View Full Version : feel so alone *trigger*
hi,
i think i have hit the lowest point i have been at for a while and im not sure how to get out of it...
i have suffered depression for years, been on the meds on and off but last aug i crashed. It was just a normal day at work, nothing different but i got a particularly bad call (i work in customer service on the phones) my manager heard the change of tone in my voice that they recogised meant i was getting a bit stressed. normally i could deal with the verbal abuse, being called every name under the sun. but that day was different. it resulted in me walking out mid call and blowing my fuse at her :(
i was sent home, told to go see my doctor and i knew then it was happening again :( i was signed off work for 9 weeks.....
doc put me on citalopram.. helped for a while but even at the maximum safe dosage 40mg a day it didnt help... i was switched to venlafaxine, the night sweats were unbearable :( i went back and my doc checked my records.. they had already tried prozac, lofrepramine, seroxat and various others over the years so it was decided to try a new one. now im mid changeover to sertraline only 50mg a day but everyday i cry, i burst into tears for no reason, hysterical weeping and i cant stop :( i have 60mg of propranolol a day in addition to keep the anxiety at bay too but i dont know what to do. there is no one that understands me. they think i can just be ok, snap out of it but i cant. my family keep telling me to stop the pills as they wont help but i dont know what else to do ;(
im getting angry and frustrated at everyone and everything and it hurts so much.. i have started to sh again because the pain is better than the pain inside ;( last night i considered taking my whole pack of zopiclone (sleeping tablets) just so i wouldnt have to wake up and face another day..
i know im new here, and no one knows me but i just want to say.. someone please help me ;(
oh hun,
has your doctor suggested any kind of councelling for you?
please if you get that low call the samaritans or email or text them.
Keep talking to us hun
i had an assessment last monday with a mental health practitioner.. they recommended CBT therapy but there is a 3-4 month wait. all he could do was give me a list of numbers incase i couldnt cope :(
but i cant call them, i freeze when i pick up the phone. i feel stupid like im burdening people even here cause im new. i keep thinking why should anyone care, and i feel guilty about how i feel :( im scared of what everyone will think of me :(
You are not burdening anyone hun at all, not us and not the proffessionals.
If you cant make that call how about emailing the samaritans.
No one will feel bad about you
and no one here will ever judge you at all, you can tell us anything it wont shock us, but all we will do is try and be here for you and support you as best as we can.
talk to us when you are ready hun there is no rush just as and when you can, take it a bit at a time.
If you are feeling that low then I highly recommend the samaritans. Just start with "hi" and they will help you to say the rest. They really are brilliant and trained in what we do.
We aren't trained. We just have been dealing with depression and mental health illness either through ourselves or a loved one.
How long have you been on the sertraline? Have you been referred to a psych?
^wss, we can listen and support and we will (so look, you're not alone!) but keeping using the trained professionals, samaritans are perfect as they have an email address. A friend of my sister's used to work for them and she was really lovely and understanding!
Try not to worry about the medication some people have to swap a good few times before they find one that helps, the changeover won't necessarily refelect whether this one is going to work as well as it takes a while to get into your system properly, plus you've got the old one going out so it's a rough time!
Thre's other things you can do to help lift your mood a little, eating regular healthy meals (to keep your blood sugar level) helps, exercise and sunshine are both fab as well. I think the sun has gone away again (apparantly it's forecast snow for next week! WHAT?! anyway...) but a walk out in the fresh air will get you some vitamin D and the endorphins flowing which can help pick you up a little.
Keep talking
If you are feeling that low then I highly recommend the samaritans. Just start with "hi" and they will help you to say the rest. They really are brilliant and trained in what we do.
We aren't trained. We just have been dealing with depression and mental health illness either through ourselves or a loved one.
How long have you been on the sertraline? Have you been referred to a psych?
I have only been on the sertraline since monday :( about an hour after i take it in a morning i feel really low, it gets a little better during the morning but by 2pm i get brain zaps :( i havent been referred to a psych no xxx
thanks for the support, i cant get over how nice you have all been without even knowing me. thank you x
Aw you are welcome.
Keep going with the sertraline and give it a couple of weeks. If it's still like this after that then go back to your gp.
Sweetheart are you eating properly? Getting any exercise?
