yo know anybody, except whether they're attractive. Try to widen your social circle, perhaps by meeting friends of friends, and it will happen for you
Sweetheart listen.. Nightclubs are good for a drunken one night stand, but not a lot more... Try getting out and spending some real time with people....
I made the first move to asking out my OH!
There is nothing wrong, in my opinion, with trying to meet people in nightclubs, but that's obviously not working for you and you're not happy so you need to go out and about and do other things.
I used to go out clubbing, I didn't used to get horrendously drunk, and over the years I met a few nice guys whilst out clubbing.
I made the first move to asking out my OH!
There is nothing wrong, in my opinion, with trying to meet people in nightclubs, but that's obviously not working for you and you're not happy so you need to go out and about and do other things.
I used to go out clubbing, I didn't used to get horrendously drunk, and over the years I met a few nice guys whilst out clubbing.
What I'm about to say isn't goin to be pleasant but I'll say it 'caus its how I feel; I hate every couple on this earth. I feel physically enraged & irritated in their presence. I hope every happy couple breaks up & feel as alone as I do. At least then I can relate to people. The way they spoon in public, referrin to 1 another as 'babe', its sickening & makes me want to cough up blood. I don't hate people I just hate couples. They make me acknowledge my loneliness. They make me want to shoot myself in the head with a shotgun to rid myself of this existence :(:..
That's probably one of the most distressing posts I've ever read on here and I've owned and run Dwd for coming up 10 years.
I'm not going to answer your post of hate except for telling you that you need medical help now.
I went to the doctors and told him I get panicked every night because the shops are shutting. He asked me if I thought that was normal. And I answered 'No, I don't think that's normal, I don't want these thoughts, that's why I am telling you about it'.
Are the thoughts you describe above unwanted thoughts (like the ones I had about the shops shutting) or thoughts that you welcome?
Did you increase your ADs recently?
That's probably one of the most distressing posts I've ever read on here and I've owned and run Dwd for coming up 10 years.
I'm not going to answer your post of hate except for telling you that you need medical help now.
I'm just usin analogies to express how much they annoy me, I'm not a psychopath or anythin, my hatred is laced with envy & shame of my own social failings. Being alone all ur life does that to u (blush)..
Is it an analogy, or does thinking about couples actually make you want to harm yourself?
Is it an analogy, or does thinking about couples actually make you want to harm yourself?
Just an analogy, I like to freely express my frustration because I feel even worse bottlin it. I've never thought about self-harm ever, my anxiety & fear of death/pain forbids from such thoughts. They're unwanted thoughts because like I said I don't hate people because I'm a person myself. I hate people together. They have somethin I'm desperate to experience in life, yet hopeless in my efforts. I told my doc recently to continue on Setraline 100mg for a while.
Why did you decide to stay on that dose rather than increase?
Why did you decide to stay on that dose rather than increase?
Because I increased them initially from 50 to 100mg & I've tried various ADs. Every single 1 of them feels the same to me. They work in the background & make u less tearful (although I still cry sometimes). I'm still really depressed but pills alone won't resolve my isolation, engaging in the community will which is what I'm tryin to work on. I need to explore my extrovert side, its the only way I can progress my emotions.
Its hard to keep goin when u hear other people around u becomin managers & gettin married..I'm slowly tryin to work on myself (by attendin voluntary opportunities etc) but when I hear news like this it sends me plummetin back down. I'm such a loser in comparison & thats the truth because what have I got goin for me ;(..
I keep coming back to this, sorry, but you're only 25! You're expecting to have everything now but adult life doesn't just get handed over on a plate when you leave school/college/uni. You have to work for it - my hubby didn't get into a managerial position til his mid 30s and I became to Ill to work again before I got there - my plans, my career path were all destroyed by depression. Not everybody gets that career path or even wants it.
Wrt couples, I made a mistake in my teens so by the time I was your age, I was divorced and a single mum of a baby. Can you imagine how hard that was? I was working full time to keep a roof over my baby's head. Yes, I'm in a good relationship now, but I suffered to get there yet everyone thought I was coping. Not everything you see is reality, and perfection in relationships is impossible.