Sarah76
30-03-12, 10:14 AM
Redsky welcome to the group sorry a bit late
Hope today is a better day the meds take a while to get into your system but fingers crossed will do soon,
hugs tc x
i have an appointment for tuesday coming. they wanted to see me back after a week on the meds to see how i was doing. im not eating great to be honest, i either have no appetite at all or i eat cheap rubbish as its all i can afford at the moment.
i have weight problems which make my depression worse because im so ashamed of my figure. the meds dont help as they cause weight gain, plus i have a thyroid problem and polycystic ovaries all of which make it almost impossible to lose anything :(
No one understands, they tell me im stupid for being this way and constantly have a go about the only thing i have in my life that helps. my distraction technique :(
Hi Amanda,
I hope today is a bit kinder to you love.
We are all here for you when you need to talk.
Hugs sweetheart (bear)
Mummyhill
30-03-12, 11:52 AM
I am hypothyroid and there are few more of us on the board too. So I can understand some of the weight issues I struggle to maintain a steady weight and it does affect my mood and self esteem. Have you had a tft recently are your thyroid meds at the right level as this impacts hugely on my depression.
they say that because it is now borderline i dont need them anymore, so they have withdrawn the meds x
Mummyhill
30-03-12, 12:11 PM
What meds were you on?
not feeling good :( yet again another set of stupid comments from people that dont understand x my sister said to me to 'snap out of it' i have nothing to be depressed about because i dont have a home to run and she says that if anyone should be depressed it should be her with what she has had to go through. and that she has had to 'get on with it' just like everyone else because everyone is stressed!!!!
my dad told me that if he was my employer he would have sacked me a long time ago because he thinks im just taking time off for the hell of it and im unreliable. I am not unreliable ;(
my mate told me to 'not drag him down and get all deep on him' when i tried to tell him how i feel, he said he only wants to see me if im not gonna drag him down :(
and now, my collegues have just told me that they think i should 'stop taking the naughty pills because they wont help' and that i should't be on this forum because they think it is no good for me and will drag me down more!
I dont know weather to scream or cry :( :(
Mummyhill
30-03-12, 02:53 PM
I see so you were hyperthyroid? It's good that can be treated quite successfully.
Depression is a chemical imbalance its not like feeling a bit blue and you can't just snap out of it. People who tell you otherwise have no concept of true depression.
People who are more worried about your effect on them than helping you are not what I call friends. As for this site dragging you down - I certainly hope not, we have worked hard to try and form an upbeat community that helps and supports its members not make them worse.
i dont think it will drag me down, i have never been able to openly talk to others that dont judge me until now. for them to say that just shows how little they understand :( x
Hmm, you've had a tough day of people not understanding!
Little Lulu
30-03-12, 05:29 PM
I hate it when people say that they are coping so why aren't you. My work colleague said that to me when I went home sick. We are all different and have different stresses. Nobody else knows your pressure points but you. Its back to that awareness question again isn't it? I keep telling myself over and over that its not a sign of weakness, but a sign of coping alone under pressure for too long.
Aspasia
30-03-12, 09:18 PM
That's an excellent way to put it!
My brother beleives all this depression stuff with me is just attention seeking and that theirs nothing wrong, he was having a moan today because I can't physically and mentally go down south to see him and my niece and nephew, apparently I just want to sit at home and watch porn all day according to him......
its awful :( its difficult enough dealing with my own head without people adding to it x
Hi and sorry I'm a bit late!
Really sorry to hear that you've had to face that kind of ignorance. It would be different if your leg was in plaster. Everyone would be sympathetic. They just can't see that it's the same! Something is broken.
Makes me so angry.
Anyway, keep talking sweetheart. You're among friends here who really understand what's happening.
Mikenewbold88
31-03-12, 07:22 AM
Hi Guys, My family keep saying im attention seeking and that its all in my head, i know how you all feel and i sympathise with you. At least we all understand each other and i hope to make some new friends as its my first day :)
have you thought about getting some info together for your family to read so they may understand a bit more,
the thing is that depression cant be seen as such like a broken leg can so its harder for others to understand and its also not been something that has been widely advertised either.
Mikenewbold88
31-03-12, 08:48 AM
I did show my mum the info a few days ago but she just laughed at me and said throw it away. I was distraught. I feel like I'm alone and its hard for people to understand that haven't been there and they won't even try to understand. X
I hate it when people say that they are coping so why aren't you. My work colleague said that to me when I went home sick. We are all different and have different stresses. Nobody else knows your pressure points but you. Its back to that awareness question again isn't it? I keep telling myself over and over that its not a sign of weakness, but a sign of coping alone under pressure for too long.
You are so right, that's exactly what it is!
My brother beleives all this depression stuff with me is just attention seeking and that theirs nothing wrong, he was having a moan today because I can't physically and mentally go down south to see him and my niece and nephew, apparently I just want to sit at home and watch porn all day according to him......
Really? Oh yes, course you do.. ^)
Hi and sorry I'm a bit late!
Really sorry to hear that you've had to face that kind of ignorance. It would be different if your leg was in plaster. Everyone would be sympathetic. They just can't see that it's the same! Something is broken.
Makes me so angry.
Anyway, keep talking sweetheart. You're among friends here who really understand what's happening.
Well said!
Hi Guys, My family keep saying im attention seeking and that its all in my head, i know how you all feel and i sympathise with you. At least we all understand each other and i hope to make some new friends as its my first day :)
Welcome!
i have books and information leaflets on depression etc but if i try to get anyone to read it i just get shrugged off. they dont want to learn about it. thats why it is so hard. x
spoke to my mum this morning as i haven't been to see her for a couple of weeks, and i usually go 2-3 times weekly, she asked how i was so i told her i was feeling low, all she said was 'try to keep your chin up' oh if it was only that easy xx
Mikenewbold88
31-03-12, 07:30 PM
I know what you mean redsky, it isn't easy to get people to listen but that's because they don't understand at least you got all of us here to help you and listen. We will get through it together. How has today been for you? I hope it hasn't been too tough x
hi, today started out tough. i felt very low and emotional this morning and cried on the way to work... all day i have been a little panicky wishing i could run x beta blockers didnt help much. x
Mikenewbold88
01-04-12, 07:54 AM
Hiya, Aww im sorry to hear that it was a bad day for you, i hope today is much better. Where do you work? if you dont mind me asking, i didnt get much sleep last night so today has started out really bad. how long have you been a sufferer? xx
i have been a sufferer since i was 16. dealt with it ok and last year it made a comeback big time. i have an appointment with my doc tomorrow to review my new meds but work wont let me have time off for it ;( i have 6 days suppy left, so im gonna run out before i can see the doc... panic is setting in x
Can you call the docs and ask for app outside of your work hours? Or have a chat with your pharmacist and see if he'll issue you with a few extra tabs in an emergency?
Try not to panic, there's six whole days left to sort it out :-)
Mikenewbold88
02-04-12, 08:53 PM
Aw thats not good redsky, i hope you get some sorted before you run out, im sure if you go to your chemist they will give you some for emergancy like emmie said, try not to panic :-) Let us know how it goes at the docs if ya dont mind :-) x
Work won't let you off to see a doctor. Why? Isn't that illegal. Surely its in your rights to see a dr when you need to. Have you explained to your work the urgency of your appointment. Especially with bank holiday coming up its going to be hard to get appointments. Hope your work can be more understanding. I'm sorry about your family and friend reaction. They obviously don't have a clue how serious depression is and their comments are making it worse for you. Could you write your mum a letter. Do you have anyone supportive around you
Emmie is right.
Step 1: Call your drs and see if you can get an appointment outside work hours or see if they will just repeat the prescription unless you feel you need to see a dr
Step 2: If you can't change it then speak to work again
i had to cancel the appointment, no one would cover as i was on my own and i was not allowed to close. i called the docs and they said they cannot book any appointments over easter. and i have to call up on the day to see if they can fit me in. problem is im left in the same boat, i wont be able to give any notice again if i dont know what time it is gonna be :( and as it is a med review, they wont issue another prescription until i have been seen ;(
to make it worse, my sister told me to stop talking to her about my depression. says she has enough to deal with and doesnt need my (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear).. some family support eh ;(
Do you have enough meds to last over the easter break? If not call the drs again and explain, see if you can speak to the dr over the phone. Keep calling to try to get an appointment.
i have tried, they are not booking any appointments over easter week. they say that i have to call tuesday morning to then see if there are any available for that day, if not to call wed etc etc to make it all worse someone at work has made a formal complaint about me :(
Can you not call tomorrow and see if there are any emergency or cancellation appointments?