So, you hate me because I'm in a couple. Honestly? It doesn't bother me in the slightest. What does bother me is how much hatred you carry around in you. That will destroy you, eventually, and will eventually become visibly obvious to people around you.
I'm with Paula, it's the hatred within you which I find so concerning. Nothing is going to change unless you do it yourself. You can do it, but you have to work at it.
I keep coming back to this, sorry, but you're only 25! You're expecting to have everything now but adult life doesn't just get handed over on a plate when you leave school/college/uni. You have to work for it - my hubby didn't get into a managerial position til his mid 30s and I became to Ill to work again before I got there - my plans, my career path were all destroyed by depression. Not everybody gets that career path or even wants it.
Wrt couples, I made a mistake in my teens so by the time I was your age, I was divorced and a single mum of a baby. Can you imagine how hard that was? I was working full time to keep a roof over my baby's head. Yes, I'm in a good relationship now, but I suffered to get there yet everyone thought I was coping. Not everything you see is reality, and perfection in relationships is impossible.
So, you hate me because I'm in a couple. Honestly? It doesn't bother me in the slightest. What does bother me is how much hatred you carry around in you. That will destroy you, eventually, and will eventually become visibly obvious to people around you.
I don't hate u at all Paula, I just hate seein people all loved up because I've never had that in life. I respect all of u guys on here for what ur doin in the mental health community. When ur lonely u have a warped perspective on everythin around u. It hurts that I've made no progress whatsoever in the 5+ years at my dead end job. Ur right I need to work some direction, its hard though when u've been a reclusive loner all ur life feelin miserable 24/7.
AsSuzi says, you have to work at it. So realistically, what could be the first thing you do or get into place that will make even a small change in your life?
What is it that you want? What is it you want to change? Where do you want to be in 5 years?
I've no idea, fittin in somewhere would be a start.. I'm quite 'out there' in my rebellion against the 'norm'. I'm nothin more thn myself at work, most people really like me for not followin the crowd but then there's some that give me 'funny' looks. 1 girl even called me weird today, prob because I'm different & try hard not to be like them.
Indifferent is weird in societys eyes, generic & dull is whats perceived 'normal'. They love to gossip to their best friend managers about everythin I do. I got sent home today because apparently I was chattin when I was tidyin the staff room (wasntme).
Hunni it's difficult to be out there and fitting in properly, at the same time. Why did you get sent home for chatting? That sounded a little overreaction ....
Hunni it's difficult to be out there and fitting in properly, at the same time. Why did you get sent home for chatting? That sounded a little overreaction ....
They said it shouldn't take me so long to clean the staff room, the manager was really angry. When I returned to the kitchen a few people snapped at me when I said 'heya r u alright' to them. They're like 'FINE' then abrubtly storm away. I'm nothin but friendly to every single person here but because I have Anxiety & Depression I'm cast aside. The girl manager even said I always look depressed, disregardin how I'm always makin others laugh with my quirky self-deprecatin humour lol. If only people knew what its like to suffer in silence :(..
Was it taking you a really long time to clean the staff room?
Have you tried smiling a bit more at work?
It sounds like you really annoyed your colleagues and manager. Perhaps you need to have a chat with your manager about what the problem is.
I've been a 'slave' to this place for 5 years now stuck on the same production. I like to have a laugh & a joke, helps pass the time. Its demoralisin slavin for no purpose other thn to shave a few hours off my job search requirement. I'd feel more content if I had somethin goin in conjunction to aspire towards. I suppose there's voluntary I'm doin but all I've been doin there is answerin the phone ..
Rose is right, you need to find out what has happened to get this reaction from your colleagues. I doubt you're a slave to that place - you're being paid to do a job - but it would make your life easier if you can figure out, and fix, what, if anything, has changed
Go in and ask why things are as they are, ask about promotion prospects too..
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