Why what happened?
im not having a good time with the depression at all at the min, i went to see my mum last night, my sister had told her that 'someone' had made a complaint about me at work saying that i stink of rats and they cant take it anymore and want formal proceedings. bearing in mind these are meant to be my mates at work.
now my normal routine consists of getting up, showered, dressed, work, home, feed and clean pets, wash clothes, shower, get ready for bed and dry clothes in dryer outside overnight til the following morn. i use deoderant and perfume when at work.
i am very very offended considering how OCD i am about a)the cleanliness of my animals, and b)my personal hygiene.
the only person that has ever expressed a dislike about my pets is my sister, she shouted at me last week telling me to get rid of all my animals because SHE didnt like the smell of them.
to top it off, i asked her this morn who it was and she told me she was not getting involved. she then told me that everyone has (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) and they just have to get on with it, and if anyone should be depressed it is her cause she has more to deal with.
i told her that she didnt understand depression and she replied with 'manda (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) off, i have my own stuff to deal with i dont need your s**t'
some support eh? and this is my own family. i got so paranoid last night that i have asked everyone if i smell, and everyone has said no. my mum, step dad, shop staff, partner etc
so, now im too scared to go into work tomorrow because im so down and paranoid about what is said when i am not there, especially by her. im so angry and upset i cant think straight and its making me very ill....
i dont know what to do and i feel like jacking in everything right now
Oh sweetheart that sounds horrible!
I really feel for you with that kind of comments from your Mum! (panda) love.. .
Mummyhill
05-04-12, 07:31 AM
Just a thought how does your sister know that someone has made a complaint? Who did they make the complaint too? If it's your sister wanting you to get rid of your animals is she fabricating stuff to get what she wants?
hi i am new here but i can tell you it does get better i give a big hug your way.
What a horrible thing to say and i can totally understand you being upset at this...sometimes families are such a pain.
Lots of hugs being sent your way(bear)
Aspasia
09-04-12, 07:37 PM
Oh hun, poor you :/ That was a horrible thing to say. Sorry if I missed you mention what you do above, but you work in a shop? Is it a small local shop or one in a chain? If it's the latter, is there a HR department you could contact?
hi, im sorry i havent replied sooner. it has been the most horrendous week. i have been off work because i lost all my confidence, became panicky and petrified of walking into work. i just couldnt deal with it. i managed to get a few extra meds to see me through to my appointment that was on tues just gone... they have increased my sertraline from 50mg to 100mg with a further review in 2 weeks.
i work 2 jobs - mon, thurs, fri and sat for a telecommunication company on inbound calls, and tues and wed in a small local pet shop.
today id my first day back in work, no one will speak to me and my sister is completely blanking me. :( i feel so low ;( and i feel like i want to run...
not been on for a while... hit a major low. got told on tuesday that we are all being made redundant.. something else to make things 100 times worse :(
oh hun am sorry to hear that
Oh (panda) hun... Sorry about your news...
Oh i'm so sorry to hear that, i hope things soon pick up for you.
what else can possibly go wrong? had a family death, been made redundant, i have been struggling with my health surely thats enough now? :(
Hugs. It's horrible to loose a job. Which job did you loose. Can you increase your hrs in your other job.
hi all,
:( now my OH is being awkward.. he keeps trying to start an argument with me for no reason, and is making me feel awful. He is not supportive at all and whenever i try to talk to him all i get is him firing back at me about how hard done by he is :( i give up :(
Hello Redsky,i'm sorry you are having a rough time lately. Why is your OH trying to start a row,do you think he just wants a reaction from you?
Have you got any support from mother family members?(bear)
hi,
i have no idea. he does this frequently. twists everything around so it makes him look like the victim. i have said to him that we will try to make the most of the bad situation as things are gonna be difficult while the job situation improves..he says thats pressuring him? i have no idea how. he doesnt like being able to see me as often as he would like but thinks that how he feels about that is the most important thing in the world right now. so he has a go at everything i say, he said he is not happy at the moment and i said 'things are difficult, but at the moment there are only 2 choices. either do the best we can until things improve, or part company if you cant deal with the distance... he has given no suggestions or ideas either, but interpreted what i was saying as an ultimatum of either suffering it as it is or splitting up!
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